Insoo couldn't remember how this obsession started.

He had always been healthy. He spent a lot of his time working out and dancing, and it showed. He never thought that he would ever have to worry about his weight. He was always so careful. Being an idol demanded that he keep his health and fitness in check. 

Dancing helped him do that.

But one day, he felt that everything he was doing- dieting, exercizing, training- it all wasn't enough.

It started when their manager had suggested that all of them, Insoo included, should start watching their weight. They had an image to uphold, and they couldn't carry that image if they started to gain weight, even just a little.

Insoo thought everyone, including himself, looked just fine.

But his own opinion never mattered anyway.

They were good, but not perfect.

That's what Insoo wanted. He wanted to be seen as perfect.

Insoo decided to cut out a few things from his daily servings. It wasn't anything drastic. One less piece of meat there, less sugary junk foods here. He felt better about himself, knowing that he was being healthier-as he should. 

His band mates followed in his actions, choosing to eat healthier food choices until their manager got off their backs.

"You look good, Insoo," their manager said with a smile one day as MYNAME were getting ready for their next show. While their manager meant to say how good Insoo looked in his white suit, Insoo heard differently. Insoo smiled, knowing that if he were good and kept his diet up, his manager, as well as his beloved fans, would continue showering him with praises. He was aware that he had already lost a couple of pounds. He figured that was his manager's way of pointing out that he noticed. 

But it wasn't long before Insoo's diet started to control him, instead of the other way around.

 JunQ was the first to realize that something was different with their "muscular umma".

It started when he noticed how sluggish Insoo was getting. There was no way Insoo could be weak like that. That was Gunwoo's place.

"Hyung," JunQ said he noticed Insoo lazily playing with his food, staring at his plate glumly. "Are you okay? You seem a little sick."

Insoo looked up at his dongsaeng and smiled. "I'm fine," he replied. "Just a little tired from today."

JunQ pursed his lips. He noticed that Insoo's smile was different. It wasn't bright and cheery like it normally was. It wasn't friendly or reasurring. Instead, his smile looked tired and dull.

"Are you sure?" JunQ asked.

Insoo nodded. "I just need to head to bed," he finally said, standing up and heading to the trash can, where he threw out his left over food. He let out a yawn before glancing over to JunQ again. "You should get some sleep too. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow."

JunQ watched as Insoo left the kitchen.

That food Insoo threw away hadn't even been touched.

Insoo didn't give himself enough credit. 

He never knew he was this good of a liar.

"I'm tired."

"I already ate."

"I'm sick. My stomach doesn't feel too good."

Lying was almost second nature at this point, and he had learned to desensitize himself to the sad, and worried faces his dongsaengs gave him. At the start of it all, it pained him to see their broken faces as they looked at his thinning body and tired facial expression.

People he viewed as brothers were victims to his constant lies. At first, he felt guilty about it all. This was his family he was lying to. But after a while, the guilt faded. So what if he was lying? He felt good. He was doing something for himself for once, and he knew his dongsaengs wouldn't understand.

They would scold him; try to stop him. Insoo didn't want any of that. He couldn't stop, especially now. It was best he hid everything. He would start eating. He wasn't going to starve himself for the rest of his life. He would just keep this going until he met his ideal weight.

Insoo didn't realize that he had a problem, and his dongsaengs didn't know what to do. Insoo didn't want help. He didn't need a solution.

In his mind, he was already fixing everything wrong with him.

But to his dongsaengs, Insoo was dying, both inside and out.

"Hyung!" Seyong cried out in alarm as Insoo hit the floor. It was in the middle of their dance practice when Insoo's world started to spin and his legs couldn't support his weight anymore.

His body was breaking from the lack of care it had received. 

Insoo groaned as he held his head, hoping the dizziness and headache would vanish as he tried to rise from his fall. He was confused, wondering what the cause of his blunder was. He was too blind to see that he was slowly killing