Work was hectic. Performances were everywhere. He was asked to guest here and there as the people missed hearing his melodic voice. It's half a year since he last sang on stage and he refused to accept any work during that time span. Gladly he had his bandmates to make up for his absence, so he wasn't really nagged for his hiatus. 

It's at the end of the sixth month when Baekhyun says he's had enough and that Jongdae needs to grow up. The world would not stop for him even if he does. As soon as Jongdae reappeared once again on stage with the rest of his band at the EXO café, requests from stage shows to radio and TV appearances piled up immediately. 

Jongdae handpicked them, not bothering to guest anywhere other than concerts and music shows. TV hosts and radio DJs are too nosy for him, and he'd rather sing than tell stories of his life as the media has already covered too much of it for the past few months. He never even knew he was that famous, considering that he's just part of the band that plays music at a local café.

Just the hype around him was getting Jongdae stressed. All he wants is to sing, eat, get paid, and pay for his girlfriend's apartment bills and sleep. But not without calling his girlfriend first.

Sighing, Jongdae grabs his phone next to his pillow where he's laid down on his bed. His roommate and bandmate Kyungsoo was out for the night, so he has the room all to himself. He pressed the speed dial to his girlfriend's apartment and waited as he listened to the phone ring.

"Hi this is Eurin, I'm out. I'll call you back later, okay? Just leave me a message. Beeeeep!"

As a beep came after the voice message, Jongdae smiled and ended the call. Hearing her voice was enough to make him relaxed. 

He'll call her again tomorrow.

* * * 

Singing on stage seven days straight isn't new to Jongdae, but it's still exhausting. It’s been a month since he went back to work, and soon as he arrived back in the dorm, he went straight to his room and simply waved a hand at their manager Yifan in acknowledgement at his reminder to get a good rest before going to bed.

Closing the door behind him, he walked to the bathroom to clean himself up. He grabbed the make-up remover and washed his face, glancing up the mirror on the medicine cabinet as he finished.

Tired.

That's the appearance of the man the mirror reflected. Dark circles under his eyes, his eyelids nearly ready to fall and his forehead forming a small crease. He now realized why Baekhyun made him placed more heaps of cosmetics on his face than usual. 

Although his face may not be presentable without make-up at the moment, he's glad that his voice never faltered again. He's performed splendidly as he always did. No one really noticed any flaws in his performances except his bandmates. That, or other people just choose to ignore them.

Jongdae quickly grabbed his towel off the rack and wiped his face dry. All he wants to do is sleep.

Exiting the bathroom, he walked to the side of his bed and dropped heavily onto the mattress on his stomach. He rolled over and fished his pockets for his phone and quickly pressed on a number on his speed dial.

After five rings, a voice answered.

"Hi this is Eurin, I'm out. I'll call you back later, okay? Just leave me a message. Beeeeep!"

Jongdae doesn't hear the beep that comes after because he quickly falls into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

Late in August, Café owner Joonmyeon arrives one night at the dorm above the café saying he's staying at there for three days. His family will be staying at his in-laws' home in the province for the weekend, and Joonmyeon chose to stay in Seoul since it's been a while since last stayed in the dorm. Yifan asks him if it was okay with his wife, and Joonmyeon grins saying that it's fine as he promised to take them to Macau as soon as monthly promotions are over.

It isn't so bad to have Joonmyeon around, but Jongdae has somewhat gotten used to the privacy he's had for the past few months so Joonmyeon's usual cheerfulness bothered him a little. He welcomes Joonmyeon anyway, he's not a bad hyung after all. Besides, if it weren't for Joonmyeon, Jongdae wouldn't be working as a singer in EXO.

But of course, Jongdae knows that the mother hen in the owner will never disappear. So when Joonmyeon enters his room with a soft smile, closing the door behind him, he knew he was up for some mother-son conversation. 

"Hey Jongdae," Joonmyeon said, observing Jongdae as the latter reclined on his pillows. "How are you doing?"

"Fine," Jongdae said with a nod, eyes not leaving the screen of his phone. He feels the mattress move as Joonmyeon sat next to him on his bed. 

"Oh. Okay..." Joonmyeon trails off before glancing around the room. He turned back to Jongdae with a frown. "Jongdae, we both know you're not."

Jongdae chuckled. "I'm alright, hyung."

"You look tired," The owner commented. The younger member only snorts back.

"Everyone's tired, hyung."

"You haven't been yourself," Joonmyeon presses further, making Jongdae furrow his brows. "Jongdae, it's been months. You need to move on. Your parents even called me asking if there's a problem. You haven't visited them in weeks and they're worried."

"...I just called them yesterday."

"You need to see them. They're worried about you. We're all worried about you," the older of the two sighed. "All of us are worried about you. Even our regular customers are worried. None of them would have known that you changed your phone months ago if I hadn't told them!"

"I left it at Eurin's apartment months ago," Jongdae rolled his eyes. He gestured to the phone in his hands. "Besides, I still have my company phone. They can call me here."

Joonmyeon stared at him for a while. He blinked at the device in Jongdae's hands before sighing. "Look, I know it's hard that you lost—"

"Hyung," Jongdae cut Joonmyeon off with a groan. "Don't." he said sternly, sitting up before storming out the room.

Joommyeon doesn't follow him out, but Jongdae knows their conversation has yet to end. He quickly throws himself next to head barista Minseok on the couch in the living room. Minseok gives him a worried glance but doesn't say anything. Ignoring him, the singer returned his attention to his phone and dialed a number, momentarily forgetting that the number is available on his speed dial. He presses the phone to his ear as soon as he taps the call icon and waits for five rings to end.

"Hi this is Eurin, I'm out. I'll call you back later, okay? Just leave me a message. Beeeeep!"

Jongdae doesn't leave a message.

* * *

Two weeks later, it's Thursday and Yifan doesn't say anything when Jongdae declines Joonmyeon's invite to treat them after the café closed at midnight. He doesn't interrogate the vocal either. Jongdae is thankful because he's kind of tired of people asking him if he's fine and telling them that he is fine over and over again. Somehow, he’s successfully managed to avoid having a long discussion with Joonmyeon.

It's when he's about to get off the stage when their multi-talented drummer Chanyeol pulls him back, grinning from ear to ear. 

"You're not going anywhere," the tall man said. "I have something important to give you guys!"

Jongdae pulled his arm away. "I'm tired, Chanyeol."

Chanyeol grabbed his arm again. "But you didn't eat with everyone last time," he whined, tugging at Jongdae. "And this is really important, I promise!"

Jongdae wanted to tell him that he really needs to rest, but he finds everyone else staring at them in anticipation. He doesn't mean to be a spoilsport; he really just doesn't feel like going out lately and prefers some time alone. He remembers last time when it was their dance performer Yixing who insisted for him to come and they ended up arguing over Jongdae's stubbornness--something he really didn't want to happen again. He was too tired to argue. 

"Okay, just as long as it's important," Jongdae sighed.

It turns out that Chanyeol's finally giving them their invitations to their wedding. His fiancée was there waiting for them at the restaurant, and that's when they excitedly handed out the baby blue-colored envelopes embroidered with Chanyeol and Mana or future Mrs. Park's names. As everyone opened their invites, Jongdae silently read the things written on the card, seeing his name with Kyungsoo's under the list of Chanyeol's groomsmen, with Baekhyun being his best man. He hears part time dancer and waiter Jongin thank Chanyeol for inviting his girlfriend Mika as well, and the soon-to-be-married-man laughs and says it's no problem.

"Third out of nine long-time employees to get married," the maknae of the employees, Sehun, says pointedly at Chanyeol, then teasingly looks over at Yifan and Luhan the head chef, two out of the three eldest workers in the café. "Come on, Luhan-hyung, Yifan-hyung, soon we part-timers will beat you guys to it!" 

"You're not ending the reception without an after party like at Junmao's wedding!" Barista Tao said with a grin, and Chanyeol laughs as Kyungsoo and Mana shake their heads in disapproval.

"Sure, that'd be nice before we leave for our honeymoon," Chanyeol says and laughs louder when his fiancée pouts at him.

Baekhyun shook his head with a laugh as the lovebirds squabbled, watching Yixing, Tao, Jongin and Minseok get entertained with Yifan and Luhan manhandling Sehun. Joonmyeon's trying to stop them but he's laughing himself. Baekhyun places his arms on Kyungsoo and Jongdae, the two sitting beside him, and turned to his right to find Jongdae still staring at the wedding invitation.

"The vocalists should have a special number at the reception again!" The team's resident mood-maker says, tapping Jongdae's shoulder. "This sounds great doesn't it?"

Jongdae hates it.

He hates the image of a red-carpeted isle decorated with white flowers and garlands. He hates the thought of wedding rings and veils and church bells. He hates the vision of an excited groom at the end of the altar as the church doors open to reveal a beautiful bride in an extravagant white gown. He hates that he will watch a happy couple kiss on the altar and share a bite of cake when they're done cutting the tall, eye-catching confectionery together as a married couple.

He hates that he's going to see it happen to everyone else but him.

Jongdae smiles and nods at Baekhyun anyway, placing the invitation on the table before excusing himself to the bathroom. He sees Kyungsoo watching him at the corner of his eye as he leaves.

He fishes out his phone from his pocket and stares at the list of numbers on his speed dial. He taps on one, slowly placing his phone near his ear. He waits for five rings before a voice responds.

"Hi this is Eurin, I'm out. I'll call you back later, okay? Just leave me a message. Beeeeep!"

"I miss you," Jongdae whispers and quickly cuts the call.

He returns to the table a minute later, listening to the conversations around him as he waits for tomorrow to come.

* * *

The next day indeed comes, but with an unexpected phone call.

"Jongdae This is—"

"Seunghwan-ssi. What is it?" Jongdae cuts the speaker off. He mentally slaps himself for being rude. "I'm sorry. Is there a problem?"

"I'm here to call about Eurin's apartment," the landowner of Eurin's apartment, Seunghwan, replied. "There are people who are interested in moving in there. Um, I know you're still paying for the rent, but it would be better if it can actually accommodate people and—"

"And I'm still paying for the rent," Jongdae cuts him off again in irritation. He knows that she wants him to pull out all of Eurin's belongings to let another tenant live there. The utilities aren't used as much as they were used before so Jongdae pays a smaller amount than usual; the guy probably needs more profit. But it's Eurin's apartment, one of his homes, and he's not letting it go. "You can't—"

"Jongdae," Seunghwan says again, more sternly this time. "I've already refunded the advanced payment that you gave me. I'm sorry but there are other people who need the apartment. I only allowed you to do this because I know you're depressed and you're important to Joonmyeon and Joonmyeon's my friend and... I want to return a favor for Eurin. I'm doing this for the both of you. Please understand." The sad way he says Eurin's name makes Jongdae sick, but he continues to listen anyway. "You either pick up her belongings after the month or I'll leave them in my storage." A longer pause follows, and before Jongdae could speak again, the landowner does. "I'm really sorry."

Jongdae doesn't know how many seconds pass before he closes his eyes. "You don't have to be," he says. "I'll... pick up my stuff there as well." He ends the call before the Eurin's landowner could say anything else.

He can no longer visit Eurin's apartment. Not that he's visited there in months, but he goes over his speed dial and calls her anyway.

Pressing his phone to his ear, five rings resounded, followed by a beep.

"Hi this is Eurin, I'm out. I'll call you back later, okay? Just leave me a message. Beeeeep!"

He wishes Eurin would call.

* * *

Eurin loves it when Jongdae leaves her voice messages, no matter how random they are. She loves hearing his voice every day, and sometimes even goes home early to listen to whatever message Jongdae leaves. This especially applies on the times when Jongdae's away on a special request for the band somewhere far from Seoul. Jongdae told her she's silly and she could just call him if she actually wants to talk, he has two phones after all, because even at a long distance he'll always pick up. 

But last December, he didn't.

Jongdae idly stares at Chanyeol's wedding invitation. It's been three weeks since he got it, promotions were over, Joonmyeon's family is at Macau, the part-timers are on vacation for a week and he doesn't know how to tell Eurin about the wedding that will happen in about two weeks and that the dumb giant only reserved him one seat.

Jongdae taps her number in his speed dial. He waited for five rings and a beep.

"Hi this is Eurin, I'm out. I'll call you back later, okay? Just leave me a message. Beeeeep!"

He loved hearing Eurin's voice just as much she loved hearing his. He realized it a little too late. He wishes he told her to leave messages for him too; maybe it would've been easier to hear those than hearing her say the same thing over and over whenever he calls and maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't be so hooked up on that 'later'.

* * *

"I'm not going to the wedding, Chanyeol. I'm sorry," Jongdae says the moment Chanyeol picked up his call the following day. He hears a gasp and some rattling, making Jongdae picture Chanyeol stand up fast and slam his fist on a table in surprise.

"But... but why? There’s still two months before my wedding. You still have time to think about it, you can't miss it!" Chanyeol says in disbelief. "Jongdae!"

"I'm really sorry, Yeol."

"But we swore we'd never miss each other's weddings!"

"I'm really sorry," Jongdae repeats, and he quickly cuts the call as soon as Chanyeol began and rambling on the phone. He didn't have the heart to tell Chanyeol that the vow they all made was already broken for half a year as Jongdae no longer has a reason to marry. His hands shakes from guilt, pain and longing.

He paused, his eyes trailing from Chanyeol's wedding invitation to his closet. Chanyeol had moved out a week ago to stay at his new house, although he does miss Chanyeol, Jongdae's kind of glad that Chanyeol won't return to the dorm until after the wedding because it would've been harder to tell Chanyeol his decision. Slowly, he got up and walked towards his clothes, digging underneath a pile of white shirts. 

His fingers touches an object under the pile of cotton. He pulls out a red velvet box that fits in the middle of his palm. He clasps it with both hands to open it, but suddenly, his hands are sweaty and clammy and doesn't have the energy to open it. He feels extremely lame as he throws the box back in his closet and presses a number on his speed dial.

"Hi this is Eurin, I'm out. I'll call you back later, okay? Just leave me a message. Beeeeep!"

"I'm sorry."

* * *

It has been eleven months since Eurin called Jongdae to remind him that he left his other phone at her apartment the day he left for a gig at Ulsan. As usual, they ended their talk with cheesy lines, laughing at themselves and hoping to see each other tonight as soon as Eurin's done with her graphic designs and Jongdae's done with his musical performance.

It's barely evening when Yifan quickly pulls Jongdae off the stage while he was singing and whispers the news to his ear, and his eyes widen, dropping his microphone as he bolted out of the grounds without a word, startling his bandmates and the audience.

That day, Seoul had never seemed so far from Ulsan.

On the ride to the hospital, Jongdae's knuckles were white and his face remained pale despite Chanyeol's reassurances and Kyungsoo's pats on his back. He hangs onto their words, but when he arrives at the emergency room, he realizes they're all lies.

Jongdae doesn't cry when he walks into the morgue, gently touching Eurin's bruised face. His refuses to let his tears fall as Eurin had done a heroic act: she saved a child from getting hit by a truck that slipped on the ice. Jongdae chuckles sadly at how Eurin is always looking after someone else before her; she was always so selfless, one of her many traits that Jongdae loved about her, but it's what killed her, and Jongdae doesn't know what to feel anymore.

Eurin's phone was clutched in his hand. He felt like he was holding the last part of Eurin, and he doesn't dare to let it go. It was the only possession of Eurin the nurses were able to retrieve from her as it was hidden in the pocket of her jeans; her bag got thrown away somewhere on the street after the impact, making the device the only thing that could help them know her identity and find a contact of Eurin. The phone's case was slightly broken, but the device was still usable.     

Out of the blue, Jongdae scrolled through Eurin's call history and found his name first. His eyes widen and he quickly checks his phone but finds no missed calls. His brain clicks and he realizes Eurin called his other phone, the one he accidentally left at Eurin's apartment. He screams in frustration, asking himself why he was so stupid, forgetting his phone at such an important time. 

But it was no use; Eurin's gone. It doesn't matter whom he screams at anymore, because Eurin isn't coming back.

He stares at the device one more time, opening the call log. His breath hitches when he sees the time of Eurin's call.

The accident happened at 15:02. She called him at 15:55. 

Jongdae realized that it was still him that Eurin thought of until her final breath.

He felt his eyes tear up, but he doesn't cry.

The next morning, Jongdae woke up on a bright morning. The sun was shining brightly, the birds were chirping, and the sky was blue with just the right amount of soft, white clouds, creating a perfect picture. 

As he does every day, his body moves automatically to call Eurin and greet her a good morning. Their 'the-one-who-greets-good-morning-first-is-today's-boss' game is ridiculous, but he loves it either way.

It's on the second ring when he spots Eurin's damaged phone on his desk, and the reminder of Eurin's death hit him like a landslide. He suddenly felt like the scenery outside was mocking him, and his hands shook in anger, sadness and shock.

It's too late and the fifth ring already ended when he opted to end the call.

"Hi this is Eurin, I'm out. I'll call you back later, okay? Just leave me a message. Beeeeep!"

His heart falters and suddenly his thumb is too weak to tap the 'end call' option on his phone. Eurin just spoke to him, and he's never felt so happy to hear her voice in his life.

The sun was shining brightly, the birds were chirping, and the sky was blue with just the right amount of soft, white clouds. Everything was perfect.

Jongdae smiles.

"Good morning."

* * *

Jongdae is awoken by pain in the small of his back and incoherent yells. His eyes crack open and he sits up, soothing the area where it hurt. 

"Jongdae!" Baekhyun's loud voice echoes in the room, startling Jongdae. He looks up to find the main vocal with his face flushed, glaring, with a frantic-looking Yixing and Kyungsoo holding his arms from behind.

Jongdae stood up and eyed Baekhyun, realizing that the other 92-liner just pulled him out of the bed. He frowned. "What's your prob—"

"What do you mean you can't go to Chanyeol's wedding? Bull!" Baekhyun shouted, and the other three boys in the room flinched.

Jongdae sees Jongin appear at the doorway, looking at someone and frantically pointing inside the room. Yifan appeared beside him, followed by the rest of the China line.

"What's going on?" Yifan asked as he appeared in the doorway. Behind him were Luhan and Tao, peeking from behind the tall Chinese male. Sehun has his head poked in from the doorway.

"Chanyeol's been uneasy at work these days and when I asked him what was wrong, he told me this guy's not going to his wedding," Baekhyun told Yifan as he pointed to Jongdae accusingly. He turns to Jongdae angrily. "You can't just do that! This is the most important day of Chanyeol's life you , how could you be so unfair? After all these years?!"

"Baekhyun," Yifan narrows his eyes at Baekhyun. Baekhyun heeds the warning and steps back with a grunt, letting Yifan take over.

"Jongdae why are you suddenly backing out?" Yifan asked. "What's wrong?"

When Jongdae doesn't answer, Kyungsoo's voice cuts off Yifan when the manager tried to speak again.

"Is it Eurin?"

Jongdae felt his breath hitch at the name as eight pairs of eyes stare at him. Kyungsoo's worried tone made him freeze. He looked at each one of them, finding disappointment, but no remorse. Baekhyun's face has fallen into a confused look, and he finds himself having difficulty with finding the right words to say.

"I'm sorry hyung," Jongdae says quietly. "I can't. Not—not without Eurin. I won't be able to stand it."

There's a moment of silence until Baekhyun exhales heavily. "This isn't about you or Eurin," Baekhyun fumed again. "This is about Chanyeol."

"I know but—"

"Jongdae!" Baekhyun rushes forward at his fellow vocal, grabbing his shirt. "Wake up! Eurin's dead!"

"Baekhyun!" Yifan and Luhan shouted to warn Baekhyun, but he refused to let go of Jongdae's shirt. 

"Eurin's dead!" Baekhyun repeats. "Eurin's dead and she's not coming back!"

The next thing that happens occured so fast that everyone's eyes widened in shock. Baekhyun flew to the floor, his back hitting the hard wood. Yifan, Luhan and Jongin quickly run to Jongdae to restrain him, and Yixing and Kyungsoo return their hold on Baekhyun do the same to Baekhyun as he stood up, Tao helping him on his feet. 

Baekhyun lunged forward but was held back just and Jongdae thrashed around in the others' grips, trying to attack each other.

"Hyung, stop," Sehun said, turning back and forth to the Jongdae and Baekhyun.

"Say that one more time and I rip your head off!" Jongdae yelled.

"Stop it!" Yifan shouted through gritted teeth as Jongdae refused to calm down.

Baekhyun grunted as he tried to break free from the three men restraining him. "Is that all you can do? Huh? Come at me!"

Jongin gasped as Jongdae accidentally elbowed his rib. "Hyung, calm down!" He shouts, but it does nothing to silence the two angered vocals.

"Come on!"

"I'll get you!" 

"Hyung, stop it, please! Don't fight!" 

Sehun's pleading yell silences the room. Jongdae and Baekhyun slumps into the other members' hold, panting heavily. 

It's a choked sob from Jongdae that pierces the quiet atmosphere. Baekhyun's eyes widen, realizing what he just said. 

"Jongdae I—"

"I know," Jongdae sniffs, dropping his arms to his sides as Yifan, Luhan and Jongin release him. "I know."

Baekhyun steps closer to him, but Jongdae stops him with a hand. 

"Just leave me, please," he said, covering his face as he felt tears roll down his face. He turned around, refusing to look at anyone.

Yifan gives him a worried look before silently telling everyone else to leave the room. He walks out the door first, Tao following his lead. Yixing follows after, as well as Jongin and Kyungsoo. 

Sehun stared at floor while Baekhyun's eyes stayed on Jongdae. They don't move until Luhan places his hands on their backs, ushering them out of the room. He sighs at Jongdae before closing the door.

Jongdae looks up moments later, and his eyes fall onto his phone on the bed. He crawls on the mattress and sits against the wall as he scrolled down his speed dial, tapping a number.

Five rings. A beep.

"Hi this is Eurin, I'm out. I'll call you back later, okay? Ju—"

Jongdae doesn't finish listening to Eurin's voice throws his phone hard at door, his phone smashing into pieces in the process.

For the first time in ten months, Jongdae cries for Eurin.

* * *

The funeral was difficult.

He was cornered almost everywhere. Because of the constant commotion, he was rarely there, and always apologized to Eurin's family for the mess. His friends, family and colleagues were nice enough to send in their condolences; Joonmyeon even set up a memorial photo in the cafè for her, which Jongdae took down later along with the painting Eurin gifted last Christmas for the café. He really preferred that people just leave him alone instead of remind him that Eurin's dead and hear false concerns.

Eurin's family came by on the second day. He didn't bother debating with them about where Eurin would be buried. He did mention to them that she preferred to be cremated than be buried like in traditional Korean funerals though, as she told him that during those times they conversed about death. As she wished, Eurin's body was cremated, and the jar containing her ashes was placed in a memorial for her at a cemetery in Seoul. Her family thanked him, saying they've never seen Eurin so happy until she met Jongdae.

Jongdae never visited her.

After the funeral, he managed to perform on stage at EXO that week, but his heart was not into it. When he looked for Eurin in the audience and realized that she wasn't there, his voice cracked, and after getting saved by Baekhyun, Kyungsoo pulled Jongdae to the backstage without a word. The doe-eyed singer patted his back with an apologetic look before returning to their bandmates. He feels ashamed, failing his bandmates, but losing the girl he loves is painful.

Yifan came up to him after Kyungsoo left, handing him his ringing phone. He didn't bother checking who the caller was and answered it.

"Hello, Jongdae-ssi? It's Seunghwan."

He never came out on stage again. 

* * *