3 November, 2007

 

"Minnie, today is such a great day, I'm very happy." I smiled brightly at the white fluffy clouds in the tinted blue sky. Today was my 12th birthday, and Minhyun brought me to a nearby plain field to celebrate. Minhyun is my best friend and we have been together since the day we were born! 

 

Okay, that might be a little exaggeration. The first time we met was in a kindergarten. I was alone playing in the fields which was crowded with the other kids. I was lonely and hoped to have a playmate. Well who didn't? I was the small kid that nobody wanted to play with because they said I looked like a girl. I sulked at the flowers, waiting for the teacher to come and entertain me. 

 

In the midst of my self-pity, along came Minhyun with a simple hello and a smile. How our conversation started wasn't exactly important. What's important was that out of the many other kids around, Minhyun chose to speak to me. I was obviously overjoyed and we instantly clicked. Not too long later, my family moved into a smaller house and guess who was my neighbour? Of course it's Minhyun! 

 

From then on, we literally grew up together, went to the same school and studied together. Not only was Minhyun my best friend, he was also my best neighbour! He lived directly opposite my room and our windows faced each other. Sometimes, we would pretend to have a conversation over our makeshift telephone and talk all day long... Until my mum came into my room and asked us to stop.

 

It was an absolutely wonderful day today. He saved up to celebrate my birthday with a cake! Oh I love Minhyun so much! We were lying on a mat that we brought to the green field, watching the clouds float by and the calm silence in the background. Today was definitely my best birthday ever.

 

"Rennie, I'm so glad you enjoyed today as much as I did! I would have baked you a real cake if I didn't fail so badly in cooking.." Minhyun trailed off. 

 

"Even so, thank you so much! Next year, I would definitely make your birthday an awesome one like what you did for me!" I sat up excitedly. I knew since the release of the Transformers movie, Minhyun has always liked Optimus Prime very much. If I saved enough... Maybe I would be able to buy him a model by next year! He would be so surprised! 

 

I giggled at my big plan, knowing it would definitely make Minhyun the happiest friend alive. I could already imagine his face.. A mix of shock and happiness, definitely worth a photo! 

 

"Rennie, what are you thinking about?" Minhyun asked, sitting up and raising his eyebrows. 

 

"Nothing, nothing!" I exclaimed a little too suddenly. 

 

"Rennie, I know the look on your face—" Minhyun grabbed my face to look at me when I tried to hide my face. 

 

"It's nothing Minnie... Really! Now let's go play! You'll be the catcher okay!" I interrupted and ran off even before Minhyun could react. 

 

A moment later, Minhyun sprang onto his feet and started chasing me. We were the only ones in this empty field and it was absolutely hilarious trying to see Minhyun catch up with me. Minhyun was not a good runner but he would always volunteer to be the "catcher" when we play this game. Minhyun is a really nice guy, I'm so glad he is my best friend. 

 

"Rennie! I got you!" I screamed when I felt Minhyun's hand on my back. 

 

"No you didn't—" I tried to argue. 

 

"Yes, I did!" Minhyun hooked his arm over my shoulders to prevent me from running away. I tried to struggle but soon gave up. I was already too exhausted from all the running. 

 

"Okay, okay..." I sighed while trying to catch my breath. "Minnie, since when did you run so fast? Were you secretly training without me?" 

 

"Of course not, Rennie... I have always been fast!" Minhyun replied swinging his fringe to one side and acting all proud. 

 

"Hmmph, I don't want to talk to you anymore." I crossed my arms and pretended to be mad at Minhyun. I sat quietly, back facing Minhyun, putting on my best hurt face. I was progressing quite well until Minhyun did something extremely unexpected. 

 

He poked my cheek. 

 

Hwang Minhyun poked my cheek.

 

"Rennie..... You're not really mad at me.. Are you?" Minhyun asked softly, while poking at my cheeks. I tried to hold in my giggles and continued ignoring him. 

 

"Rennie.... Come on.. It's your birthday... Don't be mad at me... " Minhyun turned my whole body and I looked at him. Minhyun had on a really sad face and was staring at the floor. I couldn't hold it in anymore. Minhyun was way too cute! His little puppy eyes... I had a mad laughing fit, leaving Minhyun all surprised. 

 

"You little devil! You tricked me didn't you! Now let me punish you!" Minhyun scolded before attacking my sides. Did I mention I was extremely afraid of people tickling me? If not, now you know. It was pure terror! I was screaming and thrashing non-stop, all the while begging for Minhyun to stop attacking me. 

 

"Minnie, please! It's my birthday!! Stop!!" I shrieked. 

 

"That's for you tricking me! Naughty Ren!" Minhyun wasn't going to stop. Oh no... I continued to thrash and kick but Minhyun knew me better. He avoided all my attacks like he knew what was going on in my mind. I was begging him to stop and finally, after 1 minute of torture, it ended. 

 

The two of us lay back down on the field, giggling and gasping for air. We were a direct contrast to the calm clouds that were slowly floating by. Suddenly, a random thought came into my mind. 

 

"Minnie, I read in a book some time ago, did you know that the clouds store people's dreams? Look at that thick white cloud over there! It must store many many people's dreams...." I pointed at the cloud, waving and gesturing as I spoke. 

 

"Are you serious? Rennie, don't be so foolish.. Clouds are made up of water vapours, not dreams. Did you fail your science?" Minhyun chuckled and I frowned. I didn't fail my science test, but I didn't score that well either. 

 

"Anyway Rennie, what is your dream?" Minhyun asked, turning onto his side to face me. 

 

"Hmm my dream? I.." I paused, thinking for a moment before replying, "I want to be a singer." 

 

"Really?? I want to be a singer too!" Minhyun's eyes lit up and he flashed a star-struck smile. 

 

"Really? Let's become singers together! Minhyun and Ren, the best singers in South Korea!" I pumped my fist up in the air, extremely happy that Minhyun and I shared the same dream. 

 

"Yes, together, we will become the best singers! Let's start training!" Minhyun sat up, being all serious. "So tell me, Choi Ren-ssi, who is your favorite singer?" 

 

"My mum!" I replied without even thinking. 

 

"Okay! Sing a song!" I smiled brightly and cleared my throat, before taking a deep breath and singing a song that will always stay deep in my heart. 

 

* * * 

 

For the next 2 years, Minhyun and I trained hard to achieve our dream. As it was too expensive to send the two of us for both dancing and vocal lessons, Minhyun attended vocal lessons while I attended dancing lessons. After each lesson, either Minhyun or I would go to the other's room and we would practice. Some days, we ended up laughing at each other while others, we stayed serious and practiced hard. Well, we try to. 

 

"Minki-ah! How many times must I tell you, breathe properly. Use your core muscles to sing, not your throat! You're going to strain your voice like this!" My mum shouted from the living room, always pointing out my mistakes whenever she spots one. 

 

"That's right, Rennie.." Minhyun pat my head and smiled. It was extremely horrifying to watch Minhyun's growth spurt. Not too long ago, we were the same height. Now, he was much taller than I am! 

 

I sighed before taking a deep breath and trying again. 

 

"Much better," Minhyun commented and I beamed. Minhyun and my mum were my personal vocal coaches, while I am, Minhyun's very own dance teacher. 

 

"5, 6, 7, 8! 1, 2, 3, 4, jump! 6, 7, 8! 2, 2, 3, 4, slide! 6, 7, 8! 3, 2, 3, down! 5, 6, 7, up!—" I was chanting the timing for our dance sessions when Minhyun collapsed on the floor, tired out.  

 

"Come on, Minnie.. Let's finish 2 more rounds of this dance and we can call it a day! Okay?" I coaxed, poking his cheek and pulling him up from the floor. 

 

"Okay Rennie. 2 more rounds and that's it..." Minhyun wore a look of determination and we began our routine once again. 

 

* * * 

 

3 months later

 

I nearly fainted when I saw the announcement. It was 1am in the morning and yes, I was still on my social media. Unable to contain my explosion of feelings, I tore the most recent addition to my pile of newspapers and started making small paper balls. Then, I attacked Minhyun's bedroom.

 

I was near done with tearing the whole newspaper when Minhyun finally woke up from his beauty sleep. I wasn't paying attention though, and continued to throw my mini catapults until I found one thrown back in my face. Oh. Minhyun's awake. 

 

I took out the whiteboard and started scribbling in big words:

 

[PLEDIS IS HAVING AN AUDITION!]

 

I turned the whiteboard so that it faced Minhyun and held it out so he could read it properly. He rubbed his eyes and squinted, making his eyes seem like a straight line, before taking his own whiteboard and writing:

 

[So?]

 

I nearly jumped out of the window. I erased my previous message and wrote:

 

[PLEDIS. MINHYUN ARE YOU AWAKE. PLEDIS IS HAVING AN AUDITION!!]

 

I held it out to Minhyun with a face contorted with the amount of madness occurring that very moment. Finally, I saw a hint of recognition on Minhyun's face as he gasped and swiftly wrote:

 

[We are definitely joining it.]

 

I was nodding furiously while Minhyun wrote another message:

 

[When is it?]

 

I turned back to my laptop's screen and scanned for the date. I have a month to prepare. That's not enough! I'm extremely underprepared and I don't even have any idea what am I going to show them! I shrieked mentally. 

 

[WE HAVE 1 MONTH! THAT'S NOT ENOUGH!!]

 

Minhyun could read my face like an open book. He saw my crazed eyes. He saw my fear. 

 

[Relax Rennie, breathe~ I'm sure we will make it in! Now go sleep! We have many things to do tomorrow you need your sleep!]

 

I breathed deeply, trying to calm my nerves. Minhyun was right, I needed sleep to perform well tomorrow. From now on, training will be all serious. No more joking, and just hardcore training. We have one goal in mind and that is: To be a singer under Pledis. I continued to maintain my calm as I wrote my goodnight message to Minhyun:

 

[Alright Minnie~ Fighting to Minhyun and Ren! Goodnight Minnie, have a good sleep! ❤]

 

I signed off with my signature heart and saw Minhyun giggle into the night. 

 

[Goodnight Rennie~ Sweet dreams ~@m']

 

We waved goodbye and returned to our beds. I have to get into Pledis. No, we have to get into Pledis. That's right Choi Ren, you're going into Pledis with Minhyun. Fighting! 

 

* * * 

 

The next one month, Minhyun and I trained hard. Our breaks were shortened and we were extremely focused during our lessons, making sure to bring back everything we've learnt so that the other would benefit as much as we did. The critics I got from my mum and Minhyun decreased and Minhyun's stamina increased. We danced with passion, we sang with our soul. Everything for that very one goal: To be a singer under Pledis. We treated each day very preciously, not daring to waste a single minute. Yet, one month flew past like a breeze. Today was a Saturday. Tomorrow would be Sunday — the day of the audition. 

 

This morning, I woke up nearly having a panic attack when I saw the calendar on my phone. Yes, I do have a phone. Minhyun and I like communicating in our special way because of the habit. We have been doing this since we were young. Anyway, back to the topic. I nearly collapsed on my bed and was praying hard everything will go smoothly tomorrow. Slowly, after the mini nervous breakdown, I got up ate my breakfast and dressed myself. 

 

I knocked onto Minhyun's door before letting myself in, looking down when I caught a glimpse of Minhyun's as he was wearing his tee. 

 

"Good morning Rennie! We're not having vocal lessons today, we're—" Minhyun chirped happily. 

 

"What?!" We don't have time! Tomorrow is the auditions, I need all the training I could get! 

 

"Rennie, don't shout. First, it's too early in the morning. Second, we have to save your voice for tomorrow. And we're not having any lessons today because we're going shopping!" Minhyun did a little clap, before swinging his arm over my shoulder and guiding me out of his room. 

 

"Shopping? We don't have time for shopping..." I frowned, there wasn't much time left... 

 

"Rennie, stop frowning.. We want to give the judges a good impression, don't we? We're going shopping for a makeover! I got money from my mum and no, no more arguing, we are going as I have planned." Minhyun placed a finger on my lips before I could argue and before I knew it, I was back in my room, taking my savings and sitting in a salon, ready to have my hair bleached. 

 

I tried to argue but there wasn't much of a point to argue against Minhyun and the hairdresser. Well.. If they said blonde hair suited me, then blond hair it is.. I nearly dozed off while the hairdresser was dealing with my hair but after pulling through, it was worth it. I didn't believe that person in the mirror was me. I looked so... Different. But I definitely do have to agree on that Minhyun and the hairdresser was right. I looked... Well, pretty nice. 

 

I felt a tap on my shoulder and felt my jaw drop. The guy next to me was drop dead gorgeous. The guy next to me was extremely hot. The guy next to me was definitely worth an appearance in the fashion magazine. The guy next to me was..... Hwang Minhyun?! I spun around and couldn't hide my amazement. Since when did Minhyun have such wonderful bangs? I walked in a circle around Minhyun, eyeing him up and down until I was sure this was my best friend next to me. 

 

"Rennie, what are you doing...?" Minhyun asked, probably unused to my staring. 

 

"Making sure you're Minhyun." I replied. "Oh my god. Minnie, you changed so much!" 

 

"You too Rennie! I told you blonde hair suits you~ Now let's go get some fashionable dancing outfits for tomorrow." Minhyun pushed me out of the salon and into a boutique, into a dressing room with various clothes. 

 

I tried each and every one of them hesitantly. But as I tried on and checked out my appearance in the mirror, I grew more confident in myself. I looked pretty.. Idol-ish. 

 

That night, Minhyun and I spent the rest of our money on a healthy yet hearty dinner. It was a wonderful night, definitely giving me a boost in my self-esteem. 

 

Before I went to sleep, I threw a mini catapult into Minhyun's room which he caught in mid air. 

 

[Minnie.... Thank you for today, you really know how to cheer me up^^]

 

[Rennie, stop thinking about it. Just do your best tomorrow and treat it like normal training times. I believe in you, Rennie. We will make it through^^ ]

 

I smiled at the message and we exchanged our goodnights. Hopefully tomorrow would be a smooth-sailing day..

 

* * *

 

Today was the day of the audition. At the audition venue, there was a huge crowd of dream chasers like me. I was so glad Minhyun and I made it early. I glanced at Minhyun nervously and he gave me a reassuring pat on the back. 

 

"Choi Ren-ssi, it's your turn." I nodded at the lady and stood up. Minhyun gave me a bright smile and I tried to concentrate on my breathing. You can do this, Choi Ren. You can do it. 

 

I completed the dance routine as per usual and sang the song I had always been practicing with my heart. After that, I answered a few questions with a bright smile on my face and thanked the judges before I left the room. I felt relieved. 

 

Soon, it was Minhyun's turn. I watched him perform his routine and song through a television that was broadcasting our audition scenarios to the rest of those waiting. Had Minhyun's voice always sounded so good? I bit my lip and look down. Minhyun was really good at singing... The way his eyes turn into one filled with sorrow when singing a song about heart breaks, the way his eyes burn with passion when performing the dance routine... I felt my heart flutter slightly. Oh come on Choi Ren, not now! I mentally hit myself and snapped up when I saw Minhyun end his song with a blast. It was amazing. He was amazing.

 

The results would be out an hour after the last participant finished the auditions. The last call for participants was at 4pm. The results would be out at 5pm. Now was only 2.30pm.. 

 

"Rennie, let's go get something to eat, shall we?" Minhyun grabbed me by my shoulders and we headed out to a nearby family shop to have a quick bite. 

 

I was nervous. No wait, nervous was an understatement. I was extremely on the edge, as though the results of whether I had cancer or not would be out the next moment. Minhyun and I were back in waiting room. The results would be out any moment now. Amongst all the participants, only 10 would be chosen to enter the next round. I was sitting next to Minhyun, clenching my fists tightly in an attempt to release the anxiety in me. I took a sneak peek at Minhyun. He seemed so calm on the outside. That is, until you look past the good looks and into his eyes. I could tell that Minhyun was very anxious as well. After all, this was our dream. It meant the life to us.   

 

"Good evening everyone, thank you for your enthusiastic participation. I will now be reading out the names of those who have made it into the next round. If your name was not called, do not be too dejected. There would always be another audition held next time."  The lady started reading out names from her clipboard. One by one, cheers erupted at various corner of the waiting room. 

 

I waited. Minhyun waited. We waited. Nothing happened. 

 

Minhyun led me back home by holding onto my shoulders as usual. 

 

I walked to my bedroom, chose more comfortable clothes and bathed as usual.

 

I had my dinner as usual. 

 

Minhyun came over to my room in changed clothes as usual. 

 

We sat on my bed as usual. 

 

What's wrong? You might ask, nothing unusual was happening.

 

That's exactly the point. Nothing unusual happened. 

 

I wasn't going home with a crazy smile on my face. I wasn't going home knowing that Minhyun and I was one step closer to our dreams. I wasn't going home knowing that I passed the first round of Pledis' auditions. 

 

I could see Minhyun trying to stay calm for my sake. But I couldn't suppress my feelings any longer. So I cried. I didn't cry when I failed my first subject. I didn't cry when I hurt myself. I didn't cry when things didn't go the way I wanted them to go. I was strong, Choi Ren was strong. But today, I cried. I cried because I failed at trying to achieve my dreams. I cried because I didn't achieve the goal of my life. I cried because what I hoped to happen never did. Not even when I changed my looks, not even when I trained so hard, not even when I tried my best.

 

I didn't know how long I cried but I felt two strong and warm arms wrap around me, holding me together. Even though I was crying rather noisily, I heard a small sniffle from behind me. Minhyun was crying as well. I pulled myself away from Minhyun to get a better look at him. I was met with a pair of teary eyes and a tear stained face.

 

"Minnie, why are crying? Don't cry...." I said softly. It's a little ironic that I was trying to calm Minhyun down while desperate drops were still raining down my face. 

 

"Rennie, you too... Don't cry.. It hurts me to see you cry..." Minhyun managed say in between sniffs. 

 

"Minnie... Stop crying, you're going to ruin your face like this.." I tried to smile and taking deep breaths to stop crying. 

 

"Rennie, it's not the end yet. One failure isn't going to bring us down, you know that right?" Minhyun wiped the remaining tear away from his face and looked at me with determined eyes. I smiled at Minhyun as another tear escaped from my eyes. Minnie, when are you going to stop being so perfect? 

 

"I know Minnie, we are definitely going for the next audition. And the next time, we are going in. Even if we don't, we will try again the next time, and the next." I tried to cheer up like how Minhyun did, thinking positive. 

 

"Yes Rennie, that's the way to deal with things. No matter what happens, we will face it together. Look at all the great singers out there. I'm sure many of them suffered setbacks as well. But they didn't give up, did they? Rennie, we are going to be like them. Minhyun and Ren the best singers in South Korea, right?" Minhyun flashed a smile while wiping a random tear away from my face. I was waiting for his hand to rest back on my shoulders but no, it remained curved to fit the side of my face. Minhyun's hand felt so soft.. So warm and comforting... We held eye contact for a moment as I was swallowed into the mesmerizing eyes that revealed his soul to me. Minhyun was so pure, so angel-liked, my prince... I turned my head away, unable to observe the art of perfection any longer in case I did something rash. 

 

To my surprise, I wasn't the only one thinking that way. The difference was, someone did act. 

 

I was wide-eyed in shock. I stared at the brown haired guy in front of me. I stared at the two hands that cupped my face. I stared at the almond eyes that were now closed. I stared at the perfectly carved features that formed the beautiful masterpiece before me. Finally, I took a peek at the soft lips that were resting on mine. Oh god, I think I'm going to have another mental breakdown. Minhyun is kissing me.... Hwang Minhyun is kissing me! What do I do... Oh god, what do I do? I have never done this before.. That's my first kiss! I didn't dare to breathe. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know whether it was like how I imagined to be kissed by Minhyun. I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks and wanted to turn away but I couldn't move. My whole body was in a spasm and my muscles were locked. Minhyun's lips felt so soft, I wanted to open a gap in the wall and hide myself. I was so embarrassed by my thoughts... 

 

5 seconds have passed. 

 

Minhyun slowly released his hold on me and I felt his soft warm lips left mine. My heart sank at this little lost in connection. Minhyun's hesitant eyes met mine and I saw his lips move. But I didn't hear anything. I crashed onto my bed, grabbing my pillow and hiding my face while gasping for air. I didn't realise I had been holding it in all these while, even though it was 5 seconds, it felt like 5 minutes have passed. I could feel my burning cheeks and I wanted them to go away so badly. I was thrashing about while hiding my face under the pillow when I heard someone speak again. 

 

"Rennie... Are.. you okay?" There wasn't any sound as Minhyun waited for my reaction. I didn't know what to do... I have been hoping for this day since the day I found out that I had a crush on Minhyun. I wasn't sure how to react... Should I talk this out? Maybe I should... I gradually removed the pillow from my face, only to meet Minhyun's face a distance considerably close to mine. 

 

"Rennie, are you okay? Why won't you let me see your face?" I could see the worry in Minhyun's eyes. 

 

"Do I look like I am okay?" I gasped before climbing out of the bed and sitting on the floor with my back-faced to Minhyun. I had to concentrate on breathing. Looking Minhyun in the eye isn't going to be a good idea. Breathe, Choi Ren, Breathe. 

 

"This was a bad idea. I.. I.. Should go." Minhyun mumbled softly but I heard it clearly. I panicked. 

 

"No!" I squeaked a little too abruptly, while grabbing onto Minhyun's hand as he climbed out of the bed as well. "No," I repeated, this time more calm. I should deal with this in a more adult fashion. For god's sake Choi Ren you're 15, stop acting like a child! I kicked myself mentally before starting to choose my words. 

 

I pulled Minhyun to the bed and sat on it as well, turning to face him. "Minnie, what did you.. mean by the kiss?" I couldn't meet his eyes properly, fearing the worse. 

 

"Minki-ah," Minhyun spoke the three syllables and I already had goosebumps. Oh god why did he have to call me by my real name... "I like you. I like you, Rennie." 

 

I wanted to collapse. This is the day. The time now is 10.26pm on 17 September. That is the time Minhyun confessed to me. I will forever remember this date. 

 

"Rennie, it's okay if you don't feel the same—" I wanted to whack Minhyun in the head. Wasn't he supposed to be the one who reads me like an open book? How could he not notice my feelings? Especially after such a dramatic reaction from the kiss? Hwang Minhyun... You foolish innocent giant. My foolish innocent giant. I couldn't contain my euphoria any longer so I acted on instinct. My instinct usually leads me to trouble. Sometimes I rattle off too much, sometimes I acted too rashly. But this time, I'm glad I trusted my instinct. I reached over and locked lips with Minhyun. We were both inexperienced in kissing, but I guess there's always a first time for everything, right? We didn't know what to do but we trusted out gut. In times like this, we could only trust and follow our hunch. We started out slow, planting soft kisses on each others lips, trying to get used to a sensation that both of us had longed for. My arms travelled down to Minhyun's waist and I hugged him, pressing our bodies against each other. Minhyun and I used to hug a lot, but now, everything doesn't seem as innocent as before.

 

Then I realised, I haven't actually replied to Minhyun's confession. I pulled away from Minhyun and stared into his eyes, saying, "I like you too, Minnie." I beamed at Minhyun who returned with a charming smile. Of course, light-headed me did nothing but cave into Minhyun's welcoming arms which enveloped me in a comforting bear hug. 

 

* * * 

 

Minhyun and I trained hard for our next audition. After the previous one, we were more spurred to do our best. We weren't quite sure what Pledis was looking out for amongst the contestants, but the ones who were shortlisted had performed well. Minhyun and I have set our eyes on the goal once again. Just this time, we would be back better, and stronger. 

 

Trainings went on as per usual.

 

Well... Maybe usual wasn't quite an appropriate word. 

 

Minhyun was still my vocal coach. I was still his dance teacher. Just that once in a while, the dance teacher and vocal teacher would have a break a little too long. In the middle of dancing, I might pull Minhyun into a short kiss. In the middle of a song, Minhyun and I might end up cuddling. But we made progress. I could tell that we were more sure of our vocal tools and our hand-eye coordination was definitely better than before. Minhyun and my friendship... Well, it definitely did grew to become something more. 

 

Today, Minhyun had arranged for us to have a picnic dinner over at our usual hangout spot. Of course, our parents were agreeable with the plan. I dressed casually, knowing that Minhyun wouldn't mind even if I wore my pajamas to meet him. Perhaps, he might even find it cute. I stared at myself in the mirror, tying my hair into a low ponytail. Ever since the audition, I didn't bother to cut my hair short. The black strands started to blend in with the blonde but it still looked fashionable. I giggled at my reflection, thinking about my prince who was waiting for me. I specially went to a local store which sold his favorite snack earlier this afternoon to add a little something extra to our meal. I glanced at the clock and it was already 7pm. We arranged to meet at 7.15pm! I grabbed my bag, stuffed the snack in and headed out of my room.

 

I passed my mum who was watching the news broadcast and waved goodbye, "Bye mum, I'll be back soon!" 

 

"Wait Minki-ah," I stopped in the midst of wearing my shoes, lifting my head to meet my mum. "Minki-ah, there's something going on with you and Minhyun, isn't there?" 

 

I didn't know how to respond. Minhyun and I haven't confessed to our parents about our relationship as we were unsure of how they would react to their sons being gay. I was stunned on spot and lost for words. But my body obviously had to react on his own. The red tint on my cheeks probably gave everything away. 

 

"Minki, you like him, don't you?" My mum walked over to me and pulled me up from the crouching position I was in while I was wearing my shoes.  

 

"Mum, I—" I didn't know how to begin, but my mum knew me too well. 

 

"You don't have to say it if you don't want to, Minki-ah. I just need you to know that both Hyemin and I truly support the both of your relationship." My mum gave me a reassuring smile and I heaved a sigh of relief. Then it struck me. 

 

"You told Mrs Hwang?!" I gasped. 

 

"We know the two of you like the back of our hands, Minki-ah.." She chuckled. "Did you really think you could hide it from us?" 

 

By the end of the sentence, I was already turning bright red. My cheeks were flaming and I looked away, trying to hide my face. 

 

"Minki-ah, you don't have to be embarrassed.. But I have an tell you, your dad is coming back this week to stay for two weeks or so. He didn't give me an exact date but you know how he is.." My mum trailed off, slowly slipping into her own thoughts. 

 

My dad would be back this week... That isn't going to be too good. I've always tried to put on my best behaviour whenever he visits. My dad decided to take a leap of faith and try his luck in finding a job in Japan a few years back. Ever since, it was just my mum and I at home. He usually visits us and spend time with us at least once every season. Now that it is the school holidays, he would definitely come to visit... But of course, we can't blame him for the occasional cancellation of visits due to last minute work that held him back. It must be tough working all alone in Japan... I am proud of my dad, and I love him. I treasured the moments we spent together and would always go the extra length to make him feel at home. But now that Minhyun and I are together... I wasn't sure how well this visit would turn out. I'm sure my dad is used to Minhyun's presence in my room but now that things have changed between us, I was worried. There was this little uneasy feeling in my gut that I just couldn't ignore. My dad was a rather traditional man; I doubt my orientation would come as a pleasant surprise if he found out... 

 

The date with Minhyun was nothing short of the love that he showered upon me. We spent the night chatting and staring at the night sky that was decorated with the sparkling glitter. We talked about everything under the sky, literally. We talked about our day in school, which was pretty uninteresting. We talked about our future plans when we become idols. We talked about our mum's knowledge of our relationship. And we talked about how to face my dad. Minhyun could see my edginess and he said something that made me melt like a marshmallow. 

 

"Rennie, I love you, and you love me. I know we are young but believe me when I say, you are my everything. I fell in love with your burning passion for dance. I fell in love with your childishness. I fell in love with your character, your personality, your voice, everything about you. You see that up there? If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you make me smile, I would have an entire night sky in the palm of my hand. Rennie, nothing's gonna change my love for you. Nothing's gonna change my love forever. Not your dad, not anyone." 

 

If I was watching a movie, I would probably be shuddering at the mushiness. But no, this was real. Minhyun was saying this to me, Choi Ren. That night, I slept peacefully and soundly. 

 

* * * 

 

Yet, here I was, on my bed, alone. My eyes were definitely red from all the bawling I did. My throat was definitely dry and hoarse. My heart was definitely hurting like someone had jammed a knife through and wrenched it. 

 

My dad was back yesterday. 

 

Minhyun and I decided to take things a little further yesterday. 

 

Guess who wanted to give me a surprise? Yes, my dad. 

 

It wasn't the first day that I had closed the door of my room. But it was the first day that I got to admire Minhyun's bare chest without feeling ashamed or blushing like a crazy fangirl who received a reply from her idol. And it just so happened that Minhyun was there at the wrong time, doing the wrong things, giving off a totally wrong idea. Well, the idea wasn't wrong but... You know what I mean.. 

 

For heaven's sake I was kissing him, and Minhyun was half-, and we were on my bed! If things weren't so serious, I would have laughed at how ridiculous my dad's facial expression was when he opened the door and saw the state we were in. I froze. Minhyun froze. It was a comical scene, yet things weren't as positive... 

 

"You! Out of my house! Now!" My dad bellowed at Minhyun, who gave me a reassuring squeeze on the hand before leaving my room. I was far from being sane. I was in such a shock that my nerves didn't seem to react. 

 

"Honey, please wait for me at the living room, I'll just have a short talk with Minki," My dad told my mum who was as nervous as I was. I could tell she wanted to say a few words for me but as the head of the house, my dad's words often carried a certain sense of authority. My mum gave me a sympathetic look before turning away and leaving slowly. 

 

Once it was just the two of us, my dad walked over to the edge of my bed and paused. I braced myself for the verdict. 

 

"Minki-ah, what's going on?" I could tell he was trying to sound calm.. But obviously, my simplistic mind wasn't able to choose better words. 

 

"Dad, I love—"

 

"Don't say it!" My dad was staring at me like I was out of my mind. I bit my lip, absolutely fearing the worse. "I expected more from you, Minki... I.. I.. Don't know how to deal with you. But listen carefully Minki, from now on, you're not allowed to meet Minhyun anymore, until we set things right." 

 

No. This can't be happening! No! Minhyun's my everything, he can't go! I stared at my dad, utterly disappointed that things were reduced to such a state. "Dad, please... You can't do this...  Just because of the fact that I'm—"

 

"Don't say it." My dad interrupted, looking at me sternly and... Was there a hint of disgust? My heart clenched. 

 

I sighed, desperate to salvage the situation. I pleaded once again, "Dad.. I have to meet Minhyun.. Fine, if not for the obvious reason, I have to meet him for my vocal lessons.. I have a dream to achieve.. I want to pass the second audition.. I need my vocal lessons Dad.." 

 

"Sorry Minki, but I guess your dream would be on hold for now. You need vocal lessons yes, but I have also heard from your mum that your studies in school isn't doing too well.." My dad rested a firm hand on my shoulder, looking at me straight in the eye. Oh no mum... Why did you have to tell him.. I can't live without Minhyun! 

 

"But dad—" 

 

"No more buts Minki. From now on, you will not see Minhyun and focus on your studies, school will be starting in a matter of weeks. If I see you meeting Minhyun, your dream shall stay a dream." 

 

I bit on my trembling lower lip. He knew his words hurt me, that's why he probably left my room when he could have continued to reiterate his point. Your dream shall stay a dream... Dad, how could you say this? You know that was my dream since young. You know how much I have longed to become a singer. I trusted you, dad.. I trusted you in my dream. You were supposed to be my unwavering mountain of support and now... 

 

I hugged my knees close to myself. I trusted you, Dad. Minhyun... What do I do? How can I live without you? Please don't leave me Minnie... You're my everything, there's nothing left if I don't have you.. For the second time this year, I cried a hell lot. 

 

* * * 

 

Somehow sometime during my major crying, I lost consciousness and slipped into dreamland. I was standing alone, waiting under a pavilion. In front of me, was an open field, empty, but full of life. I looked at my surroundings, noticing that I was probably at a secluded area away from city life, a place of serenity, a place of privacy.

 

I stared down at my attire. I was my usual clothes, nothing special with me. It feels like I was waiting for someone... Who? 

 

Out of the blue, I saw a tall figure running towards me. It was Minhyun! Minhyun was dressed in a white suit, in his hand, was a bouquet of flowers. Minhyun, my Minnie was here to spend his time with me! In this secluded area away from society, we could be ourselves here. No one would be here to judge us and we would be free. 

 

I watched Minhyun's smiling face and beamed up at him. The distance between the two of us was decreasing with every step Minhyun took. I opened my arms, welcoming the presence of my second half, when suddenly, it hit me. 

 

No, not an idea. 

 

Something was really hitting me. 

 

I turned my gaze away from Minhyun, only to be met with a huge boulder heading in my direction. I shrieked as I tried to run away, but of course, my weak legs wouldn't budge. The boulder closed the distance and...

 

BAM! 

 

I woke up. I was disappointed. It was a really nice dream, excluding the part with the rocks. I could finally be with my Minhyun, alone and away from the gazes casted by society... I was still living in my thoughts when it struck me. 

 

I was lying in a mountain of paper balls. Minhyun! 

 

I scrambled out of my bed and to the window, catching a flying ball mid air to reveal Minhyun's frustrated face. I thought I would never see him again.... Well, silly me. Only our mums knew about our unique way of conversing and I doubt my dad had ever stayed long enough to notice it. 

 

[Minnie! I thought I would never see you again!] 

 

Minhyun rolled his eyes before flashing his whiteboard:

 

[Rennie, not meeting outside doesn't rule out the possibility of me communicating with you through this means? We literally live opposite each other, how is it possible for me to never meet you ever again? Rennie, don't be silly.. Just pull through this short time period, will you? I would try all means to convince your dad of our love, trust me. This love is difficult, but it's real, Rennie. Don't be afraid, we will make it out of this mess together.]

 

I could feel the ends of my lips curling upwards as I wrote:

 

[I know Minnie, I trust you. One day, we would go to somewhere we could be alone and love each other the way we want to. I love you, Minnie. Don't ever leave me, okay? ❤] 

 

[Silly Rennie, of course I won't. Remember, nothing's gonna change my love for you ~@m'] 

 

That night, I slept really peacefully. 

 

Our secret encounters were usually limited to late at night as my dad was usually at home and I could not sneak out without making it obvious where I was going. I sighed. The school holidays were coming to an end and I was definitely not looking forward to the start of school. All I needed was Minhyun, and he is all I will ever need. 

 

[Minnie... I don't know what to do.. I haven't met you with the distance between us being less than 2 meters. It's terrible, Minnie.. I don't get what's wrong with us being gay. It's still love.]

 

[Rennie.. School is starting next week, and that means your dad will be leaving soon right?] 

 

[Yes, but that is one more week.. And what if he comes back? Do we have to continue pretending? I don't want to Minnie.. I want to be able to love you without being all secretive; I want to tell everyone 'I love Hwang Minhyun' without getting judged.]

 

[You know what Rennie, I think the same. Tomorrow, wait for me at the usual area at 12pm. Tell your dad that you are going to have lunch and bring your mum along if it necessary.]

 

[Anything for you Minnie.. But for what?]

 

[It's a secret! Just do as I say okay?] 

 

[Of course, I'll be waiting Minnie~ I love you ❤]

 

[I love you too, Rennie ~@m']

 

* * * 

 

I did as I was told. My mum was next to me and I was waiting. I didn't know what was going to happen. I glanced at my watch and it read 1pm. My mum could sense my edginess and smoothed my hair, giving me a soothing smile. 

 

"Mum, is it wrong to love Minhyun?" I asked, looking at my hands. 

 

"No, Minki." She replied firmly, making me look up at her. "There's nothing wrong with loving a guy Minki-ah... I don't know what's wrong with your dad.. I've tried talking to him but he doesn't listen. I'm sorry I am not much of a help.." 

 

"Mum, it's not your fault..." I whispered softly, setting my gaze on the blue sky decorated with little cotton pillows. We lapsed into silence as I waited. Where was Minhyun? He was usually on time but now... I felt so lonely, even though I was with my mum.. Minnie, where are you? Did something happen? It's been an hour... What if Minnie got into an accident? 

 

Time passed slowly while I waited. 

 

And waited. 

 

And waited. 

 

"Rennie!!!!!!!!!!!!!" My head snapped up. Where? Where did the voice come from? 

 

"Rennie! I'm sorry I took so long..." 

 

I wasn't really listening as my attention was focused on the bouquet of flowers that was in Minhyun's hand. I looked up in shock, unable to say a single word. Minhyun bought flowers for me! I'm so touched Minnie.... I could see Minhyun's lips moving but I couldn't make out the words. My vision started to blur as I felt the tears escaping from my eyes. 

 

Minhyun's next move shocked me so great I was brought back to reality. 

 

"Mrs Choi, please be our witness. Rennie, I spoke to your dad and even though it took a while, I managed to convince him of our love. He said yes, Rennie. He approved of us being together. I know we are still young and far from maturing yet, I need to prove to you that my love for you will stay forever and always. I love you Rennie. I love you from head to toe. I love every single part of you whether good or bad. I mean it when I said nothing will ever change my love for you. So now Choi Ren, I, Hwang Minhyun, am asking you officially and formally: Will you marry me?" I gasped, unable to believe the sight that was in front of me. Minhyun knelt to the ground on one knee, holding up a small hand-made metal ring. I couldn't speak, my words were stuck in my throat. My dad approved of our being together. I could finally be with Minhyun. Minhyun is proposing to me. I have to reply. I knew my words would fail me so I did what I do best, I nodded. 

 

Minhyun's face instantly lit up in a smile as he got up from the ground, slipping the little ring carefully made out of loose wires onto my middle finger, symbolizing that I am engaged. Minhyun enveloped me into a heartwarming hug which I returned from the bottom of my heart. 

 

"I love you, Rennie." Minhyun whispered into my ear. 

 

"I love you too, Minnie." I replied, smiling back at my mum who was busy wiping her tears from Minhyun's actions. 

 

* * * 

 

From then on, Minhyun and I hardly left each other's sides. We sang together, we danced together, and we passed the next auditions together. We were accepted into Pledis together. I was nervous, but I have Minhyun with me, and he is all I will ever need. As the days passed, Minhyun and I started to save up and we bought each other a new, more chic engagement ring. Whenever people asked, we would exchange glances and tell them that it was a gift from our mothers. With the ring, I know that wherever I am, Minhyun will always be with me. Tomorrow is 15 March 2012, which is the day Minhyun and I are going to debut.

 

Minhyun and Ren, the best singers in South Korea... 

 

We will achieve our dream, won't we? 

 

{End}