The pain is everywhere.

I’ve been enduring this pain for a long time already.

His deeds, his habits, his mistakes.

All of it, but I don’t want to let go and forget him just like that. It’s horrible. And besides, I can’t do that. It’s hard.

The sound of the front door clicking open and closed again in 0.2 seconds echoes in this spacious mansion we’re living in. He’s here, I thought. I whipped my head to his direction. He was taking off his shoes; his lean, masculine and well built body creates a shadow against the light coming from the kitchen. I watched him walk towards the counter.

I sighed, he just came home from clubbing all night long, and he’s drinking again. I watched him gulp a glass of champagne. He walked towards me, his tall stature hovering above me. “Why are you awake?” He asked, a bit slurry from all the drinking. “I was waiting for you to come home,” I said. “I’m home, can’t you see? Now go to sleep.” He spat, turning on the television and maximizing the volume, enough for our neighbors to hear.

“Can you lower the volume, please?” I asked, my left foot standing on the first step of the staircase.

“What?” He said.

“Lower the volume, please?” I raised my voice a bit so he can hear.

He looked at me, his features sharp and strong. I gulped nervously.

“Are you shouting at me, Seo Joohyun?” He said fiercely.

“W-what? No, I-I was just asking if you could – “ Slap.

In a blink of an eye, he was in front of me. He was gripping my hair tightly on his right hand, “Don’t you dare raise your voice on me. Again.” I nodded like a little child, and he released me.

Tears started b my eyes, making my sight blurry. I sat on the bed, thinking about what happened earlier. And the last days. And the last years that passed by so quickly. I can’t believe that this, this is actually happening to me.

He was my only one. My only treasure. My love, my life. I never thought that a simple fixed marriage will end up with something like this.

I woke up with a start. I was expecting him to be there lying beside me, but I saw nothing but an empty space. He must have slept in the guest room again, I thought. I stood up, stepped in the shower and looked at myself in the mirror. The corner of my lip is bruised, dried blood covering it. And I didn’t even noticed.

How stupid of me.

I cooked some breakfast for us to share.  But no matter how long I waited for him to come down, I know he won’t. Unless you wake him up, and he doesn’t like people waking him up. The breakfast I made got colder as seconds passed, and I had lost my appetite. In fact, I never ate a normal breakfast with Kris; never.

After a while, he finally came down. His expensive tux hugging his body, like it’s almost going to burst. I watched him as he walked towards the front door, “I’ll be home late, so don’t wait for me.” He said and walked out, out of my sight; and in to the club he was beginning to love. I looked down.

I feel so broken. Kris was slowly tearing my heart and soul into million pieces.

The night came, and I heard the front door click open. I heard a mix of feminine and manly laughter and the clicking of high heels echoing through the hall. I looked at the door’s direction. I saw Kris with a girl. She was y; with her short tight dress that clearly hugged her curves, and not to mention; she’s pretty. I am no match to a girl like her.

I cleared my throat awkwardly, and the girl looked at me. “Hey, Kris. Who is she?” she asked him, disgust filling up her voice.

“Oh, she’s nothing. Don’t mind her.” Kris said, kissing her in the tip of her nose.

I almost choked, but I held myself from doing so.

“Oh, okay.” She said and giggled as they made their way into the guest room.

I gripped the bed sheets as I hear loud moans and groans coming out of the guest room. I was trying my best to ignore and just fall asleep. But with their noises, I can’t. And unstoppable tears are flowing out of my eyes wildly, like there’s no tomorrow.

The morning came. Kris came down with his girl. They ate the breakfast that was supposed to be ate by only me and Kris. They were so sweet. They even fed each other.

Kris has never been like that to me. He would always let me eat alone. Leaving earlier and would not even glance at the food that I prepared.

A month later, after Kris brought home his mistress, I decided to let go. File a divorce, and start a new life with my sisters in California.

I didn’t tell Kris about it, because I was sure that he won’t care.

A week passed by and the divorce papers arrived. Kris was the one who opened the door.

“Hello, is Ms. Seo there?” My lawyer asked.

My heart started beating abnormally, as Kris threw me a sharp look.

“Who are you? Why are you looking for her?” Kris asked her.

“Oh, the divorce papers are here. Now can I talk to Ms. Seo about your annulment?” She said, a pinch of bitterness in her voice.

I inhaled deeply, and approached my lawyer and my friend, Victoria Song, and my soon-to-be-ex-husband Kris at the front door.

“Victoria, you’re here.” I smiled a little. “Come in.”

Kris was left at the door, puzzled.

“Wait, wait, wait. What do you mean? You filed a divorce?” He asked me, anger rising up. It was obvious on his voice.

I just stared at him, saying nothing. I let the silence answer for me.

“Please sit down,” I told Victoria.

“Why didn’t you tell me? You made a fool out of me! You should have told me first. How dare you?!” Kris continuously shouted. I closed my eyes, and tried to shut my ears.

“Lower your voice, please,” said Victoria.

“And who are you to interfere with us?!” He yelled.

“I am her lawyer and her friend, Victoria Song. I am here to deliver the divorce papers for the both of you to sign. Now if you will ask me why she filed a divorce, well, to put it short, she was already tired.” Victoria said calmly, with professionalism in her voice.

Kris’s face softened. He was left with no words.

“Fine, then. Leave the papers on the table and you may go.”

“No. How can I be sure that you’ll sign these?”

“I’ll show you.” Kris said, and Victoria gave me a ‘take care’ look before pulling out the papers and placing them on the coffee table.

She walked out of the scene and a loud roar of engine was heard.

“Why did you file a divorce?” He asked me, trying to be calm.

“I want to let you go, Kris. I want you to be happy, and to be able to do that, I have to let you go and forget everything that happened. I know you never wanted me in your life. I know that you were unhappy when you married me.” I tried my best not to cry.

Kris walked out of the living room and left me at a verge of crying.

Kris didn’t come out of his room since the living room incident earlier. So I ate dinner alone. The atmosphere is gloomy, I’ve even thought twice if I should eat or not. But hunger won in the end.

I plopped on my bed, burying myself under the thick sheets as I tried to sleep peacefully.

My attempt on sleeping early didn’t exactly go as peaceful as I want it to be. By the big clock turned 12, my senses were wide awake. And so am I.

12:30AM.

I felt someone enter the room, and I stayed on my spot. I felt the person lay beside me.

It was Kris.

I looked at him.

His left arm is resting on his forehead. He sniffed, I arched my eyebrows.

“…Kris? What are you doing here?” I asked slowly.

Kris opened his eyes, and on that moment, I swear that I saw tear forming on the corner of his orbs.

I gasped and sat up.

“What happened?”

He sat up as well, wiping off the tears. “Nothing, nothing happened. Go to sleep.”

“I can’t sleep.” I said. He sighed.

A long silence followed. No one talked.

“I’m sorry,” He started. “It should have been a rough life for you. I was a douchebag, I shouldn’t have entered your life. Look at you, you’re beautiful, and I’ve never even noticed that before. If I didn’t marry you, a lot of guys could have been forming a line just to showoff themselves to you. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make it all hard for you.

When you I knew that you filed a divorce, I felt a strong pain on my chest, like someone… like someone just stabbed me in the heart. I can’t lose you. I don’t want to lose you. I never want to lose you.” He sobbed, his back moving up and down as he breathlessly told me how important I am to him.

I smiled, “It’s okay. Even if you never loved me, I will always be here loving you. I won’t leave, if that’s what you want. I’m willing to serve you, because I love you.” I probably sound so stupid by saying that I’m here to serve the almighty Kris Wu, but I don’t care.

He looked at me, “Really?” he asked, his eyes round, like they’re begging me to stay.

I nodded, and he hugged me. Surprisingly, I hugged him back. We stayed like that for a while, as I felt him nuzzling my hair.

I fell asleep beside him, I remember Kris trying to pull me closer to him. Closer that I could have been breathless from his tight embrace, before I completely went off to dreamland. With Kris, with the man I love.