Month # 0

 

“Do you, Kim Myungsoo, take Lee Sungyeol to be your lawfully wedded husband until death do you part?” asked the priest. I looked at Myunggie, looked straight into his beautiful eyes.

“I do” he said with the biggest smile on his face. He looked at me and gave me his smile which I will never tire of. He looks beyond beautiful. His white suit contrasts to my black one, but for some reason we look perfect together. We're the missing parts of the puzzle for eachother. I take another look at him. I always get stunned at his beauty. My beautiful Myunggie must have been sculpted by God personaly because he is perfection, both inside and out. I could stare at him all day..

“Yeollie?” I snapped out of my thoughts. I looked at him and I noticed his smile disapeared. “Why aren't you saying anything Yeollie?” I saw tears form in his eyes.

“Wait what?” I asked confsued.

“Ahem-” coughed the priest. “Let me repeat that again since you obviously were not paying attention.” He looked at his book he was holding. “Do you Lee Sungyeol take Kim Myungsoo to be your lawfully wedded husband until death do you part?”

Ah that's why his smile disapeared. Myunggie needs to stop being insecure about every tiny thing. I grabbed his head, faced it towards mine and looked at him straight in the eyes.

“ yes” I heard laughter throughout the wedding hall and his head lifted up cutely and his adorable smile came back. Ahh that's what I like to see

The preach looked really red all of a sudden, “Well uh,.. I now pronounce you Husband and Husband! You may now kiss the groom”. About time. I pushed him agaisnt the wedding arch and attached my lips to his. I moved mine and I felt him moving his back, Soon we were pretty much ing eachother.

“AHEM”

“WHAT-” I turned my head to give a glare to whoever would dare interrupt my kissing time with Myunggie. The priest was pretty much purple now.

“Yahh Sungyeol, you'll have plently of time to do that tonight” I heard someone yell. Probably Woohyun. He doesn't know how to keep his big ing mouth shut. I leaned towards Myunggie's ear and whispered

“Yeah, tonight's gonna be a blast”. Poor boy, he turned about as purple as the priest. How adorable. My husband, Mr Lee Myungsoo.

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Month # 1

It's been about a month since Myungsoo and I married and I can honestly say i've never been happier. I thank God every night because I get to see his beautiful face every single morning, afternoon, evening, night and so on. I've been worried though, because lately he's been running to the bathroom puking up what he had for breakfast. Being the man in this relationship, I have to take care of him.

I sat beside Myungsoo as he kept on barfing up eggs and toast. I kept rubbing his back trying to comfort. “Hey, don't you think you should go to the doctors honey? You've been throwing up every single morning for the past week now, I don't want you to get sick or anything” I told him. He looked up and gave me a smile.

“Don't worry about me Yeollie, as long you're here with me I can get through this!” he cheered happily. My heart stopped for a second because of how much cuteness he just showed.

Aish this idiot, how can he be so cute?

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Month # 2

“Hey Myung can I ask you something?” I asked.

“Sure thing Yeollie!” he replied. I took a deep breath.

“Have you been.. eating more?” the moment those words left my lips I immediately regretted saying that. His eyes starting to tear up and he started to stutter. Well .

“A-ree, y-y-you c-calling m-me f-f-fa-” I cut him off instantly.

“NO NO BABY! You just look like you gained a few pounds thats all!” I tried, but that didn't help. He turned around and ran into our shared room. I chased after him but he closed the door and locked it. I banged on the door.

“YAHH MYUNGSOO PLEASE OPEN THIS DOOR, I'M SORRY!” I called out.

“NO I'M SORRY YEOLLIE, FOR BEING TOO FAT FOR YOU” he cried out. Oh crap what did I just do.

“Myungsoo-ah.. You're not fat, I just thought it was weird because you've been throwing up a lot for the past few weeks but you seem like you gained a pound or too. It just thought it was weird. But Myunggie listen, skinny or fat, black or white, blonde or brunnete, whatever, I don't care. I fell in love with you. Sure I was attracted to your looks at first, but I fell inlove with how you are on the inside. I love you Myungsoo, and how you look is NOT going to change that.”

No response.

“Myungsoo.. if you won't open this door, I'm gonna break it down.” I threatened. “So please, make this easier for the both of us.” Next thing I knew the door creaked open a bit.

“Yeollie, is that all true?” he whispered shakily.

“Of course you pabo! I love you for you, and nothing is ever going to change that.” I said back with confidence. The door flew open and he ran towards me. I greeted him with open arms. He ran straight into my chest and started to cry. I could feel my shirt getting soaked.

“I'm so sorry Yeollie, I didn't mean to overreact! I was just worried and scared because what if you left me because of stupid weight gain and like-” I cupped his mouth.

“Shut up, you talk to much” and I kissed him passionately. As I was kissing his soft lips, I kept thinking, Myungsoo is insecure yes, but i've never seen him react to this extent..

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Month #3

I opened my eyes and saw my precious Myunggie curled up to my chest. Aish this cute kid. I kissed his forehead.

“Hmm? Sungyeollie?” he stirred a bit.

“Hey sunshine, go back to sleep, we don't have to go anywhere today”. He just nodded. I sat up and got off our bed to go make breakfast for the both of us. I was about to take a step when I felt a hand grab my shirt.

“Yeollie?”
 

“Yes Myunggie?”. He looked at me with a blank face.

“Why did you choose to marry me?” he asked with a bit of fear laced in his voice. I sat back down and I put his head on my lap. I kept running my hand through his hair.

“Where did that question come from Myung?”

“I was just thinking” he started “I was looking through your old photo's and I saw you with this really pretty boy. You looked really happy with him. I felt my legs getting wet. Sigh. I flipped into a position to where im lying over top of him. I looked at his face.

“Myung, why are you so insecure all the time?” I asked him. He just turned his head away. “How many times do I tell you that I love you. That boy, Sungjong, was my first boyfriend yes, but he was a complete and he was just a meanspirited person. I love you Myungsoo. You're sweet, you make me happy, and I love being around you. But how much longer until you believe me? When will you believe that you're the only one in my heart. Please, stop doubting yourself and know that I look at you and you only.”

When I finished my speech his face was completely wet with tears. I could only hold him until he stopped. I hate it when he's like this. I want the happy and confident Myungsoo, not the depressed and insecure one.
 

“Myungsoo, I don't know how long it's gonna take me but I promise I will never stop trying to make you feel the love I have for you. I want you to be happy baby. I love you so much. Please don't shed anymore tears.” I told him.

“Sungyeol, thank you. I don't know what I would do without a perfect husband like you..” he said faintly. I smiled.

“Go sleep now my precious. I'll wake you up when breakfast is ready”

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Month #4

I look at the papers in my hand with utter shock

“Patient: Lee Myungsoo
Reason for coming: Pregnancy Test
Result: Positive”
 

Why would Myungsoo keep this from me? He's pregnant? I looked at the date on the paper. It was dated 3 months ago. So he knew for 3 months and never told me? I don't know what to feel right now. I'm beyond happy because well, he's pregnant! But he still never told me.. Just then I heard the front door open.

“Yeollie I'm home!” he yelled happily. I didn't reply. He walked into the living room. “Yeol-” he stopped mid sentence when he saw what I was holding. His eyes widened. “Yeollie! I can explain!!”

“Why didn't you tell me?” I asked coldly, and I saw him whimper.

“I was scared to..”

“You knew for 3 months and you didn't tell me?”

“Sungyeol i'm sorry..”

“Lee Myungsoo, aren't we married? I'm in utter shock you didn't even tell your own husband.” All of a sudden he got onto his knees and broke down.

“Yeollie im sorry! I was just scared of what you would think! You probably hate me now. Please don't leave me, I'll even abort the baby if you want-”. Alright too far.

“You will do no such thing.” I said strictly. He looked up with shock in his eyes. “Why would you wanna get rid of it Myunggie?”
 

“I thought you wouldn't like it-” I cut him off again.

“Yah don't be a pabo!” I said. Then I smiled at him. “I'm beyond happy Myunggie, you're carrying a miracle inside of you! I'm estatic at the thought of starting a family with you!”.

“So.. you're happy?” he asked me.

“I'm not happy at the fact you hid it from me for three months, but the fact you're actually pregnant makes it unrelavant.”. And with that he showed me the biggest smile i've seen in awhile.

“I'm so happy Yeollie! I'm so excited to start a family with you! It's been my dream for so long now!” he exclaimed in pure happines. “I love you Yeollie!!”

“I love you too Myunggie!” I exclaimed back. I leaned down to his belly.
 

“And I love you too”

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Month # 5

“Ah i'm so tired!” I said. I walked over to Myunggie and I's bed and lied down. I hugged him from behind. “Goodnight my beautiful prince, may you and our baby have a peaceful sleep”. He turned around waiting for him to say something.

“Yeollie i'm hungry!” he pouted.

“Eh? But it's already midnight babe.. Plus you had like 5 plates of chicken! You must be full by now”. He just shook his head.

“Nope! Yeollie, I'm still hungry” he said again. Ugh this husband of mine I swear.

“Fine, what do you want?” I asked, “I think I can whip up some eggs-”
 

“NO YEOLLIE! I want icecream!” he yelled. I just stared at him.

“Myung, it's already super late, icecream isn't good for you right now. How about in the morning?”

“NO! MYUNGGIE AND BABY WANTS IT NOW!” he screamed. I was shocked, I have never seen this side of Myungsoo before.

“Myunggie.. let's calm down for a bit..” I tried to calm him down. He just shook his head.

“YEOLLIE DOESN'T LOVE ME OR BABY ANYMORE” he wailed. Oh dear god, I read pregnant people had raging hormones, but dear lord. This is too much.

“FINE you win Myunggie! I'll get some icecream..” I sighed. All of a sudden his face changed with a big smile that was as big as my . Just kidding but you know what I mean. I smiled back. I walked downstairs to the freezer preparing the icecream, with the thought of Myungsoo smiling. That's one of the main reasons why i'm thankful i'm with him. His smile can brighten up my day no matter how bad. And soon, in a few months, i'll have another reason why i'll be thankful to him. Just thinking about our child together gives me butterflies. I put the icecream into a wafflebowl and walked back to our room. “Myunggie i'm back with icecream!”

Myungsoo looked at the icecream and looked at me. “YOU GOT THE WRONG FLAVOUR, I WANT FRENCH VANILLA NOT NORMAL VANILLA”

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Month # 6

I'm so excited! Today is the day where Myunggie and I get to find of the gender of the baby he's carrying!

“I hope it's a girl” Myungsoo said to me while we were in the waiting area of the doctor's clinic.

“I hope it's a boy” I said to him. “If it's a girl, she would make every boy in the world fall for her because she would have her mother's looks”. Myungsoo blushed when he heard that.

“Oh stop it you- HEY WAIT A MINUTE WHY AM I BEING CALLED 'MOTHER'?” he yelled. I just laughed at him and how adorable he is. Suddently a man in a nurse's outfit came up to us.

“Are you Lee Sungyeol and Lee Myungsoo?” he asked us. We nodded. “Hello! My name is Dongwoo nice to meet you!”

“Hello!” we both greeted.

“If you two would come with me, I'll show you to the office where you will be examined” he smiled at us. “Ah lovely couple, I hope the doctor and I can have kids one day!”

“Well just hope for the best!” I told him. He smiled at me.

“Let's hope friend” he replied.

After some minor examinations on Myungsoo, Dongwoo told us to wait a few minutes for the doctor to come in. I noticed that Myungsoo couldn't keep still. I put my hand on his cheek and started it.

“Don't be nervous, be happy! We finally get to find out what gender our little angel is” I said to him.

“Sorry Yeollie, I'm just scared that's all! It's the moment of truth and I really really want to know” he said to me with a pout.
 

“Don't pout babe, it makes me wanna kiss you” I winked at him and he started blushing immensely. Just then someone came in. He looked at us and bowed.

“Hello! I am Lee Howon, I will be your doctor for today. I understand that you are here to determine the gender of your baby correct?”

“That is correct doctor, thank you for coming to do this today” I said back at him.

“It is my job after all! Now Myungsoo was it? Can you please..”

I watched as doctor Howon gave Myunggie directions on where to lie and how to relax.

“Okay Myungsoo, I am going to put this gel on your stomach, It will feel a bit uncomfortable.” the doctor told Myungsoo. He nodded but then he reached out his hand.

“Yeollie, hold my hand.”

“Of course sunshine”. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. I watched as the doctor rubbed the gel over MY Myungsoo's stomach. Hmmph i'm not jealous.. That much..

“AH Yeollie it feels weird!” he shuddered.

“Bear with it Myunggie, it will be fine!” I reassured him, and he nodded. How I love my precious Myungsoo, always braving scary things.

Doctor Howon then got out some kind of machine and then held it over Myungsoo's stomach.

“Look at the monitor boys, he told us”. And he looked, and it was hard for me to hold back tears. On the screen I could make out a head, two very small arms, and two very small legs. It was a baby. Our baby. And it's growing inside my precious Myungsoo right at this second. I looked at Myungsoo and I wasn't surprised when I saw he was pouring out his tears.

“Look Yeollie! That's our baby! The one that we're going to raise together! The one that we're gonna start a family together with!” Myunggie exclaimed with much excitement.

“I see Myunggie!” I bent over and kissed him. “ I'm so proud of you for bearing through this and holding on to this perfect gift.” I looked over to doctor Howon. “Doc, what's the gender?”

“Well, according to this image, your baby is a..” he kept looking at the screen. I could feel Myungsoo shaking, he really wants to know. My excitement is building up also.

“Congratulations boys, you're going to have a girl!” he explaimed happily.

“Really that's awesome!” I cried out. I looked at Myungsoo. He looks.. sad. “Hmm, Myunggie, what's wrong?” I asked him.

He started tearing up “I'm sorry Yeollie, I know you wanted a boy..”. Aish this stupid idiot. I looked over at doctor Howon and he took the signal to give us a moment. He quickly bowed and left. Once he was out of sight I looked over at Myungsoo.

“Myungsoo, I know I said I wanted a boy, but either way this baby is our child. It does NOT matter if it is a he or a she, but the fact it's our child is what matters. Don't be sad baby, be happy! Plus you wanted a girl.” I said to him

“Are you really okay with it Yeollie?”

“Of course sweetheart”. Then his sad expression literally turned upside down. He held a smile so big, I don't even think it was humanely possible.

“YAAY YEOLLIE IM SO HAPPY! WE GET A BABY GIRL! A BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL...” he started to cheer.

This pabo of mine. Normally I would just smile and watch him be hyper, but I think just this once..

“MYUNGGIE THIS IS SO EXCITING, SHE'S GOING TO BE SO PRETTY, AHH WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LET HER OUT RIGHT NOW?”

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Month # 7

“Yeollie, do you want pink or purple paint for the baby's room?” Myunggie asked me. Currently we're going baby shopping for all the things we need.

“I think pink would be nice” I told him and he nodded.

“ I think so too! Alright let's get it” I got out the shopping list we made and I checked off paint at the very bottom.

“Myunggie that was our last thing we needed! Let's go home so we can start making the room!”. He looked up at me with excitement in his eyes. He looks so beautiful right now, his eyes shine brighter than the sun.

“YAH LET'S GO YEOLLIE!! I CAN'T WAIT.” he grabbed my and ran out of the store. I heard alarms from behind me.

“YOU IDIOT WE DIDN'T PAY YET”

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Month # 8
 

We finally finished the room. And in we I mean me while Myungsoo kept on ordering me around. Currently I was sitting on the rocking chair we put in the room with Myungsoo sitting on my lap. He's gotten quite big now, as his stomach really does show. I looked around the room and I must admit we did a really good job. The walls are pink with the ceiling only a darker shade. We had the floor carpeted so there's a lesser chance of our baby getting hurt. We set up the crib next to the window and a rocking chair right next to the crib so we can watch over our little angel once she's born. Speaking of which..

“Hey Myunggie” I broke the silence

“Yes Yeollie?”

“What are we gonna name our child?” I asked him. It's a question i've been wondering for awhile now. I put my arms around his stomach and started to caress it with my hands.

“I actually have a few names in mind” he replied back, leaning into my touch.

“May I hear them?”. He nodded.

“Jooyeon,Uee,Nana,Qri,Jiyeon and Ren. What do you think?”

“I think those are very pretty names” I told him.

“There's one name I really like though” said Myungsoo.

“And what should that be?”

“Jirin, Lee Jirin”. The way he said that, his voice sounded so heavenly.

“That's my favourite out of those names for sure” 

“You think so?” he asked

“Of course hun” I replied back. “Hey can I tell you something?”. He nodded.

“Myungsoo, I love you, more than I love myself. I just wanted to let you know that. And also, thank you for carrying around this beautiful gift inside you. You're going to make a great mother” he turned around and faced him. He leaned forward until our lips touched. He pulled away first and looked at me with a loving expression.

“Sungyeol, make love to me tonight”

And I did.

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Month # 9

“Okay, on the count of three, you have to push.” commanded doctor Howon. Myungsoo was lying in the hospital bed, currently in labour.

Earlier he was taking a shower when I heard something fall and I heard something scream. I ran to the bathroom and saw that he fell and saw his hands were grasping his stomach.

“Sungyeol” he looked at me with one of the most painful expression i've ever seen him bear. “My ing water broke”

And that's how we ended up here. “Myungsoo grab my hand and squeeze it when you push. I'm here baby. You can do this, i'm so proud of you babe”

“Ready Myungsoo? One, Two, Three, PUSH!” commanded doctor Howon. Myungsoo squeezed my hand and damn he squeezed it HARD.

“AHHH” he screamed. “YEOLLIE I CAN'T DO THIS IT'S TOO HARD! IT HURTS TOO MUCH”

I could feel my heart breaking a bit. I would do anything to take the pain away but I can't. I have to be strong for Myungsoo and the baby. “Babe, you can do this, it may hurt now, but it's worth it. I know it is, and so do you. Myunggie you just have to bear with it. I'm here with you all the way.” He nodded and then focused on the space ahead of him.

“Alright Myungsoo, ready?” asked doctor Howon. Myungsoo nodded his head. “Okay PUSH!”
 

“AHHHHHHHH” he screamed. Tears started to fall down his face. “It hurts so much Yeollie!”

“Shh baby it's okay. Sweetheart, you're strong, you can do this. Trust me. Believe!” I tried my best to comfort him.

“You'll have to push again Myungsoo” the doctor told him. “Ready? PUSH”

His hand squeezed my hand it went numb. But it's nothing compared to the pain he must be going through right now. It went on for another 10 minutes, with Myungsoo pushing and screaming. It was a terrifying scene”

“One final push Myungsoo! You can do this okay?” the doctor informed him.

“Hear that baby? One last time! Make it count! I love you!” I looked at him and smiled. He tried to smile back but he was in so much pain he couldn't. My poor Myunggie.

“Ready Myungsoo? THREE, TWO, ONE, PUSH!” the doctor commanded.

“AHHH K SUNGYEOL!!” Myungsoo screamed so loud i'm pretty sure the aliens on mars heard him. I looked over at the doctor. I saw him holding the baby. My baby. Our baby! Little baby Jirin! I felt myself getting exciting. But then I realized something was off.

“Umm doc..?” I started

“This isn't good Sungyeol, your baby isn't breathing” he said with a panicked expression. And with that sentence I could feel my heart stop beating. Myungsoo choked out a gasp, then he started sobbing. I immedietly put my arms around him and tried to keep calm.

“DOC CAN'T YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT?” I yelled. All the nurses in the room came to the baby and tried everything they could to get her to breathe. Myungsoo looked at me with an expression beyond despair.

“Yeollie.. will Jirin make it?” he asked so softly it was nearly impossible to hear.

“I.. don't know Myung” I replied with a low tone, and Myungsoo just started to cry into my chest.

Soon the nurses took Jirin out of the room and took her somewhere else. I stayed withh Myungsoo, trying to keep him calm cause the last thing we need is for something to go wrong with him too.

“Myunggie, please calm down. This isn't going to help”

“Yeollie, I-i- j-just c-cant..” he said between sobs.

We waited for what seemed like an eternity before the doctor came back in. When he came back in the room Myungsoo and I bombarded him with questions.

“DOCTOR WHERE'S MY BABY? WHERE'S JIRIN?” Myungsoo yelled out to him.

“I'm sorry Myungsoo, but the baby didn't make it...”

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Month # 10

Ever since that day, things changed.

All ever Myungsoo does is lock himself in the baby's room. He doesn't eat, drink or even sleep. All I ever hear is sobs coming from with in. I must say that i'm broken hearted to, but my Myunggie is much more senstive than I am so he took the news harder than I did. Even though baby Jirin is gone, I don't want to lose my Myunggie too. I knocked on the room door.

“Myung, open up please” No reply. “Please Myung, what you're doing won't make this any better.” Still no reply. “That's it i'm breaking down the door.”

I kicked it as hard as I could and surprisngly it actually worked and the door swung open. The sigh before me broke my heart.

My poor Myungsoo was on the floor curled up in a ball, hugging himself while sobbing. I absolutely hate seeing him like this. I can't stand it. I promised him I would make him happy. I'm his husband, he's my responsibility.

“Myungsoo, talk to me please?”

“No”

“You just did”

“hmmph”

“Talk to me, what are you thinking?”

“Sungyeol, i'm so sorry” he started to cry even harder. I got confused.

“Why are you sorry honey?” I asked him. I don't understand why he's apologizing.

“All the event's we went throught the past 9 months, the tears, the yelling, everything. We went through all that, and for what? Nothing. Nothing at all. The baby is dead. Jirin is dead and it's all my fault.” he choked out. I walked over, picked him up bridal style and brought him to our bed. I laid him down and went beside him. I scooped him up into my arms and hugged him. Securing him, so that I know he's safe.

“It's not your fault” I said to him.

“It's completely my fault!” he retalitated. “Maybe if I wasn't such a when I was pushing, she wouldn't have been stuck in me for so long. Or maybe if I hadn't fallen in the shower, maybe that's why she died. Or even when I asked you to make love to me, maybe the action killed her, I DON'T KNOW. But I do know it's my fault.

“Lee Myungsoo, look at me”. He turned his head away.

“No”

“Myungsoo please listen to me.” He slowly lifted his head. His eye's were bloodshot and his face was completely wet. “It's not your fault. Life is just a a big pain in the and it does stupid things.”

“I hate life” he spat.

“No you don't” he gave me a weird look. “It's because of life that you and I met. It's because of life how we met. It's because of life how we fell in love. It's because of life how we got married. It's because of life that you got pregnant. We made so many memories together the past 9 months and i'm happy. Sure it's heartbreaking that Jirin isn't here with us, but at least we still have each other. Plus we're still young, we can always try again.”

“Yeol..” I cupped his mouth.

“I'm not done. I know you're gonna keep blaming yourself for what happened, but i'm always gonna be here to remind you it was NOT your fault. Is is NOT your fault. Things happen and that's life. Please try to move on from this because I love you so much Lee Myungsoo, it hurts to see you sad. I feel like a part of me is broken inside. I just-”. He cupped my mouth.

“You talk to much” he whispered. He took his hands off my mouth and put his lips agaisnt mine. I couldn't help but kiss back. I felt at peace with him.

“Hey Myung just remember it's not your fault okay? Remember that i'm still here and that I love you.”

“Thank you for being in my life Sungyeol. I love you so much” he put in head agaisnt my chest and pressed himself closer to me.

“Darling, we'll move on eventually, but for now just sleep” I said softly.

“I love you”

“I love you too”

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