Alone . Thinking of you I sat , recalling your smile . Recalling our chat .

“Haru yah . In this world what things make you happy?”, Kai ask .

“Happy ? will you happy is I say it is you?”, I ask him back .

He smile mischievously “Of course”, he said slowly .

I smile back . That times was very precious , if only I could travel back . I’ll risk all my time , live and assets .

Being Kim Jong In or Kai girlfriend is the most hurting things I’ve ever done . People may said she’s so lucky and etc but it not easy . Our relationship is a secret and only he and me who know about it . He doesn’t even tell his best friend nor the member of his group to protect his image . I know he had to and I can stand it at first but now I’m really long for him .

I remembered the last time he call me ..

“Haru yah mianhae . Because of my schedule I cant seem to see your face often”, he said .

I sigh and answer in cheerful voice “Kenchana . We had a date right?”.

“Date?”, he ask .

“I’ve been watching you on TV . That’s how we date right?”, I said and he laughed .

That laughed which I really longing for . We cant seem to continue our conversation because his manager is calling .

Truthfully I need him so much , I want him to stay beside me whenever I’m in low state . I want to go out with him . Hold his hand like other normal couple do . Call me greedy . Yes I am greedy for his love .

“Oppa tomorrow is my birthday . Can you come?”, I said over the phone .

“Tomorrow ? I’ll try to make it .”, he said .

I just end the phone . ‘ I hope he can make it’, I said make a wish and look at the clock – 11 11 pm .

***

I went to shop for tonight party , I hope Kai can make it . I bake my own cake . I know it not taste the best but I hope he still like it .

I wait for almost 12 pm . The room was dark since I decide not to open the light . The light from the candle make the room dim . The scene was so hurtful . So painful that make my tears fall .

I woke up when the morning sun hurt my eyes . I look at the clock it shows 9 am . ‘He couldn’t make it . A sorry cant do’, my heart sobbed .

I took my phone there’s a message . I read it . “HARU-YAH MIANHAE OPPA CANT MAKE IT YESTERDAY. BUT I’LL COME TO YOUR APARTMENT INSTEAD TODAY” I read a message from Kai . Sigh ! Sigh ! Sigh ! The only thing I can do .

I took a bath . Put on my clothes while not bother to put on make up although I know Kai is coming over .Then my apartments door opened and I know its Kai because it only me and him know this place .

“Jagiya . I miss you”, he shout . I’m in my room – silently , secretly wiping over my tears . He then opened my room door . “Oh you here?”, I said suddenly and hug him . He hug me back .

“I miss you so bad”, I said – sobbed on his chest .

“Haru yah . Actually oppa have things to say”, he said while loosen the hug and wipe my tears with his thumb .

I look at him . “Our relationship .. We cant go on . Oppa mianhae but ..”, he said . My eyes cant leave him as I keep staring at him . My knees seem it can support my heavy heart as I fall – with my tears . He sit with me and hug me . Tears also fall from his eyes . He keep saying sorry and sorry .

“ I know this is not fair for us . But I cant seem to say no to my company . They know about our relationship and I don’t have another way”, he said .

“Its okay . I accept it even my heart hurt. I’ll go”, I said ..