I hate my life. I hate my dad. I hate school. Even though I was bullied, I had lived a happy life. School and home was different. I loved home. Being with mum and dad made my hurt feelings fade away. I was happy. But that happy life ended. Since my mum died, everything changed. Dad, who I loved, changed. He abuses me. He gets drunk every day. I was afraid of my own dad. The home I loved changed.

*****

I limped towards my house. Nervously stepping inside. I was sure I was going to get beaten. It’s always like this. Always. It hurts me. I get beaten in school and home. It’s like a schedule. Going to school. Getting beaten up. Coming home. Getting beaten up. It repeats over and over. I'm tired of this. Isn’t it better off being dead? I know why dad changed but it’s painful. I don’t want to see him like this. I miss my old dad.

"YOU! You are the reason I'm like this. You are the reason I have to live like this." He roared. I flinched. My heart racing. He slammed me onto the wall. He kicked me in stomach. I cried in pain. “Hurts?” he gave me multiple punches in the stomach. I couldn’t move from the pain. It was painful. I waited for him to finish. But he didn’t stop. My hand automatically punched him. I ran out. I-I punched him. I punched my dad.

I ran out to the park. I sat on the stairs. I let my tears fall freely. I miss mum. I put my head on my knee. “Here.” I heard a boy’s voice. I looked up. It was a boy from my class. He was handing me a handkerchief. I accepted it. He sat down next to me.

He smiled. His smile reminded me of my mum. I let out my tears more. "Don't cry." He patted my back.

I hiccupped. He searched into his bag. He took out a plaster and stuck it on my cheeks. He wiped my tears with his thumb. "Come on. I'll show you my secret place. You'll be the first one to know about it." He dragged me. I squealed in pain. "Slowly." I said quietly. "Oh. Sorry." He said and held my hands. We walked slowly without saying a word.

"Look. We're here." He said. My eyes widened. Although it was small but it was beautiful. Small blossom tree with a bench beside it. "I carve on this tree to release my stress. You can carve on it to. Here." He gave me a small carving knife. I stood in front of the tree. I slowly carved '2010'. It was the year my mum died. Tears dropped as the memories come back. She died of cancer. After her death, dad drank for the first time. Everything changed. People who in loved changed.

"Leeji-shi, do you want to stay at my house?" L.Joe asked me. I didn’t know what to reply. I hesitated.

"Don’t worry. I won’t hurt you or let anyone hurt you. I'm worried about you." He held my hands and walked me somewhere. "My dad...he'll-"

"Don’t worry about him..." He interlocked his fingers. I looked at our hands. It was weird. It sent butterflies in my stomach.

*****

 "Come on. We're here." L.Joe said as he directed me in in his apartment. It was very clean and smelt like my past home. Mum cleaned the house every day. It was always clean. No dust was seen. Now it’s changed. Dust everywhere. Dirty. Smelt like alcohol.

"Do you want to shower? It might refresh you." He asked. I nodded, "Sure, if you don’t mind."

"I'll get you clothes." He went to his room and came out with some of his clothes and a towel. "Here."

*****

I finished showering. I wore the clothes. I came out. "Leeji. You can sleep in my room. I'll sleep in the guest room." He told me and pointed to his room before entering the bathroom. I nodded. I went to his room. It was big. I went straight in bed. I toss and turned. Everything would be erased if I sleep, right? I only hope that tomorrow would be would be different from today.

*****

I woke up. My body was in pain. "Leeji-ah. Oh your wake. Breakfast is ready. Come and eat." He said. I nodded. I tried to get up but I couldn’t. L.Joe came to me a carried me. Him carrying me made my stomach feel funny. He was carrying me bridal way. He sat me down on the sofa. He fed me. I blushed as he wiped my lips.

“Leeji-shi. You can stay here as long as you like.” L.Joe said as fixed my hair.

“Thank you.” I didn’t know why he was doing this. Why was he helping me? Does he pity me? I was looking down on my laps when I felt something cold on my cheeks. I looked at L.Joe. He smiled and leaned in. He pecked my on my lips. “I like you, Jung Leeji.” I froze. He likes me? This was the first someone confessed me. “You might not like me now so I’ll wait for your answer.” L.Joe said. Do I have feeling for him? I feel something funny in my stomach whenever he talks to me or comes near me.

*****

It’s been two weeks I’ve been staying at L.Joe’s house. We’ve gotten closer but his confession to me keeps bothering me. I still don’t know if I have feelings for him. Now when I’m near him my heart starts beating. I feel something I’ve never felt before. Do I like him? Is this how love feels?

“Leeji-shi.” L.Joe tapped me on my shoulder. He slowly leaned in. I closed my eyes when his lip was inch apart from mine. “You have eyelashes on your cheeks.” I opened my eyes and blushed. I was embarrassed. I walked away but he grabbed my wrist. “Wait, Leeji. Come here.” He pulled me by my waist. He scanned my eyes. He grinned. “You like me.” After he said that, he brought his lips to mine. Unknowingly, I kissed him back. My heart was racing. We pulled apart. “I like you, L.joe.” I said as I blushed. He let out a soft laugh and hugged me.

*****

I and L.Joe was watching a movie when my phone rang. “Hello?”

“Is this Jung Leeji?” The person asked.

“Yes. Who is this?” I sat up.

“Please come over to ******. It is serious.”  The person hung up.

“L.Joe, can we go to ******? My dad has been in an accident."

We called the taxi and told the driver the address. It was very crowded. Police were everywhere. I squeezed through the people to see what was going on. There had been a car accident. The car was familiar. When it clicked in my mind, I hoped it wouldn’t be him. I moved to the side. It was. It was my dad. Covered in blood. Tears rolled down my cheeks. “A-Appa…no. Please no.” I felt two hands on my shoulder. It was L.Joe. “Leeji…I’m sorry.” He hugged me. “Don’t cry.”

“Excuse me. Are you Jung Leeji?” an officer asked. L.Joe let go of me as I nodded to the officer.

“He was holding this in his hand.” He handed me a piece of paper.

I opened it.

‘Leeji,

please come back home. Appa still loves you. Come back home.

Please.

-Appa’

Tears kept running down. I want to go home. My real home. I held L.Joe’s hand and went to my home. I opened the door. It was worse than before. Notebooks were on the floor. It was the note books that mum and dad wrote to each other. I picked one up and opened it.

May 28 2010

My dearest wife Yunji, today you’ve left us.  It’s hard to accept it. Leeji still doesn’t know. It’s her birthday tomorrow. You wanted to spend this birthday together. Just one day.

I don’t know how to tell her that you went to heaven. She’ll be hurt. You were hurt too. I’ll try my best to raise her. It wouldn’t be the same without you. I don’t know how she’s going to live without a mom. I’ll write to you soon.

-Taegun

May 29 2010

Yunji…I’m sorry. It’s her birthday today. I didn’t do anything. She asked where you were. I didn’t know how to reply. I cried instead. She cried as well after I told her where you were. I think I beat her. I was drunk I don’t know why it did it. I regret it. I’m starting to change after you left us.

-Taegun

I grabbed another notebook which looked new.

Febuary 23 2013

I did something really bad. I was really drunk. Leeji came home from school. She was limping. I was worried. But I shouted at her. I beat her. I punched and kicked her. I did every bad thing a father could do. It’s not my first time doing it. I drink to erase the pain but I cause more pain to Leeji. She left the house. I don’t know where she is but I hope she’ll be ok. I am such a horrible father. I will be a better father when I find her. I’m sorry. I love you, Yunji. I love Leeji too. I hope she’ll forgive me one day.

-Taegun

I closed the note book as I wiped my tears. Why did you write this dad? It makes me feel bad. I didn’t know how you were feeling. I grabbed a pen.

March 03 2013

Umma, you left me now appa left me. You both left me. I hope you two will meet in heaven and be happy. Appa, thank you for still loving me. I’ll continue to write in this note book so I can communicate with you. So please read it. I love you. Please be happy. I’m happy too. I met a boy. I like him. He likes me too. You’ll look over us from heaven, right?

-Leeji

I closed the notebook and looked at L.joe. He hadn’t been saying anything. “What’s wrong?” I asked. He hugged me. “Leeji, I love you and will make you happy.”

AHH!! SO CHEESY~~

*cringe, cringe*