“We’re still friends,” Sulli says the moment he sits down across from her. “Don’t think that you’re going to get out of being my friend just because you’ve ended things with Kai.”

“I didn’t,” Yixing says, and then frowns. “Is this really the only reason you called me.”

“Nope,” Sulli replies, she gazes from her lemonade to Yixing’s empty hands and frowns. “I wanted to know about your summer and why this happened. Kai was…” she trails off a frown on her lips. “I know I said this would happen, but saying it and having it happen are two very different things. It didn’t turn out the way I’d expected it to.”

“How was your summer,” Yixing asks trying to change the topic.

Sulli’s frown deepens. Her plush lips pull into a full on pout as she leans forward to rest her head against the table, pushing the drink out of the way. “I don’t think we should talk about that yet,” she says. “I have forever to tell you about my summer, but... Have you talked about it? You know, I don’t know how other people handle break-ups but Krystal talks about it until she’s blue in the face, and I eat junk food and cry, sometimes at the same time. Do you want to talk about it?”

“I broke up with him,” Yixing clarifies.

“So,” Sulli says, “Krystal still talks a lot when she dumps guys, and I might not cry but I do still eat junk food. Have you done anything?”

“Jongdae took me out to check out random guys,” Yixing admits.

Sulli’s pout quickly transforms into a smile and she stomps her feet childishly. “And you didn’t take me with you? Did you see any cute guys?”

“A few,” Yixing says softly. It still feels strange to talk so openly about his attraction to guys. He’d accepted his uality rather quickly, but there was still a hesitance to it. It was okay when he was attracted to one guy, and thought other guys, safe guys, were good looking. It was an entirely different thing when he was sitting around checking out strangers

“Did it make you feel better,” Sulli asks next.

“I guess,” Yixing replies. “I don’t really want to talk about the break up.”

“Why not,” Sulli asks, tilting her head as she looks at him in question.

“I’m afraid that if I talked about it, I might think I made a mistake. I didn’t really want to break up in the first place.”

Sulli makes a face and this time it’s Yixing that’s frowning. “What do you want to say?”

“Nothing,” Sulli says shaking her head.

“You want to say something,” Yixing says, “you wouldn’t make a face like that if you didn’t want to say something. What is it?”

“I’m not telling you,” Sulli says. “I already angered Kai unintentionally by my words. I’m not going to do the same with you.”

“Fine,” Yixing huffs, “tell me about your summer.”

“I’m not sure I should,” Sulli mutters, but laughs once she notices Yixing’s glare. “I wanted to tell you something, but I don’t want to rub salt into your wounds. A lot of people are bitter once they end a relationship.”

“You’re seeing someone,” Yixing guesses, smiling when he notices how a small blush paints Sulli’s pale cheeks. She drops her gaze and smiles hesitantly before nodding her head.

“We only just started seeing each other exclusively,” Sulli admits softly. Sulli’s not a woman, she’s young and a bit immature, but she’s smart and has a lot more love experience than Yixing. Yixing well aware of Sulli’s age, but he had never expected her to be so coy about being in a relationship, infatuation was a nice look on her, she was already a naturally cute person and seeing her happy and in love just made her cuter.

“Do I know him,” Yixing asks, even though he’s sure he doesn’t. He doesn’t mind having her talk about her new boyfriend for a bit, especially if it takes his mind off his own problems.

She looks up at him then, eyes twinkling and smile broader on her lips. “You do,” she says.

Yixing’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise as he gazes at the younger girl. “I do,” he repeats. He first thinks of his school friends but that doesn’t make sense to him, so he thinks about Kai and his friends. “You’re seeing Chanyeol? Exclusively?”

She nods excitedly then. “He’d ended it with all the other girls he’d been seeing and now it’s just us. It’s still a bit of a secret though. You’re the only person I’ve told.”

“Who has he told,” Yixing asks. “Why are you keeping it secret?”

“Probably Suho or one of the others,” Sulli replies. “I’m not sure why. I guess it’s not exactly secret but we’re not going out of our way to tell others, we want it to be just an us thing at the moment.”

“I guess I understand,” Yixing says. “I’m happy for you.”

“I’ll say the same once you and Kai get back together,” Sulli cheekily replies, avoiding his gaze when he glares pointedly at her. “I don’t know what he did, but don’t you think he deserves a second chance. He gave you a second chance.”

“What did I do,” Yixing asks tilting his head in confusion.

“You kissed Suho,” Sulli replies. “Chanyeol’s a bit of a blabber mouth and he cares about Kai as much as Suho and Sehun you know. They’re family.”

“That wasn’t my fault,” Yixing points out childishly.

“Maybe so, but normally you would’ve been removed,” Sulli says. “They’ve done it before, people who couldn’t choice between them, people that two of them liked. If they get in the way they’re usually tossed out, but you stayed. He ignored Suho’s feelings and stayed with you.”

“Suho didn’t like me,” Yixing points out. “He was just lonely.”

“You really believed that,” Sulli asks eyes wide in disbelief. “I thought… wow.” She becomes flustered and Yixing doesn’t know rather he wants to convince her to tell him everything Chanyeol has told her or just pretend like he’d never heard anything about Junmyeon’s actual feelings.

Sulli chooses for him, and begins speaking. “His feelings for you are nothing compared to Kai’s. It was just a tiny crush. I thought everyone just pretended like they didn’t know because they were bending their own rules for you and they didn’t want things awkward. I guess I should have figured you wouldn’t have had a clue.”

Yixing doesn’t know what to say so Sulli continues on. "I have a question," she states softly. Her eyes are down casted and she fidgets restlessly in her seat. "It's just a question that will stay between us two so don't get mad."

"I'm really not the type to get angry easy. You can ask me," Yixing says, he’d already gotten through learning about Suho’s feelings, he’s sure nothing can make him as uncomfortable as that.

"Promise not to lie," Sulli asks next, finally looking up to gaze intently into his eyes. Yixing nods his head and Sulli asks her question, "If Kai ever asked you to come back to him, would you?"

"I," Yixing begins before pausing to truly think through his answer. The question requires a simple yes or no, but there's nothing simple about any of those options.

If he says no that means things are over, there is absolutely no future for either of them together. It means there is not an itch of what if or regret in him. If he says yes it means he's not over them yet, that he thinks that there could possibly still be hope in a future together, and that there may be the tiniest morsel of regret in his heart. Yes or no, didn't represent the full extent of Yixing's feelings. Yet, he was leaning so strongly towards yes.

How many people truly got over their first love, how many people secretly longed for a second chance, a do over, when it came to their first relationship? If Kai came to him and asked for a second chance, one more shot to be together and fix whatever went wrong, Yixing would give it.

If he was honest with himself, the moment he said “Let’s break up,” he hadn’t expected Kai to give in so easily. Even though he hadn’t really wanted it at the time, he’d accepted it, and now it was something that had happened. If Kai was so easy to break up with, then didn’t that mean that there were no such thing as second chances, or do overs for them?

"If Kai came to me personally," Yixing starts slowly admitting something he'd never thought he would. "If it was all him and no one else then I would, if we could fix our problems first."

"What problems," Sulli asks. "Did you to fight a lot or something?"

"No," Yixing replies and frowns. “How long have you known Chanyeol?”

Sulli blinks rapidly and frowns as well, “As long as I’ve known Kai… nearly two years now.”

“And how much do you know about him,” Yixing ask next.

“That’s a bit,” she pauses and seems to ponder on her answer, “I know a lot about him but there are a lot of things I don’t know about him.”

“Chanyeol has always seemed pretty straight-forward about things,” Yixing muses. “He doesn’t really seem like the type to keep a secret.”

“Oh he is,” Sulli agrees, “he’s straightforward about everything but his emotions. If he’s upset, he masks it a bit. I’m still learning to understand that side of him.”

“Chanyeol has a good heart,” Yixing points out.

“I know,” Sulli agrees, “We’re a bit similar only I don’t mask my emotions as well as him. Anyway, won’t you tell me what this has to do with Kai?”

“Kai is a complicated person,” Yixing says, and Sulli nods. “He said that when he was with me he was my Kai,” and he pauses, a small bittersweet smile taking over his features. It was silly, but Yixing had liked the thought of someone being his, and his only. “When he was with you and his other friends, he was someone different, a different Kai. And, I guess when he was at home he was Kim Jongin or whatever. He had all these different people he wanted to be, and I guess sometimes it felt as if our relationship was just a big game for him.”

At first he thinks his willingness to say so much in front of her is weird, but when he really thinks about it, it’s not surprising. Sulli was like Junmyeon but much more neutral. Junmyeon gave amazing advice, he listened well, and he made Yixing feel comfortable, but Junmyeon was Kai’s friend, Kai’s family. Even though Junmyeon had always did his best to be calm and appear unbiased, he still cared about Kai’s best interest above everything else, and there was very much reason to believe that what was said between them might not have been kept between them.

Sulli was different because she understood his position as an outsider, and all the other sides of him. She was a bit impatient and a bit rash at times, but she listened well and did her best to give good advice. She saw him as a friend, not as Kai’s boyfriend, which made her a more trusting source.

“Do you think Kai stuck with me because he liked me enough to break his own rules, or because Suho made him feel guilty enough to break it?” It’s the question that had been bothering him ever since. At times he’d felt as if he was secondary to everyone else, and he could handle that, but often it felt that even as second to everyone else he was less of a person and more of toy used to placate Kai.

He knew his insecurities were getting the better of him, but Kai’s confession over the phone had done nothing to soothe his anxieties and had only made them intensify. Maybe it was his own fault for asking a question he never really wanted the answer to.

“I think,” Sulli says and Yixing’s eyes flicker up to meet her own, and she’s staring at him with so much sympathy and concern that he can’t help but to smile bitterly at her. “I think, that maybe it could be a mixture of both. Maybe Kai liked you enough to break the rules, but he needed Suho to tell him it was okay first.”

“I’m being really stupid about this,” he says laughing softly at himself. “After Suho and I kissed, he started being different with me. Not a bad different or anything he was just more affectionate and it’s just… I don’t know all of this is still new to me, and you’re kind of the only person without any biases that I can talk to about it.”

“Have you tried talking to Kai,” she asks, “did he not want to talk about it.”

“Kai could barely talk about his real name to me,” Yixing says, “and if brought up my own insecurities, he’d either try to easily brush them away or take my feelings personally. I know enough about Kai that I know he likes being in control of things and hates being weak.”

They’re both quiet a moment later, Sulli is deep in her thoughts and Yixing is listening to the slow hum of the café music. Yixing feels open and exposed after confessing so much but at the same time, he feels a bit lighter and a bit more honest with himself. Maybe it’s okay if he misses Kai a bit more than he lets on, and maybe it’s okay if he is a little saddened by the break up.

"I have a secret," Sulli says, breaking him out of his thoughts. He looks up meeting her sparkling eyes and knows almost immediately it's about Kai, but as he gazes at her he can't help but compare her to Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo had looked grave as he spoke of Kai's secret, he'd looked as if he hated bringing up Kai in Yixing's presence and wanted nothing more than to run away.

Sulli looks eager as she leans across the table. She looks as if she needs to tell the secret, as if she'd held it for a very long time and now she was dying to spill it. Her enthusiasm makes Yixing curious. "It's really an open secret and I'm sure you know it but I still want to tell you."

"Tell me then," Yixing says.

"You were Kai's first real relationship. You might not have been his first kiss but I'm pretty sure you're as close to a first love as it can get with Kai." She moves even closer, eyes dancing as she examines Yixing, "wanna know another secret?" Yixing wants to say no but he finds himself nodding his head.

"Kai might seem confident when he's kissing and touching you, but he's still insecure about a lot of things. I think he tries to make things look like a game so it doesn’t hurt him in the long run" she says causing Yixing to blush slightly.

"Why are you telling me this," Yixing asks in obvious distress. "Weren't you the first to tell me that we were going to break up?"

"That's not," Sulli starts, "I told you that because when I first saw you, you looked as if you had no idea what you were getting into and I thought you were like the others. You aren't, Kai trusted you. You know more about Kai then me and many of our mutual friends."

"What about Kyungsoo," Yixing asks.

"You met Kyungsoo," Sulli asks frowning deeply. "I haven’t met him, but I’ve heard of him. From what I’ve heard I can say that it’s not that Kai trusts you less than Kyungsoo, it’s just that you and Kyungsoo started off facing two different sides of Kai. Kyungsoo saw the bad and fought to have his place as Kai’s friend, and you’ve only seen the good. Kai hasn’t let you into the bad yet.”

"He doesn't think I'll stick around for the bad?"

"He doesn't think anyone will. Kyungsoo, Baekhyun, Sehun, Chanyeol, Luhan, and Suho are the only ones that have. I don't have enough fingers to count how many haven't."

"What about you," Yixing asks.

"I'm not included. I'm not exactly a friend," Sulli replies wittily.

“Then what are you,” Yixing asks. “I’m sure Chanyeol talks a lot, but I really don’t think he’d tell you all of this.”

“I’m really observant,” Sulli replies, rolling her eyes. “And I’ve been around them long enough to see things.”

“What’s the point in telling me this,” Yixing asks. “I’m supposed to see Suho and I’m sure he’s going to say something similar, but it won’t help.”

“Because you want to hear directly from Kai,” Sulli asks.

“I get what you’ve told me, but it won’t change anything,” Yixing admits.

“Will it at least make things easier if Kai does come to you,” Sulli asks, frowning. “I don’t like this, you’re obviously hurt by what’s happening. I can’t imagine what it’s like for either of you. I wonder what the others must be thinking.”

“They don’t know,” Yixing says, “Besides Suho and Kyungsoo, Kai hasn’t told anyone.”

“Do you really think they don’t know something’s up? If your cousin broke up with his boyfriend wouldn’t you suspect something happened even if they don’t say they broke up?”

Yixing hadn’t thought of that, it made absolute sense that they would suspect something was up. Zitao had said Baekhyun had brought up Kai sleeping in Junmyeon’s bedroom. The othr boys, Luhan, Chanyeol, and Sehun, had probably been able to easily tell that something had happened between them. Even if they didn’t, he figured it was only a matter of time before they realized that he wasn’t going to be showing up anymore more.

Yixing’s close to whimpering, for the time being he wanted to erase all there was of Kai from his mind and his heart. It’s not that he wanted to forget Kai completely, just temporarily. His emotions were whirling around, fighting back and forth to be the dominant one.

I'M SO SORRY! Honestly I have a lot of excuses as to why this is so late but I'm just going to say that November is a terrible month for me and I lost track of time. I want to say that my next update won't be so long from now but I'm in the midst of moving so I might be too busy to update on a regular schedule. On a brighter note today marks the One Year anniversary since I started this fanfic and it's a bit strange since I thought I'd be done with this by now. Thanks everyone who's been with this for so long and those who have only recently subscribed! Love you guys <3