Her first instinct was to push him away, but instead found himself being pushed back into the wall where he easily trapped her. She wasn’t sure whether he’d suddenly grown taller and stronger or if she was just simply losing out on her own.

Her hands uselessly flung against his chest and the sensation of his lips became all the more familiar when she calmed down somewhat. The way his lips enveloped hers made her clench her hands into fists before Sehun finally inched back.

Namjoo felt her insides shake from the sudden shock of his attack before he asked, “How could you?”

+++

Hayoung was waiting for him when he arrived at the coffee shop. Sehun slightly paused before walking toward her taking to the seat across from her.

“What’s going on?” He wondered.

Hayoung glanced up at him before clasping her hands together underneath the table, “My mom’s been talking about the wedding. I had measurements for the dress taken this morning.”

Sehun simply stared at her without much to say.

“Sehun, are we…going to get married or not?” Hayoung asked. “Actually, I really like you. Still, I’d rather we get married on mutual terms and not one-sidedly.”

She let on an embarrassed smile with a bashful laugh before looking back at him. Sehun felt almost sorry for her.

“You’re still going to have to wait for her to take your hand,” Hayoung weighed the possibilities. “Will she choose to? Are you going to wait your whole life for it to happen?”

Suddenly Sehun didn’t feel very friendly with her anymore. He felt like his ability of loving Namjoo was being doubted. He was aware circumstances were different, but he believed there was still some tie between him and Namjoo.

Hayoung reached into her bag and slid a piece of paper toward him, “They live here. After you see them, let me know what you want.”

Quietly taking the piece of paper he left immediately for the destination. When he arrived, he found a place to park his car at the bottom of the street and glanced around. The neighborhood at least looked better than the sham Namjoo and her father had lived in.

Carefully glancing at the address he slowly walked along the empty street spotting a few strays prowling around as if he were no threat to them. To his dismay, it wasn’t very difficult to discover where Namjoo lived at all. Right in front of the home at the far end of the street were two figures.

A smile of contempt overtook his face as he glanced away. From across the street, the angle he stood at gave him the perfect definition of what was going on. His blood gushed to his head when they kissed more than once before the man finally walked away and Namjoo turned into the house.     

Within the far corners of his mind he could hear Hayoung telling him about the supposedly ‘father’ Ki Hoon had. And it was just impossible. There was no other father for Ki Hoon, but him. He couldn’t let Hayoung be right about everything.

Namjoo…she would take his hand.

She would.

Sehun’s eyes burned onto the door for a long time and chewed his lower lip before crossing the street toward the home. He’d have Namjoo no matter what. He’d have both her and his son back. They belonged with him and only him.

He…would take Namjoo back.

When he kissed here everything rushed back. It was almost like the first kiss he’d given her after confessing. If Namjoo did not recognize he, he’d still make her recall it. To his perfect disappointment, Namjoo fought against him as if he couldn’t match the level of the man she’d earlier kissed.

And why was that, he wondered. What set him apart from that other man?

Namjoo’s hands quickly eased against him and he thought for a split second that she’d lightly kissed him in return. Maybe it was an illusion.

Distraught and conflict drew across her face when he finally pulled back. Namjoo refused to meet eyes with him and he further grazed his hand across her face toward her hair as if to make her look up.

“How could you?” He asked. “How could you kiss him?”

Yes, he would make her feel guilty. He’d slash her with guilt until she felt so bad she needed to make up for it. When she refused to answer he brushed her bangs aside with his fingers and leaned to the side to have her kiss him.

“Sehun stop it,” she pushed him back with more force, turning away. “Stop it.”

To hear his name directly from her was different, and it hurt. The way she said it didn’t quite consist of the feelings as when she used to call him. 

“I wanted to kiss him,” Namjoo shoved him away, stepped to the side, and shifted further from him. “We’re seeing each other.”

A scorching pain stabbed his heart as his eyes further sat on her. His insides throbbed and his mind was screaming in denial. It couldn’t be true.

“I’m already moving on,” Namjoo informed. “You do the same too. You have a girlfriend, don’t you?”

Sehun pressed his teeth together unable to lie. Namjoo saw at the Day Care, she knew. He’d be a real fool if he lied.

“Be good to her.”

Stepping back Namjoo pulled the door open and waited. Sehun refused to budge from where he was. They stood in mere silence, each with opposing thoughts; Namjoo waiting for him to leave and him with desire to stay.

“If you think I had it well these three years; it wasn’t anything like that,” Sehun quietly told, his eyes still set on her. “It was a nightmare every day; not hearing your voice, not being able to see you, I couldn’t even hear you laugh inside my head. I came to the days where even death sounded beautiful, but I always lived for the reason that I could see you again. But even with you five steps away, why is it that death still calls me? I drowned so many times because of you, are you going to keep drowning me like this? Tell me you haven’t felt the same.”

Namjoo tightened her grasp around the doorknob, “Please leave.”  

+++

Her heart was throbbing so hard against her chest when she closed the door on him. All the memories rushed at her at the speed of light, pinning her into a closet of weeping sins. Rapidly blinking her eyes to retain the tears she bit onto her lower lip, gripping her hands into tight fists. Namjoo still felt horrible, but there wasn’t anything she could do now. She didn’t believe there was anything for her to do now. There was nothing to offer him anymore.

Slowly turning around she pushed the curtain to her kitchen window open to see Sehun slowly marching off into the distance with his head hung low. Images of them playing around with the leaves in the park imminently crushed her mind and the wholehearted laughter of Sehun’s emptied into the pits of her heart. Those days were so far gone now. Retrieving that laugh was as impossible as a mermaid wanting to grow legs.

Clamping her eyes shut she lightly slapped her face as she would when putting lotion on and smiled before urging herself to get back to work. It suddenly became important that when Luhan walked through the door she’d greet him with a smile.

While Luhan ate at the table minutes later Namjoo, leaning against her hand, watched him endearingly. No matter how much she thought about it she realized she didn’t deserve him. She wasn’t a purely single woman. She was a single mother; one who’d been there and done that. While there were so many options for him out there, he’d ended up trapped within her world with her and Ki Hoon. How was that fair to any decent man like him?

Whichever way she saw it from, Luhan most definitely should be seeing someone else, be preparing to get married to a smart and successful woman. He should be with someone who was willing to devote the rest of her life to him, someone who could wholeheartedly love him without any kind of disappointment.

Why had she let him save her that day?

Namjoo woke up when he tapped his spoon loudly against her plate, “What are you staring at? I know I may exceed your expectations with my features, but you don’t need to be that thunderstruck.”

She allowed a snort to fall through before picking up her utensils.

“So where are we going later?”

“Want to go to the sea?” He asked. “We could go on a boat ride.”

Namjoo raised a brow at the suggestion.

“Incheon,” he stated, “we’re going to Incheon. My parents will be with Hoon, so relax and just have fun. You’re with me anyway.”

“I didn’t say anything,” she shrugged and stuffed before making a face at him.

Namjoo could never be sure where her happiness was. When she had been with Sehun, had she been happy?

Luhan was currently singing a song beside her while they drove along the highway to Incheon and she glanced at him with a teasing smile.

Her happiness…where exactly did it lay? Did she have to search for it? Or would it come find her? Perhaps, would someone bring it to her?

Warmth blanketed her hand when Luhan reached over for it and threw a daringly handsome smile at her.

When she’d been with Sehun, had her world been so blindingly bright that she mistook everything as forever? Was it naivety because of her young age?

Her peace and happiness…where was it? Who was it with?

They boarded a small boat that cruised around half the city before turning back around to dock. Older couples along with their grandchildren were the other passengers with them. The awkwardness of being the only two younger adults who weren’t with children eased into Namjoo’s consciousness. She later forgot about it during lunch.

They turned when a kindergartner ran up to their table to stare at them, giggle, and run off. Frowning with confused gazes they turned back to their food, discreetly amused.

“Maybe it’s a good thing we didn’t bring Ki Hoon,” Luhan said with a slight laugh.

The corner of her lips rose up at the comment and turned when an older woman took to the seat in front of them.

“Goodness, it’s like a full house,” she commented with a happy smile and mixed the contents of her food. “Are you two married by the way? I saw you two walking around earlier. You two don’t have children?”

They glanced at her surprised by the sudden questions somewhat abashed and embarrassed.

“Ah…” Luhan managed a second later then glanced at her before turning back to the woman, “there’s one…” Luhan glanced at her again as if there were permission to give, “he’s with my parents back at home.”

“So you two are spending quality time alone?” The grandma smirked with mischievous laughter. “What a cute little family you have there.”

Namjoo only managed a smile quietly, but found herself standing on the second floor staring at the waves a while later. In actuality, she didn’t know the content of her feelings with what Luhan had told that woman or with what that woman had said. She wasn’t against it and she wasn’t quite with it either.

Maybe she was in a confused state. She was probably thinking too much.

“It’s getting cold,” Luhan commented when he walked over and glanced up, “looks like it’s going to storm.”

Raising her head she met with the gray misty clouds overhead and wondered if they were going to get back to land on time. If the waves grew stronger she might get seasick.

“Sorry,” he apologized.

Namjoo turned to look at him confused.

“I might’ve made you uncomfortable earlier,” he told. “Count it as a white lie.”

Namjoo smiled at his consideration and gripped onto the railing, “No, it’s ok. I would’ve lied too.”

A smile grew on his face and he stepped closer, “I don’t have to ask for permission to hold you, right?”

She laughed almost shyly, “Go ahead.”

Seconds later she felt him hug her from behind, leaning his face into her hair.

“Ki Hoon might have called you daddy if he were here. Seeing all these kids with their own families would have made him want the same.”

“He doesn’t need to lose out,” Luhan reminded. “He has me and my parents.”

And he would have had a real family if it hadn’t been all for her.

Still smiling she grabbed his arm and leaned against him; half of her wondering how much she would have had to endure for Sehun if his mother would have known about Ki Hoon.

It was almost hailing by the time they reached land. The waves were rocky behind them as everyone scurried toward the shelter of their cars. Traffic was overtaking the streets when they started toward the highway only to discover a semi had rolled over crashing into three other cars. Delayed and doomed for the rest of the night on the highway while listening to the weatherman on the radio to forecast a darkening night before them, Namjoo worried about how they’d get back.

Luhan’s phone rang seconds later. It was his mom calling to relay to them news about a storm back at home and for them to take it slow. Ki Hoon was currently asleep due to his fever and all was well.

“Should we turn around? We can find a place to stay for a bit then head back when the storm dies down,” Luhan suggested.

Namjoo weighed the options within her head before nodding. She didn’t want to spend the night on the road in a car either. Plus, she knew she could trust Ki Hoon with Luhan’s family.

They ended up with a room for the night and while they sat on the bed dried themselves off with a towel.

“Here,” Luhan reached over to help dry her hair. “Are you cold?”

She shook her head and reached up to grab his hand. “My hair’s dry, Luhan.”

Setting the towel aside he turned to look at her brightly and she found herself turning away from it. The smile wore off and he looked lost for a second.

“Sehun…came to see me this morning,” she told then looked at him for his reaction. “Just…I thought you should know.”

Turning soft with another smile he reached over to cup her face into his hand, “You don’t have to tell me everything. I trust you, Namjoo.”

Their eyes met and she saw such peace in them that she was unable to embrace for herself. Luhan had so much that she couldn’t have.

On impulse she shifted her head down to dodge his oncoming kiss only to feel imminently guilty after. She had no reason to avoid him, she believed there was no motive behind avoiding it, yet she still did. Luhan leaned back to give her space, but she grabbed his shoulder.

“Sorry, I…” she began before stopping, “can we try that again?”

Without repulsion his fingers touched her ear before he leaned in. As he neared Namjoo slowly closed her eyes to head toward the lips coming her way. As their lips slowly relapsed into each other she brought her hand up to his neck at first taking in the slow kisses, allowing the motion of her mind to become devoid of all other thoughts. She was positive she wouldn’t regret this and she wouldn’t know it until ‘later’ came.

When their kisses deepened his hand free hand touched her waist before touching the bed as she inclined back. Her mind gushed desire and the warmth of him drowned out the noise of the raindrops hitting the window. His body instinctively pressed into her with the kisses becoming more passionate by the second; soft moans coming through.

They were adults with decisions to be made. Namjoo knew him and she knew she could trust him instinctively. Luhan wouldn’t do her any wrong if she didn’t allow it. When his hand grasped onto her waist she again wondered what kind of happiness it was that she was seeking. Was love with it, hand in hand or would she have to look for that, too, elsewhere?

He released her upper lip allowing her a second to breathe as he peered down at her. All the affection and all he had to give laid in his sparkling eyes that spoke to her every truth of what a great person he was. Luhan was out of her league.

“Namjoo, will you marry me?”

***Huhu~ HunJoo faces ordeals of marriage. Namjoo's mistake here will piss Sehun off later huhu~ Things will get worse when Sehun's mother gets involved, which means HanJoo won't remain happy for long. 

***Aren't you guys glad this is going to be longer than Glass Slippers and The Wild Life? HA~