It is a snowy day, the kind of days I hated the most. It may seem odd that I hate the snow, but I have a reason for hating this kind of days. It was on this kind of day the most hurtful thing in my life happened.

-.-.-.-

05/28/10

“Jeong-ah!” I heard him shout from afar. I very much recognize that voice. It is the voice of the man I love. The man who I know would never return the kind of love I have for him. The man I’m trying to fall out of love with.

“Jong-hyun. Hey!” I greeted him with a smile.

“Where are you off to?” He asked as he was now in front of me, wearing a disguise.

“School.” I answered him simply.

“Ah, can I come with?”

“You can’t. People will recognize you and they might think we’re… you know… dating.” I told him. That’s right. Jong-hyun and I are not dating. We’re just best friends. We’ve know each other since forever.

“But I don’t have anything to do. It’s our day off.”

“Well then, you could go do what you should be doing on your day off- rest.”

“That would be boring.” I let out a small chuckle at his response.

“How ‘bout we just meet up after my classes?” I suggested.

“Okay then!” He grinned.

“The usual place?” I asked and he nodded.

“Ms. Shin, can you tell us the answer to the second question?” The teacher asked.

I nodded and said “512, 121, songsaengnim.”

“Wow, she’s great. She got that so fast.” I heard someone whisper.

“Good job, Jeong-ah. I can hear praises again.” Ji-soo, who was sitting beside me, said.

Ji-soo is the closest friend I have in this school. We were both taking accountancy and we have most of our classes together.

I just smiled at her.

Classes were over and I was heading out of the school building with Ji-soo.

“Have you seen Jonghyun’s new hair? It’s so H.O.T. hot!” Ji-soo exclaimed. As you might have guessed by now, Ji-soo is a super fan of Jonghyun. She even says that she loves him more than she loves me. She doesn’t know that I personally know Jonghyun though.

I stayed silent. Jonghyun? Omona! I forgot that I was to meet with him today.

“Soo-ah, I’m so sorry, but I have to cancel on today’s plans. I have other appointments.” I told her.

“That’s okay… There’s always a next time!” She smiled. I love how understanding she is.

“Thanks so much for understanding. I love you so much!”

“I love you, too. But not as much as I love Jonghyun.” She giggled.

I waved at her and started heading towards the gate.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!?” I whisper-yelled.

“I knew you would forget, so I came here.” He said.

“Don’t you realize you could get mobbed by fans if they caught you here?” I asked him.

He chuckled. “I know that. That is exactly the reason why I wore a disguise.”

“But I can easily recognize you..”

“YOU can recognize me. They can’t” He said, pointing to the girls that were just walking past him.

“Boy, are they stupid.” I murmured.

He chuckled, again. “They’re not stupid. You’re just freakishly smart.”

“Uh, thanks for the compliment?”

“So I see your little friend has a crush on me.” He smirked.

I sipped my frap and nodded.

“You jealous?” He asked.

My eyes almost bulged out of its sockets, but I quickly hid my epic reaction.

“Why would I be?”

“Uhm, maybe because she can say what she feels about me?” He leaned closer. A smirk was plastered on his face.

“You wish I felt that way about you.” I smirked back.

As you can see, I’m good at pretending. I would even consider acting if my accountant-lawyer profession doesn’t work out.

He let out a chuckle.

“So, how are the guys?” I changed the topic.

“They’re good. They miss you, you know. You changed numbers and they were dumb enough to not ask me the new one. Oh, and Key wants to go shopping with you again, if you’re free that is.”

“Just give me their numbers. I miss them too. Especially Onew. Tell Key we could go shopping tomorrow.” I told him.

“I’ll call him now.” He started dialing Key’s number, but stop half-way.

“What do you mean by ‘Especially Onew’ huh?” He asked as he looked at me skeptically. 

“Well, I mean it like it sounds.” I don’t exactly know how to explain it to him. You see, Onew’s the only one who knows I have feelings for Jonghyun. Shocking , right? I know you would think Key would be the one to know, but I told you, I’m great at pretending. Onew found out ‘coz he somehow read my diary.

“ Is something going on between you and hyung?” He asked me.

“No.”

He continued dialing Key’s number and put it on speaker.

“Yoboseyeo?” I heard someone answer the phone.

“What is it Jonghyun?” The voice asked.

“OPPA!” I shrieked.

“Jeong-jeong! I miss you.” He said.

I saw Jonghyun’s eyebrows furrow themselves.

“Me too, oppa.”

“Hyung, why do you have Key’s phone??” Jonghyun asked, sounding sort of pissed? I’m guessing.

“Jjong, are you sure you dialed Key’s number? Did you forget that we almost have the exact same number except for the last digit?” Onew asked.

“Just please pass the phone to Key.” Jonghyun sighed.

“Yoboseyeo?” Key’s voice was heard.

“Bummie! Want to go shopping with me?” I asked him.

“Omo! Fatty, It’s you! Finally! I’ve been waiting for you to call me to go shopping.” He said.

“Yah! I’m not fat. My face is just naturally chubby. That doesn’t make me fat. It makes me cute.”

I heard Jonghyun chuckle, probably because of my response.

“Just so you know, I can’t go shopping in Korea. Everybody notices The Almighty Key wherever he goes.”

“You know Bummie, talking in the third person is not actually cool.”

I heard him hmph from the other line.

“It IS so cool. Anyway, we could just fly to Tokyo tomorrow morning and come back in the afternoon or evening.” He told me.

“Sounds like a plan. Get tickets and call me tonight. Bye.” I hung up. Jonghyun took his phone and shoved it in his pocket. Then, he kept staring at me.

“What?” I raised a brow.

“Why are you like that?” He asked.

“Like what?”

“I’ve asked you to call me oppa since we were younger, but you never complied with my request, yet here you are calling Onew, someone you’ve met 5 years ago, oppa.”

“You know I have reasons.” I told him.

“Well, I do know you have reasons, but I don’t actually know the reason.”

When we were younger, the reason was because I found it weird to call someone who’s not your blood brother ‘oppa’, but now I don’t want to call him oppa because it might make me fall deeper in love with him.

“I just don’t feel like calling you ‘oppa’”

“And another thing, you usually forget about our plans, but you always have time for Key.”

“Are you jealous?” I smirked, but on the inside I wish it as true.

“Yes, I am- Jealous that my best friend is being taken from me by my band mates.” He said.

Oh Jonghyun, I wish you stopped at I am. Well, I guess that’s all I really am to him- A best friend.

“Jonghyun…” I started, but was cut off.

“That’s one more thing. You call me Jonghyun, while you call Onew ‘oppa’, Key ‘Bummie’, Minho ‘Hoho(pronounced as hoe hoe)’ and Taemin ‘Minnie’. Why is that?” He asked.

I paused momentarily, then smiled and said “That’s ‘coz I like your name, Jonghyun.”

I saw a faint blush creeping through his cheeks.

“Is my best friend blushing because I said I liked his name?” I teased.

06/05/10

“Oppa, Eottokke?” I asked through the phone.

“Did you tell him the truth?” he asked.

“What am I supposed to say? ‘Jonghyun, I love you and that’s the reason I’m close with Onew?’ You know I can’t say that.”

“Of course you can. Just tell him straight out. You wouldn’t want him finding out from anyone else now, would you?”

“I guess not. But, still oppa, I don’t want to be rejected. I know that he’ll never feel the same way about me.”

“You know I care so much about you and you know I would help you if I could, but you’re going to have to do this yourself.” He told me.

“Is he still mad?” I asked him.

“Yeah”

“I just can’t figure out why he’d get mad over something like that.”

 

After Key and I went shopping last week, he took me to their dorm. I had a talk with Onew oppa in their room while the others were outside

“It’s going to be okay.” He told me.

“I just want to get rid of this feeling oppa. I’m afraid of getting hurt.”

“If ever you do get hurt, you can always cry on my shoulder.”

“Thanks, oppa.” I hugged him.

“Guys, come out and have din--” Jonghyun went into the room and saw us hug.

“Hey, Jonghyun just got back. You want to talk to him?” He asked me.

“I guess… I guess it’s time to fix this mess.”

“Jonghyun, someone’s on the phone for you.” I heard Onew say.

“Who?” I heard Jonghyun ask.

“Just speak and you’ll find out.” I heard Onew say.

“Who is this??” Jonghyun asked.

I was silent for a while, but spoke as soon as he somewhat growled.

“It’s me.”

“What do you want?”

“I want us to talk. Please spare some time for your best friend.”

“Best friend? Yeah right. What kind of best friend wouldn’t tell her best friend that she has a relationship with his band member?!” He asked, obviously irked.

“Jonghyun, I told you. Onew and I don’t have that kind of relationship. We’re just friends.”

“Oh yeah? Prove it.”

“Well, if we were dating, don’t you think I would’ve called him every day even if you’re out of the country and don’t you think we would’ve gone on many dates by now and don’t you think I would’ve had a picture of him and me as my wallpaper?”

I heard him sigh. “I’m sorry. I was just pissed.”

“It’s okay. So, are we good now?”

“Yeah. “

“Good, can you please give the phone to Onew?”

“I thought you don’t have any special relationship? Why do you want me to give the phone to him?”

“Well, Sir Stupid, the phone you are talking into belongs to the great Lee Jinki.”

“Oh, right.”

“Do you feel better, now?” Onew asked as I heard a door close.

“Yeah. Thanks oppa.”

“You could’ve told him the truth already, you know.”

06/06/10

I heard a knock on my door. Ugh, why does it have to be this early? I glanced at my clock and it read 8:03 am.

It’s 8:03 am on a Sunday. Who in their right mind would come and wake me up this early?

“What!?” I shouted to the door.

“Agassi, someone is here to see you.” I heard a maid say from outside.

“Mmm.” Was all I said before diving `into the pillows again.

I felt the bed sink, but paid no attention to it. Instead, I hugged my body pillow tighter.

A hand was now removing hair strands from my face in a gentle, caring way.

I slowly opened my eyes and saw Jonghyun lying beside me, looking at my face.

“What are you doing here?” I asked him.

“You know, that’s one question I never get tired of answering.” He continued saying “I just came to hang out.”

“Well, bad timing. I don’t want to hang out. I just want to sleep.” I closed my eyes again.

“I’ll sleep with you then.” He said and grabbed the pillow I was hugging. That was when I realized than I was just wearing a body -hugging tank top that only reached my belly button and shorts that cover only ¼ of my thigh.

I slowly crept off my bed towards the bathroom to change, but stopped when he pulled me back down and hugged me.

“What are you doing?” I asked him as calmly as possible.

“Where are you going?” He asked totally ignoring my question.

“I was going to the bathroom to change.”

“Why?”

“Because what I’m wearing is too well… revealing”

“So?”

“What do you mean ‘so’?”

“So what if you’re wearing something too revealing? I’ve seen you wear swimsuits all the time, what’s there to hide? Besides, I’m your best friend. Don’t you trust me enough to think that I would do something to you?”

I just sighed and gave up. I grabbed another pillow and wrapped the blanket around me.

I was facing him and he was facing me; our faces more or less 5 inches apart.

“You know, Su-jeong, You’re really pretty up close.” He said. I could feel his breath on my face.

I just nodded slightly and closed my eyes, ready to go back to sleep.

07/21/10

“Saengil Chukkha Hamnida, umma”I said as I laid flowers in front of her grave.

“I miss you so much.” A tear slid down my cheek.

“She misses you too, Su-jeong.” I turned around to face Jonghyun.

“I ask this question again: What are you doing here?”

“I knew you’d be here. You always are every year.”

I nodded as I looked at her name carved on the stone beside her.

“I just wish I could fulfill all her last wishes.”

“Of course you can. You are already the top of your year and you might even be hired in one of Korea’s top businesses.”

“Mhmm…”

“You could even fulfill her wish of us getting married.”

My eyes widened, good thing I wasn’t facing him.

“Well, maybe not that wish, but I could at least fulfill 5/6 of her wishes. Achieve the top rank. Be an accountant, be a lawyer, be known all over the world, and be one of history’s greatest women.” I said slowly.

“Hey, there’s a party tonight. You wanna come with?” He asked.

“Are you kidding me? It’s the middle of the week and you’re asking me to go to a party. Neo Michyeosseo??”

“It’s not those clubbing type of parties. It’s a sophisticated one, like a dinner. A lot of celebrities are going to be there.”

“The more I don’t want to go.”

“Oh, c’mon Jeong-ah. I know how you love these kinds of things.”

That moment my phone rang.

“Yoboseyeo?”

“Jeong-jeong! Would you like to come to the artists’ gala with me? Maybe as my date?”

“Oh, sure oppa.”

“Okay. We’ll pick you up at 7ish.”

“Ne~ Annyeong!”

“Hmph! If Onew asks you, you wouldn’t even think about it, but when I ask you refuse.”

 

“I was going to say yes already, but then my phone rang. So, now I’m going to that gala as you requested and I’m going as Onew oppa’s date.”

“Date? You were supposed to be my date.”

“Since when??”

“Since I asked you to come.”

“You asked me if I wanted to come with, not to come with you.”

“Uh…”

I smirked.

“Agassi, a handsome young man is waiting for you in the living room.”

“Oh, Lola, you don’t have to describe him you know.” I told her as I opened the door.

She just quickly turned away.

 

“Wow, Jeong-Jeong is so pretty.”

“Thanks oppa.”

“Ka-ja!” He linked arms with me and we went to the car.

 

“Uhm, where am I supposed to sit?”

“You could just sit on Onew-hyung’s lap.” Minho said.

“WHAT!? Why his lap?” Jonghyun asked.

“Because he’s her date? Duh.” Minho responded.

“Is it okay,  oppa?” I asked Onew.

“Su-Jeong!!” A female voice was heard throughout the hall.

“AH! Se-kyung eonni! Oh my gosh! I haven’t seen you in so long. I can’t believe you’re here.”

“So, which one of these is the lucky guy?” she asked.

“That would be Onew hyung.” Tae-min answered, his answer sounding like a tease.

“You’re dating the leader?” she giggled.

I heard someone clear his throat.

“Aniyo. We’re not dating. We’re just close friends.” I told her.

We sat in one table with her on my right and Onew on my left as we continued talking.

“So, how do you know SHINee?” She asked.

“Jonghyun and I have been friends for a long time, so.. yeah.” I responded.

“May I ask how you know each other?” Key asked.

“We’re cousins, bummie” I told him.

“Hmmm.. that makes sense.  You’re both very pretty.” Minho stated. It made me blush.

 

“Jeong-jeong, wanna go dance?” Onew asked as soon as the music was played and a lot of people occupied the center of the hall.

“Sure, oppa” He took my hand and led me to the center.

A few minutes into dancing and I noticed Jonghyun was not in his seat anymore. When I looked back at Onew, I caught a glimpse of Jonghyun dancing with Se-kyung eonni. I sighed.

“Jeong-ah…” Onew oppa called out. I know he knew something otherwise he would not call me that.

“I know oppa.” I told him as I rested my head on his shoulder while still swaying.

“You should really tell him you know. “ He told me.

“I know.”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

8/4/10

I haven’t seen any of the guys since that gala. I’ve been to busy studying to even say ‘hi’ to my dad when he arrives home. I feel bad that I don’t get to do so, but I’m always asleep when he arrives and when I leave early in the morning, he’s still asleep.

 

“Agassi, it’s time for you to go to school. You’re running late.” Lola said, handing me my bag.

“Arasso.” I went off.

“AH! Su-jeong ah! Do you know what day it is?” Ji-soo asked as she sat next to me.

“It’s Wednesday?”

“I know that! Do you know that today is the day Jonghyun and I get married?” She said, day-dreaming.

Today is August 4^th.  Huh!? August 4^th? Today was the day Jonghyun and I first met. We usually celebrate it every year. I check for any messages from him greeting me.

“Huh, guess not…” I mutter.

“Did you say something?” Ji-soo asked.

I shook my head. Maybe I should just greet him first instead of waiting for him to greet me. No way! I do not do that! That would totally not be me.

I received a text message. I eagerly opened it thinking it was from Jonghyun.

Jeong-jeong, you should tell him your feelings.

It was a message from Onew oppa.

Why this text all of a sudden?

I replied to his message.

I just don’t want you to regret anything.

That was the last message I got.

 

After school, I bought cake and decided to go to their apartment.

“Jeong-jeong? What are you doing here?” Onew oppa asked.

“It’s August 4^th.” I told him and entered the apartment.

“Jeong-ah, I’m sorry, but Jonghyun’s not here right now.” He told me as I was walking to their kitchen.

“That’s okay oppa, I’ll wait for him. Where is he anyway?” I asked.

“On a date… with Se-kyung..” He said.

“Huh?” I turned around facing him to make sure I heard him correctly.

“They’re dating now, Jeong-ah…” He told me. The box of cake slipped out of my hands and fell on the ground. A tear slid down my cheek.

Days, weeks and months passed just like that. Every time I ask Jonghyun to hang out with me, he would decline.

It’s now my birthday. Everyone greeted me a happy birthday- All except one. Se-kyung eonni even came to visit me and greet me face to face. She was acting odd though. She kept holding on to her purse, but I didn’t bother asking her about it.

Every year my birthday is booked. In the morning, I went out with my friends and the evening was for SHINee.

This year differed from all the other years though. Jonghyun did not show up.

--

“Su-jeong ah, Happy Birthday again. I’m sorry we couldn’t take you home, but we have a schedule today.” Minho apologized.

“It’s okay. I can go home by myself.” I told them. “See this?”I showed them a buzzer and pressed the button after a few moments a car horn was heard.

“Woah, cool. How did he know were you are and how did he come here so fast?”Taemin asked amazed.

“This buzzer has a tracking device and I can’t tell you how he got here that quickly.”

I enjoyed the time with SHINee and I almost forgot that Jonghyun was not there.

As I was headed home, we paused on a stop light. I turned my head to the side and looked out the window. I saw a familiar figure in a café with another familiar figure.

It was Jonghyun and Sekyung.

The next thing that happened was what broke my heart into a million, trillion pieces.

Jonghyun kneeled on one knee and presented a ring in front of Sekyung. She nodded her head and they hugged each other. That was the last I saw since we already sped off.

11/7/10

“Guys, I have an important announcement to make.” Jonghyun said.

We were in their apartment.

“What is it, hyung?”Taemin asked.

“Se-kyung and I are engaged!” He happily said.

Onew, who was sitting beside me, squeezed my hand. I gave him an assuring smile that said ‘I’m okay’, which by the way is a total lie. I’m practically crushed on the inside even if a smile was plastered on my face.

“Congratulations, hyung.” Minho, Taemin and Key chorused.

“Yeah, Congratz.” I said.

“Tell Se-kyung eonni congratulations as well.” I told him.

“I don’t have to. You can tell her yourself.” He said as a click was heard. I turned around and there she was. The girl whom the man I love loves.

“Congratulations, eonni” I stood up and gave her a tight squeeze.

“Thanks Su-jeong-ah. I have a favor to ask you.”

“What is it?”

“Can you be my maid of honor?”

It was the day I dreaded. January 2^nd, their wedding day. We were at Busan.

“Eonni, you look so lovely.” I complimented her as she came out wearing her wedding gown. Oh, how I wish I could be her right now- standing there, looking beautiful, wearing a gown, and especially getting married to Jonghyun.

“I’ll go first, eonni.” I told her.

I left the room and went for a walk around the hotel. I stopped by Onew oppa’s room. I lightly knocked and twisted the doorknob.

“Oppa—“ I stopped. Standing there was the most handsome and perfect guy I ever laid eyes on. He was wearing a white tux with matching white shoes.

“Jeong-ah.” He called out.

I snapped out of my daze.

“Ne?”

“Come here.” He motioned me to come near him.

I obeyed and went closer to him, stopping right in front of him.

“You look lovely.” He told me. My stomach felt butterflies. I haven’t felt this in so long.

“Thank you. You don’t look too bad yourself. I can’t believe my best friend’s getting married today.” I told him as I slip into my pretence phase.

He lightly chuckled “Huh, yeah.”

I turned around to avoid any more awkwardness.

“You look dashing, oppa!”I told Onew.

“Thanks Jeong-jeong! You look very pretty as well. I might just court you.” He

“Huh, be careful with your words, oppa. I might end up falling for you.” We both laughed almost completely forgetting about Jonghyun until he cleared his throat.

“I’ll leave first you guys.”Onew said andwalked out.

This might as well be the last time I do this, so here goes.

I went near Jonghyun and hugged him tightly, “I wish you and eonni all the best. Take care of her and love her with all your heart, arajji?”

“Ara-yo.”

“I, Shin Sekyung take you to be my lawfully wedded husband. Before these witnesses I vow to love you and care for you as long as we both shall live. I take you, with all your faults and strengths, as I offer myself to you with all my faults and strengths. I will help you when you need help, and turn to you when I need help. I choose you as the person with whom I will spend my life.”

I finally reach my destination. I look at the 10 storey tall building. It was Se-kyung eonni’s before, but after she and Jonghyun married, she gave me the apartment. She and he went on a vacation to Milan. I trudge my way up. I don’t actually live here. This is just the place I go to when I want to be alone. I walk my way to the bedroom and sit on the bed. Everything is just how I left it 5 months ago when I went to Paris. I remember leaving my iPod here. I search the drawers for it. Suddenly, paper lands on the floor. Seems like a letter. I opened it curiously and started reading

 

Dear Shin Su-jeong

First of all, Happy Birthday!
 I know I’ve been avoiding you lately, but that’s because I want you to be happy. I want you to live your life the way you want to without mw interfering. I just want you to know something. Ever before your mom said that she wished for us to get married, I already had feelings for you. I guess that was the reason why I got mad when you and hyung hugged. That’s the reason why I’m jealous of the way you treat them. I guess we just aren’t meant to be together. But, I just want to know if you feel the same way about me. If you do, please meet me tomorrow at the cherry blossom park. If you don’t show up, then I will try to forget the feelings I have for you. Just to let you know, I will wait the whole day for you. You will always be special to me even if you don't accept my feelings. I miss you a lot...

Love, Jonghyun.

 

Why is this here? It’s addressed to me right? It must be a trick!I looked at the date. It was sent almost a year ago.

He loved me? How… I… URgh! Se-kyung eonni had this? But how? Tears started to fall.

I clutch the letter onto my chest and sobbed quietly.

“Jeong-jeong.” A voice was heard. Onew oppa!

I quickly wipe away my tears and plastered a smile. As I open the door, a smiling face was immediately met.

“Oppa!” I beam at him trying to sound as happy as I could. But I’m afraid that with him, that’s not possible. He could always see right through me.

“What’s wrong?” He asks.

I hand him the letter. His eyes widened as he finishes reading it. He immediately wraps his arms around me and rubs his hand on my back.

“I’m so sorry Jeong-ah,” he says.

“Ani, you’re not at fault. It’s mine for not listening to you.” I tell him as tears continuously runs down my cheek.

I sob uncontrollably on his chest, tightly gripping on his shirt with him comforting me.

 

 

 

REQUEST BY: SHERIDA

AUTHOR: ME!!

 

 

--------