The presents patiently waited to be wrapped up. They had to stay there a few weeks more though. One for dad, who kept being on a business trip. Was he even going to be here? One for mom, though she always forgot about christmas. And one for me, which I bought myself. My existence wasn’t that important anyway. The preparations were finished early, just as usual. I didn’t have anything else to do anyway. Dad wasn’t here just as every other day and mom was busy working. It was too cold playing soccer, so I had to stay home, which somehow annoyed me. Soccer was a way for me, to forget worries. Mom and dad didn’t have a too close relationship and would probably divorce someday. I didn’t even want to think about it. Indeed I wasn’t a lucky guy. Because of the Chinese heat, christmas wouldn’t be what it was supposed to be. It was school holiday, though I still wore my uniform; which I wore sleeping last night. School wasn’t that considerable to me, but was used to waste time. My hands looked around, trying to find a gold colored ribbon.

“Finally~” I whispered, as I had just finished wrapping the presents with a curled ribbon. Scissors, wrapping paper and masking tape were scattered on the table. I looked at them for some time, trying to find wrong things about the appearances of the presents. The wrapping paper wasn’t very good-looking, as it was bought in the market, down the street. Cheap, but better than nothing. At least mom was proud of me, though she didn’t care at all. She was busy, taking care of her own business and always told me how proud she was, but with a blank expression of course. I looked out of the window for a moment. Kids were playing with their father’s bike. It seemed fun, but of course I was too old rushing around like that. Dad told me to wake up already. To wake up and face the real world. He told me not to hang out with my friends, but begin working. Sooner or later we’d die of hunger, if I wouldn’t find a job. I still couldn’t see the big point of wasting time, working. He was a businessman. Didn’t that mean he earned a lot of money? Wouldn’t he be rich by now? I stood up, pulled the curtains together and went to the kitchen - where my allowance used to be. They were collected in a small, clean jaw. I weakly and slowly counted them, one by one. They were somehow covered in dust, but still beautifully shined. There weren’t a lot. I put the few coins back in the jaw, puffed the dust off and carefully placed it on the shelf again. I tiredly wiped my eyes while yawning. It was afternoon, though it felt like a lonely morning. Christmas was in a few weeks. Would mom be here? Would dad be here too? As I walked back to my room - getting through the other rooms - I noticed a letter laying on the floor. My back wouldn’t bent, but I patiently forced it to. I was always tired, breathing such a warm and uncomfortable oxygen. The letter was rather damaged, having a few holes in the edges. It had some doodles on, drawn with old markers. I looked at it for a long time, realising what it really was. An everlasting letter for mom and dad. A letter I made on christmas when I was five. But in the end, they never received it.

“Luhan!” I looked back and immediately saw mom. Without noticing it was already night. As she walked towards me, I hid the letter and unhappily shrugged. I didn’t want her to think about that time - even if she still remembered. My hands were sweaty, keeping the letter in my bare hands. She put her bag away and patted my shoulder - as she suddenly stood next to me.

“L-Luhan… Mama’s going to sleep at her friend’s house-” She stopped for a moment, looking into my innocent eyes. They barely shed tears, but I sorrowfully held it in. Her hands drifted down my cheeks as she uncomfortably continued.

“Take care~” Now her hands touched mine, I held the letter with only hand. And she gradually gave me a hug. I wasn’t ready though. Our height difference looked awkward, but that wasn’t the point. Why would she hug me if she was leaving anyway? Her warm hands didn’t feel as warm as usual - nor did her love. Dad wasn’t here to refuse her, telling her she shouldn’t go. That’s how a family bit by bit was drifting apart. I could already feel it. Her hands still touched mine, but without being aware of it, they weren’t there anymore. I looked around and saw her standing in front of the door.

“Mama!?” I believed I was shouting, but in reality - I was barely whispering. She painfully looked at me and then down at the floor. I was both unhappy and angry. I didn’t have the right to be mad at her though - she was my mom after all.

“A-Are you going to be back?” I stuttered, but that wasn’t what I really wanted to ask her. In reality, I wanted her to stay. To stay by my side, celebrating a sincere christmas. My weakness, which wouldn’t let me choose by myself, stood in the way. It prevented me from asking her. Out of breath she nodded and opened the door afterwards. I looked away, dried my eyes and took out the letter. A few tears was visible but I dried them all off at once. In a long time I still looked at the letter - which was from eighteen years ago. I uneasily forced myself reading it - just once. My memories seemed to be lost since that day. I had to read it just once!

Mama, baba! I love you~

Mama, baba, it’s already christmas! I-I love you. I made you couple bracelets… those you couldn’t afford, well~ they l