Reminiscing Songs

c : Ambizzbo / r : DairyCow

DC : i feel myself getting smarter xD i think i can really get better with these reviews , so come back and be amazed at my future improvement okay . excellent job ! ( oh, 69 ? look who you're destined with . /winkk/ )

title / 2.5/5

a decent title . it relates to the story, it's somewhat interesting , and .. that's basically it . i had a problem with it, though, obviously - it doesn't catch my interest . if i scroll down the fanfiction page and i'm looking for a good read , your title wouldn't have caught me ; that's because your title doesn't imply any plot . i'm going to go into this further when i come to the pace/plot/enjoyment section , but for now let's just say that "reminiscing songs" sounds more like an extremely nostalgic one-shot that will talk about music (it sorta is), which most fanfiction readers aren't in the mood for - they like action, romance, the works . if you don't really care for readers and you just wanted to write a reminiscent story, it's fine, but if you're looking for readers , this isn't it . i'd suggest something that grabs attention, like "Genie Time." (lmfao maybe , i'm not so good at titles myself) that's still related to your story , and it doesn't give away the fact that you'll be talking about music , which can be a pleasant surprise for your readers later .

appearance / 5/5

your background is great . the right color , the right elements (the stage? nice) , everything . your font was fine as well , i had no problem with it . i also like the fact that you didn't have your poster be the image for all 5 chapters , since most readers get it by that point and just want to get to the story . plus, the poster itself is pretty nice , and i won't go into detail about that - just, it's a little surprise with the red, it's a little comforting with black n' white, it's a little different with junsu at top and the other 4 separated from him . it's good ;)

foreword + description / 6/10

sorry, but i have an issue with your description T^T i love how you describe the songs at all , but you wring it out a little too long . a top-notch writer would make her point , flourish it a bit , and leave it like that to let her readers linger on it for a while . your description , on the other hand, slowly makes it's points one by one, flourishes it a LOT , and doesn't give any time for the reader to try to figure it out on their own . in fact , when i first looked at it i was overwhelmed by its length and was tempted to only read the first line . 

"Songs are the hidden passages to a part of someone's life. A song that means a lot to someone means that the song is familiar to the person. From the songs they like, you can get to know who they are. You don't even need verbal words to communicate. For someone who sings, the meaning is much more deeper. Not only do the singers help other people to express themselves, but it's a way of sending the messages they want to convey. The songs they sang hold precious memories to which only they have the access to."

instead of this , i suggest 

"Listen to someone's favorite song - that song understands who that person is. You don't need words. You don't need dialogue. All you need is the song that holds the key to a particular person."

haha, if you don't like it, sorry . i'm not a #1 author myself , but i think my example should be able to inspire you.

your foreword was perfect , really . it was gorgeous - if you can call a scene gorgeous - and i really felt what junsu felt . plus, the tension when junsu messed up his beat caught me , and then relieved me again when the fans picked it up . i had absolutely no issues with that . hmm, overall this part of the evaluation was okay c;

grammar / 9/10

plot / 10/20

HERE'S THE BIGGIE .

so here's what i'm going to do here , cause there is a LOT i want to say . first , i'm going to describe what perfect plot is , then i'll describe your plot , and lastly , i'll show you how to up your plot into top-notch . good ? 

GOOD WRITING : well , there are two parts to a story . one is "tension," and the other is "breathers." tension is the thing that captivates your readers , makes them lean forward , makes them hold their breath . it is the MEANING OF PLOT . it's the thing that makes your story interesting . breathers , on the other hand , are relievers from tension . if a story is tense the whole darn time , the reader will be exhausted , and there should be room for everything else in a story too . breathers are the jokes in the story , the description , the everything else . THE FLOURISH . a good writer uses both of these at times , and creates a great , tense AND breather - full story . 

YOUR WRITING : don't worry , i'm not going completely destroy your story . what your story is missing is tension . in fact , i truly lost interest after the second chapter - there really was no tension . what your story does have , however , is breathers . plenty . there's beautiful description , beautiful setting , and beautiful sayings . i loved it . don't get me wrong - your tension might be missing , but your breathers are gorgeous and complete . you have one half of the work done to being a #1 writer :D

WHAT YOU SHOULD DO : to create tension , do 5 things ; 1) CHANGE 2) SURPRISE 3) REVELATIONS 4) DIALOGUE 5) CLIFFHANGERS . they are all somewhat related , all somewhat different . 1) CHANGE - change in characters throughout the story is always great - people are always changing . again , you should incorporate some change in junsu . how does everything affect him ? how does he change after different events ? ( i get he's sad and stuff , but he should change in some kind of way . maybe talk less , smile less , smile more for the fakeness of it , something - no matter how little or big it is . ) change is a great way to keep the stakes high . 2) SURPRISE - you can have some element or surprise in there . in ch 2 when their separation is official , you can keep the call going on so that the members are unsure of what is going to happen , and then BAM ! it's over . it's pretty easy . 3) REVELATIONS - the readers don't immediately know everything about the characters . i think you unconsciously assumed we did , because you didn't explain the characters greatly , so it made everything much less tense for us . you can slowly let your readers dawn upon what kind of person your characters are like by giving them hints in one paragraph to make it both descriptive and concise ( if you want to say a girl's rich , you don't have to make it fun-free and say "she's rich" or "her mansion was made of white gold and lines with silver, the rugs were blah, and the chandelier aslkhkdjfh." moderacy is key , keep it in between .) that's the way to do it . also , revelations don't just have to be about characters , it can be about events . like surprise , but much slower . 4) DIALOGUE - i saw on some awesome website , "dialogue is not conversation . dialogue is the point of the conversation ." or something like that . anyways , don't make your characters' conversations all dialogue - that isn't true dialogue . you can summarize the rest of their conversation , and only use the actual interesting parts . 5) CLIFFHANGERS - you know what this is . how to use it effectively, however, is to pair it up with SURPRISE or REVELATION , and then bam , end the chapter . then , it makes your readers tense and itching for reliever to relive their tension . 

whew ! that was long ;; _ ;

overall enjoyment / 12.5/20

*applause* again , i couldn't fully enjoy it because it didn't pull me in quite enough , but i'm sure if you edit it a little or maybe take the advice i gave you , it'll be much better ! i love your writing style , by the way - it really is amazing .

TOTAL / 69/100