“The reason we are gathered here tonight is because, Siwon-oppa and I have a big announcement to make,” Tiffany began gaining the attention of the entire room. “I’m pregnant!” her infamous eye smile making its appearance at the announcement, the whole room exploding in cheers of congratulations, Siwon beaming like the proud father-to-be.

Despite trying hard to hide it, Sooyoung knew her smile was weak and didn’t even reach her eyes, the moment was bittersweet to say the least. On one hand, her friend was going to be a mother and she was genuinely and truly happy for Tiffany, but her own shortcomings prevented her from fully enjoying the moment. But she steeled against it not wanting to dim her friend’s happiness as she joined the other seven women in giving the red-head a congratulatory group hug.

“May I have my wife back,” Siwon inquired when the group broke the hug and buzzed on in excited chatter, knowing that once they began talking it would be midnight before he saw Tiffany again.

“Can’t you let the proud aunts celebrate for even a moment, oppa?” reprimanded Taeyeon. “If I knew you’d get this possessive, I wouldn’t have given my blessing.”

“Taengoo, are we really going to have…”

Sooyoung used their distraction to slip away unnoticed, feeling suffocated by it all and guilty for feeling something so ugly at such a happy moment. The pricking behind her eyes and clogging in getting uncontrollable with each step.

To most she had the ideal life and on most occasions she would agree, but it was times like these that reminded her how less than ideal her life truly was. Sure she achieved success at a young age with a job she enjoyed and was truly passionate about, drove a car she’d always dreamed of having, lived in a large house in the secure part of the city, had the love and support of a great man, family and group of friends and was relatively healthy, yet the one thing she wanted more than anything she couldn’t have…

The last thing she remembered seeing was blinding headlights coming toward her, then she woke up in a hospital room with Yunho clutching tightly onto her hand.

“Honey, are you okay?” he asked, worry etching his face as she assimilated herself with the present.

Pushing past the haze of pain and drowsiness, “it...hurts,” she spoke despite the irritable dryness of .

His eyebrows furrowed in concern, “I know,” kissing her temple tenderly. “I will go get the doctor, okay?”

According to the police report, the truck driver had been driving non-stop for over a day and had fallen asleep at the wheel, running a red light before plowing into her. She could remember the day clearly, because she’d just picked up the wedding invitations from the printers and had also sampled a ridiculously delicious tiramisu cake she hoped to convince Yunho into being their wedding cake. Her eyes had stolen a mere glance at the items, next thing she was waking up in a hospital bed.

“…so you’re saying that I can’t have children?” Sooyoung deduced from the doctor’s long winded diagnosis.

The doctor could see the woman struggling with the prognosis, but there was no easier way of saying it especially to one so young. “It will be extremely hard for you, I’m sorry.”

She had gone to three other doctors in hopes of a different opinion, but the diagnosis remained the same each time. It would be hard for her to get pregnant, and even if she did manage it, the chances she would carry it to term, even past the first trimester, would be slimmer. Her body just couldn’t sustain it.

“Sorry I’m late, I just got your message,” Yunho greeted, sliding into the booth across from her. His apologetic but bright smile making what she was about to do that much harder. “Have you ordered yet?” He asked perusing his menu.

She took in the features she’d come to adore in painful scrutiny –almond eyes that disappeared into half moons when he smiled or laughed, expressive brown eyes that were unable to hide what he was feeling, full bow-lips with that pretty beauty mark which conspicuously sat above his upper lip, the scars near his eye, on his cheek and near his hairline that added character to his face… “I think we should call off the wedding.”

“If you are not ready, we could–” he began to say, growing silent when she slid the engagement ring off her finger and placed it in front of him.

“I–I can’t marry you. I’m sorry,” unable to even look him in the face, as she said the words because one glance would make her resolve crumble. It was bad enough that a sob had lodged itself in making it hard to breath. Her tone had broken as well, despite all her efforts to control it and the tears welling in her eyes began to fall. “I’ll…I’ll leave first,” flying out of her seat and heading for the door, cowardly thankful that he had been too stunned to follow.

Just as the sob she’d been fighting to stop broke free to join the stream of tears rolling down her face, arms came from behind her to wrap around her waist holding her close, as he rested his chin on her shoulder. “Are you okay?"

“Mmm, yes,” there was no hiding the crack in her voice, it was too loud and he knew her too well not to notice.

Speed walking and running were never her strong suit, so she wasn’t surprised that she hadn’t gotten far when Yunho came after her.

“Wait,Soo,” he called out to her, prompting her to push even harder and ignore him, barely able to see where she was going through the tears.

The pounding of his feet heavy against concrete indicated he was rapidly approaching, “Please wait,” he implored her again, grabbing her arm to pull her to a stop.

Her lungs heaved for breath like she’d run for a mile, but it was really her battling to keep the tears and sobs at bay, “Oppa, please.”

“Not until you talk to me,” he stated, turning her to face him. “What’s wrong, Youngie?”

“We can’t get married,” she repeated, her eyes still fixated on the ground, not wanting him to see her tears. This wasn’t easy for her, letting go of someone she’d seen herself spending the rest of her life with, but it had to be done. “We don’t want the same things anymore,” not out of choice, but rather circumstance.

She was lying; she was far from being okay. It hurt knowing that she would never experience what her friend was going to experience. The joys and pains of pregnancy and birth wasn’t something she would ever go through.

“Come here,” he twisted her around in his arms, coaxing her to cry into the warmth of his chest, his hand smoothing her hair to comfort her. He’d long stopped telling her it would be okay at times like these, knowing it would do nothing to assure her. Instead he held her and let her cry, providing her the silent strength she needed.

He didn’t buy it, he knew her too well to fall for her front. “I don’t believe that,” his voice firm in surety, lifting her face to look at him, the pads of his thumbs wiping away the tracks of her tears. “Just tell me what’s wrong, please,” the pain in his eyes at her own pain hurting her more, his understanding nature shining through.

“I can’t–I can’t give you what you’ve always wanted anymore,” she answered, sniffing. “And I just–” her voice breaking because she was going to lose him as well, “ –I can’t hold you back from having it with someone else. It’s not fair to you.” He wanted a family, a large one if possible and she wouldn’t be able to give him even one child.

He sighed, cupping her face between his hands so she had no choice but to look at him. “Yah, Choi Sooyoung, you are the only one that can give me what I want –you’re what I want. Stop talking crazy, eh?” thumbs caressing her cheeks, resting his forehead on hers.

She relished the action for a moment, before catching herself. “You don’t understand,” she pulled away, not wanting him to change her mind. If one of them had to walk away it would have to be her because Yunho was too honorable to go back on his word now that she was practically barren. “You want a family, children –I can’t give you that anymore,” tears began streaming down her face again. She didn’t want to say it out loud, repeat something that she was still coming to terms with even then.

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, probably not understanding what she was saying when it wasn’t two weeks ago that they’d been debating on how many kids were ideal. “What are you saying?” One of the reasons she fallen in love with him was his love for all things children, and now her vague words were implying that she didn’t desire children, even though it was the only thing she could ever want.

“The accident...” she began her lips trembled and voice quivered, tears coming down faster. “I’m –I can’t have children anymore. I’m…I’m…” she couldn’t continue, because it hurt to say the cold reality out loud, even harder to watch the news donning on him and rendering him speechless. Using his shock at the revelation to her advantage, she got away –already inside the taxi when he recovered enough to try and stop her.

The moment Siwon had let him know about the night’s big announcement, having arrived late, his first instinct was to find her in the crowd. She was nowhere to be seen, meaning she’d escaped to deal with her sorrow on her own. It didn’t help that none of their friends knew about her being barren, having chosen to keep it between the two of them until they were ready to tell them. He couldn’t blame them for insensitivity because they weren’t aware they were being insensitive.

It wasn’t hard to find her since she was a creature of habit, always finding the roof the most comforting when she was hurting and needed to be alone. Her silent sob heartbreaking, because even if he tried he would never be able to understand. Especially, when it wasn’t three months ago that she’d gotten her hopes up after testing positive for pregnancy only to lose it hours later through a spontaneous abortion. She’d been inconsolable, and now she had to deal with the bittersweet news of a friend receiving the joy of a child when she would never experience the same.

He’d learnt long ago that whispered words of comfort never helped her, so he just held her close letting her soak his shirt with her tears, only comfort provided was him smoothing her hair and tightening his arm around her.

“O-oppa, hello,” Soojin greeted him awkwardly, probably confused by his presence. “I didn’t know you were coming.” Being Sooyoung’s best friend as well as older sister, he supposed his fiancée had already told her about their break-up. She hadn’t been taking his phone calls or replying to his messages, her determined stubbornness strong in its belief that she was doing him a favor.

Despite his desperation to see her dongsaeng, Yunho didn’t forget his manners. “Hello, Soojin-ah, is she here?” He already knew the answer, since her car was parked in the driveway, but storming in wouldn’t help anything.

After a short struggle on whether to lie or tell him the truth, Soojin opened the door wider to allow him admittance. “She’s in her room, you know where it is right?” he gave her a nod of confirmation. “I’ll bring up some drinks in a while, I’ll leave first.”

His eagerness made him take two steps at a time, making short work of the two story staircase. He knew the Choi household like the back of his hand and found Sooyoung’s room easily. With only a knock on the door as warning he pushed open the door to find her at her desk hard at work, not even glancing up when the door clicked shut. “You’re not answering my calls or replying to my messages,” finally catching her attention as she froze mid script, still not daring to look at him. She wasn’t a good liar and he could always tell when she tried or force her to confess with just a look in her eyes.

“There’s nothing left to say,” her tone trying hard to sound nonchalant, even if he could hear slight panic in her voice. He knew her too well for her to lie to him and she knew it too.

Taking a seat on her bed, “So, what? You’ve made the assumption that I would chose to leave you before even giving me the benefit of doubt or hearing me out,” he asked her frankly, slightly hurt that she would think him so fickle.

“I’m doing this for you, because you won’t do it for yourself,” she defended hotly, finally looking up at him. “You want children, you want a large family and I can’t give you that even though I want to, Yun. You deserve to have that, and I can’t be selfishly holding onto you, letting you give up on that because you are too honor bound to let me go,” always the stubborn martyr, just like him.

He let her talk, listened to her reasoning for ending things with him, patient to counter whatever she said. “Do you think my love for you is based on being honorable? Do you honestly think the reason I proposed to you was because I wanted you pumping out babies?” he could see her taking in a shaky breath, trying not to cry. “Soo, I want to marry you because you complement me. Even when we fight and I’m angry at you, I still love you, want to see you and be with you, I can see a future with you that I have never seen with anyone else and I also love you like crazy.” She was it for him. His best friend, his partner, his equal and his love there was no way he was letting her go.

“But that was before –” she argued, breaking off abruptly as she fought not to cry and it took everything not to cross the room and hold her. “You want a family –”

“–with you,” he cut her off. “That family you want to leave me for is the family I want with you, nothing has changed. I still want you, I still want us, I still want to marry you and share my life with you.” He spelled out, finally moving to her and taking her hands as he crouched in front of her.

“What about children? Will you just give up on that,” she challenged, knowing she was just scared of rejection. “I just don’t want you to feel obligated to me, and then resent me later on. I wouldn’t be able to stand it.”

“I thought you couldn’t make it,” Sooyoung asked against his neck, happy that he was there. He could always make everything okay by just holding her. Her arms wrapped themselves around his waist relishing his warmth.

He sighed, “I managed to get a flight last minute, and since you weren’t home, I thought I’d come here and join you guys.” It was mundane and avoiding the topic, but he knew from experience that she had to be the one to bring it up first, for them to have a conversation about it.

“I don’t know why I’m being overly sensitive about it still, it’s been 2 years already,” pulling away to look at him as she said it.

“No one expects you to just deal, Soo,” Yunho assured her cupping her jaw gently, looking her straight in the eye. “It was a life altering experience, you are allowed to come to terms with it at your own time. Just know I am here and I’m not going anywhere.”

Her hand holding his against her cheek, she found comfort in feeling the silver wedding band on his finger that matched hers.

“I could never resent you,” more sure of those words than anything else, “There many children out there looking for parents to raise them, and it seems like we are fated to be those parents,” he informed her. “There are many options for us to have that family together, but you have to want it as much as I do.” It may not be the time to bring up adoption, but he didn’t want her giving up on the dream of being a mother, or the fact that they could have a family.

“I just –”

“I’m not giving up on you or letting you go, no matter how much you want to push me away because you believe it’s for my own good,” he promised, taking out the ring she’d returned to him and slipping it back on her finger where it belonged. “Sweetie, nothing’s changed, so please don’t walk away from me.”

“When you’re ready, I’ll be ready,” he told her. He’d already research on all options available to them, and was just waiting on her to come to terms with everything before he brought it up. Giving her the world was something he would do if he could, but he couldn’t reverse her infertility and it hurt him not being able to fix it for her. But he definitely wanted to reassure her of the possibility of being a mother despite it. When he told her those words all those years back, he’d meant it.

“Soo, you’re not broken, never think that,” Yunho whispered in her ear as they drifted off to sleep. “You’ll be a mother, not by blood but by love, because I know for a fact you have a lot of love to give and our child will be out there waiting for you when you are ready.”

“I just need a little more time,” While the ability to have children was taken from her, she still had her husband –a man whose love remained resilient despite what she lacked.

--~*+*~-:-The End-:-~*+*~--

Author’s Note: It seems that I have a thing for angst when it comes to one-shots, again heavy on the angst, but a slightly sweet ending(?) As you can see the one-shot deals with a very sensitive issue that unfortunately affects many women, I hope I didn’t handle it too lightly.

Inspiration: The song For the Girl Who Has Everything by N*SYNC. While the song talks about a girl who has everything but love, I wanted to do something more profound than that, having everything even love, but being unable to have a child. However having a silver lining in that, there is always an option for her despite what she lacked.

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