Because I Love You
Because I Love You
It was late, probably near midnight, way past sleep time.
The dorms staff member, Tiffany Hwang, who was in charge that night has already finished her final round to make sure everybody was back in their rooms getting ready to sleep, and the entire dorm building went quiet.
Byun Baekhyun however, was far from falling asleep. His head was throbbing and he felt his stomach flipping from inside, followed by the annoying, dull feeling of nausea. His mouth was dry, his eyes burnt and all he really wanted was to fall asleep and wake up better so he clung desperately to his blanket, having hard time to figure out if he's actually cold or hot.
A silent pained moan escaped his lips before he could stop himself when he felt his insides flipping again and put his hand to his mouth, he definitely did not want to wake up his roommate, Park Chanyeol.
Chanyeol definitely did not need to see him that sick, unattractive and gross, that was definitely not part of a plan to a way to somebody's heart – Not that Baekhyun was trying to get into Chanyeol's or anything if you ask him.
A bad spasm broke his trail of thoughts and his eyes widened with realization a second later, body moving out of bed and rushing to the bathroom by default.
He hated throwing up. He hated it so much.
"Baek-Baekhyun?" A sleepy, low voice asked from the other side of the room.
Baekhyun couldn't even reply as his body seemed to think it should get rid of everything he has had for breakfast, lunch and dinner, all he could do was cough some more and kneel down, grabbing the wall for support.
"Baekhyun, are you sick?" The voice was way too close now, and Baekhyun nearly jumped at the touch on his shoulder few moments later.
"W-water—" He managed to mutter before leaning over again.
Chanyeol squeezed his shoulder a little before hurrying to get Baekhyun's cup and filled it with water, kneeling next to his best friend.
"Here, don't drink at first, just wash it, and then take small sips…" The younger boy brought the cup closer to Baekhyun's lips, and didn't quite leave it even when the latter's shaking hand was already on it.
Chanyeol was his back soothingly, looking at his best friend's face, worried.
"You should have woken me up if you weren't feeling well…" He said softly, Baekhyun's face was pale, too pale, and he was shivering, taking deep shaky breathes.
"Any better now? Do you want me to call somebody?" The taller boy asked, helping his roommate back to his bed, but Baekhyun shook his head,
"I'm fine, tomorrow is Saturday… I'll just sleep it off…" He murmured as Chanyeol tucked him under the blanket, and he felt like a child even though he was actually the one older between the two of them.
"Alright, just try falling asleep now, okay?" Chanyeol grabbed Baekhyun's chair from his study desk and placed it next to the latter's bed.
"Chanyeol… you… you don't have to stay here—just sleep and I'll—"
"I didn't say I have to, I want to. So just relax and try sleeping before I call somebody to get you to the emergency room." Chanyeol knew Baekhyun wouldn't like that, and he hoped it wasn't all bad enough for that anyways, but he had to say something to get Baekhyun to rest, so he did – and it worked.
After a long minute or two, just sitting there in silence, only their breaths audible, Baekhyun spoke up again,
"Chanyeol… I, Thanks." His eyes looked up at the younger male from under the covers and Chanyeol just smiled softly, "That's what friends are for, right? Now sleep." And his hand made its way to Baekhyun's forehead to swap away few strain hairs.
He was a little feverish, but he seemed to be relaxing and Chanyeol didn't want to disturb him anymore, so he just brushed the hair off his face and got a clean towel a little dump to at least whip the sweat from Baekhyun's forehead.
When Baekhyun woke up, after what seemed like two hours later, and his watched confirmed it was indeed merely 2 hours, his best friend was still sitting on the chair next to his bed, head thrown back, mouth hanging a little open and a towel hanging loosely in his hand.
He felt a little bad, making Chanyeol sleep on the chair like this, even if he tried talking him out of it, it was for him after all. Though he didn't have much time to think about it because his stomach flipped again and he jumped off bed, back to the bathroom.
"Baek?" Chanyeol rubbed his eyes, still blurry from sleeping, he noticed Baekhyun's bed was empty again and jumped off his chair to check the bathroom.
"Are you sure I don't need to call anyone?"
Baekhyun shook his head furiously, he felt the sweat rolling down his neck and Chanyeol's hand on his shoulder again, rubbing it, and calming him down.
He didn't even have anything left in him, he just wanted to rest, to sleep…
Chanyeol made him take a sip of water and reminded him to breath, so once he calmed down, he did the only thing his brain registered to do.
He turned around and fell into Chanyeol's arms and the last thing he remembered from that night was Chanyeol's warm chest against his cheek when Chanyeol collected him in his arms and took him back to his bed.
He didn't see worried Chanyeol biting his lips, deciding if he should really call somebody up, even though Baekhyun asked him not to.
He didn't feel Chanyeol's lips on his forehead checking how bad his fever was, and it turned out he was burning even more than earlier.
He didn't hear Chanyeol dialing up Tiffany's number, and whispering to her how sorry he is for calling at this hour, but Baekhyun's condition seems to get worse and he thinks he needs help.
He didn't see Tiffany entering their room, worried and thanking Chanyeol for calling her up.
What he did see, was Chanyeol's smile, Chanyeol's hand holding his, joking around, Chanyeol playing that one song they both loved so much on his guitar and Baekhyun himself joining him singing.
He saw Chanyeol, so close that he could count his eyelashes, and he was about to lean in when—
"Baekhyunnie…" It was Chanyeol, the real world's Chanyeol. The Chanyeol who was his best friend, his roommate, whom he kept up worrying for him last night, and who was definitely not his lover nor was going to kiss him.
He was close enough for Baekhyun's eyes to puzzle as they opened, and his hand was on the older boy's cheek.
"You can go back to sleep in a moment," Chanyeol promised, and Baekhyun hardly had time to register anything before his best friend's arms went around him and raised him up from his bed, with the blanket, he was going to protest but he couldn't find his voice nor the power to do anything more than let his head rest on the taller boy's shoulder.
"Can I come with you?" Chanyeol asked somebody in the background, and he could hardly hear Tiffany whispering, "Tomorrow is Saturday, right? Yeah, you can come with us, not like I can carry him out anyways, neither can he himself."
And Baekhyun felt Chanyeol's grip on him tightening. It was warm, so warm…
After what seemed like hours later, he woke up again, opening his eyes slowly, it was still dark, but it wasn't their room anymore.
White ceiling, no posters on the walls…and an alarming pain in his arm made him look down just to see he was connected to an IV. Hospital?
He looked to his right, and sitting next to the IV stand, there was Chanyeol, wide awake, as if he was waiting for him to wake up.
"How are you feeling?" Chanyeol asked softly,
"I…better… I think?" Baekhyun stuttered, his voice breathy and throat dry and raw.
"You passed out and were burning so I called Tiffany, she was in charge and… well, we decided it was the best to take you here…" The younger male explained, gently reaching to touch Baekhyun's forehead.
"Your fever seems to be down now though," He smiled a little and Baekhyun blushed, feeling his heart pounding against his chest, he was feeling sick again, that though it was different, and he was pretty sure it was just the Chanyeol-effect doing that to him now.
Chanyeol's fingers were cool against his forehead and he didn't want them to ever go away, so he closed his eyes.
"Hey… if you want I could go now…" Chanyeol said, mistaking his actions as wanting to be alone.
"What? No, wait—I… don't go…" Baekhyun opened his eyes at once, looking up desperately, he hated hospitals, he hated being sick, and he hated being seen sick.
But what he hated the most, was being sick, in a hospital, all alone, at night.
That and hearing the worry in Chanyeol's voice, so he did all his brain was active enough to do, and caught Chanyeol's hand, "Stay…"
This time, before fell asleep, he thought he felt Chanyeol's face close to his, warm breath on his cheek, and a peck, followed by a soft whisper, "Sleep well, Baekhyun."
And he did. Maybe he imagined the peck, maybe it was just part of his dream or fever, but it definitely made him sleep well.
The next time he woke up it was morning, the room was too white and his eyes burnt at first, it took him few blinks to get them to open properly.
And he felt something warm on his hand, and frowned, just to realize his fingers were intertwined with somebody else's… Did they fall asleep holding hands?
Only the thought sent shivers to his spine and he blushed as he turned his head to the side, to see Chanyeol's chair closer than it had been before, the younger boy leaning backwards, lips gaping a little, eyes closed, relaxed, and hand still reaching and firmly holding Baekhyun's.
Baekhyun took few deep breathes.
Chanyeol was just being the amazing best friend he is, right?
Chanyeol was taking care of him because he cared, because they were best friends, right?
He held his hands, because he was worried. Because he cared.
It's not like they have never done it before anyways, as a joke. It didn't mean Baekhyun's heart didn't jump to the sky every time they did.
It didn't mean Baekhyun could get his hopes high.
It didn't mean anything, but the facts he already knew – Chanyeol was his best friend, he cared for him, just like Baekhyun cared.
He repeated in his head, trying to make sense of it.
Maybe not just like Baekhyun cared, because Baekhyun might have cared a little too much, a little over the 'best friend' category. Just a little beyond the limit, but he knew it was not for Chanyeol to know, so he kept it in and disguised as well as he could.
But how could he be strong and not just melt down like this, with Chanyeol holding his hand and staying by his side all night long, now that he's sick?
He wondered if he could get his hand out of Chanyeol's, however it would be impossible to do without waking the other up, though he didn't have to wonder for too long, as Chanyeol blinked his eyes open and smiled a sleepy smile upon seeing the other awake.
"Morning…" He murmured, his morning voice almost impossibly low, making Baekhyun's heart beat faster just by the sound of it.
"G-Good morning," The latter replied quietly,
"How are you feeling?"
"Much better… Thanks." Baekhyun smiled a little, cheeks glowing pink.
"That's good… the nurse should be here soon, I told Tiffany since I stayed the night she can come back in the morning, I… I didn't let her call your parents either," Chanyeol added, looking out from the window before looking back to his friend.
"I said we should wait to see if you wake up better in the morning. They did give you strong medicine after all."
"Thanks. I… Thank you. Really…"
Chanyeol laughed, that free, low pitched, refreshing laughter of his that made Baekhyun's knees go weak even if he was healthy, and he wasn't sure, had he been standing now, that he collapse and melt into a big gooey puddle of Baekhyun.
It wasn't until then, that Baekhyun realized Chanyeol's hand left his, and the loss of warmth was like a pang in his heart.
The nurse did came in not too long later, checking his fever, asking few questions, changing the infusion pack and telling him she would be back in a hour or so to take it off him and make sure everything is alright, then they can discharge him with some pills just in case.
That's how few hours later, Tiffany drove them back to dorms, after making sure she has Baekhyun's pills, and that he was really cleared to go back.
They have been told to let him rest for at least three days, and even though she asked him if he wanted to go home, Baekhyun shook his head and politely asked her to stay in dorms for now.
She nodded without further questions and Baekhyun felt Chanyeol's hand on his waist, it made him jump a little, but also made him feel warm and safe.
His parents were busy enough without him being around sick, he'd have to worry his mother even more, and his hyung would end up taking care of him and worrying a lot, and he didn't like being the cause of worry to everyone.
It was after all, one of the reasons he went to a boarding school.
Chanyeol helped him out of the car as he was still weak and standing up made him a little dizzy, and they both thanked Tiffany and told her they'd be alright getting back to their room. Chanyeol promised her he'd take care of the other, jokingly saying that nobody in the world would nurse baby-Baekhyun better than him.
And aside of the 'baby-Baekhyun' comment, deep inside, Baekhyun thought it might actually be true, however he kept that part to himself.
"Baekhyun hyung! Chanyeol hyung!" It was their friend Kyungsoo, followed by his boyfriend, Jongin, who came from Kyungsoo's room, across the hall.
"Morning!" Chanyeol smiled, tightening his hold on Baekhyun's waist a little more than necessary.
"Is everything okay?" Kyungsoo asked, frowning but both Baekhyun and Chanyeol smiled and nodded, wishing them a good day and disappearing into their own room. Knowing Kyungsoo would keep asking questions and worrying around if it wasn't for Jongin who wrapped his arms around the older boy's waist and whispered something into his ear.
"If there is something scary about Kyungsoo, besides him being, you know, Kyungsoo, it's him knowing everything before you tell him. I swear he and Joonmyeon have some 'troubles' and 'problems' radar they use on us." Chanyeol joked as he let Baekhyun sit on his bed.
"I think that has something to do with them being Kyungsoo and Joonmyeon." Baekhyun laughed.
"Are you feeling okay now?" Chanyeol asked, still worried, examining Baekhyun's face, that weren't quite as pale as before, and there was blush creeping to his cheeks.
"Hey, I… I have a weird question…" Baekhyun looked at his best friend for a moment,
"What is it?"
It was now or never. And as good as 'never' sounded, he was dying to know, he blamed it on the illness that made him weak and fogged his mind.
"Did… why did you stay with me all night like that?" He asked, fighting the furious blush that was about to cover his entire face and ears.
Chanyeol laughed, "Well, you're my best friend, Baek. That's what we do right? Save each other's from time to time?"
However when Baekhyun stayed silent for more than few moments, Chanyeol kneeled in front of him.
"Because I care for you, Byun Baekhyun." He placed his hands on Baekhyun's,
"I know you would do the same for me." He added.
"Is that… why you kissed my cheek…and held my hand all night long?" He shouldn't have said that. He didn't mean it to come out. His face felt warm and his heart was beating as if he'd been running, threatening to explode out of his chest.
"I'm sorry, forget it." He turned away. Why couldn't he keep his mouth shut? Why couldn't he keep his curiosity shut?
Chanyeol however didn’t earn his 'best friend' title for nothing, they had known each other since they were 4 and their bond only tightened over the years.
Even if Baekhyun was scared, scared of losing him, scared of being rejected, deep inside, he knew he could never really loose Chanyeol.
And he also knew Chanyeol wouldn't let him off this easily.
"No, Baek… I…you're right. I do owe you an explanation for that, I'm sorry." Chanyeol smiled sadly, getting up just to sit next to Baekhyun on the latter's bed.
"I did do it because I care for you, but I also did it… because I needed to feel you were okay, I wanted to make the pain go away so much… and I didn't know how… so I just acted… I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry. I… Baekhyun," The taller boy bit his lower lip, eyes boring into his friend's confused ones.
"W-what?" Baekhyun stuttered.
"I do care for you. But not just because we're best friends and that's what we do…" There were only mere inches separating between them.
Baekhyun could feel Chanyeol's warm breath on his cheek, on his nose, he could smell the almost non-existent scent of the soap and shampoo the other showered with before bed last night.
His eyes closed as if his body was moving by it's own, and Chanyeol's lips captured his, chaste, soft, gentle, one hand warm on his cheek.
It only lasted few seconds before he broke away, and it was the first time Baekhyun saw uncertainty in Chanyeol's eyes, worry, yes. But uncertainty and maybe even fear and his own heart was beating faster than he knew was possible.
"Chanyeol… you…"
"I'm sorry, I—forget it, okay? I won't bother you—" but Baekhyun cut him off, pressing their lips together once more, taking Chanyeol by surprise.
"I thought… I'd never feel this…" Baekhyun whispered as they parted again, "I was going to keep you as my best friend forever, I thought, that what was the safest… I thought you only dated girls."
"You thought way too much," Chanyeol half whispered into Baekhyun's lips because he couldn't keep himself away anymore, screw it even if Baekhyun was contagious or anything, he's been waiting for way too long.
"Apparently you did too." Baekhyun smiled into the kiss, a tear rolled down his cheek, and he didn’t know if it was a tear of joy, or excitement, or over emotion, or all together, but Chanyeol's thumb was there to whip it, everything was okay.
"I love you." He whispered between kisses,
"I love you too." Chanyeol smiled as they parted, not daring to get far from each other, as if there was something invisible keeping them almost glued. "Always have."
So maybe it wasn’t only Baekhyun who thought he cared a little too much, maybe it wasn't just Baekhyun who cared so much that he thought he was weird, maybe it wasn't just Baekhyun falling in love with the boy he had known almost as well as he'd known himself.
And maybe a trip to the hospital in the middle of the night and being sick, wasn't so scary anymore.
As long as they had each other, both as friends and, now as lovers, he thought to himself as Chanyeol dragged him to lay down, cuddling closer, noses bumping and making them giggle, he'd be okay. They'd be okay.
He couldn't help but smile into the kiss and wrap his arms around Chanyeol's neck and it was the safest spot in the entire world, where not even the germs and the worst illness could get him.
Of course, later that night, Chanyeol was bound to get all feverish and nauseous, but then they cuddled each other to sleep on Baekhyun's bed, and as long as they were together, it was alright.
Has always been.
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