It was just another past-life love, people said. But that wasn't quite right.

 

Jonghyun had always been drawn to his manager, ever since the very first day he'd walked into the little coffee shop in search of a job. He had liked the place already, liked the warm brown armchairs that looked like they'd swallow you up as soon as you sat down, liked the small crackling fire set into the wall behind a raised stone hearth wall, he liked the way the lights were arranged to cast an alluring light over the bustling baristas and to fade back into the dim corners... but then Kibum had backed out of the swinging doors with an armload of syrup bottles, and Jonghyun knew there was nowhere else on earth he could ever bring himself to be.

 

His parents had told him from a young age to expect his past memories to start coming back, and they had, in little bits and pieces, in dreams and flashes of waking recognition. This was the first time he ever remembered his past love. It wasn't all that uncommon to run into people from a past life and to recognize them, but for affections this strong to carry over was more than a little rare, otherwise how could people move on with a new life? Jonghyun knew that it was unusual to feel this inexorable pull towards someone he'd known and cared for, a holdover from a previous existence, but he thought there was something wonderful about knowing at a glance who he'd be happy to spend the rest of this life with. It would have been perfect except for one thing.

 

Kibum hated him.

 

It wasn't even a casual dislike or annoyance. Jonghyun hadn't even said anything to him yet. They had simply been introduced on Jonghyun's first day at work there, and Kibum's hackles were already raised, glaring daggers at Jonghyun's outstretched hand.

 

"I hate you," Kibum had snarled before stalking away, leaving Jonghyun dumbfounded and distraught. This wasn't how this was supposed to go.

 

"Keep him out of my way," Kibum had told Minho that day, while Jonghyun listened anxiously from around the corner. "It's bad enough he's in the building at all."

 

Jonghyun went through his first week walking on eggshells in the hopes that Kibum would warm up to him. Minho seemed just as confused as Jonghyun was about the whole thing. Apparently Kibum could be abrasive at times, but this was unusual even for him, leaving both Jonghyun and Minho at a loss as to what to do. As time went on, he dreamed and daydreamed in little snatches, memories bubbling to the surface until he felt like a whistling kettle. Everything he remembered made him fall deeper and deeper back into love, but as he pulled closer and closer to Kibum, Kibum pulled back further and further away, seeming to only dislike him more with each passing day. Jonghyun couldn't quit. He knew that even if he found work elsewhere, he'd come in every day to sit there in the hopes of seeing even a glaring Kibum--the draw between them was just that strong. Jonghyun didn't know how Kibum could not feel it as well, so he eventually confronted him.

 

"Why do you hate me so much?" he demanded, after cornering Kibum in the storeroom when he went to empty the used grounds. "Why do you hate being around me so much?"

 

Kibum shrugged coldly. "I don't like vermin in my shop."

 

That stung. Jonghyun struggled to understand what seemed like sheer pointless, unwarranted loathing. Seeing Kibum face-to-face, hearing his voice made the invisible thread between them thrum painfully.

 

"Why would you hire me if you're just going to hate me? I haven't done anything to you!"

 

"Haven't done anything?" Kibum's voice was vicious, though he was obviously trying to keep it down. "That's rich. I let you work here because you're competent for the job. It doesn't mean I have to like you, or rate you higher than the dog I stepped in this morning."

 

He shoved past Jonghyun, headed back out into the shop with his now-empty coffee pot, but Jonghyun grabbed his arm.

 

"We were together!" Jonghyun said desperately. "In our last life! I've remembered and I know you loved me. Maybe you don't remember, but you will... you have to."

 

Kibum shook off his hand sharply.

 

"I remember," he said.

 

"Then why?" pleaded Jonghyun. "What happened?"

 

"What happened?" Kibum paused at the door. He laughed bitterly, without even sparing a glance backwards as he walked through the doors. "You left."

 

Jonghyun knew as soon as he said it that it was true.

 

 

"Why would you leave though?" Taemin asked. "I mean, if you loved him, like you think."

 

"I know I did. Do." Jonghyun poked morosely at his steak. The dreams had come more frequently over the past week, the dam cracked by Kibum's words. Memories of Kibum's smile, the warmth of his hands and his laughter, of the softness of his hair were now scattered between memories of Kibum crying, of his voice breaking, of knocking on the door left unanswered. Jonghyun hadn't spoken to Kibum since that day. He had withdrawn almost completely, until finally his friends dragged him out tonight to figure out this sudden change. All three of them now sat across the table from him with concerned looks. Minho was now included amongst his friends, his coworker having become his sole confidant and support during long days at the coffee shop. "I was young. Young and stupid."

 

"How young?" asked Amber dubiously.

 

"Not young enough to make it okay," Jonghyun said with a particularly violent stab at the meat on his plate. "I thought I was bored. I thought I wanted a change. I thought a lot of things that didn't matter, and I ended up regretting everything. I ed it up, is what it comes down to. I royally ed up, and now I have to figure out what I can do to make it up to him before-"

 

"Before he goes out and finds someone else?" Minho suggested, eyes fixed on some point behind Jonghyun's head.

 

Jonghyun lay down his knife with a sinking feeling in his stomach. "You didn't just pull that idea out of your , did you?" he asked.

 

Minho shook his head. It was with some dread that Jonghyun turned to see what his three friends were all staring at. Up at the register, paying for their meal, was Kibum and another man. Kibum was pressed close to the other's side, gesturing imperiously at something on the counter with a smile that Jonghyun recognized vividly, but only from his dream memory. He felt unable to tear his eyes away as Kibum reached out to minutely tweak his companion's scarf, and when the other man caught both Kibum's hands in his own, smiling and bumping their heads together gently, Jonghyun watched each movement hungrily, hating this interloper and hating the person he had been, who lost this. Kibum turned towards the door and their eyes locked. Jonghyun knew that the sick thud of his heart was echoed in the connection between then. The other man looked to see what Kibum was staring at, then tugged Kibum's arm.

 

"Introduce me to your friends," Jonghyun heard him ask.

 

Kibum's eyes narrowed. "He's not my friend." Jonghyun knew he made a sound in his throat then, like something small and dying. "He's nothing. Come on, Jinki."

 

He swept from the room then, ignoring the way Jonghyun's eyes followed him the entire way. Jinki looked back at the door with an apologetic little smile and a wave before his arm wrapped around Kibum's waist and he turned to say something with a confused furrow to his brow. Jonghyun watched them both leave. Someone--Minho, he thought maybe--touched his hand comfortingly. He could barely feel it.

 

 

Jonghyun's dreams were nightmares that night.

All he could hear all night long was Kibum's voice, begging him to stay, horrible choking sobs, and screams. More than anything else it was the sound of unfamiliar screams that shook him. He couldn't tell if he was awake or asleep as the hours went by, since the feeling of searching for something sorely missed was the same either way. He thought that the times the screams were the loudest and the times he smelled burnt rubber were probably when he was asleep, but he couldn't be sure. These were memory dreams, and those could come when you were awake or asleep. It didn't matter. Just before dawn he startled awake for good, and this time he knew he was awake. Jonghyun shivered in a cold sweat, remembering the sound of tearing metal and shrieking tires and so much screaming.

 

His whole body felt like lead the next day, but he ran to the coffee shop anyway. He had remembered the most important thing of all now, and he had to tell Kibum. He knew why their connection had held across two lifespans.

 

Kibum looked as tired as Jonghyun felt, but he avoided Jonghyun just as diligently as ever. It took Jonghyun almost the entire morning to get him somewhere where they could talk, a situation which Kibum seemed to resent thoroughly since he shoved Jonghyun backwards as hard as he could when Jonghyun opened his mouth to speak.

 

"I thought I made it more than clear," Kibum shouted, this time not even trying to keep his voice down, "I don't want anything to do with you! If I could fire you right now without repercussion, believe me, I would. You think you can just waltz back in here and I'm supposed to forgive you for being an just because you happened to die between then and now? It doesn't work like that!"

 

"I know!" Jonghyun said quickly. "I know! I know it doesn't, just- Just listen for a moment, please! I'm sorry, I know I ed up and I know saying I'm sorry isn't enough. But I remembered! Kibum, I remembered last night... we died together. I saw it happen and I remember everything. I missed you so much, even back then... I knew I had made a mistake, and I was looking for you. I couldn't find you for days and days and then one day I saw you. You were ahead of me on the sidewalk and you were so close. I wanted to call to you, but you started to cross the street and it was the wrong time. The car couldn't stop in time, and I knew it, so I ran after you to stop you and-"

 

"I know," Kibum interrupted him. "I was there, remember? I saw you too. I ignored you and crossed the road to get away."

 

Jonghyun knew this was going wrong somehow. He struggled to find the right words to convince Kibum.

 

"That's why we've been thrown back together, though," he said. "I tried to save you back then. I knew that I loved you, and you- you had never stopped loving me, had you? That's why we feel this way now. We were interrupted too soon and if we had had a moment more-"

 

"But we didn't!" Kibum snapped. His voice cracked, and Jonghyun could see tears welling in the corners of his eyes. He knew Kibum would rather die again than let those tears fall.

 

"You feel this connection too, though, don't you?" Jonghyun asked in a last-ditch effort. "Right now there's something connecting us, and it will always be there to pull us together. It's only gotten stronger since I saw you, and it's gotten stronger for you too, hasn't it? I know you're seeing someone-"

 

"Jinki," said Kibum thickly. "And I'm not leaving him, Jonghyun. I'm not."

 

"I know I couldn't ask you to, but... you know we could fix it this time around, right? We got a second chance."

 

"And my second chance is Jinki," Kibum said firmly. "You're right. I feel a connection too. I heard the last thing you said to me last time... you said you were sorry. You said 'I love you.' You're right. We could make it work this time," he took a deep breath and looked Jonghyun in the eye. "But I'm still too angry. I've been angry all my life and I can't stop being angry at you now. You just remembered last night? It was the first thing I ever remembered about my life before. I remembered pain and misery and I remembered what it felt like to die. And I remembered your face."

 

Jonghyun couldn't speak. There was nothing to say, no words to counter that. Kibum went on.

 

"I was ten years old," he said, "and I knew what dying felt like. I knew what heartbreak felt like before I ever knew what it was to be in love. Even later, when I remembered happier things from before, it all kept coming back to those last few days. It's not fair, I know. You don't have to tell me that. But that's the way it is."

 

He started to walk away. Jonghyun sank to the floor and out of the corner of his eye he could see Kibum rub his eyes fiercely with the backs of his hands. The words left his lips before he even really registered them.

 

"And Jinki-" Jonghyun choked. Kibum stopped in the doorway. "What about him? I know you said you knew what heartbreak was like because of me, but..."

 

Kibum actually did look back then. Jonghyun could see that his cheeks were wet, and he looked at Jonghyun with regret and, for the first time ever in this life, without hatred.

 

"I love him," said Kibum simply. "Without him, I don't think I would know what that felt like, but I do. I love him and I'm happy."

 

Jonghyun heard the door close when Kibum left. He didn't see him again all day.

 

 

Kibum didn't show up the next day either, leaving Minho to unlock the doors and open shop for the day. When Jonghyun showed up for his shift, Minho saw the unasked question in his eyes, but could only shake his head silently. Jonghyun nodded numbly. That was it then. He'd kept the job and lost Kibum for good. The fact only really hit him when he looked up to greet another customer and saw Jinki standing there, smile just as awkward as before.

 

"I came to get Kibum's stuff," he explained. "I guess he left in a hurry yesterday and didn't have a chance to get it all."

 

"Oh," said Jonghyun stupidly. "Yeah. It's back here."

 

He waved Jinki through to the back room where employees stored their personal belongings. Sure enough, there was Kibum's bag and a few other scattered things he'd left behind. Jinki started to gather them up into the bag while Jonghyun stood stiffly off to one side.

 

"I know things didn't go well," he said suddenly, making Jinki jump, "but he's still welcome to come back here any time. Both of you. We'd be happy to see both of you."

 

"Oh,"this time it was Jinki's turn to say. "We're actually... he didn't say? We're moving away. Yesterday was going to be his last day anyway, so I thought he'd mention it. Sorry."Jinki scratched his head, shifting the bag on his shoulder. "We're going a long way, actually. If we ever come back, I'll try to remember, though?"

 

"No. That's okay," said Jonghyun. "I just thought I'd ask."

 

Somehow it seemed inevitable that everything should come to an end like this. Everything had been said that could be said, everything revealed that could be revealed. Jinki finished packing away all traces of Kibum's life, ready to carry them away and leave Jonghyun with only the faint tug somewhere near his heart, a spiderweb thread connecting him to something retreating ever further away.

 

Jinki was almost at the door when Jonghyun stopped him.

 

"He didn't say anything else?"Jonghyun asked. "I mean, no message or anything?"

 

Jinki stopped to think. "He did say one thing, but it didn't make much sense, so I guess I forgot about it."

 

"Do you remember what it was?" Jonghyun felt breathless, like the air had crystallized in this one moment, too solid to move in his lungs.

 

"Better luck next time."

 

And then Jinki was gone. The air melted and thawed, and people around moved again in a way they hadn't a moment ago. Jonghyun looked at the counter in front of him and the way the lights above him like a spotlight faded back into the dim corners. He looked at the warm, crackling fire tucked back into the wall behind its raised stone hearth wall. He looked at the warm brown armchairs, ready to swallow you up the moment you sat down. He saw the whole coffee shop, a single living cell with strands of connection stretching across cities and oceans and between lifetimes, part of the riotous living world, and he felt Minho come to stand behind him with a hand on his shoulder.

 

Jonghyun straightened his apron one more time and felt his life resume its steady flow into the future.

 

After all, tomorrow is another day.

(Gone With The Wind)