“I do.”

He’d never hated any words more than he hated those at the moment. Just the memory of them leaving her lips in a pledge to another man tore him apart viciously. Even then he knew he couldn’t blame her for finding someone else after the way they’d left things, but a stupid and selfish part of him had hoped that she would be patient and wait.

“What can I get for you?” the bartender asked him.

At the moment, he doubted even an entire liquor store would numb his pain, “Whiskey, make it a double and kept them coming.” It may not help or cure his pain, but if getting drunk out of his mind made him forget even for a little while he’d drink himself to oblivion.

“I can’t do this anymore,” she whispered, a silent tear falling from her eye which she quickly wiped away.

Changmin sighed, “Soo, your making a big deal out of nothing. What you saw was nothing –” his hand reaching over the table to cover hers, only for her to pull it out of reach.

“–Flirting with another woman in front of me is nothing? Not to mention the fact that you let her drape herself all over you while I stood right beside you,” glassy eyes narrowing in accusation, daring him to contradict what she saw. Yes, he supposed it looked much worse than it truly was, but he would never cheat on her.

He took a moment to think of a plausible explanation, which wasn’t at all fourth coming. “Sooyoung, you know model types they are all about skinship –”

“Unbelievable,” he half expected her to slap him, but she just let out a chuckle of disbelief before gathering her things and taking off.

“Soo –”

“–Go away,” she spat out, not slowing her stride or even sparing him a glance as he chase after her.

Rolling his eyes, he broke into a jog catching her arm forcing her to a stop. Not letting go even when she tried to wrench her arm free. “Jagiya –”

“–No, you don’t even seem to understand what you did wrong,” her tone was muted yell, when she stopped fighting him and turned to face him. “I’m around male models all day too, Shim. But, I also know what boundaries are and I let them know about those boundaries too. You enjoy the attention you get and forget the fact that you’re in a relationship, to coax your male ego –”

He snorted, “So it’s my fault you’re jealous?” Why she felt the need to push her insecurities on him was beyond him. He didn’t pitch a fit each time she fitted a male model’s clothes or they complimented her on smile. Why was she making something so small so big?

“That’s not the point here!”

“But it is the point; you’re pushing your insecurities on me, which is unfair –I didn’t do anything,” he yelled back not caring about the fact that people were watching.

She let go of a sigh, “Insecurities?” she repeated like she couldn’t believe he’d said it, but he raised an eyebrow in confirmation. “Tell me something, if you walked in on a male model hanging all over me as I flirted with him, would you shrug it off as nothing. Honestly, would you just let it go?”

“I would trust you,” that was a bald-face lie, because he was a jealous guy.

“Trust isn’t the point, Min. Its respect,” she informed him calmly, “it’s respecting me and our relationship enough to set boundaries with the models you photograph, which you don’t seem to do,” leaving him standing in the cold as she flagged down a taxi.

He may not have been boyfriend of the year, but he’d loved her. He’d loved her more than he’d ever loved any girl he’d been with and he’d been sure she felt the same way, but today she’d walked down the aisle and married someone else. Someone else that wasn’t him, someone else he thought she’d never meet because she would wait for him.

“Your wife?” the bartender guessed, setting his drink and a fresh bowl of assorted nuts in front of him. Whiskey was a spousal problems type of drink.

He wished she was, “I wish.” As of today, she was someone else’s wife.

It was funny how she accused him of disrespecting her and their relationship, when she was the one over there hugging and clinging onto someone else that wasn’t him. Like a fool, he’d been feeling guilty when she’d been finding comfort in someone else. Boundaries my foot, throwing the flowers he bought in a bin he left.

 There was nothing there for him anymore.

“The way you’re chugging them down, indicates a woman,” the bartender revealed, as he poured him another double.

Changmin chuckled, “You’re right. It’s a woman, just not mine.”

“So I missed you tonight,” Sooyoung greeted with a bright, yet unsure smile, having let herself in using the key he’d given her.

He’d been there and watched her successful launch, but he’d also seen her cozy in the arms of another man –a model. Her hypocrisy was overwhelming, “Are you sure?” unable to leave out the mocking tone in his words, balancing on the thin rope of sobriety.

“Of course,” she assured him, confusion marring her face despite her smile. “It was a big night for me and I would have wanted to share it with you.”

He chuckled, “so you only remember I exist when it suits you? Give me a break,” watching the smile drop from her face at the bitterness that wasn’t subtle anymore.

“You’re obviously drunk, so I’ll talk to you when –”

“–It suits you? Arraso, but don’t bother sparing me your precious thoughts,” he interrupted. Anger slipping in as he recalled the prolonged hug he’d witnessed.

She stopped in her tracks, folding her arms over her chest, obviously battling annoyance. “You seem angry, is there something I did?” sarcasm lacing her words, which just served to add oil to the fire.

“Other than being a liar and a hypocrite, nothing,” he smiled sardonically walking over to her so he could say it to her face. “Just so you know I was there tonight, because I stupidly thought I could support you and maybe convince you to end this break we’re on, but imagine my surprise when I go backstage with those stupid sunflowers you like and see you hugging someone else. Someone that so happens to be a model which, if you remember correctly, you gave me hell for before instigating this break.”

Her eyes widened in shock, “That was –”

“ –nothing?” he offered. “Look you wanted a break to play around, why not make it permanent,” it almost broke him when tears began filling her eyes, knowing he’d hurt her. But, he was hurting too damn it!

“We’ll talk when your sober,” her voice above a whisper, rushing to leave only to run into a blonde woman who was poised to knock, making her laugh. “You know what, you’re right let’s make this permanent.” Her departure marked with the loud bang of his front door.

“What’d you do?” the bartender asked, wiping down the bench.

He bit his lip smiling pathetically, “I was stupid enough to let her go,” did it matter what he did? Because at the moment he was wallowing in what he didn’t do –the ‘shoulda, coulda, woulda replaying over in his head like a broken record.

“Whatever the hell you did fix it!” Kyuhyun told him not mincing any words. It was rare to see his friend so livid, especially at him so he guessed he messed up.

Changmin yawned, running fingers through his hair battling sleep, “Do I even know why you’re pissed?” He wasn’t even awake enough to function, let alone guess why his best friend was yelling at him so early in the morning. Heck, he didn’t even know he was back from Hong Kong.

“She’s sad, your girlfriend and her name is Sooyoung,” Ah it was making sense now. “What the hell did you do? When I left you were gearing up to apologize –because you were wrong –and return to being Changsoo. I come back and she’s leaving the country?!”

That woke him up; he hadn’t seen her in weeks but leaving the country? “She’s leaving?”

“What –Did –You –Do,” Kyuhyun demanded, hitting him over the head with a pillow after every word.

“Why is it me that did something? Have you ever thought that maybe this one is on her?” Figured she’d go poison his friend against him. He wasn’t the one hugging someone else much longer than necessary, while being on a break with her boyfriend, when she’d called the said break for the same thing she was doing. Fine, he’d been angry and said some things he’d regretted, but it wasn’t his fault. “I did go to the fashion show to support her, I did go there to mend things with her but I found her hugging someone else –”

“–Yeah her cousin, by the way you’re a presumptuous idiot,” Kyuhyun interrupted. “Then she came over to fix things with you, but something happened, what?”

Cousin, but… “I confronted her about it, said some things.”

“That wouldn’t have her leaving the country, she’d be angry probably call you less than pleasant names, but you’d be back to being all lovey-dovey in a week. What did you do?”

He closed his eyes, knowing he deserved the hit that was coming. “I invited Jessica over, and Sooyoung run into her as she was leaving,” the hit didn’t come probably because his best friend was probably in shock. But it was bad, majorly bad. Because Jessica was model Jessica, Jessica was ex-girlfriend Jessica, Jessica was ex-before-Sooyoung Jessica.

“Jessica. Jessica Jung?” finally the pillow ploughed down on his head hard and heavy. “You didn’t…Jessica. You two didn’t…” he trailed off, not even wanting to voice the words out loud preferring to imply.

He didn’t have the strength to open his eyes, because he had messed up big time.

“Ah the one that got away,” the bartender refilled his drink.

His heart wouldn’t be this shattered if it was simply that, “No, she was just the one.” They’d had their struggles, their arguments, but what they’d always had, was enough love and determination to make it work.

“You’re leaving,” Changmin said, not knowing what else to say. His heart was all for pleading, apologies and explanation, but his pride wouldn’t let him be the first to do so.

She spared him a glance, “Yes.” One word answers was never a good thing. If she was spouting 100 words per minute then it meant he could fix things. But, one word Sooyoung meant trouble.

“I know I said some things that night that were…well stupid,” he began, waiting for her to interrupt him with commentary, but she wasn’t. His heart sank, there was no fixing this. “And if it’s the reason you’re leaving –”

She took that moment to interrupt him, giving him the slightest bit of hope that with time he could possibly fix this. “I’m not leaving because of you or us. There a business opportunity that has come up in Japan that I can’t pass up. I would have told you about it that day, but well…” her voice shook at the end and his heart shattered. She was detached, and it hurt.

“So… us, are we over?” He already knew the answer, but he wanted to hear it anyway. But, come on he said stupid things all the time, she got mad but eventually forgave him. What he’d said hadn’t even been on that high level of unforgivable. They couldn’t be –

She let go of a shaky breath, “yes.” The slightest of cracks sounded at the end.

“I don’t always say the smartest things when I’m drunk. In fact, I’m pretty stupid when I’m drunk,” he offered as some sort of explanation.

“It isn’t because of that,” she corrected him, forcing him to look at her once again. “Because I already know that, and we would have fixed it the next day,” part of him already knew the problem was Jessica, “it’s the fact that you couldn’t wait to confront me soberly about your suspicion. It’s the fact that you called some other girl out of spite before you even attempted to find out the truth. Anger I understand, even misunderstandings and heated words, but you consciously planned to cheat on me on an assumption.”

He couldn’t contradict her words or defend himself.

The bartender whistled, “Brutal. No chance of a reconciliation?” impressed that the guy had downed 3 doubles and was still standing, only slightly tipsy.

“There was before today,” Changmin confessed, downing the remains of his third glass enjoying the burn of the bitter poison as it went down his throat, “She married someone else,” and looked breathtaking doing it.

That definitely deserved another glass, the bartender topped him up.

She sat by the window bathed in sunlight, looking every bit the angel in white as she waited patiently to walk down the aisle, the severity of the day only donning on him as he took in the wedding dress.

“Changmin,” she looked shocked and unsure, and he couldn’t blame her since the last time he’d seen her he was drunk out of his mind telling her she couldn’t get married because he wouldn’t let her as security dragged him out. “What are you doing here?” her stance defensive and fearful, not because he would hurt her but probably expecting him to cause a scene.

“I just want you to look me in the eye and tell me this is really what you want,” he answered, taking cautious steps forward not to scare her away. Even though the reckless side dictated rushing across the room and trapping her in a kiss that would make her remember how they used to be. “Tell me you love him more that you love me; tell me you don’t love me anymore. Look me in the eye and say there is no possible chance for us,” tone on the desperate side, because this was his last hope.

Playing with the sunflower bouquet in her hands, she looked at him and he silently prayed she would tell him what he wanted to hear, “This is what I want –”

“ –Your lying,” the prickle of tears stinging his eyes, even though the truth was there in her beautiful brown eyes.

Her eyes glassy from tears, but not for the same reason as his, “I’m sorry it’s not what you want to hear, but it’s true.”

“So you just don’t love me anymore?  You go away for two years, and forget everything?” The accusation was strong in his voice, because 5 years together couldn’t just disappear or change in the span of two years. He didn’t want to believe that she forgot everything in such a short time. Was he really that easy to get over?

Her eyes were glassy with unshed tears, making him wary of the answer.

“Tough,” The bartender empathize. “Something’s just aren’t meant to be.”

Changmin sniggered drunkenly, “It was meant to be, I just wasn’t smart enough to fight for it when I had the chance.”

“I do love you,” that was hopeful, except it wasn’t because the ‘but’ was hanging in the air, “A part of me always will –love like that just doesn’t fade.”

Changmin gave up holding it back, letting the tears fall, “But what?” ‘Not in the same way’, was a standard answer. ‘In a different way’, was another answer, or his favorite, ‘not like I love him.’

“I got tired of waiting and hoping while you were undecided,” That caught his attention, confusion marring his face as he wondered what it meant. “I came back to see if we could start again, but you were with Victoria and you were happy. I couldn’t destroy that –”

She’d been gone three months at the time and he’d figured he wouldn’t wallow, so he’d attempted to move on. It was also because he didn’t want her to see him miserable when it was possible she’d moved on. “I’m not a mind reader, Soo. You could have…” he defended his inactions, because he was helpless in his stupid. One misunderstanding had broken them up, but his assumption had destroyed his last chance with her.

“I waited and watched you go from girl to girl, hoping you would find what you were looking for or lacking with them and come back,” She went on, giving him insight and information he hadn’t known. “You never did, and I just couldn’t keep hurting and waiting for you.”

He’d dredged up the courage to get her back, just when she’d stopped asking about him. Kyuhyun had even stopped mentioning her until he asked, and being the stubborn and proud that he was he’d always fought the urge to ask after her because that would be losing. “I didn’t know I had a chance. If I did –if I had known, Sooyoung-ah I would have fought for you, done something. You know that!”

“What I’ve learnt about pride, too much of it bites you in the ,” Changmin slurred, drink sloshing over the rim at his drunken sloppiness. “If you love a woman –a good woman –you put your BS pride aside and fight. You don’t replace her with a familiar –advice bartender-ssi, take it!”

“If we were really meant to be, Min, we wouldn’t have let something like pride get in the way,” She went on to tear his heart apart. Though it was true he really didn’t want to believe or hear it. “I found what I need in him and I’m sure in time you’ll find the same in someone else –”

He glared at her cutting of her words, “Don’t you dare do that, don’t patronize me, Soo.”He wasn’t a child to be coddled and be told what to do.

“I’m not saying this to hurt you –” her voice breaking with tears, but his pain took precedent.

“–Too late you already did,” storming out despite her calls to stop, and bumping into a stunned Kyuhyun.

When Kyuhyun had got the call from the bar, he wasn’t all that surprised by it. Perhaps it was partially his fault for not pushing Changmin into reconciliation all those months ago, when he knew his friend had been masking his longing with snarky commentary and various women.

“Come on, Min,” Kyuhyun coaxed, lifting his partially lucid friend after paying his tab and retrieving his phone from the bartender.

Changmin leaned heavily on his friend, a laugh escaping him. “She really got married, Kyu,” stumbling over his feet almost bringing down the shorter man along with him. “I tho... I thought if I just, if I just told her she’d be mine again. Wae, eh?”

Despite his earlier storm out, he had remained in the shadows buying his time to stop this ridiculous wedding. At the altar stood the nervous groom, in the place that was meant to be his own. The traitor that was Kyuhyun sat in the bride’s side of the room, front and center. Wasn’t he supposed to be on his side?

He watched her walk down the aisle, itching to step out of the shadows, grab her hand and run. Instead he watched transfixed at the smile that used to be reserved for him pulled at her lips for him. He listened to the sincerity of her words as she professed her promise of love, honor and respect to someone else. Even when the time came to lodge any objections to the marriage, he couldn’t. Because the woman he loved looked happy and loved, and though it hurt, that mattered more than his own pain and feelings.

“I do,” that statement was like a swift punch in the gut.

As Kyuhyun watched his friend sleep soundly in his bed, knowing he was in for more nights like this, because he doubted even Changmin knew how much he loved Sooyoung until he’d lost her. No, he didn’t advocate whiskey induced slumber, but there was nothing in this world that could numb his friend’s pain.

Author Note: I don’t even know where the angst came from, but it wrote itself.  The song had leant me a bit of inspiration in terms of who will have to face the royal angst. I mainly wrote this one because sharing is caring, and I wanted to revisit my old one-shot writing style.