The past is a tantalizing idea. It holds all the warmth of comfort and none of the fearful uncertainty of the future.

People tend to romanticize the past. When you recall a particularly painful memory, you have the idea that that is the worst pain that you could ever experience. Similarly, when you remember a happy memory, it seems to you as if that is the happiest you've ever been, and nothing in the future will ever be able to compare to it. That's why it's so easy to live in the past; because it already happened, you can make it into what ever you want it to be. 

I am no exception.

As the tears stream down my face, and thin liquid runs from my nose, I cry for the past. And I continue to cry, because I don't know what else to do. The wetness that smears my face is physical proof of my pain, of the past.

An eternity has passed before I hear my door open slowly. I'm sure that it is my father, so I face him in the only way I know how: cowardly.  I try to control my breathing and sniffling as I force my head into my pillow and throw the blankets over my body. 

"Hey." This voice is not my rough father's tone. I take a peek, and standing in the doorway is Baekhyun.  He looks at me (or rather, the jumble of blankets and pillows) uncertainly. 

A burst of anger erupts from my mouth. "How did you remember where I live? Did my dad invite you?"  My voice resonates distaste, but he doesn't retreat like I expect him to.

"Umm... no. I came to return this." He pulls out a pair of familiar earphones. Oh. 

"Just put them over there." I point at my desk, and bury my head back into my pillow.

I hear shuffling, but I don't hear my door close. When a hand is placed gently on my shoulder, I flinch. I glare at him, but he makes no move to leave. Instead, he takes the chair from my desks, and drags it over to my bedside. He sits down, and looks at the ground.

Unlike his usual self, he speaks quietly and hesitantly. "Just pretend I'm not even here." 

How the hell am I supposed to do that when you are quite blatantly, right here. I try to pretend to fall asleep, but that would require me to be quiet, and being quiet s me back into my thoughts of the past. All of a sudden my walls of protection fall away into oblivion, and I am back to sobbing.  

I'm sure he is curious as to why I am crying, but I would never tell him. I'm too proud, too full of my illusion of being strong to do that. 

I always thought that according to some mutually agreed upon idea there was some point, where you've cried so much that you run out of tears. But I am sure that with the combined number of tears from the past few days, I have already passed 'that' point. For me, they don't end.  The despondence remains, as well as the salty wetness that signifies its presence. I am trapped in a whirlwind of despair that continues to disorient me, but refuses to relent any sign of closure. 

I cry for that which I miss. I cry for my mother who had to be the victim of an unfortunate accident and I cry for the fact that she didn't deserve it. I cry for the father of my past, the father that drank a whole lot less alcohol. I cry for the memory of the happy, loving family that no longer exists. I cry for the person who I used to be. I cry for my experiences of him that are now just memories. I cry, and I cry, but the pain remains, and I am back where I started, in my eternal nightmare. 

Sometime during this, I feel the hand fall back onto my shaking shoulders. He says nothing, but I still hate myself for breaking down in front of this boy who I don't even know. But I can't stop myself. The tide of pain had hit while I was vulnerably facing the shore, and now I am being continually slammed down into the suffocating depths of my memories.

I let the hand remain there for a while.

A/N: So that was part two of my double update! Did I redeem myself? I hope so. Sorry again for not updating. Now you finally have an idea of why Eunkyung is the way she is. Tell me what you thought in the comments. And I guess I'm going to make it a thing of naming all of my upvoters, so thank you to: ivyamericana, LeeHyoAe97, jung-baek, naue523, thisismyusernamekay, eilsel77, ExOtIc43v4, jecrisdiego, and koalapanda! Now that it's summer break, I should be updating more frequently, so please don't abandon me and this fic. Thank you everyone for reading!