Sometimes, the world just loves to hate you.

This is the worst birthday ever.

 

 

***

“Happy birthda--”

“Mom, I’m gay.”

“What? Honey?”

“I said, I’m gay.”

“Junnie, baby, stop kidding. Happy seventeenth birthday... Blow your candle.” Zelo’s mom smiled and prodded him towards the velvet cake that had a solitary blue candle in the middle.

“Mom, I’m not joking. I’m quite serious.” He exhaled deeply and the tiny tongue of flame flickered out. “I’m absolutely positive that I don’t like girls,” he said, looking at his mother in the eyes, waiting for an acknowledgement from her.

 

Awkward moment of silence.

 

“Son, you’re still young. You’re just confused. Your dad used to think he was gay too. Now look at him, with me, you and your hyung. Just don’t tell him I told you about this, okay? He’s quite sensitive when his past is brought up.” The mother forces a dry laugh from as she reached for a half empty glass of water, still looking at her lanky son with an extremely quizzical face.

“Mom,” Junhong didn’t mean for it to sound like a whine. But it did, with his ever breaking and nasal voice.

“I don’t understand.” Mrs. Choi threw her hands up.

“Mom...”

“I thought you had a crush on Hayi. You were always hanging out with those skater friends of yours. You even have normal on your laptop. How can you be gay?”

“MOM!” Junhong shrieked.

“First of all, why are you sneaking around my files? That’s totally not cool. Christ!”

“Well you should have encrypted that file if you didn’t want anyone to see it. And who uses a line from their debut song as their password in their laptops? ”

 

...

 

“Okay, I will completely ignore that you are snooping through my stuff, CSI style. But mom, I was in fourth grade when I said I had a crush on Hayi. I didn’t know what that meant. I was ten! I just thought that she had pretty hair like Barbie. And you wouldn't buy me Barbie, that’s why I sneak to Hayi’s house to braid her hair and watch Barbie Swan Lake. And before you judge that I am being a typical gay boy, you have to know that Swan Lake is awesome... It has magic, true love and . And you know that I hang out with my so called skater friends in school because duh? I skate too. There’s is no rule that says you can’t skateboard and be gay at the same time. That would be a very dumb rule. I skate better than my straight friends. And that, that, horrible horrible girl-boy . That.Is.Not.Mine. That’s hyung’s. I copied it for research purposes. I... I totally can’t fap to it. IT’S GROSS. EWW. And I do not want to ever see it again. If you snoop through my things again, feel free to delete that abomination. And mom, I have gay Japanese . My favorite actor is Masaki Koh even if he is dead!”

 

He said all that in just one breath then he just walked out the door, leaving his dumbfounded mother and the untouched velvet cake.

 

See also:  Things not to tell your mom on your birthday before she gives you money.

See also:  How not to come out.

See also: Denial vs. Defiance

 

Maybe I over reacted. It can’t get any worse.

Right?

 

***

 

“Oh . I’m so sorry. I was just...” Himchan was sweaty and salmon colored in the face as he tried to soak up the sticky white goo on the sofa with the tissue that was conveniently on the coffee table, beside the bottle of Vaseline lotion.

“This is not what it looks like. Zelo, I swear.”

It was exactly what it looked like.

“Hyung... I’m not feeling so well today. Just go ahead and fap. I’ll just head to Daehyun and Youngjae hyungs’ room. Yongguk hyung locked our room’s door already.” Junhong started towards the vocal line’s room, his head hanging low and his sighs deep and loud. Albeit not loud enough to drown out the moans of the Japanese school girl in their forty inch television.

“DON’T GO THERE!” Himchan screeched, waving about a stained hand as his eyeballs popped out. But Junhong didn’t seem to hear his voice over the hoarse “Hayaku! Hayaku!” and “Kimochi~” blaring through the home theater system.

 

***

 

“Zelo... This isn’t what it looks like. We can explain.”

 

But then again, it was exactly what it looked like.

 

“ Damn it Daehyun, stop! Ahh... Right there.”

 

“...I’m heading to Jongup’s room.”

 

God... Let him be NOT fapping. Please.

 

Honestly, that wasn’t the best time to walk in on his hyungs doing the dirty. Daehyun was wearing a police outfit and Youngjae was scrambling to get out of the cuffs when he saw the towering figure of the giant sensitive maknae by their door. Not that the first time was any better of a moment either. Zelo was just fifteen then, and he caught the two saving water in the shower and he was pretty much never the same again after that. Simply put, one shouldn’t be allowed to look at such terror straight in the eye unless you are the antichrist or you like blobfish over bunnies --But then again, if you like blobfish better than bunnies, you are probably the antichrist. It was just terrible. It’s nothing like what you see on . It was just plain awkward and gross, like watching animals mating in a slaughterhouse. Especially that time when Youngjae was laying down with sashimi on his chest. Junhong swore off Japanese food after that.

 

See also: That time when Youngjae was a cake.

See also: Daehyun and ropes.

See also: That time at the elevator when Yongguk lost his and almost beat DaeJae with a fire extinguisher.

 

***

 

Aside from Yongguk, Jongup had always been the most normal person in the band, in Junhong's opinion. That's if you would disregard his constant spacing out even in public places. Jongup isn't the brightest light bulb from the factory but Junhong likes him like that. Well, most of the time. There was this once that he almost got arrested because of Jongup, had he not ran fast enough. He didn't talk to Jongup for a whole week after that. They never talk about that incident in the dorm though. Everyone decided it's the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to mankind and arguing Jongup's IQ was always a moot point.

 

See also: How Jongup almost set the house on fire, literally.

See also: That time in New York.

 

Zelo leaned his ear close to the door, listening close if Jongup was busting to some Chris Brown song or doing some paranormal activities of his own. He just went out on his mom who refused to believe he's gay and he was not really in the mood to be mocked by saying hello to a fourth tonight... unless it's Bang Yongguk's.

 

Damn Yongguk hyung. This was all his fault. Junhong was pretty sure he was aual at best before he met that gummy, low voiced, y, testosterone-dripping, ramen-loving, Tigger-hugging hyung.

 

When he hit fifteen, he was not sure anymore. Himchan giving him 'the talk' didn't help much either. He kept on using sketchy terms such as pee-pee and manmeat and he also used Yongguk and Junhong in his examples. Junhong never told anyone that he might have a huge crush on their leader but CreeperChan seems to know anyway.

 

 Just when Junhong was about to turn the knob of the door, a hand grabbed his shirt and pulled him away.

 

“Zelo. Don’t!” It was Himchan and the two other rabbits were behind him.

 

“What? Why? Is he choking the chicken too? Oh god, why is everyone in this house either fapping or having ? Why? Why? Why? Why can’t I just have a bed and sleep my misery away? Why?.” Zelo stomped and big fat ugly blobs of tears were threatening to fall from his eyes.

 

“Baby, don’t cry...” Daehyun scooted closer to hug the big baby and chase the tears away. “Oh my cheesecake, Jae, do something funny. Quick! He’s gonna cry.”

 

If there is one thing that B.A.P. disliked the most, it was a crying Zelo. Especially if it was because of them. Zelo was not exactly a silent crier. Far from it. His wails would echo throughout the building and it would wake everyone up. Everyone, including Bang Yongguk who would surely torture them military style once he finds out that they made his precious little...err giant baby cry. And so, Youngjae danced a constipated version of Bubble Pop, half , while Himchan and Daehyun coddled the crying baby Zelo.

 

“Get your hands off me, hyung. Ewwie. Eww. All of you. No touchie... Yuck. You all smell like and it’s gross... Just no. Back away, hyung. The smell is wafting. Oh god. Someone save me!" Zelo stretched his long arms to push the three away as he gasped for clean air.

 

"I’m a badmaaaaaaaannnnn…"

 

Zelo picked up his phone.

 

“Jungkook? What the hell are you doing, calling me at two in the morning? Did you get mobbed or your hyungs kicked you out? No? Then call me tomorrow, dude. Online? No, dude. I left my laptop at my mom’s and there’s no way I’m going back there...for a week at least. No no no. I’ll tell you about it tomorrow. I’m not in the mood for this , man.”

 

 "Zelo, you can take our room. Just sleep there. Youngjae will clean it and change the sheets. Right, hunnie-bunny?" Daehyun elbowed Youngjae who was oddly not paying attention and glued to his cellphone instead, eyebrows knotted.

 

"But why can't I sleep in Jongup's room?"

 

"Because Jongup texted and he is listening to--" Youngjae was cut off by the thick lips of Daehyun and Zelo's face crumpled like Jongup's math exam paper in utter disgust.

 

"EWWWW. I'll call Zico hyung or something. This place is the worst place to keep anyone's innocence or sanity. I'll have to borrow Piyo-hyung's Toto plushie and hug it until the images go away."  Junhong held the back of his palm against his forehead, eyes closed as he waved about his other hand dramatically.

 

Youngjae was muttering words under his breathe but Junhong only caught a few ("overly dramatic " "weirdos" " deprived" and weirdly enough Yongguk's name). But before the youngest one could react Jongup's door burst open and he hurtled past through them in the rappers' shared bedroom's direction.

 

"The is going on?" exclaimed Zelo in his best what-the- face as his eyes followed the bolt of black wifebeaters that almost knocked him off his feet.

 

"Oh no. No no no no. No no no no. This is not good." Himchan quickly followed Jongup and the vocalists scampered behind him. Confounded Junhong had no other choice but to shuffle while rolling his eyes to find out what the commotion was about.

 

***

 

Jongup had always been a polite boy. Especially when it came to elders. Especially when it came to their leader Yongguk. But there was nothing polite about the way he pounded on Yongguk' door.

 

"Hyung! Hyung please open the door."

 

Well, at least he didn’t forget to say please. But the way he banged his fists on the wooden door, you would think that the world was ending or Chris Brown was in their living room and he left all his CDs and markers in Yongguk's room. Although Junhong finds it very weird, he did not even ask or complain how the puppy was seemingly going rabid as he did want Yongguk to open the door too, himself. If there was any place in the dorm that was safe from DaeJae's kinks or Himchan's , it was his room with Yongguk.

 

"Hyung! Hyung!" Jongup was hollering at the door and trying to kick it open. Luckily, Himchan caught him before he could hurt himself.

 

"Yah~ Yongguk! Open the damn door. We know you're still awake." Himchan called out as he tried to calm Jongup down.

 

"What has he said so far?" Daehyun asked in a hush voice. The four then started to huddle and exchanged whispers, leaving out Junhong at the side--arms crossed on his chest and eyes rolling every ten seconds or so. Himchan hit the back of Daehyun's head and some gigglesnorts were exchanged along with random words ("froggy" "" "pregnant" "strippers" "fired" "dead" "ultra-gay") but Junhong couldn’t make out what they were talking about so he decided to knock on Yongguk's door himself.

 

"Hyung, open up!" He knocked three times and there was a silence. The other four were looking at him, not blinking. He was half expecting the door to open any moment now. But nothing. Just dead silence. Daehyun was nervously nibbling on Youngjae's shoulder while Himchan was patting Jongup all over ("To calm him down.") as per usual.

 

The silence lasted no longer than five seconds but it seemed centuries so Himchan called out again, knocking on the door furiously.

 

"Bang Yongguk what the hell are you doing there?! Did you die or something? Are you ing?"

 

Junhong looked back at their soiled couch.

 

"Hyung I don’t want to sleep on the couch~" He whined in a terrified voice.  The o was already over and only Japanese characters ran through the screen of their television but the thought of Himchan there would probably take months to scrape off his mind. He would rather sleep on their porch than touch that couch. No thank you.

 

But Yongguk was not opening up. Junhong found it really odd because Yongguk was usually still awake at this time, writing songs as Junhong pretended to sleep, sneaking glances at Yongguk's serious face which he found really attractive.  Just when Zelo was about to knock again on the door, his phone beeped and flashed P.O.'s name .

 

[Jello, wer r u? U at home? Go online. Quick.] - Piyo

 

[I'm at the dorm. Can't. Left my laptop with mom. I'll borrow Yonggukkie hyung's later…. When he open's up the door.] - Junhong

 

[He won't open up. GO ONLINE!] - Piyo

 

"What is up with these people?" No need to say, Zelo was already puzzled and irritated by everything and pretty much tired of everyone's at this point.  He was about to throw another fit when the house phone rang.

 

All five boys were looking at each other. It was customary that whoever reacted to the phone or door's ringing has to answer it. It was also customary among boys to be very lazy and walking five steps towards the living room to receive the damned call was just too much hard work at two in the morning. Who calls at two in the morning anyway?

 

And as expected, the call just went to the voice mail for everyone to hear.

 

"You lazy !" Zico's familiar voice blasted through the phone's speaker. "Hello? I know none of you are sleeping. Get your asses online if you still want to be idols tomorrow. Yongguk hyung is making quite a ruckus. He'd probably admit to killing JF Kennedy any moment now." They could hear P.O. and the other boys at the background trying to listen to the phone.

 

"Damnit Kyung, get your face off me. I'm trying to talk here. Hello? Is Junhong home? Seriously guys, he better hear this. We all knew that this was coming one day ever since Jongup…."

 

There was a muffled sound at the end of the other line along with what sounded like people beating the out of each other.

 

"Oh yeah. Forgot that that never happened. Anyway, I do highly suggest that you break that door of his down before your manager finds out or listen to the that Yongguk hyung is unleashing via livestream for yourself. Bye… and oh, Daehyun! You still owe me ten grand, . Ciao."

 

"What do you owe Zico ten grand for?" Youngjae's eyebrow was raised and Daehyun had a bad case of the shifty eyes.

 

It wasn’t until Himchan was freaking out that everyone noticed that Junhong was gone.

 

"In our room." Jongup pointed and the four dashed for it. But due to Junhong's long legs and youth, the hyungs were locked out of HimUp's room. And yes, Junhong does call it the HimUp room even if Himchan insists that he is straight and Jongup is too oblivious to notice Himchan copping a feel on him every chance he gets.

 

"Junhong, get out of there!"

 

"What? Why? You've been trying to keep me out of this room. All I want to do is check hyung's broadcast like Zico hyung said. Aren't you all worried or even curious?

 

Not really. They knew. Jongup has texted them a few moments after Junhong left DaeJae's room.

 

"Jello, baby… I'll buy you cherry tomatoes. You like that right?" Himchan called sweetly.

 

"And steak too!" Daehyun added. "Himchan hyung will buy us steak! The super expensive kind."

 

Daehyun received a whack on the head.

 

" I never said I'd buy you steak."

 

"What? We gotta try everything. He likes steak." 

 

As Youngjae and Jongup busied themselves getting Daehyun out of Himchan's grasp, Junhong just sat at Jongup's bed staring at the laptop screen. It was a video of Yongguk playing. Junhong sighed.

 

Yongguk hyung is so perfect.

 

His eyes, his gummy smile, his voice, his everything…. Wait. His voice…

 

Just then, Junhong noticed that there wasn't any sound coming from the laptop because a pair of earphones were plugged in. He took it and popped it in his ears, eager to hear what Yongguk was saying in the video.

 

He then noticed that the video was lagging a little, like it was from a video call. No. Wait, this is what Zico, PO and Jungkook were talking about! And Jongup was watching it! Hyung is streaming a video from our room!

 

There was Yongguk, hunched over by his desk in that oversized white t-shirt. Eyes deep in shadows, his lips every once in a while.

 

Junhong turned up the volume to the highest and maximized the video.

 

"Do you really like girls, Junhong? God, how I wish you were watching..."

 

I am watching, hyung. And to answer your question. No. Ask my mom for reference… And I sorta blame you.

 

"I’ve waited two years, you know that? No? Of course. You wouldn’t. Why am I even asking? So yeah, the real reason that I’m making this livestream is to let you know that I’m going to wait a year more to let you figure out what you want… think about you and me. I mean… not in the hyung-dongsaeng context. But in you know… as a couple."

 

What? What? What? How to words? How to thoughts? How? Yes. You. Me. Couple. How to breathe?

 

Junhong sat there, jaws on the floor, head spinning mad. What the hell was Yongguk talking about? He liked him? How? Why?

 

"I don’t want to rush you, so yeah… I’m confessing a year early. So when you turn eighteen you’d have a lot of time thinking already. And you wouldn’t blame me for shocking you and stuff… I would totally understand if you don’t feel the same way for me…"

 

What the hell was he saying? Not feeling the same way? Heck, Junhong, being the hormonal teenager that he is,  would jump at Yongguk in a heartbeat. The only reason he wasn’t doing it was because he was afraid of the other's reaction. What if he rejected Junhong and thought of him as  a freak? Junhong might be ready to face his mom's rejection of his coming out but he wasn’t sure he could say the same for a possible rejection by Yongguk. He would still be his mom's son tomorrow. But Yongguk, what if he started to avoid him? Junhong was very much afraid to lose him so he decided to keep his feelings to himself and it in his pants.

 

But now that he knew that Yongguk feels the same way for him, he is feeling a little stupid because Yongguk was not exactly great at hiding his affection for the youngest. He has always been affectionate.

 

See also: Yongguk always touching his hair.

See also: Yongguk always telling him he is cute.

See also: Yongguk always siding him in whatever argument.

See also: Yongguk 's impromptu tickle fight at the idol olympics wherein Junhong might or might not have gotten hard and jerked himself off at the men's room afterwards.

 

But then again, Yongguk is still a bigger dummy. How could he have not noticed too?  It wasn’t like Junhong was ever quiet about how much he admired him.

 

See also: I want to sleep with Yongguk hyung.

See also: I am Yongguk hyung's fan.

See also: Those longing stares.

See also: Blushing forever.

See also: I just convinced Chocolate noona to give me back ramyun hair because I know you like that. But they ed it up and I got photoshopped by Babyz into a cow.

See also: I might have sassed at Jieun noona when she asked about you.

See also: I send Himchan hyung deathglares when he squishes my face but I blush when you do it.

Related note: How can you still believe Himchan hyung is straight?

 

He couldn’t even start comprehending everything else that Yongguk was saying so he did what he thought was best at this situation. He ran out the room and banged on his shared room's door.

 

"Oh my god, shut up hyung! Just open the goddamn door. I like you too, okay? How can you not even notice? Open up or I will break this door down and you!"

 

Okay, maybe Junhong went a little overboard but who could blame him? Everyone and everything has been testing the patience out of him for the good half of the night. His coming out to his mom was a failure. He saw Himchan at the living room. He saw DaeJae ing… again. And his best friend Jongup has just texted everyone that the love of his life is making a public confession to him but didn’t even remember to tell him. Everyone was just against his happiness tonight and he was about to skin anyone who tries to stop him now.But the other four has obviously given up on trying to interfere with him and just sat at the living room, waiting for the man to open the damn door for everyone's peace.

 

"Someone is so getting laid tonight. Did anyone see my earplugs?" Jongup coolly breathed as the vocalists went back to their own room. Himchan was staring at a spot in the sofa where Jongup's arm is. Junhong was sure there was in there. He wasn’t going to tell Jongup.

 

See also: Covert revenge.

See also: You shouldn't have gotten me almost arrested TWICE.

 

At this point, the door opened and revealed a Yongguk who is clearly disbelieving and shaking at the knees.

 

"Junhong?"

"Hyung."

 

Well, there weren't much words after that. Just the shrill voice of Junhong muffled as Yongguk pulled him inside their room, the door banging shut closed, and then a few moments later something that sounded like Yongguk's name and lewd words in what Jongup assumed was Junhong's high pitched screams.

 

It wasn’t really a surprise since everyone knew that Junhong wasn’t a silent crier. They should have expected him to be a screamer in bed. He's even louder than Daehyun in the other room.

 

And since everyone else was getting laid at this point except for Jongup and Himchan, it goes without saying that the air in the living room was tense, awkward and also reeked of , courtesy of Himchan's activities earlier that night. He was going to ask again about the earplugs but Himchan cut him off.

 

"I think I kinda threw it away. But I have other ideas for you to not hear all our bandmates ing…"

 

See also: How Jongup lost his ity.

See also: Yongguk still thinks Mr Kim is straight.

See also: So is spaghetti until it gets hot and wet. -Choi Junhong