Is this thing on? . I'm broadcasting.  How do I…

12 viewers

it. Whatever. Hello. You must be wondering what the hell is going on. Why the hell am I streaming at two in the morning? I know I should be sleeping… yeah, if I were an average Joe I'd be sleeping. But since I am me, I should probably be somewhere making myself useful: Doing my rounds, checking the rest of the boys if they're sleeping or sneaking around. Also, I shouldn’t be anywhere near the  internet after two o'clock. It is the time when better judgment goes to die. That being said, I should probably tell you what this is all about. 

54 viewers

This is an open letter to Choi Junhong--more commonly known as Zelo--and all the good people of Korea, North and South. This is a public plea to all of the world, each and everyone of you, especially those who have tumblr accounts and unabashedly propagate bedtime stories about some idols --by 'some idols' I mean Junhong and me--getting it on like there is no tomorrow, despite the fact that we all know how busy we are for our 3439239021st comeback. This is a shameless shout-out to the most amazing people in the world, our beloved Baby; You spoiled fans, you. This is a prayer to all the gods, deities, angels, demons, saints and my alien-animal spirit: ShiShiMato. And I request that everyone ignore the fact that I feel stupid just now for praying to an imaginary intergalactic bunny. But since this is also an elegy to the tragedy that is my life, or rather the lack thereof, it is an appropriate icon in all its camouflaged skin glory and its red hazmat mask that says "I will you up, dare you touch my ity." And yes, I am a twenty three year old Korean icon and I am a . Sue me.

126 viewers

Dear people of the planets Earth and Mato --as it exists somewhere in the corners of our fevered imaginations--, I, Bang Yongguk, leader of a boygroup of six dorks masquerading as gangsters collectively known as B.A.P. --Best Absolute Perfect, Blonde Asians are Pretty, Bunnies Are Puffy ,whichever is applicable at the moment--of sound mind and body, do confess that I was the one who flushed Choi Junhong's pet frog down the toilet that fateful night of August twenty third. Yes, my dear friends. I am a killer. I killed the little amphibian and flushed it down the loo while its owner was out in Lotte World, being distracted by Kim Himchan, bless his soul.

But you see, it's not entirely my fault nor was it an act of random violence, powerplay or cruelty. It was an unfortunate accident… although if I would have to be brutally honest, I'm glad that the slimy bastard is gone. I hated it’s amphibian guts; Croaking and jumping like some boss. I don't see what Junhong finds adorable in that green beast. But at the same time, I am terribly sorry that our precious youngest member was deeply saddened by its passing… and that me offering him a pet rock didn’t help that much. Hey! It was an igneous rock. It has been through a lot. Don't judge me.

But I'm going out of tangent here. This little anecdote about Junhong's froggy is only remotely if at all related to the bigger picture. I just needed to get it out of my chest once and for all. And what better opportunity is there than now? Besides, I doubt PETA would come after me because of what happened. It was an honest mistake.

Now where was I ? I forgot, damn it. I should have prepared a script for this thing.

Anyway, let's play it by ear.

537 viewers

I love my members. No homo. I mean, I meant that in a platonic kind of way. Although half of you would be jumping for joy now for all your ships. BangHim? BangDae? BangLo? OT6? I know them all. No need to hide. But really. No. We ain't having OT6 or whatever you little erts are thinking of. Himchan is most definitely straight. He has dated the most among the lot. Jongup has dated a girl once. I'm not sure about Daehyun and Youngjae but let's give them the benefit of the doubt even if I honestly think something is wrong with those two. And then Junhong. Well, there's our Junhong being too painfully young and naïve about these things. Himchan was supposed to have given him 'the talk' when he was fifteen but when he asked me last month if Daehyun was pregnant, I started to doubt whether Himchan did 'the talk' properly or not. As to why Junhong would think Daehyun was pregnant, I don't know -- and in all honesty,  I'd rather not, for my own sanity.

1,128 viewers

. I'm getting a lot of views here. This kinda makes me nervous. 'Na mean?

Again, I would have to repeat myself for those who just recently tuned in. I love BAP. Even if they such little heads that sometimes I just want to strangle them and vanquish their existence until our next comeback… which wouldn’t that be too far away anyway. Maybe I should just learn to live with these little heads peacefully since these little heads are mine. Sigh.

First in line would have to be Himchan. You know, I love Himchan. Again, no homo. But sometimes he is just too much. He is supposed to be the same age as me, the second in command. But I can't for the life of me leave these kids in his ward for five minutes without him crashing the car or calling in some exotic pole dancers. And I wouldn’t be complaining if those pole dancers were along the lines of After School, but god! I forgot my jacket and when I get back I see two fire-eating strippers trying to molest our maknae while he himself is grinding up and down a pole. Don’t ask me how they installed a pole in our dorm. It's beyond me. Nevertheless, I still love Kim Himchan even if he is seriously the most immature person I have ever met. And kind of a douche too.

Next is Jongup. Now Jongup is a good kid. He doesn’t talk a lot and you wouldn’t even notice his existence until he starts breakdancing. He is the kind of person who you could bully into doing and saying things that he has got no clue about. Once I had to fetch him from  the police station for reasons incomprehensibly stupid. I refuse to disclose any further details as it would be extremely humiliating on Jongup's part. As his hyung, I need to somewhat protect his image. Whatever that image is. But to sum it all up, that child is a pushover. He is too damn nice and gullible that I fear one day fangirls could kidnap him by saying that manager hyung asked them to pick him up or something. Guys, please don’t get any ideas. We love Jongup too. Please don’t kidnap him.

Hyung! Hyung please open the door.

Next up is Youngjae. He is by far the sanest one in the lot.

Hyung! Hyung!

Yah~ Yongguk! Open the damn door. We know you're still awake.

Oh man, they're knocking on my door. . Calm down, Yongguk. The door is locked. They can't break in and Junhong is still with his mom.

Hyung, open up!

. That's Junhong's voice.

Bang Yongguk what the hell are you doing there?! Did you die or something? Are you ing?

Hyung I don’t want to sleep on the couch.

Let's let them be.  I'll keep it low. They'll think I'm asleep and leave. Why the hell is Junhong back at this ungodly hour? Anyway… where was I? Oh, Youngjae. I forgot what I wanted to say about Youngjae damnit.  End point is, like everyone else in the group, I also love Youngjae even if he is also invariably a pain in the ... especially when Daehyun is involved.  Let's move on to Daehyun because I have  lot to complain about that little punk.

Again, let me say that I love that kid. But most days I just want to punch the living bejeezus out of him. He talks too much and eats way more than logically possible. Some people think that he is addicted to cheesecakes and by god they are wrong. He eats anything and everything. Cheesecakes, burgers, pasta, pizza, MY ramen, and sometimes things that aren't totally acceptable as human food. If cannibalism wasn’t illegal, I would be fearing for our lives now. And he is always so damn noisy. He is always excited about nothing. He is so high strung that I am contemplating on monitoring his sugar intake for the common good of people around him. And Youngjae supporting whatever his bright ideas are isn't helping the situation.

Finally there is Junhong.

4,625 viewers

By now, you all probably know that I am biased towards our dear maknae. If he were smaller, I would call him a ball of sunshine but as he is towering above us, I believe a lamp post is a better analogy. The fact that he is turning seventeen today scares me because he has roughly five years more to grow. If he keeps growing at the rate he does, Jongup would look like a midget next to him on our sixth anniversary.

Now, Junhong is a little sensitive and insecure about him being too tall. He is insecure about his physique in general. He agreed to crossdressing next year because he didn’t believe he would be able to gain abs like Jongup had. I would usually find him staring at himself in the mirror, shirt hiked up, anxiously looking at his nonexistent abs; as if pouting would help on sculpting them. It's heartbreaking but at the same time I find it really cute.

Although I am not really looking forward to seeing our precious Jello in a wig -- I believe he would totally look like IU --I am glad that he won't be showing off his abs for the world to see. I just can't imagine our little baby showing too much skin. It bothers me.

You see, Junhong is really special to me. Before we came out as BAP, we have been promoting together as a tandem which explains why I am closest to him compared to the rest. I have seen him grow.. and god he is still growing. I have this urge or instinct to protect him, like the feeling you get when you see a cute baby animal… only ten times stronger.

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And some other uhh… feelings you don’t get from looking at cute baby animals… unless that’s your thing of course. Who am I to judge you?

I remember the first time I saw the kid. He was only fourteen and he was unbearably adorable. At first, I thought that he doesn’t like me that much because he doesn’t talk too much to me. But then I found out that it was because he was just shy since he looked up to me a lot. I found out that he has been listening to my songs as Jepp Blackman in my Soul Connection and Blackout days and I have never felt so proud of myself in my whole damn life... not even when I ranked first among eight hundred students in high school. Not even when I accidentally heard my mom saying that she thinks I am the better looking twin… Don’t tell Nam hyung. Junhong admiring me like that is just like weed freshly harvested from Jamaica. Not that I would know what that feels like. I just thought that it would be awesome.

Babys, don't do drugs.

Where was I? Oh yes, Junhong is so adorable. I just want to punch him sometimes.

Softly.

With my lips.

With the sun setting on the sea as backdrop. But I could settle for whatever. We can be in an elevator for all I care. WhatthehellamIsayingohjeebussomeonestopme.

They've probably tired themeselves knocking on my door now.

See...two years ago, when Junhong turned fifteen, I told myself: Jepp, calm your , man. The kid’s only fifteen. Plus you are not even gay. How can you feel so much feels about him? How do you even explain a twenty-one year old man playing tickle games with a teenage boy in bed? That’s totally not a straight thing to do.

But then I’m all like. Shut the up, man. Don’t question my feels. I play Buzzy Bee with Junhong whenever I feel like it. And so I did. Junhong loves playing Buzzy Bee. He is such a big baby… in the cutest sense.

None of my bandmates ever seem to care. It’s almost an open secret that if ever our space ship would crash with an asteroid and I can only save one person, it would be the maknae. And it’s forgiven. Mainly because he is the maknae. You know? It’s a father-son thing, which kind of adds another layer of creepy to the situation. People thinking that it’s a father-son thing. Although I want to do things that fathers do for their sons to him: Like, feed him, guide him in the right way, be a good role model to him among many other things. I am so thinking of many not so fatherly thoughts about Junhong. It’s not even healthy anymore.

As you all may well know, Junhong is ever so innocent. He does all these things and say words that torment me in the best way possible. There’s this one time when he says in an interview these exact words.

“I want to sleep with Yongguk hyung.” And then I did mental backflips and carried on with those words ringing in my head the whole week.

Okay. I get it. He wants to sleep with me. Literally. Like sleep-sleep since we are all just dead tired and stuff. But hey, can you really blame me for interpreting it in another way? To be fair, I’m not the only one. I saw too many gifs of that moment in tumblr and people rejoicing.

9, 452 viewers

And then there are other instances that you guys don’t even see. Like when Junhong suddenly attacks me with hugs… or when he just sits on my lap, saying that he is tired from all our schedules… or when he demands a leg massage after a day’s practice… or when he suddenly decides to play footsie under the dinner table, thinking that it’s funny to see me blush. He’d apologize later on about how he was disturbing me during meal time and then whine about how I never spend time with him anymore like before. I’d say that it’s okay for the lack of a cooler thing to say… And basically because I can’t ask him if he’s trying to seduce me and I’m totally cool with that.

Now, it’s kind of strange too… you know? How our coordi noonas seem to be trolling me when it comes to Junhong’s hairstyle. I used to say that I really love ramen because it kinda reminds me of Junhong’s hair and whatnot. I think I actually drew him and his curly hair when they asked us to draw our ideal types. But then again, my drawing especially when you compare it to the real thing. I kinda missed his curly hair. I loved playing with it… It’s a very good excuse to touch him… in a non-ual way that is. And then the noonas suddenly decide it’s a good time to give him back his curly hair… execpt that it was grey and he looked like he has been electrocuted. He still looked cute anyway. He’d always look cute.

I’m just glad they didn’t keep that for very long. His red hair is… nice, to say the very least. He has grown so much during the past two years. He’s taller than me now but he is still the most adorable little ever.

It was a week ago when I saw his cellphone—not that I was snooping, I just happened to see it lying around—that he was receiving all these messages from noonas. And as you can probably deduce, I was not pleased. These women are throwing themselves all over my baby’s feet. And yes, Junhong is my baby. Shut up. And he unconsciously entertains them because he is such a damn nice kid.

But what really got me is that when I checked his sent items, and can you please just hold your judgement for a moment… I was looking out for his welfare, okay? I checked his sent items and he told these noonas that he will ask permission to go out with them… from me. Not the manager. Not his parents. From me.

I’m all like, hell no. I’m not going to let my tomato go camping in someone else’s backyard. So I told him, no. And he was kinda bummed out. And I’m bummed out that he was bummed out. I mean why? Does he really want to go out with these noonas?

Do you really like girls, Junhong? God, how I wish you were watching.

9,453 viewers

So if ever you saw this, or someone told you. I want you to know that it’s okay if you really do like girls. I mean, you’re seventeen now. Happy birthday. It took me some minutes to say that.

It’s normal for seventeen  year old boys to be interested in women.

But in any case, that you actually don’t or you are confused… that’s okay too. I can help you figure it out. But not now. Of course. I don’t want to get jailed or something.

I’ve waited two years, you know that? No? Of course. You wouldn’t. Why am I even asking? So yeah, the real reason that I’m making this livestream is to let you know that I’m going to wait a year more to let you figure out what you want… think about you and me. I mean… not in the hyung-dongsaeng context. But in you know… as a couple.

I don’t want to rush you, so yeah… I’m confessing a year early. So when you turn eighteen you’d have a lot of time thinking already. And you wouldn’t blame me for shocking you and stuff…

I would totally understand if you don’t feel the same way for me. That’s fine. I mean, you can feel whatever you want to feel. Just know that I’d still be waiting until then.

I hope that nothing changes… you know. Don’t feel awkward around me. Especially when we are changing clothes between shows.

Just please don’t avoid me if ever you get to see this. You are probably on the couch right now, sulking about how I locked you out of our room. Or maybe you are in Himchan and Jongup’s room, hijacking one of the beds…

I hope you had a nice birthday.

9,542 viewers

Oh my god, shut up hyung! Just open the goddamn door. I like you too, okay? How can you not even notice? Open up or I will break this door down and you!

Someone is so getting laid tonight. Did anyone see my earplugs?