Soojung

It wasn’t just like any other autumn nights in Seoul. That night was special even though I could not bear any longer with the cold. I clenched my red coat tighter and walked a bit faster to a familiar building. I was late, and I was late on purpose. I didn’t really want to see the man at that time. I had been avoiding him for 3 times already—thanks to my filming schedules. I was contemplated whether to meet him or not. I was unsure. I was not ready yet. I knew perfectly what was going to come and I was afraid of it. Just when I was about to make another excuse, I remembered my fellow f(x) members told me to face him. They had faced him, so why should I still be afraid? I had to also face him, to face reality. And now the time had come.

I took a deep breath before knocking the door. He told me to come in. I stood at my place, not moving at all, for a few seconds. The door handle was already on my grasp. The door was finally opened and I found his gaze towards a television across his table. He smirked. I knew he was really satisfied of what he just heard and saw.

I averted my gaze to the television and found some people crying while confetti kept falling on their head. Those are happy tears. Unknowingly, I smiled at the sight. He did it. Finally he did it.

“Soojung, how many years have you debuted?”

The question startled me. I know where his question headed. I put on the same old stoic face of mine and answered, “Five years, CEO Kim Youngmin.”

He nodded his head. “They only debuted 2 years ago.”

He didn’t have to emphasize that. I knew it already. They were our juniors yet they have achieved more than us. It took us years to finally get our first trophy, but they got it faster than us. They even got more fans than us and now a daesang. It’s no wonder why the company gave them more special treatments compared to us. My eyes went back to the television screen and that was when I saw him face palming, to cover his crying face. The sight warmed my cold heart all of the sudden. I felt like hugging him, kissing his tears away and telling him sweet nothings. He looked so handsome like a prince that night, but all I saw was a cute little baby crying his heart out on stage.

The smell of smoke startled me, throwing me back to reality. I cleared throat and went back to face the CEO. “I’m sorry, CEO. Can you state your point? I don’t really get it.” I ran out of my patience.

He gave me smile instead. Then, he laughed. “You know Soojung? You’ve always been my favorite because besides you are selling, you’re also straightforward. I feel like keeping you in the company, but I will still give you the privilege to decide what you’re going to do, just like the other members.”

I frowned. Just like the other members? What did he mean by that? Did I miss some important point here?

Knowing that I was totally clueless, he started to explain, “As you can see on the news this afternoon, Amber and Victoria were seen in airport today. Amber is going back to the States and Victoria is going back to China. Amber will take over her parents’ business with her sister while Victoria will pursue her acting career in China. Luna decided to focus on her study and she will be more focus in her Musical career. Sulli just renewed her contract with us but she will be focus on her acting career. What about you?”

His words were like word vomit to me. I didn’t really get it since he said it all at once. Moreover, it had all been decided without me knowing. What was going on when I wasn’t here? And why has no one told me about this before they decided? I pretended to  look at my Cartier watch. “CEO Kim, I have no time for jokes. If you excuse me, I have to—“

“I’m not joking though, Soojung. We have tried to contact you to discuss but you always avoided me. I told the members not to tell you because this kind of matter cannot be talked via phone.”

“But this is totally ridiculous! What do you mean by they’re leaving? So does it mean that we are disbanded? What the hell?!”

“It’s for your own good. Each of you. The group is not really selling to public. Public are more into y or cute concept now but you girls insist to stick to your true colors and now see what you get. Obviously nothing.” He smoked the cigarette before continued, “Look at EXO. They listen to me well and look where they stand now. Look what they’re holding. A daesang trophy!”

I rolled my eyes. It was obvious that he was trying to compare us to the rookie once again. It wasn’t the first time he did that and it’s sickening me.

Truthfully, I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. It happened all of the sudden and I wasn’t prepared. Thinking about how the other girls had sacrificed everything in order to train and debut, the hardships we faced after we debuted, then now it was all over so quickly, just like that. We hadn’t even had the chance to win the real battle. We didn’t even stand a chance. I was so frustrated. I imagined myself murdering CEO Kim right now, but that ain’t gonna happen. Not today…

“You know what would be my answer,” I said.

He threw me a smile. “What a waste of talent.”

I scoffed. “You think? What about the other members? They’re even more talented than me. Why did you let them go?”

“It wasn’t me who chose for them to leave.”

“You never said that you wanted us to leave directly, but we all got the signals. We’re unlike your other stupid puppets.”

He let out another sarcastic laugh. For the first time, I found it scary.

I tried so hard not to cry in front of his face. I didn’t want him to see me break down. Daddy always taught me to control my emotion so that I wouldn’t look weak in front of the others, especially in front of a satan like him. “My contract will be expired tomorrow, right?”

“You know it too well, Soojung.”

“Then save your papers because I won’t sign another one tomorrow.”

CEO Kim shook his head. “Soojung, my dear Soojung. I have always thought that you are clever, which is one of the reasons why you are my favorite. But what are you going to do after this? You can’t survive without this company. You also know it well that you’re not that talented. Your singing and dancing ability don’t stand out from Luna and Victoria. Your acting is not better than Jinri. All you have is that face and body of yours. What are you going to do next?”

Kim bloody Youngmin’s words slapped me hard on my face. He was always mean, but I never found him any crueler than this. So it was his true color. We weren’t one of his best money machines, that was why he could easily throw us. He could just debut another girl groups to cover it up and started to make more money. If they succeeded, then the girls were lucky. If they didn’t succeed, they would end up like us. Being thrown away like trash. It hurt so freaking bad.

“I…” I will take my leave as well and continue my life like an ordinary college girl. It wasn’t that difficult to say it actually. It had always been what I really wanted… right? I always wanted to live a normal life and it was a good opportunity for that. “I… I will discuss it with my parents and Jessica Unnie.”

CEO Kim nodded his head. “Good. Contact me soon.”

I nodded my head and prepared myself to leave his room. Just when I was about to leave the room, he called me once again. “I just got a text from the managers that next we will hold a party to celebrate SHINee’s and EXO’s big win tonight. You should come too.”

No, thanks. But I eventually nodded my head.

Jung Soojung, you’re a chicken. You’re totally a big time loser. A coward.

*

Soojung – 3rd Person’s POV

“Hi, Jongin. Um… I wonder why haven’t you replied any of my texts or calls? Call me, okay? I have so much to tell you. Once again, congrats for winning the award. I’m so proud of you. Love you.”

It was her 7th voice mail that day. She knew that he must be tired from last night’s event, that was why she decided not to contact him last night. She waited a day to pass, to tell him her current state. She didn’t want to ruin his night. However she hadn’t gotten any replies from him. It suffocated her. She really needed him now. She needed his comfort. She needed to inhale his mind blowing scent and to be in his warm hug. She desperately needed her Jongin, her 5-year-boyfriend Kim Jongin.

But he wasn’t there.

She wondered where he had been. More days had passed. More missed calls, more texts and more voice mails had been sent and unreplied.

She was getting there. She was at the peak. She was going crazy and frustrated. And scared…

Did he do that on purpose? Did he do that on purpose? Did he possibly know what’s going on with her so now he didn’t want to speak to her? Just because she finally had her down fall and she probably wouldn’t be as famous as she was in the past? If it was true, damn… he was such a good liar. All of his sweet and caring acts towards her all this time were all lies.

Her hands were starting to shake while she was taking out her phone once again from her pocket. She promised that it would be her last call. If he still didn’t want to answer it, she would stop. She wouldn’t bother him anymore. As long as he’s happy…

“Hello?”

The answer from the other line startled her. Finally someone answered the phone. “H-hello…” Then it suddenly hit her. The voice wasn’t Jongin’s. The voice was female’s voice and it was familiar. “Who is this?”

Someone on the other line scoffed. “I should be the one who asked the question.”

Soojung started to get pissed off. “You supposed to be able to see my name on the phone screen.” She rolled her eyes.

It took several seconds for her to speak again—probably she took a look at the caller id. “Oh, Soojung? This is Yoona.” She laughed. “I thought you were someone else.”

Yoona? “Yoona Unnie? How can you answer Jongin’s phone?”

“Well, we just had a wild night last night and he’s still sleeping now. He’s exhausted. So, what’s up? Why do you call him?”

Her heart sunk because of Yoona’s answer. A wild night? She couldn’t believe that Jongin would actually do that to her. Really? Jongin? Soojung never really trusted people except her family, the other f(x) members and Jongin. But now Jongin broke her trust. She just still couldn’t believe that Jongin could do that. After all of the hardships they went through… surely fame and money could change someone.

Finally a single tear escaped from her eye. She had to hold her sob so Yoona wouldn’t listen from the other line.

“Hello? Soojung?” Hearing no answer from Soojung, she started to break the ice.

Maybe Soojung bit her lower lip too hard that it started to bleed. Well, it didn’t bleed as hard as her heart right now. “I, um, nothing. Unnie I’m hanging up.”

She hung up the phone immediately without waiting for Yoona’s answer. She didn’t need to hear anything from her anymore. All she wanted to do is to crawl under her blanket and hid herself all day. She didn’t want the others to see her crying.

*

Jongin

I heard a woman’s voice from the bathroom. I was sure that I listened to my phone ringing for the nth time before. It was probably Soojung. I let out an