It was all blur to Kibum. He could remember Jinki shouted to prepare an operating room. And how it was so hard to breath and the nurse put a ventilator on his mouth. but somehow he could still smell the suffocated alcohol smell. Kibum did remember the pain on his head or was it his brain, he didn’t know. he also remembered Taemin crying, calling his name. But he could see nothing.

And that nothing turned into something ticklish in his feet. Probably grass or sand or both, he wasn’t sure. The suffocated alcohol scent was replaced by the smell of flowers. As he opened his eyes, he could see the blue skies and white clouds above. He enjoyed the sound of the bird chirping around. The wind breezed softly to his face. It was good, to be careless about the look.

It would’ve been perfect if Jonghyun were there too, Kibum thought.

And there Jonghyun were. Kibum grimaced by the others presence “So you don’t mad?”

“No, of course not. I can’t stand mad at you for everything, you know that” Jonghyun retorted.

Jonghyun sat down on the grass beneath them. Kibum followed. Jonghyun lied down and closed his eyes. Kibum could only watch.

Jonghyun’s eyes fluttered open, “What are you watching?”

Kibum knew it was the sign, he knew what to do. Placing his head to Jonghyun’s chest, he could hear the sound of Jonghyun’s heart beating inside his chest. His inhales and exhales. He remembered it all.

“You seemed having fun here, Jjong”

“I am, to be honest. But it wasn’t the same without you”

“Then take me with you”

Jonghyun grabbed Kibum’s shoulder and made him stood “We’re not having this kind of conversation again, Kibum”

“well, we are” Kibum stubbornly said “can you just take me?”

Jonghyun sighed “Kibum, listen to me. Do you love me, yes?” Kibum nodded “Then please, live for me. make my, no, our dreams come true. You haven’t done anything on our to-do-list anyway”

Kibum’s tears fell down. Jonghyun took one step closer to Kibum and wiped his tears away

“And promise me not to cry, because I wouldn’t be there to wipe your tears” Jonghyun said soothingly. Kibum held Jonghyun’s hand on his cheek.

“What if the thunders scared you, you’re always scared of thunder.”

“Na’ah, I just found out it was those heaven’s creatures playing drums. It is so cool, I’d take you next time” Kibum chuckled

“Hyung..”

“Hey, what’s with the hyung? You never called me hyung before”

“I just feel like it” Kibum said shyly, the pink blush coloring his face brighter

“So, how does it feel?”

“Weird. Jjong suits you well” Kibum said “You’re my Jjong”

“Yes Kibummie, I am yours”

“You’re mine” Kibum said “Forever”

“Beyond it”

Jonghyun took one step closer to the man in front of him, the boy who grew and turn into a mature man he knew he love more than everything in his life. He put his hands on the other boy’s cheeks as he smile to the boy who had tears in his eyes. The time froze just for the boys, they enjoying every single moment they spend looking into each other eyes. Reminisce every single moment they had gone through together before they would be separated. Jonghyun kept wiping Kibum’s tears away, he would miss those puffy eyes of Kibum.

Kibum stood unable to move as the hot streams fell down on his face. Swallowed the thick lump on his throat, his hands went paralyzed as two strong hands that always caught him whenever he fall, cupping his cheeks for the very last time. Kibum took a last good look on those puppy eyes before him, never in his life he saw such eyes like Jonghyun’s. they were shining and somehow giving him hope through everything in his life. He wanted to look at those eyes and keep in his mind how the latter look at him with it.

Kibum didn’t blinked, nor closed his eyes when Jonghyun placed his hands on the back of his head. He titled the other’s head slightly down to face his eye level, Kibum could only comply. Kibum watched Jonghyun as he leaned his face closer to him. Jonghyun mumbled an audible “I love you” before pressing his lips against Kibum. Slowly, Kibum closed his eyes and move his lips in sync as the kiss deepened with the other. Jonghyun could taste a salt taste from the others, tears. Kibum slowly moved his hands to Jonghyun’s waist, wrapping it tightly. His legs weakened and his heart thumped even faster. After all this time, Jonghyun never failed at making him feel that way. it felt like their first kiss all over again. The innocent but full of passion, that was that kiss. Kibum gasped as Jonghyun’s arms went to his waist, supporting him before he could fall. Kibum felt safe but sad at the same time, he knew Jonghyun wouldn’t be there to catch him when he ever falls again. They wished they wouldn’t ever stop, just stay that way, holding on to each other forever. Even the death do them apart.

Jonghyun was the first one to pull away. Kibum was disappointed, he knew he wouldn’t feel the same way again. The taste of Jonghyun’s lips was still all over him. jonghyun gave him a soft pecked on his lips and his temple. Just another way to say he loved Kibum whole heartedly and passionately. Kibum didn’t need to be told of because he knew, and because he did feel the same way towards the older male. Never in his life, he wanted another kiss beside Jonghyun’s. he didn’t need another one, he already had Jonghyun anyway.

Kibum bit his lower lips as he hold his sob. Jonghyun pulled him in his embrace, for the last time. they treasured every single second of that moment. They knew they wouldn’t ever get it back. Maybe in their next life, but for now they would just hold onto each other as long as they can before they went separated.

“So this is not a goodbye, is it?” Kibum asked still hiding his face on Jonghyun’s crook

“No. it’s I’ll see you next time” Jonghyun said, trailing his fingers on Kibum’s hair. Inhaled Kibum’s scent.

“Yes I’ll see you next time”

They stayed that way for a while. No one was willing to let go of each other. Kibum tried so hard not to cry, so did Jonghyun.

Kibum pulled away first when he realized Jonghyun was slowly disappeared. He finally let his tears fall, not able to hold it in for much longer.  Their hands kept intertwined even though they couldn’t feel each other’s anymore.

“Kibum, I love you so much” Jonghyun reminded Kibum

“I love you even more” he said “wait for me”

Kibum’s eyes fluttered open, squinting as he tried to adjust the amount of light entering his eyes. How long was he sleep anyway? He tried to figured it out but got interrupt by the sound of Taemin’s suppressed squealing. Taemin kept saying everything like “I thought I lost you, hyung” and apparently a “welcome back” from Minho. he only smiled, because what else he could do.

Days turned weeks when Jinki stop by Kibum’s room to declare he was cancer free and also free to go home. Kibum should’ve happy, thrilled. Yes he should’ve thrilled, but he didn’t. he did know why, but he tried to keep it to himself as a curve plastering on his face as he watched Taemin practically running around his room to packed all of his belonging and going home. Kibum would make sure no one know how he really felt deep down inside, he didn’t want anyone to feel bad for him.

“How long I’ve been in hospital that I have no idea you already drive your own car?” Kibum fastened his seatbelt as he watch Taemin starting the engine. Taemin grinned from ears to ears, he could see the signature flying cheekbones that Taemin always had but he didn’t really show anymore ever since Kibum entered the hospital.

Kibum lowered the window, feeling the unfamiliarly warm August breezed. It had been a long time since he felt the air breezing through his hair. Watching the people passing by, the memories hit them again. He remembered someone that loved to stroll around the city, holding his hand tightly when they were about to pass the traffic light. Counting how much red cars and blue cars passed by them or just simply enjoying each other’s warm hands.

The warm hands he missed the most.

“We’re here!” Taemin announced and got out first to unloaded the stuffs from the trunk. Kibum followed and wanted to help but got refused by the younger one. Sometimes Taemin could be so stubborn and he knew where he heritage that from.

“Hey! they fixed the elevator. How come I don’t know?” Kibum fascinatedly stand in front of the elevator waiting for the door to open.

“It was specially fixed for you” Taemin replied as they stepped in inside the moving box. Kibum wasn’t sure if Taemin was kidding or being serious.

Kibum should’ve known, once he opened the door to his apartment people were screaming “Surprise!” in sync. His friends came and showering him with hugs as he stepped inside the apartment that he didn’t visited for past few months. It was surprisingly tidy and clean, of course beside the “Welcome Home Kibum!” banner hovering from the ceiling.

And he should be happy. He should be happy by the amount of his friends that came and wished him much much more healthy years ahead and also long live, which Kibum wasn’t sure if he would like it. but for now, he would try to like it. there wasn’t many people who receive such an amazing what so they called second chance. Kibum promised he would do everything wisely, in the sake of the second chance.

September came faster than his liking. The fact that there would be no Jonghyun to celebrate his birthday with was the reason Kibum wasn’t as excited about his birthday like he used to. even though he knew Taemin had been preparing a surprise party for him behind his back, he still couldn’t bring himself to be as excited as he should be.

After all, the only one who could excite him was long way gone.

The alarm clock went off making Kibum startled a little, sitting on the edge of his bed he enjoyed the sunshine hitting his face. Not too warm and not too bright. He closed his eyes as smiled to the ray, calling a name he longed the most “Jonghyun…”

After refreshing himself, he got out from his room only to find an empty apartment only an orange sticky note on the refrigerator

Hyung! I’m going to school. I made your favorite dishes, don’t worry it’s not poisoned ;)

p.s : Happy Birthday hyung! I love you

-Taemin

Kibum smiled as he saw the traditional 7 dishes, the Koreans tradition to celebrating someone’s birthday.the growl on his stomach made him sit on the kitchen isle and dig the food in front of him. To Kibum’s surprised, it tasted really good. He took a mental note to hug Taemin once he got home to thank him for the food.

The doorbell went off, and Kibum practically sprint to open the door. He didn’t even know why he was excited about this certain thing waiting him behind the door.

“Good morning, I have a delivery for Kim Kibum” The man said with a bouquet of roses on his hands.

“Yes, I am him”

“Oh yes, mr Kim Jonghyun sent this for you”

Kibum’s eyes widened by the name. his throat felt dry and air stuck somewhere in his throat and fail to enter his lung. “But how?” Kibum eyeing the bouquet that already moved to his hold from the man’s.

“He came to our store last year and ordered to send this to you every year on September 23^rd” The man briefly explained. Kibum couldn’t really listened it though, his mind kept repeating the same question…How.

As much as he tried not to cry in front of a stranger, he failed. Beaded tears rolled down from his feline eyes to his cheeks and made the delivery man worried.

“I-I’m so sorry I didn’t..I”

“No no don’t be. I should’ve cry in front of the stranger”

The delivery man sighed in relief. He excused himself to Kibum, as Kibum turned away “Oh wait, I don’t know if I should say this but, there are exactly 11 red rosebuds there”

Kibum looked at the man questioningly. He didn’t know what to say to reply, so he smiled and nodded before glancing back at the flowers.

“There’s a meaning behind it. Red rosebud means a purity love and 11 shows that the person given the roses is truly loved. He must be love you that much” The man explained.

And Kibum heard it, even though he didn’t need to be told that Jonghyun loved him that much because he knew it. So Kibum said a thank you to the delivery man, both for delivering the roses and to explained the meaning of the roses for him.

Kibum entered his apartment and closed the door behind him. the roses are wrapped around his trembled hands. Couldn’t take the overwhelmed feelings inside him, he let himself fall to the floor. He brought the roses to his chest smelling the fresh scent of the flowers, he didn’t cry because he promised not to. he cried before and he regretted it.

Being too overwhelmed by the surprise, he didn’t notice the pink envelope in between the flowers until then. Kibum wasn’t sure if he ever be ready to read the letter, it was Jonghyun’s last message to him anyway. After a few moments, he decided he had to be ready.

“Jonghyun you silly puppy…” Kibum said as he finished reading the letter

Dear Kibummie

Happy birthday!!!

I have tons of wishes to you but let starts with simple one, I wish you will always love me no matter what happen. No matter how stubborn I am or no matter how busy I am or no matter how annoying I am because I will always love you. I wish you will always have that smile on your face, the silly smile that shows your dimples, I love that smile so smile more okay? I want to be the first one to wish you every single year so I told the delivery man to deliver it in the early morning, but I guess I will always be one step too late from Taemin. I’ll ask that kid to greet you after I great you first, okay?

Kibummie, whenever you feel sad or feel like nothing is going on your liking, please remember that I will always be there for you. In every step of the way. And if I become the reason of your pain, please hit me hard. I must be crazy to make you sad. If I am too far for you to reach, just wait for me because I’ll come and rescue you.

Kibummie, I love you so much I think my heart is going to burst. Do you love me that much too, right? Now, just wait for me. I will come to you. I will always come to you.

Love, Jonghyun

a/n : phew finally ended!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and as usual it isnt as good as i want to, so I probably going to fix it later. woah this is my first long chapterred story that I finished!!!!!! wooohoooooo yay ya yayyyyy. So I'd like to thank the faithful reader of mine, who bear through much typos and grammar errors here and there. and thank you to my always sailing ships, Jongkey and 2min. it's 1.37 here so I just probably going to sleep after this. oh and about the epilogue, I'm still thinking. I mean I do have a plot and I dont think I have the time-_- 

once again, thank you for reading and comments and upvotes! I promise I'm going to be a better writer ;) oh and please do check on my other fanfics hehehe love you! last pic spams!!!!!!

group hug!!!!!!!! because I just finished this ;)))))

wooo y jjong is super y~

Their hands are perfectly fit to each other, don't you think? 

this describe me after writing this

some 2min for your sweet tooth

I looooove fanarts<3

once again, thank you!

-christabella