DAY 1

Light came through my curtain and woke me up.

What time is it? I groaned and turned my body, putting my hand on the place where Junhong usually slept, “Wake up, Junhong-ah..”

No one was there and it finally hit me. 

Yes, we fought and he left me last night.

Usually he would came back after one or two hours after our fight but until this morning, he hadn’t showed up yet.

I took my phone, checking for any message or call.

There was nothing but a notification from an online store.

I knitted my eyebrow.

Are you really mad at me?

I ran my fingers through my hair, sighing loudly. Well, it ain't something new when you give me a cold shoulder though.  Especially when we fight.

I put my phone back at the drawer then jumped off the bed.

“Perhaps he stays at Jongup’s home. He’ll come back later though…”

---

 DAY 2

I was awoken by light that coming through my curtain. Groaning slightly, I found the spot beside me was still empty. It brought back the memory from yesterday when I spent my day waiting for Junhong to come back.

And he hasn't comeback yet,  that's pretty weird. 

I sat up, grabbed my phone on the drawer then checked for a message or call.

One new message

I smirked at the notification. Finally you gave up, huh?

Sender: Kim Himchan

Bbang, do you have a time? I need a favor.

I slammed my phone on my bed, sighed in frustration.

Really. Choi Junhong, you really know how to play with my heart.

I threw my blanket off roughly and climbed off bed, still consumed by anger. My stomach growled in protest, that was when I realized that I barely ate something yesterday—a cup of coffee and ate a pack of choco pie I found on the table (probabyly one of Junhong’s). Junhong always bought some snacks for himself, he had a sweet tooth. I opened the cabinet, there was nothing but a stack of ramyuns.

He hasn’t gone shopping, nice...

Well, guess I had to go back at my old habit: eating ramyun. I took one of them then grabbed a cooking pot from other cabinet.

Welcome back, bad-tasted ramyun.

I hummed a song while measuring the water on the pot, a memory flashed into my mind.

“Stop eating that food! It isn’t healthy, Hyung!”

I chuckled at the memory. Junhong used to tell me not to eat ramyun. He would always insist that it wasn’t healthy (while I had been eating it for years and I was still alive and healthy—okay not that healthy but still fine). I would bark at him when he did that, “If you tell me not to eat this, what should I eat then? Paper?”

“I’ll cook for you.”

Our small fight would end up with him cooking me a meal. Somehow it became a habit for him, there was no more small fight between us over a meal, ramyun gradually became forgotten and healthy food showed up on our menu. Sometimes I still asked ramyun for our dinner—it was my favorite meal and I couldn’t help it—and he would cook a ‘healthy version’ of it.

“Don’t use the water you’ve used to cook the ramyun for the soup. Dump it and add new warm water. It contained preservatives, Hyung. P-r-e-s-e-r-v-a-t-i-v-e.”

His expression while explaining about the danger of preservative was really funny. I turned the stove off then dumped the yellowish water on the sink. Goodbye, preservatives. I felt amused at myself for acting like a dumb.

The ramyun I cooked wasn’t taste good, it actually wasn’t that bad too but I felt something was missing. Maybe I forgot to add the cooking oil. I had done that before so I shrugged it off and dug in my food more. Minutes later, I finished my meal and put the empty bowl at the sink.

I will wash it later. I have to go to Himchan’s home.

---

DAY 3

Morning light had woken me up again.

The spot beside me still was empty.

Junhong still hadn’t returned.

Does he have to be that mad at me?

I frowned while trying to remember what I had done yesterday. Ah, yes… Kim Himchan…

Was he even my friend? He made me arranged his café, lifted all those heavy stuffs and he only paid me with a cup of coffee, without a cake. He even didn’t offer me for a dinne and I ended up eating alone at random street stall. Eating alone never was fun. I should have asked a friend to accompany me but I didn’t. I didn’t know why, I didn’t really want to see them.

I jumped off my bed—leaving my blanket lying carelessly on the floor—lazily walked into the bathroom. I washed my face quickly. To be honest, I hated washing up in the morning. I also hated to take a shower in the morning (usually I did when I was too lazy to do it at night). It made me cold, I didn’t really like the feeling. Usually Junhong would pre-heat the water for me so I wouldn’t feel really cold. I noted one more point why I needed Junhong here.

But I never say that I can’t live without him, right? I mumbled to myself.

*

After dressing up, I entered the kitchen to grab some meal. What should I eat today? I don’t feel like eating a ramyun this morning and I don’t have anything left beside ramyun.

I decided to have breakfast at any random café I’d pass by. I took a cup of coffee then left the empty cup at the sink, didn’t bother to wash it. I told myself that I would wash it later after I got back from my office.

*

I worked as a producer at one of entertainment company. People there called me ‘Music Prodigy Bang’. My job was to write lyrics, I also compose some songs. Sometimes I would take a part in a song, I would rap to give the song a different color (they said my voice was unique, that it was realy deep). Jieun greeted me as I entered the studio. She was a member of a popular girl group in this company and currently preparing her solo album. She looked pretty stunning today, with her simple make-up and her styled hair.

I observed her recording, involuntarily moving my head to the beat. She sang beautifully, amazing as usual. I closed my eyes, taking in the song meaning—a song of a broken heart.

“Don’t get drunk late at night and call me, never. I know you’re tipsy whenever you call me.”

I opened my eyes at those lines. Those words really hit me. I chuckled bitterly, does you also feel like that, Junhong?

Staying up late, getting drunk then calling him, I used to do it plenty times. But never got mad at me. I felt bad, realizing how dumb I was.

Stop it, Guk. You need to stop thinking about him. I reminded myself and focused on the mixer. 

---

DAY 4

Junhong still hadn’t came back yet and my side was left empty and cold.

I sighed. I must have hurt him so bad that night.

I went to the bathroom to wash my face. I noticed that my facial hair started to grow longer and I looked like a mess. I shrugged it off.

There’s no Junhong here to nag about it. No one will care if my beard as long as Hagrid though. Only him.

*

I was going to have a morning coffee when I realized I ran out of cups. yeah… I haven’t washed them since three days ago. I approached the sink and foul smell struck me hard. , ! Since Junhong was here, I never ran out of clean tableware since he always washed it for me. I started to miss him. I meant, how could I not? He always stayed here and his sudden absence left a big hole in my life. Nothing had been good since he left.

Shook it off, Yongguk! You’ll never get anything done if you’re just waiitng for him to show up. I shook my head and took a pair of gloves. I wiped a dish with soapy sponge, chuckling bitterly at helplessness. I used to live alone, why did I act like I couldn’t do anything without Junhong?

Suddenly the dish slipped from my grip and fell to the sink—breaking into pieces. I cursed at my clumsiness and rushed to clean the pieces. A long sharp piece pierced my glove and stuck my finger. I hissed as I took the glove off, revealing a long cut on my index finger.

Was I like this before Junhong came? Or is it because I’m spoiled by his presence?

I sighed while putting a band-aid on my injured finger. I didn’t bother to finish it, my mood had been ruined. 

*

I went to buy some groceries later since I didn’t want to drown myself in ramyun. Remember, Guk. Preservatives. I noted at myself as I passed the instant noodle section. I pushed my cart to the snack section and a memory of Junhong came into my mind.

Hyung, can I buy this? Hyung, can I buy that? I need some sugar for my system.

Involuntarily, I took a box of pepero, then another one, and another one again. I kept doing that till my trolley filled with snack.

What have I done? Am I going to throw a kids party? I asked myself as I stood at the queue, the only different stuff I bought was five bottles of soju, the rest of them were snacks. I’m ed up. I paid for the groceries and carried it to my car.

When I put my groceries at the car trunk, I took a box of pepero from the plastic bag and brought it with me. I put on the radio after starting the engine. A song by Untouchable—whom was my sunbaenim at the company—was being played.

The title is Vain, isn’t it? Featuring Koonta, if I’m not wrong.

It was a pretty nice song, well-written, had a deep meaning and great musicality. I enjoyed the music as I speed along the street with my car. I sang along at some part I memorized, “Now I think of it more. Why didn’t I know that there’s no one like you?”

Those words hit me and I tighten my grip at the steering wheel. Damn…

I unloaded all the groceries as I got home, laughing at my stupidity. I wondered how missing someone could make a person to buy all his favorite food? I put them at their place—five bottles of soju in the frigde, snacks in the cabinet.

I took a chocopie, dragging my feet to the couch. I threw myself on its surface, the TV. I munched as I flipped the channels. People were moving and talking but nothing reached my mind.

---

DAY 5

Junhong still hadn’t came back as I opened my eyes this morning. I scratched my head in annoyance and yelled. His absence started to make me anxious.

He will come home… he will come home…

I grabbed my pillow and threw it to the floor in frustation.

“ YOU, CHOI JUNHONG!!!” I cursed loudly. I clenched my teeth and balled my hand into a fist, “ you….”

I sounded like a sick dog.

*

I brushed my teeth while thinking about our fight six days ago. Honestly, I already forgot the reason we got into a fight but I remember what words made him left me.

“If you don’t like the way I treat you, just go!” The bitter words seeped from my mouth subconsciously. Junhong just stared at me, didn’t utter any words. His face showed a very hurt expression. I really wanted to swallow all those hurtful words I’ve said but I couldn’t because I had let it out—only regret was left. I wanted to apologize but my stupid pride detered me from saying words of sorry. Tears escaped from his eyes. His lips were trembling when he said the words of goodbye, “Okay then, I’ll leave.”

I balled my fist and hit the sink.

Stupid stupid stupid! You’re so stupid, Bang Yongguk!

*

My apartment room was full of snack wraps I ate last night. I had eaten all of them in a night, not feeling full nor satisfied but got hurt even more. Every bit reminded me of Junhong—I didn’t know that I would miss him this bad. As I cleaned the room, I took a glance to a spot on the couch, he used to sit there. He also sat there at the first time I brought him to my home.

How long has he stayed here?

It was around a year ago. Just a year but I felt like he already lived with me for a long time. Just like the song I heard yesterday, his habit stayed in my heart, his scent remained in my skin.

I hated how he meant a lot to me. I started to doubt myself that I could face the aftermath of our separation.

*

“Bbang, you’re a mess,” was Himchan’s first word as he opened his door. I entered his apartment while ignoring his blabbering about my appearance.

“Where’s Junhong? I haven’t seen him lately. He didn’t come to café.”

I stopped when I heard his question, giving him a deadpan look, “He left me since six day ago. I fought with him.”

“How?”

“I told him to leave if he didn’t like the way I treat him.”

“WHAT? YOU TOLD HIM THAT?” I nodded and got a hit on my head.

“YAH! BANG YONGGUK! How could you! I let him to stay with you not to hurt like that! You know about his problem, right?” I rubbed my sore head while nodding. I knew Junhong had an abandonment issue. He also was abused by his father, correction, step father. Junhong showed up suddenly at Himchan’s café one day, working as a waiter. A boy who was painfully shy and very introvert. It was hard to approach him at first but I managed to break the wall he built around him. A boy who was abandoned by people around him, who was hurt by people’s ego—a boy who I wanted to protect since the day I found his problem. I had saved him and promised him that I would never hurt him. Six days ago, I broke my promise-no, I had broken my promise from a long time ago. I just didn’t realize it. I wasn’t different from all those monsters.

“What should I do then?”

“I don’t believe you just asked me that question. Of course you have to go and find him, Idiota! Call his friend. Maybe he’s at Jongup’s. Oh mio fratello, how could be so stupid?”

Actually I already predicted that Junhong would stay at Jongup’s place but I didn’t contact him because I thought Junhong would come home sooner (and stupid pride prevented me to do that, I admitted that I was an idiot with a huge stupid ego). Himchan was right. If I wanted to get Junhong back to me, I shouldn’t just wait for him to show up. I was the culprit here and he deserved my apologize. It was the time for me to fix this mess I had made.

*

I stared at my phone screen nervously. Pick it up, Jongup! Please!

“Hello, this is Moon Jongup.”

“Jongup-ah, this is Yongguk…”

“Ah… Why would you call me, Hyung?”

“Is Junhong with you?”

Jongup went silent for a while before answering, “No. I haven’t seen him lately. He isn’t there?” I cut the call off.

There’s no use, I know it. Even if Junhong were there, he wouldn’t want to tell me. Who in this world ever wanted to let his best friend living with someone as bad as me?

I sighed loudly, covering my face with my palm, “Junhong-ah…”

---

DAY 6

I was ed up. Guilty had consumed me entirely and I was up all night. I couldn’t sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Junhong’s face—his hurt expression, his tears.

I’m a fool. I admit it. I regret it

I tried to drown the feeling by alcohol. The bitter taste helped at first but guilty came back as morning light embraced me. It got worse by every drop of liquer I took into my system.

I let my ego controlled me

I was surrounded by empty bottles of soju—one of them was broken into pieces—I smashed it when I couldn’t hold my frustation anymore.

I’m wrecked. Do you know it?

My throat was hurt due to yelling and cursing all night long—cursing at my stupidity. I was too tired to curse, I had lost my energy at my rampage party. Slowly, tiredness consumed me and dragged me into a restless sleep.

I woke up few hours later, feeling bad. My head hurt a lot and I felt like I was going to puke any soon. I finally let my gut out on the carpet, feeling gross at its look and smell. I reminded myself to prepare a basin before I was going to wash my pain in alcohol. , I need to call the cleaning service later. I stood up, swaying a lot, but still managed to get into the bathroom and placed my head on the toilet. I puked again.

“…” I wiped my mouth, “ you, Choi Junhong…” I vomited again, “ you…”

I bit my lip trying to prevent myself from sobbing. I failed though.

Since my grandfather’s death, it was my first time to cry like this.

---

DAY 7

Morning light embraced me, it was warm. I was surprised that I felt better than yesterday but then I remembered that Himchan had came to fix me. I glanced around.

He left.

I didn’t know how I managed to call him but he showed up and took care of me. I have to thank him later.

I looked at my reflection on my phone screen. My eyes were swollen—of course they were. I cried like a baby last night—I cried like a family had died. I chuckled bitterly.

Choi Junhong, you should be proud. You’re the first person who broke me this bad.

I dragged my feet to the bathroom then washed my face. I hissed when my hand touched water. I’m injured? What have I done yesterday?

I decided to shave my face because I looked really ugly with facial hair.

Now I completely understand why Junhong used to hate it so much. I look like a hobo.

When I was going to grab some drink, I found cooked meal on the table with a note was being put beside them.

Man up, Bbang!

I smirked at his words—Himchan didn’t have to say much to encourage me. I would find and settled our problem. If he did wanted to leave, then I would let him go. I didn’t have any confidence left that he would stay with me. I hurt him so bad and he deserved to leave me. I chewed the meal while thinking.

For me, Junhong’s special. I knew he was special since the first time I set my eyes on him. Junhong still stays though I don’t treat him nicely. He’s always here. I’m stupid because I just realized how seldom I spent my time with him these days. All I do was working, working and working. I’ve ignored him. He never smile brightly like before, how could I just realized it? I love his smile and I’ve stolen it. I love everything about Junhong and I’ve destroyed him.

I stopped munching, tears started to gather in my eyes.

Junhong has never complained about me even though I’m lacking many things.

I swallow the food and bit my lip. My grip on the chopsticks was tighten as I was trying to prevent myself from sobbing.

I really miss him. I miss the way he smile when I tell him a joke, I miss the way he pout when I tell him that I have to go. I miss the moment when we both saying ‘welcome home’ in turns.

I stopped. I couldn’t eat anymore.

What if really want to leave, can I bring myself to accept the fact?

My heart hurt really bad, like it was going to burst with pain. I sat up for I didn’t know how long before I finally let out a words, “I’m sorry…”

“I’m sorry… please come back” I covered my face with my palms. I really didn’t want to cry but my eyes betrayed me.

Junhong, I’m sorry…

I just let the most important person in my life to leave.

“Aish! Yah! Stop you, stupid tears!” I cursed and sobbed.

Suddenly I heard someone knock my door and turned to see it.

Probably Himchan…

I didn’t want to see him right now, I wanted Junhong to be the one who standing on my door. I wiped my tears then approached the door lazily.

I unlocked the door, throwing my glance away as I slowly pull it.

“I don’t have a time for you right now. I want to be alone.”

“Hyung, I…” I had prepared myself to hear him nagging but I heard a voice that I had been yearned for instead of Himchan’s.

I stared at person in front of me in disbelief. The person who broke me, who I had yearned for, stood right in front of me—staring at me with his beautiful orbs. My angel.

“I’m sorry, Hyung. I..”

I didn’t need to hear more. In instant, I wrapped him into a tight hug, trying to smell his scent as much as I could.

I felt his hand crept onto my back, they were hesitant at first but soon those hands embraced me tightly.

Tears brimmed onto my eyes. My heaven was back.

I exhaled his scent one more time before finally saying the words I had been longed to say for seven days long.

“Welcome home…”

---

 

As you can see, I've revamped this fic... I hope you enjoy it... :D