Flashback

''Stop it. I don't want to continue this again. I want to go and I won't take responsibility to this kid!''
''Mandy,she's our daughter. Stop being like this. Lorraine need mother's love. She was still young.''
''Our? What did you say? Our daughter? No. I'm not her mother. You and her just a burden to my life. Completely useless!''

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Old story. Completely nothing. It's just useless to remember them all. Lorraine,that's me. My mom left when I was so young. She left me alone with dad. No matter how much dad have loved mum,she still left. Sometimes,I do wonder that why dad love such kind of woman? A woman that never appreaciate his love,dump him. Luckily,dad was a strong guy that accept the reality. He continues his life,with me. He never fails to make me smile. He's my everything. The strongest man that I know. A sincere man that deeply love his family. But,mom broke his hopes,she ruined everything. She was completely blind,from the inside.
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I used to give up on anything. I went through rubbish,I had to hear every criticism. Patient is the only way to accept everything. There's my best friend. He's Andy.
He has been my friend since we were so young,since I moved to Incheon. He's the first friend of mine. And maybe the last friend of mine? I don't know. A good looking guy or should I say..perfect? He was kind,sincere and had really good humour. No matter how difficult the situation is,he always make me believe anything..anything that I don't ever believe before. He make me realised that we can hope for that impossible thing to happen. Well,sometimes. I forgotten my own birthday,I actually don't care about it. Whether I celebrate it or not,it's just the same,usual day. But,he always remember it and bought a big cake for me,giving me lots of present and dressing like a clown. Everything that he does,will always make me happy,even if it's just his smile. Sometimes,I do wonder. Am I deserve for his goodness? I can't give him anything.

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''Wait me at school canteen. N.O.W.''
He texted me. He usually told me to wait for him outside the college.
So,I waited for him at the canteen,it's so empty. I was really scared because it's getting dark. But I have to wait,or else I'm going home alone.
15 min passed.....
30 min passed.........
45 min passed...............
He still wasn't here. What is that important thing that he going to do? He should tell me that he is going to be late. I was about to take my phone and someone grabbed it. I heard someone laughing sound from behind. It's Andy. He's really creee-py.
He took my phone and having a selca. (self-capture) What is he going to do? Such a.. Psschhh!!
''Here you go! Your phone. I've set my own photo as your phone wallpaper. It's much attractive now.''
''Attractive? Your picture on my phone? NOT AT ALL. I'M GOING TO CHANGE IT.''
''If you change it. You gonna regret because it was rare for me to have a snap on your phone..''
''I won't regret. I would be happy. I'M REALLY PISSED OFF? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHY DON'T YOU SAY THAT YOU'RE GOIN TO BE LATE TODAY?''
''I'm sorry..I did nothing.. I'm just at your back just now,I thought you would turn back and see me. But,you don't!''
''WHAT? Hmph!''
''HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Let's go home. By the way,please give this present to your father if you're going back to Busan.I won't be free these days.Please pass it to him,okay?''
''S-sure.''
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I stared at my phone. I laughed at it. His pouty face,was on my phone wallpaper. Dad will be shock if he saw Andy is now a big,tall boy. Time flies so fast. 
I stare for the gift that Andy give to my father,what was it? 

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It's finally weekend. I'm going back to Busan to visit my father. I bring along the present and dad's favourite food,kimchi. I'm sure he will missed me.
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''Aine,you're here.''
Dad hugged me and cried a bit. He told me that he missed me so much. I know it. I missed him a lot too.
''Dad.Andy give this to you. He said that he missed you so much.Go ahead,open that gift.''
''It's a suit. He left a short note over here.''
''Let me read it for you.''


''Hi. Uncle,I'm Andy. That suit is absolutely for you,I saw that past few days and I think it would be great if uncle wear it. Wear that when Lorraine graduated. You will look handsome. I'm so sorry,uncle. I wanna go with Lorraine too but I think I will be busy these days.''


''Andy is a really good man,He grew up so well.''
''Absolutely.''
''I somehow wish that you will get a bit closer to him. You already know him for so long. Don't be afraid to falling in love. Right person is the only way to make you happy.''
''How about wrong person?''
''They will just become memory for us,but the feeling with remain the same. No matter how much someone had hurted you,you still looking for their good side and loving them. It's normal.''

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I was finding for Andy at college today. But he wasn't at college today. No textes and calls from him. I wonder what happened.

''What is the date today?''
''4 November,such a forgetful..''

I heard the conversation of people standing in front of me. 4 November. I think I remember this date.. 

''I will always busy before 4 November,I always visit my parents grave at 4 November.''

Tht's it. Tht's why. I shouldn't text or call him this day. He must have been really tired..
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Class ended. I was late today. Everyone left the college. No Andy today,means I have to walk home alone. I sighed and continues my way walking outside the building. There's a guy who was wearing suit stand in front of me. It's Andy. I was shocked. He suppose to rest at home..

''Why are you late?''
''I have lot of things to do..Why did you came? You should just rest at home,Andy..''
''I want to fetch you,so that you won't be walking home alone. Let's go. It's getting late..''
''S-sure.''
I saw his face,it's not Andy that I know,he seems to be so weak. I can see that he was holding his tears,his teary eyes. It makes me really weak. I feel like want to cry but I won't cry in front of him. He stared at me for awhile and suddenly hugged me. For a second,I feel like world has stopped and my heart racing so fast. It's so warm and peaceful. I hugged him back to comfort him. He never cried before,is this the first time he did? I realised that he fall asleep in my embrace. His tears still continues to fall. I wiped them. I had to carry him until I reached his home. He wasn't that heavy. It's not that far. 
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''Please bring him into his room to have a rest. He must have been really tired.'' I told his housemaid to bring him in his room.
I visited him at his room and hold his hands for awhile. 

''You must have been really tired,don't you? And you surely missed your parents so much. You're already being a good son of them. They must be happy.'''

I leave his house and thinking about the hug that he give me. I keep remembering it. I can't keep those feelings. He's my friend. Bestfriend. It's impossible for him to keep those feelings too. 
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Class ended,it's Friday. Finally,I can rest. He waited for me. He smiled at me. I smiled a bit. 

''You're always late these days.''
''I had to finish everything before I leave.''
''Let's go home.'''
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I bet that he was feeling weird because I didn't speak to him. He finally spoke up.

''Are you sick? You don't talk with me today.. I missed it..''
''Maybe..I was feeling a bit dizzy.''
''By the way,thank you for sending me home last night. I was really..''
''It wasn't a big problem. By the way,last night.. You don't mean it,right?''
''What did I do last night?''
He seems to not remembering it. I shouldn't talk about it. It's better for not saying it.
''Nothing. Hahaha.''
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I couldn't sleep well. I keep remembering it. It stucked in my mind. How can it be like this.. I feel worst.

''Ding..Dong..''

Someone's at the outside. I opened the door and saw dad.

''Dad~! Is there anything?''
''Andy told me that you seems to be sick.Dad bought you soup.''
''Came in first..''
I drink the soup,the most tasty soup I've ever taste before.
''What actually happened,Aine?''
''Nothing..i was just..''
''Trying to stay away from Andy?''
I was left speechless. 
''I told you,right? It wasn't wrong loving the right person. I trusted him. Actually,you aren't afraid loving him,but afraid of not being loved by him..''
''But..''
''Love wasn't something that we can measure using ruler,it comes by your heart. You need to have confidence. And not by doing this stupid things by staying away from him.''

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I feel like wanna rest and calming my mind.  It seems like there was war inside of my heart. And my enemy is him.
I walked outside. There are so many people since it's weekend. I saw a photobooth machine.

Flashback
''Let's take a picture!''
''I don't want to. Andy~''
''Let's go inside it. Pleeeeasssseeee?''
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I took out my wallet and saw those pictures that we took at the photobooth machine. I saw the shadows of me and Andy taking photo in the photobooth machine and it slowly unvisible. I continued my way into the garden. I was taking a deep breath while sitting on a bench. When I opened my eyes,again,I saw myself and Andy at the garden.

Flashback
''I injured my ankle..''
''You're so careless. I'm going to carry you until we reached your home..''
''Andy! No. It must be a joke. Put me down! Andy!''
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And again,that shadow gone. I continued my way to the concert hall. It's always free during weekends. Maybe music can make me feel better.
There's a lot of people in the hall. I went to the first row. 
 

Flashback
''You know what,i love noisy places like this so much!''
''Well,not for me.''
''You should enjoy it for once.''
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And again,I saw myself and Andy dancing like a crazy at the hall. I couldn't resist but crying non stop. I think I should go home.
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That war is actually the memories between us,Andy. You've been the part of my war and that war should stop. It tears me apart. I couldn't do this anymore. You're the one that appears in my dreams,every single moment. You make me believe that love always visible,and we can feel it every day,every minutes,every seconds. 

 Flashback
''You know what rare thing that always happen?''
''Hmm.I don't know. Such a funny question.''
''Love. It's rare,but it's weird because it always happen. It's rare and sweet,cherish it,Lorraine!'' 
I called him.
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''Andy,what are you doing?''
''Lorraine,you finally call.. I was just..Seeing old photos..''
''Yeah,I suddenly missed you. I'm sorry for acting weird.''
''Nevermind,I know you weren't feeling great. You should go have a rest.''
''I've taken full of rest and I'm really sick of being like this.''
''Being like what?''
''N-nothing.''
''Let's meet up at the garden.''
''Eoh? What's wrong?''
''I need to talk with you,and i can't resist to tell you. I need to when I know I don't have to.''
''S-sure.''
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He came and going towards me. He cried and hugged me for the second time and inhaling the scent of my hair.

''Please,don't stay away from me. I've been keeping my feeling for you since long time ago. I never told you what actually my feeling for you. I afraid that you will stay away from me. And I won't be able to be by your side. I won't be able to see your face,I won't be able to be a friend of yours.I always wanted you to know,I love you.''

''I had to remove my feelings for you,but I just can't. It hurts me even more. But,I realised that I made a stupid decision for staying away from you. I just afraid that you won't have the same feeling as mine. I really afraid. Tht's why I'm afraid to love. But,you make me believe all of it. You make me believe anything that I wouldn't think I would believe it.''

''I-i love you too.And i'm on my way to believing it.''
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