Distance (2034 words)

 

 

2 months. It had been two long months since Exo-M had gone back to China promoting separately from Exo- K in Korea. Growl had been an absolute hit and they were sure they were more popular now than they had ever been in the short year they have been around.  It was safe to say they were closer now more than ever as promoting as 12 allowed them to be around each other 95% of the time.  Chen had especially gotten closer to Suho throughout their promotions together and to say now that Chen missed the older a little was a bit of an understatement.

 

 

He absolutely adored Junmyeon. His angelic smile. His constant hard work. The way he always put s before himself and every single little habit he had (like twirling his hair in thought and the cute arm and head movements he would do when listening to music when he thought he was alone) that made him Suho.

 

 

Chen missed all of that and that’s why he was going slightly crazy now. The distance between them for such along time was beginning to effect him and now all he wanted to do was pounce into the others arms and allow himself to be embraced even if it were for only a few minutes. Even if he couldn’t be in the others arms he wanted to just be near him. See his gorgeous smile up close and not through a computer screen with dodgy reception. It’s not like they never talked. They were on Skype quite a lot however generally the other members were also there, discussing what they had been doing in the past week and how they couldn’t wait to see the others again after such a long time.

 

 

Before Chen could even get a word into Suho the call would be hung up and he would be left looking at a blank screen.

 

 

Walking back into the dorm from practice he sighed as he headed up into his shared bedroom. He was now sharing a room with Kris and he knew the other would be a while, either taking care of his own body or being forced to keep Tao company while the younger washed. He plopped down on his bed and reached out for his laptop opening it tiredly to see if anything new was happening.

 

 

He was surprised as he heard the little ‘ding’ that someone had signed onto Skype, which meant that it was either a member of his family or someone in EXO. Curios as to whom it could be he opened up the blue and white application smiling excitedly when he saw that Exo-K’s leader was the one to come online.

 

 

“Hi Junnie!!!” Chen typed excitedly, waiting impatiently for a reply.

 

 

“Hey Jongdae. Sorry but I was actually just about to go to bed. I just needed to check something and Skype must have signed me on automatically. We have a group session tomorrow though so we will talk then, ok?”

 

 

Jongdae tried to ignore the twisting in his chest and block out the dropping of his stomach he really did but he it was no use. He knew it was selfish. Suho was working just as, if not harder than what they were but he just wanted to talk to his hyung one on one. He didn’t want to have to try and speak over 10 other voices and even if he did there are some things that he would like to discuss with Suho alone.

 

 

He fell asleep that night with a gloomy aura that even Kris wanted to avoid. He couldn’t help but dream about Junmyeon that night. Laughing carefree again and simply enjoying the others fake presence. That’s the most he could wish for at the moment.

It went on like this for the next couple of weeks. Exo-M’s and Exo-K’s schedules clashed horribly. Whenever Chen was free in the mornings Suho had a music show or was at practice. Whenever Suho was free in the early evening Chen was out greeting important PD’s or recording variety shows. They rarely had anytime where both were free, except in the late evening when everyone was going to bed. It and Chen was even more depressed as Suho’s online status dwindled less and less in numbers everyday. It was actually quite a surprise for Chen when he heard the sound of an incoming message, Junmyeon’s Skype name flashing in the corner of his screen.

 

 

 

“Hello! :)”

 

 

“Hi Joonmyeon!! How are you?”

 

 

“I’m pretty good. Promotions are killing though :( Why so many?!?!”

 

 

“Haha :( We are the same here. :/”

 

 

Chen cringed as he heard his name being called by his roommate from the kitchen and that’s when he remembered they had to go out tonight. Sighing he typed his message back to Suho.

 

 

“Kris is calling us. We have to have dinner with the PD of tomorrow’s show. Gotta go! Will you be on when I get back?”

 

 

“Dunno. Maybe.”

 

 

“Ok. I really got to go. Bye Junnie!! <3”

 

 

 

It had only taken about an hour and a half of fake laughter and smiles before dinner was finished. A long hour of not understanding what conversation was being told and being laughed at as he tried his best to speak and interact with the staff in his broken Mandarin.

 

 

On normal circumstances he would light heartedly shake it off. He knew they were only joking but to be honest it was getting old. He was trying his best after all only to get bits of saliva spat at him while the fatter man in front of him laughed his off in absolute amusement at his mispronunciations. To be honest Chen hadn’t been that hungry but he had to impress and have a good impression in order for them to be approved. Once back in his dorm he immediately ran back to his computer praying that Joonmyeon was still on and hadn’t gone to bed yet. To his relief he was greeted with the little green tick next to Junmyeon’s name on his computer.

 

 

“Hey! You’re still on right? Sorry I had to eat with some really important people, hence why I had to practically run out on our conversation.”

 

 

“Oh hi Jongdae. Well I literally just went to bed.”

 

`

“Oh. Do you think you could stay up for a little while?”

 

 

“But I’m tired.”

 

 

“;( Oh C’mon it’s not THAT late over there yet. It’s like what 10:00pm?”

 

 

“True, but you know how long it takes me to wake up and then wake everyone else up in the dorm, besides you shouldn’t of left me first.”

 

 

“I just told you these people are damn important. I couldn’t just leave them. Please Junmyeon. Please stay.”

 

 

The next message to come through practically broke him as he stupidly began to feel tears well up in the sides of his eyes.

 

 

“No.”

 

 

That was it? That’s all the response he was going to get?

 

 

“I’m going to leave now.”

 

 

“No, please.”

 

 

“Yes.”

 

 

What were with these such short comments? It was breaking him and he began to shake as he typed his message back. Why was the other being so cold?

 

 

“We haven’t talked in ages! Don’t you want to talk to me to?”

 

 

“But I’m tired.”

 

 

“You always leave!” Chen typed. His sadness was slowly being taken by anger and irritation at the others stubbornness.

 

 

“Please. It’s been so long since we talked just the two of us.”

 

 

“Well maybe we should talk when it’s not 10 o’clock at night.”

 

 

“But I’m busy during the day and when I’m free in the morning you are busy. So it’s always going to be late because that’s the time when we are both not out doing things.”

 

 

“But I hate typing at night. I’m never in a good position and I’m not motivated to type.”

 

 

“Fine then. Bye.”

 

 

Chen didn’t want to hear any excuses anymore. Not waiting for a response he closed his laptop and non too gently put it on his side table. He rolled over so his face was in his pillow and screamed as loud as he could into it. He ignored the tears streaming down his face. They were nothing but a reminder of his loneliness.

 

 

The other members in M didn’t fail to notice the change in Chen. His laughter wasn’t as natural or pure and didn’t reach his eyes like it used to. He wasn’t as open and lively during shows and on the odd occasion his eyes would be red and slightly puffy. Kris had also paid more attention to the other when he was about to fall asleep and he was sure he could hear the tall tale sobs and even see the sheets on the other bed tremble in the moonlight. Something was wrong, but he couldn’t for the life of him figure out what.

 

 

On one particular night Kris had walked into their shared bedroom to find Chen shaking violently under his blankets. Sobs escaped his mouth as his tear streaked face looked up at the taller blonde before looking back down dejectedly, burying his face in his knees as he was curled in a ball, sitting up against the wall. Kris was quick to walk over, pulling the other into his chest and allowed the younger to drench his shirt in tears.

 

 

Kris doesn’t know why but he has always had a soft spot for their main vocalist in M and now he was seriously concerned not to mention angry at whoever the person was who was messing up the younger boy. When the brunette haired boy had fallen exhaustedly into a slumber Kris slowly laid him down, moving the open laptop to the desk.

 

 

Kris knew he shouldn’t but when he saw the opened message box he couldn’t help his curiosity. Sitting down at the desk his mouth fell open as he read the conversation that had ensued between them.

 

 

1 hour ago:

 

 

“If we can establish a time that would be good.”

 

 

“Well I can’t on weekends cause we are busy doing things. This week we have to go to Nanjing, and it’s still going to be the same during the week. Next weekend isn’t much better. So fine we won’t talk for 2 weeks.”

 

 

“Ugh just stop going places!!”

 

 

“Oh yeah Junmyeon I’ll just tell the manager that. I’m sure that will go down well.”

 

 

“And you say I’m always ditching you.”

 

 

“WELL I WANT TO TALK NOW DON’T I? I CAN’T HELP THE FACT THAT I’M ONLY FREE WHEN YOU ARE ING TIRED! MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST IT UP! I’M TIRED TOO YOU KNOW BUT I STILL WANT TO PUT IN THE EFFORT TO TALK TO YOU!!”

 

 

“Well if you were free on weekends it would be fine cause that’s the only time I can get off. “

 

 

Chen sighed. This was getting ridiculous.

 

 

“Ok yeah, ing bright idea Junmyeon. I’ll just sit at home all weekend and why don’t I lose my job while I’m at it? You know what, this is just pathetic.”

 

 

“Why do you even care so much?”

 

 

And that’s when Chen felt it. He felt as if his heart had literally cracked in his chest. As if the small fissure at the start of this conversation had fractured into something much much bigger and now all the pent up anger and sadness that was hidden down below erupted to the surface.

 

 

“Why do I care so much? Is that even a ing question? BECAUSE I MISS YOU, YOU ING IDIOT. BECAUSE MAYBE I MISS YOUR VOICE, YOUR LAUGHTER, YOUR LAME JOKES, YOUR SHOUTS. JUST YOU IN GENERAL. WHY? IS THAT SO WRONG? TO MISS SOMONE I TRULY LOVE AND CARE ABOUT. CAUSE I DO JUNMYEON. I ING LOVE YOU AND YOU’RE ALWAYS TO TIRED OR BUSY TO SEE IT!!”

 

 

He didn’t bother to reread his message before sending it, however he became worried when he didn’t get a response back. He waited assuming the other had fallen asleep or left him hanging after he just blurted his thoughts and declared his heart. He had practically just spread himself on the table and now waited anxiously for the agonizingly slow response.

 

 

What small remnants that were left of his heart completely shattered and hit the floor as he once again received a short and cold response.

 

 

“Sorry Jongdae.”

 

 

Chen looked at the message with confusion. He was worried for what the other was apologizing for though he doesn’t think it was for ignoring him. The next message only confirmed his dreadful and crushing thoughts.

 

 

“The feeling isn’t mutual.”

 

 

And that was it. He completely broke down. Tears immediately coming forward to stream down his face like a river and fall onto his shirt. He didn’t even bother trying to stop when Kris walked into the room and he felt safe when the blonde embraced him. He cried himself to sleep in Yi Fan’s hold that night never to be the same when he awoke.

 

 

It was a long few weeks after Chen had confessed and inevitably had his heart thrown away. The vocalist had recovered quicker than imagined though Kris had to wonder if he had fully recovered. Sure he was back to full promotions (after missing a few) and was singing as amazingly as he was before however Kris never failed to notice that the twinkle in his eyes were gone. The happy aura and positive glow that always radiated and followed the younger was no longer present. The biggest thing he noticed however was his ability to act as if Suho no longer existed. Whenever they were on stage together he would stand on the opposite side and when they were all together for dinner he would find anyone but him to talk to or just sit in silence if everyone was already in their own conversations. 

 

 

He had become more distant with the other members to as if he was afraid to get too close and burn himself again. The distance that he had with Junmyeon had distanced him away from people emotionally even if they were in the same room. It was like he was constantly in his own little world and if he was happier there than Kris would allow him to stay, because it was better seeing the younger in his own blissful daydream then hearing him cover up his sobs at night.

 

 

 

---

Ugh what even is this?!? I'm sorry to anyone that actually got through this. :/ Imma just go jump out a window now-Ally