- jieun -

I can never be upset in my whole life more than now. Hearing that I am out of the company I worked for a long time stresses me as I take the hallway to get my things out of my desk. What’s more discouraging is the fact that they opened a slot for a new employee, which is to occupy my desk for what? Three months? A year? I wish she quits her job and appoints me instead. I wish the other employee quits their job, too, so that doesn’t make me the only one dismissed and depressed. I wish someone higher in my position thinks of what they’ll give me if they remove me from their company. I wish many things more to happen, but everything seems final.

I am fired. And I have no more to do with the eight floor building I am stepping at.

I wait for the elevator to stop at the seventh then step forwardly in a confined square room that only fits for ten to fifteen people and delivers them to their preferred area, and to which have caused many people claustrophobia – the elevator.

Forcing myself not to think of reasons why the company decided to leave me out of job, I think of things that could make me feel a little lighter – ice cream, jellybeans, chocolates and other stuffs. I carry with me a box with all my things in it; papers, pens, sticky notes, etcetera, as I wait for the elevator to get me to the first level.

It is nice to think that I am now unemployed therefore that means I have no more work to do; no more projects, no more busy schedules, no more reporting to the managers and to conclude: no more problems. But that is inconsiderable, knowing that live independently. I pay for my rent, my food, and my necessities as well. Moreover, I can no more shop, or buy the things I want. I can no more treat my friends. I can no more spend money. Who has a good heart that will offer me work and pay for me?

I take the bus leading to my own apartment when in sight I notice some stickers posted in the exterior of it. It is yellow stating “Do not enter”. I cannot remember for what reason but just then the owner of the building surprises me.

“Oh gosh!”, I shout, calming myself. She raises a brow and I command myself to put my actions into place or else she can feel offended. “What are you doing here?”

“I am the one who supposed to ask you. What are you doing here?”, her mini voice surrounds my ear as I deliver a question again.

“What.. what are you saying?”, I stutter as I put down the box I carry and she hands me a paper, eight by eleven and a half inches of size. It doesn’t look good, and I don’t feel good about this either.

“This is your bill”, she points at. “You failed to reach the deadline Lee Jieun. Now, move forward.”

Is this real? Is this really happening? Is today Friday the thirteenth? I take out my phone and check my calendar. “What are you looking at?, the old lady crosses her arms to me as she peeks to what I’m doing.

“Nothing.”, I mumble. Why am I having such a bad luck this year?

“If there’s nothing more, you may go.”

“Wait. Can you please let me stay for a little longer? Please, please, please.”, I put my hands together as I beg her. I don’t have someone to cling onto. Else, I am no longer employed. What could be much worse now?

I hang on to her reply as she gives me a look of somewhat I can’t determine. I am sure she has a heart. “Please.”

Every seconds count. My face is clouded with a big question mark. Then she straightforwardly responds.

“No.”

---

I phone my best friend, Leif, but I suddenly remember that he’s out of town for business talks or whatsoever. I try reaching his number but this is the only word I get from him: “Hi, this is Leif. Why are you hearing my voice? That’s because I am busy. Please talk after you hear this buzzer!”

I don’t know what to do now. I don’t know if I can sleep, and the saddest part I don’t know where to stay in. I take a cab, but I am unsure where to go. A restaurant? A hotel? Well, isn’t it weird when I stay alone in a hotel for a night? I sigh in just thinking of it. Exhausted, I lean on the backseat.
 

“Miss,” I can feel that the driver is itching to ask me where my real destination is and I fail to answer him correctly. “where are we exactly going?”

“The truth is that I don’t know.”

He chuckles and pulls over.  “Are you serious?”

I hate to admit it but I don’t want to be dishonest person, too. “Don’t mind me. Just turn to your left.” I wipe the tears that accidentally fall to my cheeks.

“Thanks.”

I give him my last money as I stop in an old street, carrying all my things. I give three knocks on the same coffee shop I once left. The wintry night chills me, and my nose starts to redden too. Opening my big duffel bag, I search for my jacket and put it on me so that I feel warmer. Interestingly, a paperboy, who looks younger than me by a year ot two, happens to pass by. He is selecting which stores to give the flyers when one of it flew into my direction.

I chart him as I pick it up, and then to my resort, my wish is in my own hands.

---

I give a strange applause myself for staying awake for straight twenty-six hours. I don’t know if it is an achievement. My mind is focused into winning a competition right now. There were many people in line ahead of me, but I am not losing this. I will win, and I will get the prize: a house that fits me.

I am never a fan of contests, just until now when a dead-end opportunity awaits me. I have to win, and there’s a difference there from ‘I want to win this’; for the sake of everything.

I breathe heavily then it’s judge’s turn to introduce the mechanics. I listen carefully to what he says, and all I need to do is to hang on – literally.

The bus he is pointing at is parked near an empty space in the road I don’t even dare to cross at because it’s creepy, where contestants or simply anyone, must stick a body part on it; may be a hand, a leg, someone’s torso. Just if it’s part of the body and not a thing. The person who will be the last to pull away from it will have the chance to get a cash prize (I didn’t mind looking at the amount), and a fully furnished house designed by a well-known interior designer. But I also forgot his name.

Hearing the judges say the give back in return for their fun made my ears clap. I can’t wait a second longer. I want to be in my game face. “You can do this Jieun.”, I clench my fists as the judges cued the start of the game.

People ran to the play area. This is where panic starts. It is a do-or-die game. Well, at least for me. The screen flashes the number of people that are out, and in just seconds, there were a bunch chopped into the list.

It is surprising and alarming, too. But whatever happens, I have to be in it. I have to take all the risks, even if somebody’s armpit is now near my face.

The rules of the game: Simply just have a part of your body stuck in the area of the bus no matter what.  

So pretending that it’s not your intention to kick someone’s to get him out of the game doesn’t count, right? I am at stake. Two hundred people already are out. And if it’s out of desperation, I say that.. Well, it happens in real life.

Several hours have passed. I am hungry, and it’s getting dark. My bag is checked on the counter. I remember I kept a chocolate revel bar inside of it and I can’t just get it now. But seriously, I want to eat. Or drink just to fill my tummy. I travel across the bus with one hand sliding into the sides of the vehicle. All of the judge’s and people’s eye are onto the remaining contestants. That includes me and the rest. They want to get the winner revealed.

I pass by onto some people. I almost forgot to say that the bus is closed so no one can enter it. It’s a violation if people do because they can sit and stay inside for the nth number of hours they wish. But I seriously want to eat.

“Excuse me.”, I don’t mind the crowd. But they’re just too much of people in my way that I have to make way for excuses. Caught off-guard, someone bumps my shoulder. I could have fall off, if not only I am not aware. He wears a cap, and I see his finely curved lips slightly transforming into a smirk.
 

I wince. “Excuse me?”, strongly defending my side.

“Sorry. You are in the way.”, he says with lowering his head a little. But the moment he drops his voice, it registers to my brain. It is the voice of someone. Someone who remarked me, and will forever be a reason of what I am now. I cannot be wrong, but I cannot be certain either.

“Sorry?”

Curious now, I move closely to where he is and dock my face.

“Yes, you are— ”, he attests but he stops in the middle of his sentence when he clearly saw me standing only a few inches away from him.

As the same time, I wonder how he can look at me straight in the eyes. I mumble his name; my ex’s name as I also hear my name being rendered by him.

“Jongin?”