-Donghae’s perspective-

 

See you standing there

Watching you breathin’ my air

 

He is my best friend. No, maybe my ex-bestfriend. Hyukjae. However, he always insisted others to call him Eunhyuk. I like him. No, I love him. We are already friend for years, even though we’re not anymore. He’s stay away from me since I told him my feeling. I know this is wrong, but this feeling blossom to something that, I even don’t know what it called. I want him always be with me. I hate him with his girlfriend. I always insist him to stay single for me; even though I know that he can’t live without ‘taken’ status.

 

Holding hand with someone else

Feel this love that I bear

 

Now, he has girlfriend, Hyoyoen. They’re loveable couple. I never see him showing that beautiful smile before when he’s with his ex-girlfriend. He only showed it to me and for now to this girl. He always told me before that Hyoyoen attractive, Hyoyoen pretty, Hyoyoen loveable, Hyoyoen good dancer, Hyoyoen this, Hyoyoen that, etc. I think that’s why he is very happy with that girl.

I’m here, and they’re there. It hurt. It really hurt. They’re laugh together, intertwined their finger feels like there’s no tomorrow. Feels like no one hurt to see it. Call me masochist or whatever, but I feel bliss for him. I love him, but I think I can bear this love.

 

Why you said your love to me won’t ever die

When you know there is only a lie

Why you made trust that is love not a lust

Days were gone, I’m still standing on.

 

“I think I love you, Hyukkie..”

We are drunk. Both of us. In his room. But I know I’m still a little bit sober to let him know what I feel now.

“I think I love you. Is it wrong?”

He wasn’t say anything. He just looked at me. Eyes to eyes.

“Is it wrong, Hyukkie?” I keep repeated this question. I know I was wrong to have this feeling, but I want to know what his respond was.

“Love? What do you know about love?”

“It’s all my feeling for you.”

“Show me.”

“What..” and then I found his lips crushing my lips. It was hungry, needy, lusty kiss. But I responded it. Saliva mix. Tongue twirl. It was stopped when we know we still human that need oxygen.

“Hyukkie. This is wrong. I told it’s about love. Not lust. What we’re done is…” he shut me up with kiss again. But this time softer but passionate.

“I love you..” he whispered between our kiss. He brushed his lips to my jaw line and down to my neck and make a hickey there.

“I love you and it will never die..” he whispered but loud enough to be heard by me. He took my shirt off and every inch of my torso. It feel good. Really good. I believed all of his word. I did believe that he love me too. I let him did what he wanted to do.

So we just make love in that night. I still do believe it was make love not being ed.

 

To love you is something that’s true

No one can tell me that’s what I can’t do

To want you forever, just you

To loose the thirst drink the water from you

Don’t wanna deny our faith

We re they called soulmate

Promise we made

 

I heard his groan from my back. His hand still in my waist. I don’t want to, really, really don’t want to wake up at that time. I want it last forever.

“Wh-What are you doing in here, Hae?!” he asked with confused tone. I’m turn around to see him and found him shock with our sleep condition. Both of us and only covered by his bed cover.

“Why both of us ? What happen? Don’t say..”

“We make love.” I answered it short with my head down, trying to avoid his gaze.

“WHAT?! No.. No.. we’re still in our dreamland. Let’s sleep again, Hae. See you in the real life.” he tries to lay down, but I hold his wrist.

“I love you, Lee Hyukjae.”

“NO!! Sleep again, Hae. We’re still in our dream.”

“We’re awake and you know it. I lo..”

“STOP IT DONGHAE!! Stop it or else.”

“But I just try to..”

“Tell me what happen last night. We’re drunk, right?”

I shook my head,”You’re drunk. I’m not.” He glares at me as I’m disgusting creature in this world.

“NO! BOTH OF US DRUNK! OKAY?! We just unconscious about what we do last night. Let’s consider it as something that never happens.”

I feel warm water in my cheek. I feel burn inside. “No, hyuk. I love you. We’re just making love l-last night.”

“HAE!! Okay. I’m sorry I ed you! You must stop me!”

“We’re making love not damn ing like you think! And my feeling told me to let it be.”

“Listen to me Donghae. WE.WERE.NOT.MAKING.LOVE. You’re being ed by me, and I’m sorry. Okay?!” I heard him yelling. I shook my head between my sob. I’m still murmured that we were making love.

He punch me. For the first time.

”WAKE UP DONGHAE! STOP SAYING THAT OR WE DON’T HAVE ANY RELATION ANYMORE!” he yelled me and took his boxer in the floor.

“Why? Do you hate me that much? I just told you what I feel toward you.” I’m whispered but still loud enough to let he heard it.

“I’m straight. You know I am. Let’s forget this.”

“I’m not gay at all! I just want you. You said that we’re soulmate, Hyuk..” I said try my best so he won’t hear my hiccup.

“It was ten years ago, Donghae.” He hissed and give me disgusted gaze.

“But..”

“Stop being like this. We’re already twenty.”

“So, you mean..”

“aaah! That’s why you always disturbed my relationship with my girlfriend, huh?! You’re low, Donghae-ah!” he said showing his smirk and left me alone in his room

But I still believe it was make love. It’s just the only way to loose my thirst about him. It’s enough for me to deceive myself that he loves me.

 

 They tell me our love we had couldn’t happen by any reason

 But to feel once your love, makin’ my life more complete

Why you said your love to me won’t ever die

When you know there is only a lie

Why you made trust that is love not a lust

Days were gone, I’m still standing on.

 

“Donghae!” I heard someone shout and come to me. He is Cho Kyuhyun. He is one of my friends that I found after opened myself to other people. It is because I’m always sticks up with Eunhyuk and I just have him as my best friend.

“I already called for countless time, but you’re still daydreaming to that direction.” I just smile. He knows what I feel right now.

“I’m sorry. I’m just absorbed with my daydream.”

“You’re daydreaming while saw that couple, right, hyung?”

“I still love him.”

“You know I knew hyung. You must move-on!”

“Thank you, Kyu. But you know I can’t.”

“I know you can! You just don’t want to try it. You’re such a masochist that pleasured with that heart-ache!”

“Kyuu..”

“I already told you, hyung. Your love won’t happen by any reason. You just let your love blossom, when you know he will not give you anything.” It hurts to hear that word from your friend. They’re damn right. But, I don’t know. I’m just hope that he will refund my love and make my life more complete.

“Kyuuuu.. We’ll talk about this later.” I said showing my disinterest. He just pouting and murmured. I know he care about me, but not know.

“Hyung.. Siwon asked about you to me. He told me that he wants your number, and I give it.”

“You give him? Why aren’t you tell me first? This kid!” I pinch his arm and he showed me hurt-look.

“Hyuuuuung… you deserve new love. No.. no.. You deserve to have people who loved you. And one of those people is Siwon.” He grabs both of my shoulder try to make me trust him.

I saw him to his eyes and smile, “Do it, Kyuhyun. Help me to move on.” He hugged me and smile brightly to me.

 

To love you is something that’s true

No one can tell me that’s what I can’t do

To want you forever, just you

To loose the thirst drink the water from you

Don’t wanna deny our faith

We want another soulmate

Promise we made

 

“I adore you since the first time I saw you. I know you don’t have same feeling to me right now. It’s just.. mm.. Do you want to be my boyfriend?” Siwon said stutter to me grasp my hand that drooped above the table.

I know that this time will come. When I must move on with my feeling to Hyukjae. When someone come to love me as I love Hyukjae before. When I must say goodbye to my neglected feeling to Hyukjae. When I want another soulmate to continue my silly life.

“I’ll try.” I said and grasp back his hand. He smiles to me and kiss my backhand.

‘Good night, Hyukjae and good bye. Thank you for all.’ I said in my heart, dropping a tear. Siwon wiped it and kiss me tenderly. I respond his kiss and feel his love to me. I don’t want Siwon feel what I feel before to Hyukjae.

 

If I could do anything to show that I need you

There’s so many reason I could never end

I wanna show the whole world of by you once love me

I don’t wanna cry, no more, feeling this love wasted by you

 

I cry. I cry hard this night. With Siwon beside me. We’re already together for three weeks. And now I can’t bear it. Siwon just to kind for me. He loves me tenderly. He even know what matter that make me cry this hard, and he’s still beside me and told me it’ll gone, this hurt will be gone.

 

“so you’re with Siwon now?” he came to me showing his annoyed look. For the first time after he left me alone in his room.

“H-how you.. how you know..”

He raised my chin to make me look at him. “Just want me, huh? Great! Now I realize that you’re just lusty . Such a !”

I released my tears that I endured before. It hurts to know that a person that you love too much called you like that.

I punch him. Really hard. I feel my fist numb because of that.

“I ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT I LOVE YOU!! BUT YOU’RE GONE! YOU EVEN LEFT ME CRYING AFTER YOU ED ME!! NOW I REALIZE THAT IT WAS NOT MAKING LOVE!! YOU JUST ED ME MERCILESSLY!!”

I let all my emotion explode there. I, for the first time, showing my tantrum to him. I really hate him right now. I run. Run as fast as possible. Doesn’t care how many people already crashed by me. Not after one of those people stopped me and grab my shoulder.

“Donghae, what happened to you?!”

“Si-Siwon..” I hugged him. I hugged him tightly. I hugged him tightly and release all of my tears in his broad chest. He’s just ruffling my hair and take me to quieter place, his car, and drove me to his apartment.

 

“I’m sorry. I mess your..” he shut me with kiss. He kiss me tenderly like usual. I really love the way he treat me. It’s different with the way Hyukjae kissed me before, when he was drunk. He my lower lip, asking permission. I open it and let him taste all of my cavern mouth.

“I love you. Let me help you forget him.” He said between our kiss. I place my arm to his neck and let him place his hand to my waist.

I cupped his face and look at his eyes. “Take me. Just take me, and make me forget him and fall for you.” I feel warm water in my cheek and see his eyes widened and then became softer and smile gently. He kisses my tears and forehead, nose and then pecks my lips. “I will.”

I feel my body burned with his breath in my torso. I’m just his name, to sign him that I’m pleasure with the way he take me. He’s doing it gently make me believe that love is exist for people like me.

Now I know, I just waste my time to love a person who I know will never return back that feeling. I know that I and Siwon deserve beautiful love. I must forget him. He’s happy with his girl, and now I have my boyfriend that always stays with me even I’m still trying to love him.

 

I don’t wanna deny our faith

We are what they called soulmate

Promise we made

 

This is a new day. I’m ready enough to move on with Siwon beside me and Kyuhyun as my reminder. I know this love will never ever go even if I die, but I can’t live only by giving love to him. I need to be loved, and I can feel it from Siwon.

I still can’t deny our faith. When I remember our promise ten years ago, I know that we are soulmate. We are what they called soulmate.