To Hyukjae

It's been months now.

I know we still talk once in a while but it's obviously not the same. I don't even know why we still talk at all. It's dull. 

I always act like I'm okay now, but I never truly am. 

For the first month, I thought about you everyday and I never smiled. For the next, I thought about you everyday and I rarely smiled. For the third month, I thought of you everyday and I would smile, but the pain was always there...

I still think of you everyday, I always do without fail. Sometimes, I break.

You'd never notice, though. You'd never notice and I wonder when I'll be free from you.

Did I ever tell you that you were my first love? My actual first love? There have been plenty that I've liked, but none compare to you. 

They say you never really get over your first love... and that thought scares me to death. Will I ever be whole again?

You and I made so many promises to one another. We promised to spend the rest of our lives together. And I was naive enough to believe it and hang onto every word and fantasize about our perfect future together. 

It's truly amazing how short "the rest of our lives" was.

I always find myself wondering...

Do I ever cross your mind? Ever?

Do you ever longingly think of me and all the love we shared, the plans we made, the intimate moments we created? Those irreplaceable things.

Do you?

Does it ever hurt you?

I wish I could be as carefree as you. 

Without these thoughts plaguing my mind day in and day out.

You're lucky. 

A rather ooc letter written in Kyuhyun's POV, probably written to vent.

I've decided to make a sequel to this. This is the link.

[EDIT]: To those of you that have been wondering about the above link, I have fixed it. There has been no real update, both this story and its sequel are completed.