American

          Translation

   Ever since i was a child, i was the one notorious girl who would leave beads of rice on bowls- getting critisized my mothers at school meetings, followed by a good beating on the bottom every weeknight. my mother was very philisophical, she had the power to foresee the future. but no, she did not foresee earthquakes or when the hail would fall. she only foresaw bad things that affected our family. perhaps that was when she foresaw my destiny, she once told me at the dinner table. she had always been against everything i ever proclaimed, mostly the reason why i was still unmarried at the age of twenty nine. there was one decisive person who concreted a brick wall between me and my mother. one person who made the decisive part of my life.

   Kris.

 My mother was against the idea of a union between a chinese person and a Korean person ever since she had said she had dreams and hallucinations of the Korean war between Korea and China. she had always told me i would marry a chinese man, only for the marriage to be shattered apart. this was the reason why i couldn't tell my mother that i was getting married.

 Kris and i had marriage plans seven months from now, in mid July next year. i did not know how to tell my mother this, for she was already critisizing Kris at every movement he made. i think that Kris had crossed the line when he disconnected the oriental chandelier that hung on the house roof for generations, with his blonde chinese head which stuck out above everyone's diminuitive heights. my mother's horrified face was so vivid even to this day, as she watched the shards of diamonds shatter across the wooden panelled floor, gliding across the floor with much longevity.

 "Ji han, make sure you look your best. our future husband in law is becoming a part of this household." my mother censured, busy fixing her own dress. it was five years ago from today, the first day i introduced Kris to the household. Ji han glanced at the clock every five minutes, tuttering as he pulled on the bowtie suffocating his throat.

 The door creaked to mark my entrance. i was greeted by a serenade of voices crawling at my ears. however, the serenade soon faded as my mother's eyes penetrated five centimetres above my head, examining Kris from head to toe.  in his hands held a basket of fruit, emanated by colorful ribbons of which were from the local supermarket.  his mature disposition seemed to match to mother's expectations, much to his blonde hair which stuck out like the mane of a proud lion after eating its victim.

  'Mother, this is Kris.." i chuckled half heartedly as i tugged on Kris's sleeve and pulled him forward. demurely, he bowed multiple times as he gripped the basket with full force and smiled as he greeted himself with his awkward Korean which rang in my mother's ears. her smile faded, replaced with a face of austerity which was full of critisizm. 'Foreign boy?" she asked, straight at my face.

  "Y..yes mother! Kris is in my film studies graduate class! he attended Georgetown University back in the US and only came in this year!" i suppressed a fake smile, glancing at father and Ji han who stared back at him in fascination. "fresh from the boat, ay?" Jihan joked, getting punched by his father who stood right next to him. awkward silence wrapped over us like an itchy wool blanket, each of us waiting for each other to say something.  'K..kris bought this with his first paycheck mother!" i snatched the fruit basket off him and passed it to my mother, eyebrowing my father to her into the dining room.  "We have enough fruit as we are." she carried it powerlessly, disappearing into the corners of the living room walls.

   Kris laid a big sigh as he took off his shoes, standing on the wooden panelled floor with his ebony suit taking power of him. "I think we got her, Kris.." i rubbed against his shoulder, leading him to the dining table, directing him to  a seat.  i checked over my mother, who had her back faced to Kris as she began chopping the frozen duck with the cleaver with such ferocious speed, that i was afraid her fingertips would become part of her duck recipe.  'So.. mother?" i asked in a content voice, only to be disheartened by her response.

  "Blonde heads bring bad luck to this household." she shot at my face as she slammed the entree dish on the table, startling Kris as he smiled at my mother, receiving a forced smile back. i could feel that Kris was starting to sweat inside that thick suit of his, just imagining the sweat line vertically lined against his white shirt would bring more distaste into his impression.

  The entire family was seated by the table, all eyes on Kris as they wafered for him to eat first. my mother was clearly testing him, for the Korean custom was to never raise the spoon before the elderly takes a spoonful of rice. smiling awkwardly, he head bowed as he picked up his spoon and took a spoonful of the steamy rice into his mouth, hissing and gasping at the sudden heat arousing his mouth. Jihan sniggered, looking at me with much interst as to why i was dating this kind of boy.  even before my father raised his chopsticks to begin eating, Kris helped himself to the main entree dish with his chopsticks.  it was probably not a good idea pushing back the time to teach him using chopsticks, as the spiced prawn wedged between his chopsticks slipped off, flying off onto his pristine tee, then to his crotch.

  Kris laughed as he picked up the prawn from his crotch and placed it in his mouth, choking at the tail he had accidently swallowed.

 'So.. Kris." my mother began to speak. everyone's head shot up, anticipating for mother's question. "You resided in the US your entire life?" she made full eye contact with him and encoiled him into her eyes, making it unavoidable to escape from her trance. she took a sip of water, watching Kris through the transparent end of the glass. "Y..yes. " was his short reply, too nervous. "What brings you to Korea?" she asked pettishly, chewing on the spiced prawn, making her perfect chopsticks flagrant to Kris's eyes.

  "I wanted to major in Korean films.. i was very influenced after watching the premiere of a list of Korean movies.. " 'Korean film making is harder than it looks, Young man." she eyed him, taking a bite of rice with her chopsticks. "Yes i am aware.. i guess effort can br-" "Ha! effort gets you nowhere! it's your destin-" "Okay mother that's quite enough." i stopped my mother's angry quarralling to a halt. the empty silence emanated once again, i knew i had to start something again.

  "So," my father spoke this time. "Kris, may i ask what nationality you are from..?" he asked with a gentle smile, which eliminated the wrinkles forming on his forehead. "Oh yes," he smiled, take a sip of water. "I am from Guang Zhou." he nodded proudly, regardless of mother and father's confused faces. "Is that a.." "Oh, it's Chinese." at his reponse, mother dropped her chopsticks to the floor. she stared absentmindly at Kris, then rose from her seat.

  she disappeared into the corners of the living room, and that was that.

    Ever since that memory, Kris had never dared to take a step into our household again. i have had many joyful occassions with the Wu family, it was time Kris got comfortable with mine too. Kris and i stood infront of the very house he made his first impression five years ago. i watched his adam's apple move as he took a big gulp. he was sweating, the same image i saw from five years ago. "Hey," i held his hands. he glanced at me, forcing a smile as he tranced back to the big gate infront of him. "Don't worry. everything will go just fine." i whispered into his ears. "it has to."

  we walked into the gate, creaking the door open to mark our entrace once again. out of the entire five years, this was our second visit- the dreaded second visit. Jihan and father stood by the entrance, waiting. the two smiled, trying to make Kris feel at home. i looked around, to see that mother was nowhere to be seen. i smiled, as i hugged father and Jihan altogether. 'Where's mother..?" i asked, looking around the place. i frowned at the thought that she was intentionally doing this to avoid Kris. "She's in the dining room." he whispered, smiling at Kris as they led us to the dining room where my mother contained.

  My mother sat, seething. her arms were crossed, presenting the delicious food before her. she noticed me, and rose from her seat- staring at me blankly with a expression that was much hurt. she knew what was coming, she didn't want to believe it. "My daughter.." she breathed, as she hugged me weakly. "Mother, are you ill?" i asked, worried. her body had gotten so weak and fragile, almost as if she was suffering from anorexia. "No, Honey. let's eat. " she nodded, as she weakly smiled at Kris and returned to her seat.

  Kris performed his perfected chopstick skills, tidily eating all his food in once piece. there was not much conversation throughout the entire dinner table, no one knew what to say. i had to break the news of marriage to her, but i didn't know how to. she knew it was coming, but it was as if i was drilling a nail inside her cracked heart.

  "Mother," i said. "I have something to tell you."

her face turned upwards to face me. her face had grown more wrinkles than before. "yes dear," she croaked. "i closed my eyes, and hoped for the worst as i blurted out whatever. "Kris and i are getting married." i closed my eyes, waiting for my mother's protests and cries. but instead, she just sat there as if nothing had ever happened. i pried my eyes open, to see my mother smiling weakly as she watched her glass cup.

  i brought my mother upstairs, for she was clearly not feeling well. i seated her on the bed as she continued to gaze out into the night window. the sound of her breaths filled the room. "mother.. are you really against me marrying Kris..?" i asked, her face returning to reality. she glanced at me, with a face that was such pity.

  "I see you.. it seems as yesterday you were just a little girl starting school.. now you come before me asking for marriage.." she chuckled. i laughed along with her, amazed at how fast time flew. it really seemed as just yesterday, this room seemed so big. now this room was nothing more than a small bedroom that mother and father slept in. "Do you really think i hated Kris.."

  My face rose. what was she talking about?

"You're constantly critisizing him.. i thought you really hated him because he was chinese.."

"Do you really see me as the mother who would block out my daughter's happiness for my own will?" she asked, hurt. i bit my lips, walking over to the bed and leaning in next to my mother.  "Then.. why..?" "I foresaw, Jieun.." she croaked. her voice was hoarse, but she still continued. "the moment i looked into his eyes, i foresaw.. and at that decisive moment he said he was chinese, i saw the insincerity in his eyes.."

  'What are you talking about?" i let go of mother, straightening my back. my mother's predictions had always been correct, it was hard to just let this one slide. "did you really believe Kris would be faithful..?" my face fell at her statement. 'N..no.." my voice shrilled. "Kris would never ever.." my voice grew weaker at every word. i was actually starting to believe my mother's words.

  "H..he said he only loved me.. that i was the only one.." a tear dropped down my cheeks. my mother looked at me, pitiful. "The entire five years.. have you not known..? stupid girl.." her voice grew hoarse, as she punched me on the arm. i broke into a river of tears, embedded into my mother's arms. she pat me gently, singing the lullaby she would sing to me when i was five.

  In the midst of all this, i heard the familiar unlocking of the car that was Kris's. i wiped my tears away and rushed to the window, to see what was happening.

and my mother was right.

There stood Kris, with another girl in his arms.

"Then why don't you stop it?"my mother asked.

and it's such a simple question.