It was fine, I guess. My relationship with Tao. We were having a good time for almost a year. I mean, we really didn't have any common schedules that would make things difficult, and neither did we have any chances on being together on camera. The dates in the company, frequent texts and FaceTime were good. But there wasn't a feeling that we were in a relationship. We did like each other, but the less amount of time we spent together made me question if we really were a couple. Do everyone feel this way? Am I the only one? 

And then came the sasaengs...

I personally am glad that f(x) don't have any sasaengs, and we appreciate that fans have given us our privacy. My company has a long history with the word sasaengs, as the groups from my company have the most sasaengs ever. It does seem like my group is the only exception, and you have no idea how much of a relief that really is. The thing that shocked me the most is that EXO has sasaengs when they just debuted. I know it may not be that shocking to everyone, but it was for me. Because most rookies don't get famous right from the beginning, but this happened because of the way SM marketed them. I guess I should be happy that they got the fame, but I really wasn't. Somehow, I felt that f(x) was getting neglected, and I saw more posts hating on us even more. I felt unfair when they didn't suffer like we did. But they did suffer though, I could clearly see it. It's wasn't the same way I did. 

I found out about their sasaengs when I was randomly surfing through web. It was me and Victoria unnie in the dorms, and she was talking to her boyfriend through her phone. We both had a day off, and we decided to spend the day quietly. I would have called Tao if not for his schedules. I was on my laptop in the living room while Victoria unnie was in the balcony while I was roaming through internet. 

I stumbled upon Pann and I saw a post about EXO, and curiously I clicked on it. Chills ran down my spine as I  looked through the post, and got shocked even more when stuff on my boyfriend. The things I witnessed surprised me to an extent that I found myself texting him. I suddenly called him, and freaked out when he didn't answer me. Why couldn't he just say this to me? Why did I had to find it through the internet? Then it hit me that Tao would never say this in order to not let me get worried. He wouldn't want me get stressed out, so he wouldn't tell me. I couldn't help him in anyway I could. I couldn't post something about this or defend him publicly unless I want to kill mine and his careers. Even if I am his girlfriend, I couldn't stand up with him nor could I publicly protect him as a normal girlfriend would. I realized that we would never have any secret dates outside the company because of sasaengs. 

"Luna, are you okay?" 

Victoria unnie looked at me, worry in her eyes. I must have been staring blankly so I pointed to the laptop. She sat beside me and looked at it, and turned to me. "It's going to be fine Luna," she said. 

I wanted to ask her how would she know but then I remembered that she is dating DBSK's Changmin. Their sasaengs were notorious, so maybe Victoria would know more than me. 

"How was it for you?" 

She took my hand, gently squeezing it. "It was hard at first. He was paranoid, and at some point, I was too. We couldn't really date for a while, and then WGM came and things just stopped," She said, and I realized that this was the first time I was hearing this. "Then, slowly our love started regain again, and now we are back," she finished with a soft smile. 

"You didn't need to suffer though. Still, isn't it hard?" 

"Is it hard for you now Luna?" She asked, and I nod. 

"Because I can't help him." 

"But you are, in a way," she said, and I look at her, confused. "You are standing with him, that's enough for him. Your love can heal his wounds. Honestly speaking, I really felt ashamed that I couldn't really help Changmin but he said me to just be for him, no matter what. He was able to get out of depression because I was there for him, and I could help him stand up again. With me beside him and supporting him, he realized that there are many people who are standing with him with me. You not giving up on him is helpful." 

"Is it really worth it, unnie?" I finally asked the question that had been dreading me. 

"For me, yes, it is worth it. But Luna, you can't live a life with fears. I did have my fears too, but I didn't want to regret the choice of not being with him. You shouldn't live a life based on regrets. Tell me the truth, are you happy with Tao?" 

The answer came out effortlessly. "Yes." 

She smiled, and looked at me straight in my eyes. "Think about the present rather than the future. Don't regret later when you get old and wonder if your life would have changed if you did that or this. Live in the moment; it's much more easier like that." 

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

I somehow found out EXO's schedule (not really, I blackmailed their manager) and arrived at SM building where they are supposed to be practicing. I smiled at the fans waiting outside the door as I walked in. But somehow, there was this weird feeling that I couldn't shake off as I walked in, as if someone was watching closely at my moves. I turned back but found nothing unusual. Is this what they feel too? 

I quickly searched for Tao, since I don't know if they were done with the practice and left or if they still are in the building. I spotted a familiar figure, and my heart leaped a bit at seeing my boyfriend. 

"Tao!" 

Wait, was my voice too loud? Then why did he look scared? 

After spotting me, he grabbed my hand and roughly pushed me to a empty practice room. He checked outside if there was anyone outside, and then locked the door behind him. He then looked if the windows are open, and I realized what he was doing. He was paranoid. 

I took one step closer to him and wrapped my arms around his neck, bringing his body closer to mine. He stopped and I felt his body relax. He buried his head in my hair, his breath warming my neck. But I didn't move as his arms wrapped my waist. I had to be on my toes to hug him at first, but now he is leaning so that I could be in a comfortable position. 

"Tao, it's just you and me." 

Then his lips came crashing on to mine, and it was a kiss that I never experienced before. His love, pain, anger, fear was expressed in that one kiss. I gave him the same passion that he was put in the kiss, and we had to part away for air. We panted as our foreheads touched, his eyes on mine. His eyes had the twinkle that I love. 

"Let's go to the rooftop," He said. 

We did, and I realized that this is the place where everything had started for us. We cuddled as we sat with our backs to the wall. Our hands were linked, and our legs touched each other. It was peaceful here, just me and him. It was in this place where he kissed me and confessed to me. I somehow wish that we could stay just like this.

"I wish we could just stay like this," Tao said, echoing my thoughts. I get close as much as I could, so that our warmth would be enough for us. I nodded in agreement, liking his smell and feel on mine. "You look good in red hair. It suits you," I compliment him. "You look y in black hair," He says, making me blush. I met my head to find his soft eyes on mine. 

And I finally realized what Victoria unnie meant. This feeling that I feel whenever I am with him. This moment is worth it, and though we may not have a normal relationship, for now this is enough. 

Author's Note: Merry Christmas!!! And please tag "TaoLun" if you have stories related to them. Thank you!!