Sometimes Kyuhyun wakes in a panic in the middle of the night, legs tangled in the sheets, an empty space next to him where Donghae should be.

He dresses in shorts and a t-shirt, closes the front door behind him and trudges through the sand until he finds Donghae, sitting in the wet sand at the edge of the water, waves lapping at his feet. And something unclenches in his chest.

He lowers himself down next to Donghae, wrapping his arms around him and they sit there until he drifts off to sleep on Donghae's shoulder. His whole body is stiff by the time Donghae helps him upright. They walk back to the house holding hands in the grey light.  
 

The little wooden house squats at the very edge of the beach. The salty winds batter the walls and play with the thin curtains; Donghae walks through the house in the morning opening all the windows.

When the light fades and it starts to cool down, Kyuhyun closes half of them. Wraps himself in an oversized sweater and molds himself to Donghae on the couch.

Donghae smiles, puts an arm around him and kisses his cheek.

They eat hot rice and fish there, bowls balancing on their knees, elbows pressed together.

Kyuhyun goes into town after work to visit Ryeowook every week. One third part friendship, two thirds to learn rudimentary cooking skills.

When he and Donghae first moved from the city they survived on watery ramyun and store bought rice balls for too long. The food Kyuhyun threw together was inedible. Donghae nearly burned down the kitchen.
 

Every time Donghae leaves with the fishing boats Kyuhyun worries. A dull version of the sharp night panic curls heavy in his stomach.

Ryeowook pats his shoulder, sympathetic but smiling.

"Can't bear to be apart?"

But it's not that. He loves Donghae, in a heart swelling way that is both terrifying and satisfying, enjoys living with him, laughing together and curling around each other, closer than he's ever been to another person. But he still enjoys spending time alone and with his other friends. So he scoffs.

"Spending all our time together would just be an exercise in driving me up the wall," he tells Ryeowook and tries to focus on vegetables and not think of warm eyes and warmer hands. 

The sea is what worries him.

They sit on the kitchen floor and draw straws to decide who has to learn to feed them properly. Donghae cheats. Kyuhyun throws a fake tantrum but starts laughing even before Donghae tackles him and starts tickling him to distract him.

In the end, Kyuhyun claims master of the remote for the rest of the evening and dutifully calls Ryeowook to beg him for cooking lessons. He misses food. And while he knows he's a disaster in the kitchen, he's mostly relieved.

"Donghae gets distracted talking to the fish sometimes. Instead of cooking them," he tells Ryeowook, frowning down at the fish under his own knife. Ryeowook laughs loudly, startling Kyuhyun in looking up.

"That sounds like Donghae hyung," he says, shaking his head in amusement. Kyuhyun nods, still frowning. 

Kyuhyun sometimes thinks that Donghae tries to sleep the normal amount of hours in fewer nights. On weekdays he forces himself to extract himself from Donghae's warm embrace, sleepwalks into the shower and downs coffee and breakfast. He's out of the door before Donghae stirs.

It's little more than a half hour drive up to town, to the small high school where he teaches music and mathematics.

He comes back late afternoon, early evening when he goes to Ryeowook. Donghae is waiting for him, smiling widely and smelling of the sea, wrapping arms tightly around him and kissing him slowly. He chatters excitedly about nothing very much while Kyuhyun putters around the kitchen.

He comes home much later when Donghae is away because home is Donghae and there is nothing to distract him there.
 

"It's such a waste," Donghae says one day, leaning back on his hands in the sand, a breeze ruffling his hair. Kyuhyun looks up from the pile of homework he's marking. He gave up trying to hand students back their work sand free some time after the first year.

"What is?" he asks, looking over the beach in confusion. They're the only ones there today. Donghae nods at the papers Kyuhyun's holding.

"You. Teaching," he says. He lies back, head pillowed on his hands. "I could listen to your voice forever. You should've been a singer. One who releases CDs, I mean."

Kyuhyun snorts, kicking Donghae's leg with his bare toes.

"I'm right here. You can listen to me all the time as it is."

Donghae hums.

"Sing to me," he says, closing his eyes.
 

He goes drinking with Sungmin and Henry, commisserating over the occasional horrors of working with teenagers.

"Don't you ever miss living in the big city?" Henry sighs once, topping up Kyuhyun's glass. He considers this.

"Sometimes," he admits. But he'd miss Donghae more.

Sometimes Kyuhyun wakes in a panic in the middle of the night. The window is open and the bed is cold without Donghae's warmth beside him.

He struggles into a pair of shorts, pulls a t-shirt over his head. He locks the door behind him, clutching the key so tightly it cuts into his palm.

He stumbles barefoot over the sand. 
 

Every night he fears only seeing the endless water.