A love that everyone desired was when a man held his soul mate in his hand and never let go. It made a person feel safe from all the bad things that could happen to them. A minute was gone but it took me longer than any other minute I had experienced. A nose I remembered touching, the eyes that I kissed before, it took me a whole lot of energy to make myself stood on my own, supporting my weakening leg. Dissipated soul had out and devoured on the devil inside of me. I knew it was wrong, but I could never stop myself.

I felt a hand slipped out from the grasp and turned to the person beside me. It was definite that there wasn’t any other lucky person except me could have this man before me to be hypnotized under my spells. It was easy for this man to melt in my words and pleas. No one could soften his heart – only me. I turned to the man I called my love without actually mean it and our eyes met. The smiles that made his eyes curled downwards, my guilt had eaten me wholly, and no piece was left in me.

“It was the only way for him to be happy. I’m sorry Nammie.”

I am here for someone. I am here because I was told to do so but an innocent man was being played by our little game and I knew that I had committed the biggest sin in my life.

The sun was setting, the broad day had shredded as the lights were getting dimmer. A place I loved most, a place that was meant to be ours.

“Jiwon ah, are we going back now? It’s getting dark in here.”

Jiwon graced another smile. Oh the guilt was never ending.

“He said you love sunset.”

He said, trying to make us stay in this position a little bit longer. Of course, I did like this place. It was far away from the society. Secluded from the world I wanted to get rid of. He said you love sunset. I then registered the words he just said a while ago. He.

“Do you know that I love sunset? Mino-ah, let’s have a date and watch sunset together. Do you have any other place to watch them?”

It was my idea to watch the sunset but it was Mino who brought me here. It was our secret place. It was supposed to be ours, until something changed.

“But I don’t love him Mino. I only love you. Please, don’t do this to me. You are the only person I have in this world. I beg you one last time. Can we get this straight? We can work things out.”

I plead like a kid asking for candies. I knelt down, grabbed his leg but nothing changed his mind. The world had sunken deep into the pool of hell. I did not know what was he thinking but all I knew, I am going to love someone not him.

“Nammie, listen to me. Jiwon is a nice person. He likes you and he asked for a favour from me. I can’t turn him down.”

It was my scream who crashed the silent night. I was not thinking straight. He was not either. What cost him to sacrifice his only love for someone like Jiwon?

“Why can’t you turn him down? Did I ever do something to you that made you sell me off to a person like him? Have my love I gave to you not enough? Mino-ah, we can talk. This is not going to happen. We can tell him the truth. He will understand you. Please, just let me stay by your side.”

He was not stopping. He insisted on sending me off. I was at the verge of going insane but my faith kept me intact. I believed that it was just a mere joke. I wanted that to happen but there he was, holding on my hands, gripping on it so hard. I winced but he ignored me. I pulled away, but his was stronger.

When grief took all over your senses, not even a tear slipped out. When faith had crushed into pieces, not a cry was out. When giving up was the only choice, serving yourself to him was the only right way.

Jiwon was about to get up. Just like normal days, he would only listen to me. He was weak in my eyes. He could never let me down either. I was in power in his life. He was too dependent. But sometimes, I did ask myself. Why couldn’t I just leave him?

I took a hold on his wrist and pulled him back down.

The confused look was evident in his eyes as his worried expression was plastered all over his face. That slight pout he made caused me to chuckle a bit.

“Before we go, can you tell me something?  

Jiwon nodded as sign for me to continue.

“What is with you and Mino? How did you come to know him?”

He drew his hair and clutched them so hard that it could rip his own scalp. The news he had received inflicted a greater pain than the one he had that was coming from his stomach. It took a greater courage to face this but he had no one with him, no one that could bring him up. He was beaten, he was shoved back down and he was hopeless in this world. If it was not for the person that barged in to that door, he could have died.

Mino could have died even before the date that had set for him.

“Jiwon ah, am I going to die just like that?”

He cried in his shoulder. He pulled the younger man closer to him, pouring his agony out.

He had no desire to live.

“I helped him to recover. I paid for his operation. I took care of him. If it was not because of me, he would have died. I could still remember his eyes, so distant. It was so empty; I could never imagine myself to see him in that state again. The only reason that I helped was because he was my only friend too. We depended on each other a lot. If it was not because of me coming from a rich family, I don’t think I could save him. Mino told me that he would do anything for me, even if it could kill him, he would still do it. But I do not want that. I helped him because he is a friend. Until I saw you, I pull out that last card. The card he insisted on paying me for his life and that was when I got to know you. He told me a lot about you though. You were a good friend of him and I should pursue on you and I did.”

It was wider now. He beamed so wide that it took me off guard. Mino did not tell me about his previous condition. A condition that could cost him his life and he was devastated about his state.

Could he have lied to me?

“C’mon Taehyunnie, time to go now.”

I stared at the man beside me. He was sincere. He was honest. I knew that, but I did not know these traits caused him to save someone’s life. Affection grew in me. There was a certain fondness towards him. Should I learn to accept him? A question that I had been asking throughout these years, an answer to a question that I could never find as I lead life questioning why didn’t I leave this man.

Mino might lie, he could have hidden this to me but if this was what he wanted me to do, and I would gladly do it.

If that was the only wish before he died, then I would marry the person before my eyes. If this was how he wanted to be remembered, then I’ll take this man as mine.

“Jiwon ah…”

I called his name. Maybe it was the way I called him for the first time. Maybe it was the sincerity in my tone of voice. He turned to me, eyes reddened and cheeks damped with tears.

He rushed to my way, pulling into a hug, embraced me with warmth that I had never experienced, especially from him.

“Thank you, Taehyunnie. Thank you for staying by my side. Thank you for tolerating me even if you hated seeing me. Thank you for having me despite for my selfishness. Thank you.”

He knew I detest this relationship. I didn’t see that. My heart sunk so deep. If this was how he treated me despite knowing my true heart and intention, I could not forgive myself. Not even Mino.

What could we do to wash away our sins? Our forbidden desire caused all three of us to hurt. Our greed made our friendship and relationship drain.

I broke away from his hug. As I held my head up to the sky, I saw his face, showing off his dazzling smile that I dearly missed. Mino was looking at us. He knew that I already found the answer.

I’m sorry Mino. I did not notice this earlier. I’m really sorry.