II: Lost

Kwon Yuri sunk to the sticky ground, her back sliding down the grime covered tiled wall, coating the back of her black leather jacket in a sticky, slimy substance, which also coated her dark purple skinny trousers as her legs slipped across the ground. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head as she lost herself in a euphoria of senses, oblivious to thundering sounds of music and people shouting that were going on outside of the dingy bathroom she was in.

She made a humming noise, the sound vibrating in , as a happy smile appeared on her lips. Her hand slid off of her lap, almost hitting the discarded needle that she had dropped and it rolled from side to side as she disappeared deep inside her imaginings, completely separated from the world around her. All she could see was a blinding white light, but it gave off calming vibrations which soothed her to her core. She could hear the sound of the beach, the gentle splashing of waves and feel grains of smooth sand beneath her bare feet. She loved the beach. She let out a giggle. She hadn’t felt this happy in a long time. She felt calm and tranquil, something she didn’t usually feel. She couldn’t believe she could feel like this, so happy, so relaxed. But she did and she liked it.

The loud sounds of music could be heard clearly in the room, but Yuri couldn’t hear it. She was blind and deaf to everything. Everything except was going on inside her mind. It was a place where everything was calm, exactly how she wanted it. No shouting or screaming. Nothing was being destroyed, no one was fighting. There was no blood or tears inside Yuri’s world, only happiness.

How had she not discovered this happiness before?

She was so lost in her mind that she didn’t notice the partygoers enter the room, stepping past the unaware girl in the corner of the room, going over her legs which were stretched out across the slime covered floor, casting her looks of disgust, rolling their eyes at her and shaking their heads before leaving her, quickly exiting the room as if she could contaminate them. To them, if she was out in the grimy cesspit all alone, oblivious to them and the world, then they weren’t going to waste their time on her and there was another bathroom they could use, one that didn’t contain someone like her. It was obvious what she was. She brought it on herself and they weren’t going to waste their precious time on people like her. She didn’t deserve it.

Yuri let out another giggle, her head continuing to roll from side to side, her jet black hair slowly becoming coated in the thick substance on the wall. Her eyes were still closed, her eyes rolling beneath her eyelids, and she still wore the look of pure bliss. She couldn’t be more happier.

The door opened again and a tall girl with dark hair and dressed in black leather trousers with a black and metallic-green flower-pattered top appeared, peering cautiously into the room. She saw the black haired girl slumped against the wall, her eyes closed, her body stretched out across the floor, her clothes stained with a pattern of grime and dirt, and let out a gasp of horror. “Yuri?!” she cried, rushing over to her, her heeled boots sticking to the floor with every step she took.

Yuri ignored the girl. The smile on her lips widened, showing off her pearly white teeth and she let out another humming sound.

The girl, a look of pure shock on her face, grabbed Yuri’s shoulders and shook her. “Yuri? Yuri!” she repeatedly called in a panic, her eyes b with tears.

As she was being shaken, Yuri’s hand hit the needle, sending it spinning across the grime-covered floor, hitting the wall with a dull clattering sound as the metal tip hit the tiles. The other girl froze as she heard the noise, turning her head. Her eyes narrowed in disbelief and she let go of Yuri’s shoulders. Falling to her knees, not caring that her trousers were going to be covered in the substance covering the floor, she reached across and picked up the needle, examining it. After a moment, her eyes widened in realisation and she turned back to Yuri, noticing that the sleeves of her leather jacket had been rolled up past her elbows.

“No…” the girl breathed, leaning closer and grabbing one of Yuri’s arms with her free hand, pulling her forward.

Yuri was completely oblivious to the sudden movement, her head lolling back as she let out a giggle. Her eyes remained closed and she continued to be lost in her own world.

The girl scanned Yuri’s arm, looking at the creases of her wrist and elbow. She closed her eyes for a moment and shook her head. How could Yuri have done this? How could she have done something so stupid, again? Her lips formed into a frown. She couldn’t do this anymore. She couldn’t keep trying to help her if she was going to keep doing this! She let go of Yuri’s hand, letting it fall limply onto the floor. Without the girl’s hand holding her up, Yuri sank back against the wall, falling into a position so that she was almost lying down. The girl shook her head again. “Yuri!” she called once more. “Yuri!” She repeated the black-haired girl’s name, getting louder each time, but every time, she was responded with a giggle or a hum. Eventually, with a huff of annoyance, she raised her hand and slapped Yuri across the face, the sound reverberated off of the walls. “Yuri!” she screamed.

Yuri’s eyes rolled forward as she was abruptly snapped out of her delirium. She felt a sharp pain across her cheek. What had happened? Her eyesight was blurred and she blinked until it had disappeared and she could see clearly again. The image of a girl with long brown hair which cascaded over her shoulders in loose curls and whose hazel eyes were narrowed with frustration, her lips forming a thin, slowly came into focus.

“Yoona?” Yuri’s voice was groggy and uncertain, her mind still buzzing.

“What have you done?” the girl, Yoona, asked sadly, shaking her head.

“What?”

“You promised me you wouldn’t do this, Yuri.”

“What?” Yuri shook her head, her black hair flying across her face, hitting her and she could feel the stickiness on it. Where was she? “What’s going on?” She realised that she was lying on the floor, using the tiled wall as a pillow, she pushed herself up, her hands sticking to the grime as she did so. The movement made her feel sick to her stomach as her mind continued to buzz as the effects of her delirium subsided. “Ergh, what is this?” She looked down at her hands before looking up at Yoona, who didn’t reply. Instead, the girl looked at her with an expression of sadness. Yuri’s eyes widened in panic. “Yoona, what’s going on?”

Yoona sighed sadly. “You really don’t know what you’ve done, do you?”

Yuri shook her head, puzzled. She had no idea what was going on. All she remembered was dancing with Yoona before the slightly shorter girl disappeared. She had no idea how she had ended up on the dingy, disgusting bathroom floor, feeling sick and with a serious headache that was making her eyesight swim.

Yoona bit her lower lip before holding up the empty needle. “Does this jog your memory?”

Yuri felt her heart miss a beat. Her mind instantly cleared with realisation. She hadn’t wanted Yoona to know that she was using again. She knew the brunette hated it and she had stopped briefly, but then things at home and school had started to become messed up and stressful again. It was the only release, the only distraction she had from it. She swallowed heavily in fear. Would Yoona forgive her again?

The look on Yuri’s face told Yoona exactly what she already knew and it deeply saddened her. She had thought Yuri had stopped months ago but this was proof that she hadn’t. She knew Yuri’s home life was troublesome and the older girl often spent her nights around hers, trying to keep as far away from her family as possible and she had thought that it was enough, but obviously, it wasn’t. It had been hard enough getting her off of the drugs the first time and now she had to do it again.

“Yoona, I’m, I’m so sorry.” Yuri’s eyes were brimmed with tears as she spoke. She knew that Yoona was disappointed with her, but she had never meant to slip back into her old ways, but her life had just become too much for her. She couldn’t cope. She hadn’t been able to help herself when it had been offered to her.

Yoona shook her head. “Why? How could you do this, Yuri? You know what happened last time.”

“I know, but, but I couldn’t help it. I really am sorry.”

The brunette placed a hand against her forehead, not caring about the grime that covered her hand. She pressed the heel of her palm firmly against her forehead and let out another heavy sigh. “You promised me,” she whispered.

Yuri nodded again. “I know.” She was already regretting her lapse in judgement. She knew it was stupid of her, but she hadn’t been able to help herself.

Tears slowly flowing down her face, Yoona stood up and turned away from Yuri and for a moment, the black-haired girl thought she was going to leave her, but she turned around and tilted her head up, towards the ceiling. She let out a sniff before wiping her eyes, smearing grime across her face, but she didn’t care about that.

Yuri hated seeing Yoona so upset, especially towards her and a tear rolled down her cheek. “Yoona…”

The younger girl shook her head, her loose brown hair flying across her face. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

Yuri gasped, her eyes widening. She put one hand against the wall and pushed herself to her feet, stumbling slightly, her body still under the effects of the drugs as she swayed from side to side. She leaned against the wall in an attempt to keep herself steady. “Yoona,” she muttered once more.

Watery brown eyes met watery brown eyes and Yoona shook her head. “I love you, you that, but this, I can’t do it, Yuri.” Tears continued to flow on her face. “It’s just, I tried and I thought it worked, but it’s obvious that you need more help, more than what I can give you.”

Yuri stared at her. “What do you mean?” Her voice shook as she spoke.

Yoona swallowed. She didn’t want to say what she was about to, but it was the only way. She couldn’t give Yuri the help that she needed. This relapse was proof of that. She needed proper, professional help. “I think, I think it’s best if you go to rehab.”

Yuri blinked, unable to believe what she had just been told. Rehab? But she wasn’t that bad. All she needed was Yoona by her side to help her through it like before. Without Yoona, she knew she wouldn’t be able to stop. “I-I can’t go to rehab.”

Yoona looked at her. “You have to. I can’t do this on my own.”

The older girl reached forward, grabbing the younger girl’s hands, pulling her closer. Both of their hands were covered in a layer of grime and dirt, but they were beyond caring. “Please, Yoona,” she begged. “I don’t want to go to rehab. I don’t need to. As long as you’re there to help me I can overcome it. I know I can. We did it before, didn’t we? We can do it again. But I can’t do it without you. I need you.”

“We tried before, didn’t we,” Yoona said, pulling her hands away, “but looked at what just happened. It didn’t work! You need more help than what I can give you.”

“Please, Yoona. Please don’t.”

“I don’t want to, but I have to. You trust me right?”

Yuri nodded. She trusted the girl standing before more than anyone else in the world and she knew that if Yoona told her to do something, then it was for her own good. She knew she was probably right, that she needed more help then what she could give her, but she still didn’t want to go. Yoona was want kept her stable, kept her on the right track. She needed her to get her through it. Without Yoona, she was more scared than what she would ever be.

The brunette took the black-haired girl’s hand in-between her own, pulling her forward. “Okay,” she said softly. “We’ll go home and freshen up and tomorrow we’ll drive down to the rehab centre.”

“T-tomorrow?” She hadn’t expected to be carted off that quickly.

Yoona nodded sadly. “You need to. The quicker you’re there, the faster you’ll be able to overcome this.”

Yuri felt her body shake. She felt cold and numb, not from the temperature of the room, but from the realisation of what was going to happen. She was going to be separated from Yoona and be sent away to a strange place. She wanted to overcome this. She had hated what she had become last time she had been hooked, but this time she was determined that the same wasn’t going to happen. She was going to overcome it, not just for herself, but for Yoona, the one person who meant more to her than anything else in the world. “Okay,” she whispered, downcast.

Yoona gave her a small nod, pulling her closer and wrapping her arms around her. She didn’t want Yuri to go to rehab, but last time they had gone through this, she had struggled and had been on the brink of sending her to one for help, she had even done some research into nearby rehabilitation centres, discovering that there was one on the outskirts of the city and seeing Yuri’s sudden relapse, she knew: this time she had no alternative. Yuri needed more help then she could give her. She just hoped that it would work.

Yuri rested her head on the taller girl’s shoulder. She was going to miss more than words could say. She let out a sigh and Yoona placed her hand on top of her head in a reassuring manner. Yuri closed her eyes. She just hoped that she could do it with Yoona by her side.

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read Glass Walls so far. Also thank you to my subscribers, it is much appreciated.