URBAN ZAKAPA - WALK BACKWARDS

Silence surrounded the two as they sat down, leaning against the building’s brick wall. Smiles were across their faces as they both looked through Hongbin’s pictures on his camera. Dahee mentally made comments on all his pictures, saying that all the pictures looked great on his camera. The mid-autumn’s breeze brushed against their skins, making the two both slightly shiver at the cold, but they ignored it as the sun’s light warmed them all over again. The slideshow that Hongbin put on for Dahee ended, and he turned off his camera, putting it in his lap. Smiles disappeared, and the silence continued. Dahee stared at the dead leaves that were underneath them, and hugged her knees to her chest. A sigh escapes her lips as the silence stretches.

She then stood up but didn’t look down at Hongbin who stared into space. Without any exchange of words, Dahee starts to walk away.

- - - - - - - -

The memories came to Dahee like a never ending film clip. A frown appeared on her face as she remembers the dead friendship. She hated it. Why won’t it stop when she wanted to forget the past? Why does everything keep coming back to her and haunt her? She hated it. She hated it. Dahee tried to forget it, but they never left her. She furiously scribbled in her writing notebook, venting out her feelings as much as she could. But even if she did, no one was there to stop her or to cheer her up. No one. Not even Hongbin.

A sigh comes from the girl as she runs her hand through her long hair, moving them away from her eyes. Was this a sign? Out of all days, the memories just had to come on that particular day, of each month. Dahee looked down at her now ruined page in her notebook and tore it out of the notebook, starting on a new page.

- - - - - - - -

Dahee sat down in the café at her usual table. She watched the winter snow drift down into the city as she sipped on her warm tea. Looking up, she looked at the seat across from her, and that usual pang came back to her, breaking her heart again. She closes her eyes, hoping the feeling would go away. But when she did, she suddenly felt cold in the warm café. Strange, she thought. But she knew it was happening again. She breathed in and out before sipping on her tea again, letting the warmth take over her again. The cold feeling was gone, but there was another feeling. It was empty. She felt empty, and she was unable to explain that feeling.

So, she pulled out her notebook and began to write like how she always did when she was having strange feelings.

- - - - - - - -

She wanted to be a writer, he wanted to be a photographer. That was their wish. And out of the two, only one’s wish was granted. After spending so much money on getting her writing edited and trying to get it published, her wish was rejected. Hongbin’s was granted. He didn’t tell her. Why would he? No, Dahee only overheard people talking about the guy. She was jealous, but strangely, she was happy.

A memory came back to her. This time, she didn’t try to shoo it away. She just let it play in her head. She remembered how the two shared their dreams, and how they both supported each other in it. The memory made Dahee smile from both happiness and sadness. She figure that it was because they weren’t supporting each other anymore. Her writings were secretive, and Hongbin was the only one who could read them. Hongbin’s photography was public since he posted all of his pictures onto social medias, usually getting at least over five hundred likes under five minutes.

Now that they separated, Dahee lost her only supporter, while Hongbin had thousands of supporters out in the world. Dahee thought that all her dreams came crashing down into the earth was because Hongbin left her side. He was only successful because of everyone that helped him. She had no one else left.

- - - - - - - -

The seventh year. That year should have been the seventh year since the two last met each other and became friends. That was the day they would plan to go out and do things that friends would do. That was the time they were supposed to have continued their relationship. But no, it’s now dead. It had been dead for over a year or two, and there’s nothing Dahee could do about it either. A year ago was Dahee’s chance, but she had lost it. It was her chance to let out her feelings towards Hongbin, but she revealed the wrong one; she regretted it.

Not a single contact came from the other, nor did Dahee contact him. As much as she wanted to speak to her best friend, she knew she couldn’t, knowing that the boy was busy with his own life. She also knew that he didn’t want to hear from her anyway. Why should he after being with an awful friend like her? But Dahee didn’t care. Not anymore.

- - - - - - - -

The lead ink ran across the page of her notebook as she furiously wrote. Her writings were different from her older ones. They had turned to a sudden 180 degrees change from happy, fluffy writings to depressing, angry crap. But that was what a good writer did, right? Always letting out their feelings and emotions in their writing. Besides, she didn’t have anyone else to tell her depressing days to anymore. No one was there for her anymore, and no one was going to listen to her anyway.

She had written poems, mostly depressing poems recently, and Dahee hoped that one day she could get her writing published. She was tired of waiting for the support and wanting for the support. If no one was going to support her in her doings, then let her be the only one to support herself. Park Dahee wasn’t going to give up. No, she won’t. She learned her lesson, and she wasn’t going to be the one to stop herself anymore.

- - - - - - - -

Hongbin this, Hongbin that. God damn, Hongbin everywhere! Everywhere she looked, Hongbin was there. His photographs were published in magazines a lot lately, and damn was Dahee losing her patience. She had waited over two years just to get her damn writings published, but they never happened. But Hongbin’s photographs were everywhere, he was even in the news. Dahee was jealous, also angry. But not at Hongbin, but at herself. Jealous that she was doing worse that she did before, angry that it was because of her, nothing good was happening.

The girl finally decided that she will start anew, but without Hongbin this time and finally made up her mind to write a story about her life. She should since all those stupid memories kept coming back to her. She was going to finish the story no matter how long it was, and she will finish it until her the last of her pencils in her pencil box will break. And if she gets it published, she will thank the only person who had supported and had given her inspiration: Hongbin.

- - - - - - - -

‘I was inspired by the one person who has been by my side for a long time, even though they had left my side a long time ago,’ the line in the magazine reads. One article had caught Dahee’s eyes, and she cannot help but stare at the words that was at the side the photograph of the page she was on. ‘It’s been a while since we’ve last met, but I hope that they know that I still support them. And that person knows who they are,’ the words continued. Dahee’s eyes slightly narrowed before letting out a sigh, glancing at the photograph that he had taken of a warm sunset that was able to be seen past the long grasses of the meadow he was in.

That day, she was finally caught up in her story, and this was just another chapter to add to her story. Dahee only had a pencil left in her pencil box, and already used up at least two or three journals. She didn’t know how long her story was going to be, she just hoped that her story would turn out to be an interesting story that will soon be published so her dreams can continue.

Glancing at the photograph, she turns to a new page of her journal, and starts anew, writing a short story and dedicated it to her friend. A smile forms on her face as she writes freely. For the first time after a couple of years, her heart with filled with warmth, and she was going to let that feeling out.

The last pencil finally broke. It was short, and the eraser was halfway gone. But she wasn’t done just yet. Frustrated about the broken pencil, she grabbed a pen nearby to quickly end her story. ‘Inspired by a friend of mine,’ she wrote. A smile spreads across her face as she had finally finished her story. Now all she needed to do was to try and publish it, and just hope.

But there was just one finishing touch she needed to do, and all she had left was an eraser from her pencil. Turning to a certain page of her journal, she erases the part of what she never wanted to remember in the first place, because she wanted to still believe that he was still there for her.

- - - - - - - -

Seven years of friendship. Five years of an alive friendship, two years of a dead friendship. A month of finally being published and dreams were answered. It was spring, and Dahee was back at the site that she and Hongbin used visit each day. Dahee settled onto the ground and leaned against the building’s brick wall, a camera that was given to her a long time ago was in her hand. A sigh came from her as she Hongbin’s old camera and flipped through the pictures, memories. She saw faces smiling, faces of her and Hongbin, the two friends. She felt a sudden presence beside her, and looked up. Looking up, she saw a smiling face that she always liked to see. Too bad it wasn’t real. A sad smile appeared on her face as she sighed to remember that Hongbin was gone. It was just her imagination that she saw. Hongbin was real, and alive. But now he’s gone.

It’s been two years since Hongbin has left this world, but he still supports her, and remains in her heart. She thanks him.

I've written this for two days already. Finished it on the first day, but added some finishing touches the second day. You guys get that he's dead right? l0l. i was worried that this was confusing to understand. this was suppose to be  a pencil-like concept. do you guys get it? otl. I actually combined Corey Culler's and Gabriella Mendoza's "Pencil Marks." Here's her lovely poem:

"I've erased your name

From the processed pencil marks.

Kept my eye on the rubbery dust

As they took flight.

 

Once taken by the wind;

You lose balance.

Fall into short breaths, heavy lungs,

And wind up trapped within the walls of

Your victim's heart."