“Sajangnim? What’s up? Has something happened?” I frown into my cell phone as I quickly check my hair in the mirror. “Sorry to rush you, but could you please make it quick or call me back later? I have to get to the filming for a TV show this morning.”

“You won’t be going on any TV shows anytime soon, Seungriyah.” The president’s voice is eerily calm, and I stop. Something is wrong. Something is definitely wrong.

“Have you been near any magazine stands or done any Naver searches recently, Seungriyah?” He asks casually.

“N…No…” I answer feebly, my heart rapidly sinking as it suddenly dawns upon me what this is all about. “I-“

“The Japanese magazine Friday has written a whole article on how you had with a Japanese girl whom you apparently strangled, ed on and essentially treated like a e, enclosed with photos of you sleeping in her bed from the girl herself. The news has already spread over here and the netizen websites are having a field day with your scandal. I don’t really know what to say, Seungri, other than come back to Korea this instant.”

“Y-Yes, sajangnim!” I barely stutter, but he’s already clicked off. . How the could I let this happen?! This one little fling I wanted to use to let go of the past has already come back to bite me on my arse! What the hell’s going to become of me?! Am I going to be dismissed from the company?! No. I can’t be. Even after Daesung’s accident, he’s still here with us today, even if that cyclist isn’t. But are we going to have to go on hiatus again? I know I’ll definitely have to. But what about the Alive Tour? What will the others think when they find out, if they already haven’t? Daesung and Youngbae will probably look down on me and lecture me in their totally religious, holier-than-thou way. Seunghyun-hyung will probably congratulate me on the . Or stare at me blankly just like before. I shiver involuntarily at the image. And Jiyong…I don’t even want to know. An excruciatingly long lecture about how irresponsible and shameful I am followed by a chorus of ‘you should’ve stayed out of YG all those years ago’ over and over? Or even scarier…maybe he won’t care at all, too engaged in his own promotions and marriage to give a .

It’s a hellish route from Tokyo to Seoul. On the Japan side, it’s not too bad, but once we touch down in Korea, havoc breaks out. The fans, some now antis, are swarming as well as photographers, and I don’t stop running until I’ve escaped to the car. I’m safe, at least for now, and I try to get some sleep after panicking the whole flight home, but every time I shut my eyes, I see my wavering future. Do I have a place in Big Bang still? I try to shake off the idea, but it’s unforgettable. The way I see it, it’s like baseball: after one strike, two strikes, three strikes – you’re out!

Am I out? What’s going to become of me? Do I even have a career anymore?    

As the car pulls up outside my apartment, I try to keep my breathing even, inhaling and exhaling deeply and slowly. ‘Seungri kicked out for being too ty!’ Yeah, right. Like that’s going to happen. I’m just overreacting. I didn’t kill anyone or get caught taking drugs. I’ll probably be fine.

I pull out my keys to unlock the front door, expecting it to be double locked. However, when I insert the key into the first lock, I find that it’s already unlocked. Confused and slightly alarmed, I unlock just the second and slowly open the door, unsure of what to expect.

“How ing dare you.”

I gasp out of fear, surprise and shock, and my heart almost leaps out my chest, but oddly enough, I feel irrationally happy to see Jiyong after so long. Then I remember how we last left off, what recently happened and how I’m not exactly his favourite person in the world right now, proven by the extremely furious look on his face right now. I take a step back, as though planning to run back outside and slam the door shut, snaring the beast in his cage, but my foot bumps into one of my many bags crowded around the entrance and I realise there is no escape as Jiyong begins pacing towards me from his perch on the sofa.

“HOW ING DARE YOU, SEUNGRI?!” He roars, and I find myself fully aware of how well and truly angry he is. I take a step back, only to hit the door.

Just as suddenly as my fear appears, it swiftly vanishes as rage not unequal to Jiyong’s surges within me, my hands balling into fists and my whole body quaking on the spot. I begin to scream my defence, my face just as red as my lungs, as red as my bloodshot eyes, as red as my broken, stepped-upon heart. But I can’t stop, even though there might be tears that keep streaming down my face.

“WHAT, HYUNG?! WHAT?! SORRY I HAD ?! SORRY I DIDN’T ASK YOU FOR YOUR PERMISSION TO GO HOME WITH A GIRL BEFOREHAND?! SORRY YOU MISSED ME TAKING MY FIRST STEPS INTO ADULTHOOD?! WHAT?!”

“YOU’RE A ING IDIOT!”

“-SORRY I COULDN’T BE YOUR PET FOREVER?! SORRY I SHOULD’VE BEEN KICKED OUT PERMANENTLY OF BIG BANG AND YG ALL THOSE YEARS AGO?!”

“HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME?!”

“Do this to you?!” I choke out a laugh. “Oh, yeah, hyung. I totally did this for you!” Not realising where this is going or what I’m saying, I raise my voice even louder. “I TOTALLY ED THAT THINKING OF YOU THE WHOLE ENTIRE TIME, AND NEARLY SCREAMED YOUR NAME WHEN I CAME, BUT DIDN’T BECAUSE IT’S SO FREAKING PATHETIC THAT I KNOW I CAN’T HAVE YOU WHEN WHAT I REALLY FEEL FOR YOU IS TEN TIMES THE PLEASURE I HAD SCREWING THAT RANDOM !!!”

My eyes widen in absolute shock-horror and I immediately clamp my hand over my mouth before I can blurt anything more, even though I’ve already told Jiyong everything, but Jiyong only glares at me, his mouth twisting into a snarl. Probably absolutely disgusted or thinks I’m being extremely sarcastic.

“Now you know how I feel whenever I have to touch Seulgi.” He hisses. Before I can even respond to that, he darts forward and catches my lips with his own. We are kissing. And it feels so god damn right, so good, so Jiyong. I groan in bliss as his lips move hurriedly against mine, passion consuming him as his tongue slips in to talk to mine, to tell me how much he feels, caressing the tip and tangling in swirls as I lean in deeper, enough to bruise. Jiyong’s clutching me so tightly, it’s so real, and I’m holding on to him just as closely, wishing our bodies would melt down and become one. I can’t believe it’s finally happening. I don’t question it. I just feel it. 

“Oh my god,” I gasp when we pull apart, panting for air and from the intensity of it all. “Hyung-“

“No words, Seungriyah.” Jiyong whispers as he moves in towards me again, taking my body in his arms. “And don’t you even think about pulling away from me ever again.” He finishes just as I cover his mouth with mine. He knows. He feels it too. It’s unquestionable.

It’s so amazing, my heart is soaring and I can barely breathe, although that last one may be just Jiyong stealing the oxygen from my lungs. It’s finally happening. I never thought it ever would, and yet, here we are, clasped in each other’s embrace as we find the bedroom, dispose of our clothes and entangle on my bed. It’s here.

It’s love.

“No.” My head suddenly snaps up as I sharply withdraw my mouth from Jiyong’s neck. He looks at me, his eyes wide and confused.

“What-“

“It’s a lie.” I realise aloud. Jiyong frowns at me like I’ve grown another head and confessed to being the cause behind YG’s eternally nasal intonation in his voice.

“What’s a lie, Seungriyah?” He asks softly, reaching over towards with me with his gentle, fluttering hands of butterfly wings, but I slap them down and away like pests. Jiyong stares at me in bewilderment with a wounded gaze. I almost snort with contempt at the image. Sure, he’s hurt. He’s hurt alright when he’s just-

“Using me.” I narrow my eyes and glare firmly at Jiyong. “You’re just using me, hyung! Don’t even try to lie! You know how much I’ve felt for you all this time, and now you’re using this to your advantage to manipulate me to get me to do what you want, like protect you and your precious ing jagiya, which is just cruel and beyond sick-“

Jiyong cuts me off with a guttural snarl and lunges forward to attack my mouth, preventing me from forming any other words. I try to push him away, not wanting him to get the better of me, but I’m weak, too weak when it comes to Jiyong, and he wins, completely hypnotising me with his kisses and his ardently-yielding tongue that feels like it’s trying to permanently tie into a knot with mine.

“You mean you had no idea how much I felt for you all this time.” Jiyong whispers fiercely once we break apart for air. “Absolutely no idea, Seungriyah.”

As I open my mouth to dispute that statement, Jiyong darts his tongue back down into my mouth, but not before whispering:

“Let me show you.”

(Seungri's fictional view on Daesung's accident and Jiyong's incident in this chapter do not reflect that of the author.)