I dreamt about her.

I don’t know how many times i did.

Sometimes i couldn’t differentiate my actual dreams with my daydreams anymore.

 

But i know she was there.

 

 

She enveloped me with a hug before i opened my eyes and welcomed my consciousness.

It was just a dream.

 

 

Though I said to myself last night, i would forget her starting from now.

Even my unconscious mind wouldn’t comply with my decision.

I knew it would be hard.

Considering the fact that i thought i was falling for her.

 

I fell for the wrong person again.

 

 

 

I stalked her profile for the last time last night.

She was beautiful..gorgeous..stunning..

She was beyond all that.. and she was popular.

 

Just from this I would know that she is not the right person to fall for.

I couldn’t reach her, i should know.

But every eye contact stopped me from thinking the other way.

I blinded myself with thoughts that maybe i would have a chance.

That all I need is the right timing and wait for fate to do something for us.

I was blinded by everything.

My stupidity is always in the way.

 

I started to long for her presence after that night we first had eye contact.

She was looking beautiful, gorgeous as usual.. I was in awe.

 

It was a party my friend had forcefully invited me to attend.

It was against my will, and my face was almost neutral since I arrived.

But then, i saw her... She walked in, catching the attention of almost everyone.

Especially the guys.

 

She just stood there at first, near the back.

Not even knowing everyone’s eyes unconsciously fell on her, including mine.

 

She was with her friends, wearing a sweet smile.

My eyes never left her, even though everybody else went back to their own businesses, drinking, laughing, and dancing the entire night.

I couldn’t say I actually remembered everything which happened in that place.

All i know is that, I never got bored just staring at her make simple conversations and a few skinships with her friends.

I envied them at that moment.

 

Even though my friends and a few strangers would try to break the ice, my attention would somehow fall back to her.

She had this major effect on me, a simple connection I felt.

That no matter what I did, something would always pull me back to her.

 

It was the party’s , and everyone was having fun.

My friend suddenly went by my side and I unconsciously laughed at her silly jokes, but then, I could still see that girl through my peripheral vision.

I pretended to listen to my friend saying things I couldn’t really understand, then I suddenly felt her head leaning on my shoulder as she laughed way too much because of that guy in front of us.

I laughed along with her not wanting to make things look awkward as she was almost hugging me, unable to recover from her laughter.

 

My eyes went back to that girl, like it was already a habit of mine I couldn’t seem to avoid.

I met her gaze, and my world stopped from then.

She had a small smile, it was like the world went on slow motion as I stared back at her eyes.

But then, I could see her eyes darted somewhere else after having a short contact with mine...

I realized my friend was still leaning on me.

 

I unconsciously smirked, my gaze back on the front.

Even the small thought of her getting affected by this made me smile somehow.

 

But then, I started thinking.

Why would I be happy with this?

It’s not like I intend to make her jealous in any other way...

 

Well maybe I did, but I don’t know why.

 

Through this I knew... I knew she was different.

To even caught my attention that fast.

 

Til then, I couldn’t seem to forget about her.

I couldn’t seem to forget her after that night.

I always hoped to see her again ever since.

 

I cursed myself for not even trying to approach her on the night of the party.

 

 

Every now and then I get reminded of that certain event.

I almost laughed at myself for being such a lunatic, I shouldn’t be like this...

 

 

About a few months after that incident, I finally had the chance to see her again.

Another one of those major events in our place.

I really think I should thank my friend for bugging me to come once again.

 

My eyes never left her as soon as they found her, she really knew how to dress well though. It really fits her and her personality.

She seemed to impress me in every way possible.

Even though some of my friends would sometimes tell some not so attractive stories and things which they didn’t like about her, there is still something that I saw in her eyes. Something which made me drawn to her after some time.

 

Again, there I stand, a few feet away from her.

 

 

 

Pretending to be drowned by the crowd.

 

I was already enjoying my time just staring at her once again.

I really did miss seeing her... Even though technically, we’re both strangers to one another.

 

After a few minutes I decided to stop what I was doing and go back to what I really had to do.

I was one of the people in charge that night.

I carefully made my way into the elevated side of the stage, near the back where the DJs sat.

 

“Hey, there you are Taeng. We were waiting for you to come up here. They couldn’t start the event without you!” Sunny, one of my friends, and also one of the event organizers, said to me.

“I’m sorry, i’ve been caught up on something.” I smiled.

“It’s okay. Now let’s get this thing started!” She said and put on her own pair of headphones, we both started playing with our disks and made music.

I was bobbing my head up and down along with the rhythm. And again, I moved my eyes into the crowd and saw her staring at me right then and there. I was in an elevated place so i could see her looking up at me. Another small smile was plastered on her beautiful face.

But right when she realized I was now looking back at her, she suddenly turned her head back to the side. Started talking with her friends as they swayed into the music me and my friends continued on making.

 

I tried not to seem too delusional and ignore thoughts of her liking me back.

I knew I wasn’t as deserving as any other popular guys she probably hung out with.

They are guys, and I was a girl. That reason itself is more than enough.

But there is just something in her eyes which kept on bringing me back to her. Which kept on letting me blind myself with unknown lies.

 

Our next meetings were only random and unexpected in the city.

But our eyes always and never failed to lock each and every time we did.

For me, it was more than enough.

 

 

I didn’t want to seem like a stalker, but I couldn’t help myself from trying to know more about her.

So it came a time when I went on and tried to search for her profile.

She was popular so it was real simple to find out.

I drowned myself with her pictures and eventually gained the courage to finally talk to her.

 

But just then, at that moment...

I saw her with that guy, happily taking pictures while walking in the park.

 

All of my courage was lost.

I knew it was the end.

 

 

 

I just tried cheering myself, saying it was just a crush anyways. I should just move on with life.

I was a fool, wasting such time for a girl whom I knew from the start, would never be mine.

 

 

 

I finally made up my mind.

I would just forget about her, forget about everything.

I always knew it was one sided, I just blinded myself with lies.

 

 

But just right at that night when I finally made up my mind.

I freaking dreamt about her.

 

 

She went after me.

She ran and hugged me real tightly.

Saying she always did like me, she was just waiting for me to make the first move.

Waiting for me to make more obvious signs.

 

She finally released from the hug, but was still holding me. Our faces were just a considerable spaces apart.

I woke up just on cue after that hug.

Completely puzzled and confused about the dream.

I was about to think that it was a sign.

But I stopped myself from further thinking about this thing, for I knew that in the end, I would never have her as mine.

 

It was nothing less than a dream after all.

I will never have you in my arms, Tiffany Hwang.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_____________________

 

 

poor panda.

;)