Dear Junhongie…

Before you read this letter, I just want you to know that I’m very sorry for leaving you so early. When you’re reading this letter, I know, I’m no longer there with you.

I’m sorry I didn’t let you know about this before, because I don’t want to be a reason for you to be sad. Since I know you, you always give me happiness. At least, this is the only thing I can do for you, to not taking your happiness away from you. I already have made people around me sad because I’m sick and they knew that I couldn’t survive long. The doctor said, it would be a miracle if I could still alive until I’m 20 years old. And you are the one that made the miracle happened.

The day we met, I just got back from hospital and you were playing with kids on playground. You told me, that time you were very bored and you were escaping your class. And then you asked me to follow you. Before I got chance to say anything, you dragged me out from the playground. We were strangers, but I couldn’t refuse. I still followed you everywhere you asked me to go and without hesitation you held my hand. And that was the time when I decided to live longer. At the hospital, the doctor told me that I had to be in hospital to get treatment because at that time my condition got worse and they were afraid that something bad could happen to me. But I didn’t tell you, because I was enjoying everything we had that time, and I knew you too. You were talking so much, about anything. I could see that you were a critical person. You showed me everything interesting for you, you told me everything about yourself, and I was just listening, didn’t try to tell you about myself.

We bought street snacks and walked around the city square. You were still talking, about your wish to be an artist so everyone could enjoy your work. You loved composing songs, you great at rapping, and you could sing too.

When that day was over and you took me home, you asked me to go out again. And we agreed that weekend we would go out again. I still remember your happy face when I said yes, you were blushing red like a tomato and I found that was very cute.

But when I went inside the house, my parents scolded me because I came home late when I should go to the hospital. I cried and then I locked myself in my room. My mom knocked on my door and asked me to let her in. I was still crying when I opened the door for her. She sat on my bed and asked to do same. She asked me softly why I came home late, and I told her everything about you. About us. Then, she started crying. I didn’t know why she was crying, until she told me. She told me that maybe I had found a reason to live longer, but I and my mom knew that it was too late. At first she told me to not meet you again, she was afraid that I’d be hurt and you would be a common boy who hurt and leave girl like me. But I knew you were special, you were different and I ensured my mom to let me go out with you. She finally let me to do that after I said that maybe you were the reason of my last happiness in this world.

When the weekend came, you picked me up at my house. That time, my parents were looked so worried. And you, who knew nothing, ensured them that you would take care of me. I looked at them and I told them not to worry.

We went to amusement park. That was a dangerous place for me. Since I couldn’t be exhausted and made my heart worked heavily. Yes, Junhong… I had a heart disease. But I didn’t tell you, I didn’t want you to know. Because we had to enjoy our time together.

I was hurt when I saw you were disappointed because I didn’t want to play anything but merry-go-round and ferris wheel. I’m so sorry, Junhongie…

Later after we went to the amusement park, you took me home. We talked so much on the way home, but you never asked what kind of sickness that I have. Somehow, it relieved me, made me forget about it for awhile and felt like a normal and healthy people.

Since that day, we made a promise to always go out on every weekend.

I always felt so alone and already gave up for my life, I could accept my death anytime. But since I met you, it changed. I wish I had more days to live so I could go with you. I wish I could still be alive until the weekend. I always eager to see you again and again.

And then one day, you told me that you were accepted in a prestigious music academy. Unfortunately, it was at different town. But you promised me that you would be back every weekend so we could still do our routines.

You kept that promise for 3 weeks, and after that you were so busy so you couldn’t be back when it came to weekend. I don’t blame you, Junhong. I know very well that it is your dream. You still sent me messages though, asking how I am doing, what I am doing at weekend, and how your training was. It cheered me a bit. But still, your presence couldn’t be replaced by anything in the world.

I was getting tired for waiting you to come back home. I was starting to give up, and my condition went bad so I had to be hospitalized. But soon after you knew that I was hospitalized, you came back, you visited me in hospital. You even took a break from your training so you could be my side at the hospital. How sweet of you, Junhong….

Once again, you were the reason I survived. You were the miracle that God gave me.

Then back again to the routines, you visited me on weekends, we went out, mostly to coffee shops or trying new restaurants in neighbourhood. You always said how much you regret that you couldn’t go home because you were too busy. And I had to say many times that it was okay and I understood, you didn’t have to be with me for every weekend.

You once called me on the phone told me that you had an audition for the next weekend, you apologized that you couldn’t visit me and go out with me. You worried too much, Junhong-ah... I was very excited when you told me that. You know what, I even jumped happily for you haha. I’m proud of you and I’m happy for you.

What we didn’t know was I suddenly passed out the day you were in audition. The doctor said, I had done so much struggling with my heart, it finally decided not to work well with me. Despite I wanted so much to be with you on your audition, I couldn’t... I’m very sorry Junhong-ah... and I asked my parents not to tell you about me yet. Because you had such a big day and I didn’t want to ruin it.

Later I knew, my life-span was just finger counts. Yet my doctor and my parents still waiting for a heart donor.

I’m so sorry Junhong-ah... I couldn’t attend your audition, that was your big day, your dream come true.

I’m so sorry I can’t make you happy as much as you do to me.

Honestly, I want to see you become an idol, a successful musician yet I can’t do that. I can’t be with you to accompany you in your hard time, your training time.

Honestly, I want to listen to your story about you achieving your dreams, how you meet great people in your way to achieve that.

I’ll miss your voice, your face, your laugh, your worry, your presence

I’ll miss you, Junhong-ah

I’ll miss the time we spent together

Junhong-ah... I hope you won’t forget me. Because I’ll only live in your memory, in your heart.

I love you, Junhong-ah...

 

Find a kind girl that can take care of you, I’ll be watching you from where I stand now.

Be happy, Junhong...

 

 

 

With all love,

Park RaRa

 

Zelo folded the letter he just received from her parents.

the letter he had expected he would receive.

after all the time they had spent, Zelo actually knew about her illness.

 

because his uncle was her doctor.

 

but Zelo wanted to keep it as the way it was. she didn't have to know that he always think about her.

Zelo was always afraid that she would be gone when he wasn't with her.

 

Zelo knew that this would happen anyway. that she would leave him forever.

but he's still crying at her funeral, holding something he never get a chance to give her.

roses and a letter of his contract as a musician with a prestigious company.

roses and his dream-come-true.