When you feel like there’s no way out…

Die is the only answer you get.

            He’s happy with his life. Having the greatest family, living with a lovely parents by his side, playing with caring sibling anytime he wants and mingle with friends that understand him the most. But sometimes, he just feels wrong about something. The truth, he’s always there with his family. He hates this kind of feeling. But yet, he knows, something went missing about his identity of life. People see him as someone who is cheerful and happy go lucky person. Yet, he sees himself as someone who always lost his path of life. Pathetic, that’s how he describe his own self. People see him as someone who lived in a perfect family with a happy parent that always support any things that he do and did. Yet, he only sees white lie dancing all around the mind of his family. The feeling of not belonging, the taste of vengeance and the stared of hatters. Who is he?

He walks downtown through every corner of life.

Yet, he walked alone every single day he alive.

No one dare to care.

No one dare to look.

Cause someone said, if you dare to stare, then you’re on your way to meet your bad day.

 

“I don’t really want to go there mom. And I hope you’ll understand me.” He’s pleading his mom while tears start running in his eyes. He begged for only a piece of mercy. But none of his family giving him the looked of sorry.

“Are you an idiot? We’re not your family yet you’re not even having any blood ties with any of us. So now, take all your bloody clothe and get out from this house.” His mom throw away all his belonging while the sky starting to cry as welcoming him to the deepest night with millions droplet of rain slowly hit the ground. He knows, even if he tries to beg for sympathy, no one will care about him. Because they are not his family. The only thing that he wish for; is just having a place at least to cover him from being hit by the bullets of rain that start to fall down onto his tiny bones of body.

                                                                           ---

“Hey kid, are you okay? Why did you sleep in front of my house? Are you okay? Oh man, you’re having a fever. Gosh, get up.” He doesn’t know what heaven means until this one fine day, he meet with his angel.  The man brings him into his home, fed him and took a good care of him. And yet, he don’t even know why the angel being so nice to him.

“Xiu Luhan, you bring a homeless person back home again?” He heard the man being scolded by someone.

“Aye…Shim Gail, it is my home. It is my pleasure to bring all the homeless outside there to live inside my house.” The man who he guess the name is Xiu Luhan said something while waving his hand toward he who lying on the bed.

“I am coming to your house now Luhan… Gosh, it is our house! You’re such a pain in my own kiddo! I am on my way now. “And the man starts to laugh.

“Aye… Okay Gail, see you soon! Don’t forget to buy bubble tea for me!” With that, he ended the calling and smile.

                                                            ---

“What’s your name kid?”  Luhan examine the kid face carefully. He’s afraid that the kid will get scared if he tries to ask too many questions.

“I am not a kid. I am 17 years old.”

“I know, I called you kid because I don’t know your name. That’s why I ask.” Luhan let out a small chuckle before ruffled the boy’s hair.

“Jongin. Kim Jongin.”

“So Jongin, if you don’t mind, could you please tell me why you’re sleeping in front of my house?” Jongin just shut his mouth. Luhan knows better, that kid, don’t want to talk about the incident. “Hey,hey. It is okay if you do not want to tell me. But promise me one thing.” Jongin looked at Luhan face carefully.

“You must stay here and be my brother. Deal?”

                                                            ---

“What? You’re asking that boy to be your brother? Xiu Luhan, I know that the boy do look like your late brother. But that doesn’t mean that he is your long lost brother that gone when you’re back in China.” Luhan shake his head.

“You don’t understand Gail. I know you just want to protect me as you care about me, right? But I did feel something about that boy. Remember, my brother is bit tanned, just like the kid…”

“I know… But there are millions of tanned people outside there who look like your brother, Luhan. But, if you still insist to keep that boy to be by your side. Then I can’t argue more with you. You know yourself better, right? I will respect your decision, but in one condition.” Luhan smiled and hug his friend.

“Tell me what is the condition, dummy?”

“You must let me live in this house to.” Luhan make a confused look and hit his friend head.

“Of course I will let you live in this house too, dummy! I know that you don’t have much relative here in South Korea. No big deal, you can live here as long as you want!”

“Then it’s a deal, dumber!”

                                                                    ---

Some people say that the cruel thing ever happen in life is reality.

Reality is harsh.

Reality is pain.

But, the harsh and the pain is the one who will keep us ready to face any obstacles in life.

That’s why it called LIFE.

            Jongin move his finger and slowly place it onto the rectangle shape of metal on the glass window. He slightly pushed the metal bar and opened the window to let all the fresh air around enter the space of Luhan’s house. It’s been a year since him being kicked out from his own home. And since then, he live with Luhan who he already thought as one of his family and Shim Gail, Luhan best friend who always accompany Jongin whenever Luhan had to go outstation to complete his works. With the help of Gail, Jongin being enrolled in Seoul Performing High School majoring in dancing and art. Both Gail and Luhan give a full support at Jongin to achieve the best in his life.

“How was your day Jongin? Tell me, is there anyone who tries to bully you?” Jongin laugh and shake his head. Gail looked at him and patted his shoulder.

“If someone trying to bully you make sure you call me okay? I will kick their ball and make them running around like a chicken.”

“Jongin, don’t trust that crazy! He doesn’t even dare to kill an ant and now he’s saying that he want to kick others. In your dream, Gail!”

…

…

…

That night ended with Gail kicked Luhan on his and they keep chasing each other.

                                                                        ---

            Luhan fasten his pace and walk in to his office. For a few minutes, he stared at the picture that placed neatly on his table. His finger move around and took the picture while his eyes never lose focus even a second to watch the person in the picture. Luhan, Gail and his brother, Xiu Xihan.

He still remembers the moment he lost his brother.

He is there but he can do nothing to help.

Gail almost lost his life.

The day when his brother went to heaven.

The day when he thought he will lose everything that he had.

Blame the weather, blame the rain.

Blame the wind for blowing so hard.

Blame the sun for not being there when needed.

Blame the sea, for not being calm as it always be.

Blame the sky for crying badly when he is happy.

Blame everything that took his brother away from him.

 

            Luhan remembered each and every second of the moments he lost his brother into the deepest color of sea. He still remembers how his brother shout Luhan name crying for help and how Gail willingly throw himself into the sea to help Xihan. He almost killed himself. But Luhan only stand there. He watched every person who comes trying to fight the will power of sea in order to save both Gail and Xihan. But Luhan did nothing. He can’t even move his leg, his heart said go and save you brother. But his brain won’t send any of the impulses to his nerve. He doesn’t even make a single movement. Frozen, stiff, that’s how he described himself at the moments.

Trust.

Promise.

It’s all gone when God take Xihan away from him.

But then came a boy, who looked like him. Lying in front of his house.

Half-dying, half-alive.

He knows, it’s a fate of his life.

The only way to pay all his sins toward Xihan, he’s only brother in his life.

It’s not about sympathy, nor for being sorry.

But it’s a responsibility given from God.

                                                                        ---

 

One gone and one is welcome. But not for Jongdae case. He gone and he always come back. Minseok once felt so worry about his idiot younger brother. But he knows, once Jongdae gone, than he will always come back. Right?

            Jongdae will come back. Minseok believe that Jongdae will come back. Maybe not today, but tomorrow he will appear with a bouquet of flower and singing gracefully while walking around the garden playfully. Minseok believe. That one day Jongdae will come back home.

…

…

…

…

Jongdae will be back. I trust him.

 

“Victim of car-crash at Gyeonggi-Do. Kim Jongdae.”

 

...

…

…

…

Minseok still believe, that one day Jongdae will come back home smiling at him.

                                                            ---

“Luhan, help him will you?”

“I can but I can’t Yixing. He’s the king of his heart, he control his emotion. Gail may help in terms of medicine which can make him feel more peace. But we can’t control his memory. It’s beyond our field of work.”

Yixing still remember the moment when he’s back at home, he saw a body covered with blood lying at the middle of the living room. The body is unconscious, but yet, he can see tears rolling down onto the white tiles of their house.

“I lost my parents when I was little Yixing. I can’t let Jongdae die. I trust him Yixing. He will come back right?He still alive right?”

            It is all Yixing fault. Everybody knows that Jongdae is dead. He’s no longer alive. But why he is stupid enough to fight with Minseok that day and throw the paper at him. If he didn’t do that, Minseok will still be by his side. Keep believing that Jongdae is still alive and will be home one day.

“I don’t know what to do now, Kris.”

“Have you talked to Luhan about it?”

“Yeah. Both he and Gail can help. But…It is not as easy as you think. Gail may be a doctor. But he can’t play with others memory. He may control Minseok movement but he can’t kill all the memory inside him.” Both of them just stay in silence. Kris know, the person in front him is having the heaviest problem in life. Kris wants to help. But like what Gail said…

“Memory is not something that you can play with.”

                                                                     ---