Pennsylvania. Cold, dreary Pennsylvania. Granted, it was October, so at this point in the year, nearly everyplace was starting to become cold and dreary, but this place seemed to be abnormally depressing as I walked through the doorway.

            It was probably because I was coming from Celestia. Everything was beautiful about Celestia. Even the rain in that place sparkled on the golden leaves like tiny diamonds falling from the sky.

            Made me want to vomit.

            Seriously, The place's name was Celestia, for the Fate's sake. Talk about a girly name. the country names weren't any better, either. Symphonia, Harmonia, Euphoria, and all the rest. How can a man live in that world? I wanted to stab someone any time I saw one of their cute little pink bunnies or crystal cities.

            Gaudy. That's what Celestia was.

            So, actually, the dreariness of Pennsylvania was a welcome sight. Looking at the dilapidated old farmhouses against the ruined fields, I allowed myself a smile. It felt so nice to be back home again. Yes, home. Since my birth realm, Ghaffe was destroyed, Earth had become almost my adopted home. It was nice, with a simplicity most other realms lacked.

            I checked the coordinates my boss had given to me again.

            40.5172° N, 75.7778° W 8:00AM

            I just needed to be in those coordinates at the right time, and he'd be there right on time. Boy, I wished my boss was this nice all the time. The man was the most evil being I'd ever come across. Yeah, he would give me the coordinates and time if he felt like it. But in code. Dispersed throughout all the ancient prophesies. And only by finding each one and analyzing all of them could I finally find the kid.

            The worst is when I find out I'm a couple years late. That's just a delightful feeling, knowing all your work is useless. That was why I was just the smallest bit suspicious. He'd given me these coordinates entirely too easily.

            Either they were out of date, or this world was going to be facing a danger we couldn't waste any time in defeating. But I wasn't late. In fact, I was a day early.

            I walked to my destination at a relaxed pace, finally stopping at a car shop and using my fake identification to buy a stylish Camry. The commercial I'd seen had been way too funny to not actually buy one.

            "The amazing starts now." I laughed as I jumped in and entered in the coordinates into the GPS system. Another thing I loved about earth: The technology. It was one of the more advanced realms, only beat by realm five. But five was gross. I'd rather deal with less advanced technology than even touch anything from five.

            Seriously, just because water was so rare, didn't mean they didn't have to bathe. I basically pitched a fit anytime my boss dared to mention five. A world like that could just be destroyed, in my opinion. You wouldn't see me complaining.

            I cursed when I finally reached the coordinates. High School. LOL. Nice name. Finding a parking space, I muttered complaints about high school kids and their inability to do anything useful. Please tell me the hero was a teacher. Please don't tell me I'd have teach a pubescent teenager. I didn't know if I could take that. I hated high school students. Hated them.

            Angsty, annoying, brave at all the wrong times, , childish, stupid, and an all around pain. Seriously, if it was a student I was going to kill something. Using my phone, I tracked the coordinates into a small grey classroom, stopping only to explain to the security guard that I was here to visit my girlfriend, Ms. Smith. It usually worked, Every school had at least one Ms. Smith. I found the classroom easily. Okay. Please tell me it’s a male teacher.

            Oh, crap. Don't take that the wrong way. I love women. Women are great. It was just the prophecies were clear the hero would be a man. I'm not ist. I swear. Seriously. It says 'the boy will find what was lost and lose what was found.'

            Steeling myself, I walked into the classroom. When I looked at the teacher, I cursed loudly. The group of stupid high schoolers gasped and giggled.

            "What, never heard the f-bomb before?" I flipped them the bird, ten checked my phone, I could at least check which desk the kid would sit at.

            What the—I needed one more decimal place! He'd just given me the coordinates of the classroom, not the desk the kid would be at!

            See what I mean? That evil, evil, man.

            "Can I help you, sir?" the teacher asked briskly, looking at me critically. Oh, yeah. I probably didn't look like a student. I was young looking, sure, but I don't think I could pass for anything under twenty. I glared back at her buck teeth and beady eyes. Jeez. What business had she got, being all cocky?

            "Uh, yeah. You can get plastic surgery."

            "I'm sorry?"

            "You should be. I mean, seriously, who wants to look at that face any longer than necessary?" I turned to the class. "Oh, no. It's rubbing off. Or maybe this geographic region is just uglier than most? Does the school only admit kids that are guaranteed never to date? I guess it makes sense, in a weird sort of way. Cuts down on the drama, I bet. Ironic, considering the name."

            "Sir! I must ask you to leave at once!"

            "Sure. I didn't want to stay too long, anyways. Maybe you're contagious." With that, I walked out of the classroom. Mission accomplished. Just made that entire class feel bad about themselves.

            It had taken me a couple hundred years to realize it, but insulting people was almost as refreshing as killing them. Just seeing her expression, and knowing she'd probably be self-conscious about her appearance for a couple years brought a smile to my lips.

            So, I guess I'd just have to wait for a while. There were still preparations to be made before I went back, but I'd have to wait a while before I could start with most of them.

            I checked my phone 1:00. Well, I guessed I could go for some lunch.

As night fell, I began to feel my body change. Human by day, monster by night. Like we haven't heard that sob story before. It hurt to know how cliché my life was.

            Unlike those annoying, "I'm so ugly and tragic" characters, I actually preferred my monster form, I mean, who wouldn't want to have super powers? The fact that I had fangs and claws, horns, and a tail, were all just bonuses.

            The trouble was usually just fitting in. Gloves and baggy pants usually took care of my claws and tail, and a hat usually hid my horns, if I wore it really ghetto. My wings were usually the biggest issue. If I tried hiding them, I'd look like a hunchback, and I hated looking like a hunchback. But tonight was Halloween. I didn't even have to bother with a disguise.

I watched as she walked into her little house. I'd heard about unobservant people, but this teacher was something else. I'd been tailing her for the past four hours. How could she still be oblivious to my presence? Finally. It was already past seven. She didn't even have a social life, she just did random pointless things to annoy me.

            Like grocery shopping. Have you any idea how irritating it was following her through each aisle, trying not to look like I was stalking her?

            If she had been pretty, it would be totally cool. I'd just own it. Like, yeah. I'm stalking a cute girl. Deal with it. But you have to be a real ert to stalk a fifty year old teacher. That's just embarrassing. So pathetic you can't even fantasize properly.

            But now, she was home, and it was time to get her back for all those hours wasted looking at groceries and chilling awkwardly at the Laundromat.

            Just after she closed her door, I parked my car and ran to the doorway. Knocking on the door, I flashed my most charming smile and leaned on the doorframe.

            "Trick or Treat?" I murmured, voice husky. She gasped, beady eyes as wide as they could open. Striding into her home, I smiled my best smile, then closed the door. "Looks like you're going to have to call in for a substitute."

            "W-why?" She asked, lips trembling.

            "Broken arm? Broken face, maybe? Something along those lines. I guess I shouldn't kill you. It would stir up too much trouble with the law."

            "W-What?"

            "Hm? Oh…did you think I was making a move on you or something? Cute. Or it might be if it wasn't so pathetic. Do I need to buy you a mirror?" I strode towards her dangerously. "No. I'm here to make you call in a substitute teacher tomorrow. You can fake sick, or I can send you to the hospital. Which one?" She hit a wall, and I leaned forward, my face inches from hers. I lifted my hand, circling my fingers lightly around her neck.

            "I'll call in sick! I'll call in sick!" She cried, trying to fight against me. Ha. Silly girl. All the same, I released her, walking a few steps away.

            "Good." I rifled through her coat, which was sprawled over a chair. Finding her cellphone, I tossed it to her. "Do it."

            Hands trembling, she called in, actually putting on a good show of being sick. When she'd finished, I walked out to the scene of a group of stupid high school kids egging my car.

            "Oh, wow. You guys are so cool." I said loudly, and they jumped, spinning around. "Let's just throw eggs at somebody's car, 'cause we're big kids now."

            "Oh, and you're cool? A grown up that still dresses up for Halloween?" One of them retorted.

            "Uh, yeah. I'm beyond cool. Just ask your girlfriend." I winked at the girl next to him, chuckling a little when I saw her face blush bright red. Then, I let my face show just how angry I was and walked towards them. "Now, you guys are going to wash off my car, then you're going to get your pudgy little faces out of my sight."

            "Why should we?"

            I smiled, a genuine, I just got ice-cream and a puppy smile, and said. "If you don't, I'll rip off your fingers one by one."

            The guy shivered, finally beginning to catch on to just how dangerous I was. That's right. Don't mess with a monster unless you want to die a long, painful death, punk.

            "S-sure! J-just wait until I get some cleaning supplies."

            "Oh, that won't be necessary." I smiled, then grabbed the back of his head, shoving it at my car. My face became suddenly deadly serious. " it."

             He whimpered a little. Yeah. Next time don't mess with my car, brat. I watched in satisfaction as he began to the egg yolks, grimacing. I looked around at the kids that were just standing there watching. "What are you doing? Did he egg my car by himself? it clean, brats!"

            "But—" I backhanded the first person to protest, a tiny girl with no eyebrows.

            " it." I repeated, and she began to cry, but followed my orders, obediently off like she was told. The others did, too, and eventually, My car was clear of any egg residue. Smiling, I spun my keys around my fingers, getting in the car and driving away.

            Man, was I nice or what? I'd probably just saved those kids lives. I mean, what if they'd egged someone else's car, who wasn't as merciful and benevolent as I was? They'd get killed for sure. Now, they weren't in danger of that. All thanks to me.

            Maybe I should give the hero business a try. I had, before, actually. After my third or fourth hero, I was like; I know how to do this. I'm strong. I've got no issues fighting people. Why not?

            Thank goodness my boss jumped in. If he hadn't, the 11^th realm would've been destroyed for sure.

            I think my problem is that I'm just too trusting. I was doing great, really. I'd found the magic artifact or whatever, and had killed pretty much all the minor bad guys. I'd even saved myself the trouble of having to keep saving a random girl that was completely useless. I'd just killed her. It had caused a fuss, but I just told people she'd been kidnapped and hid the body, and they totally believed me.

            I was the best hero ever.

            So, then, the villain guy finally realized my complete amazingness, and was like, 'we should totes team up.' For a second, I was like, no. this guy's pretty pathetic, if he's begging me for help. But then, the guy started talking about all the cool stuff we could do if we just teamed up. Like, we could totally wipe out all the gnomes and annoying things like them. Then, we could rock out every day 'cause no one would risk opposing us. It sounded legit.

            So I was like, Heck yes let's join up! And it was all downhill from there.

            After that, my boss didn't let me directly be the hero anymore. I was once again assigned to be the teacher. The Obi-wan Kenobi of each hero. Awesome. So now I just gotta do all the work with none of the glory. Yeah. That's a job I want.

            Not. If he hadn't promised to break my curse, I never would've signed up for this crap job. I probably shouldn't have, anyways, but who wants to stay half human for the rest of their life, powers sealed to one tenth of what they were? Not me.

            Just two hundred and nineteen heroes to go before I was finally free.