Flashback

“Will you marry me?”

“Why...You know that I won’t last for-“

“Shhh!!!  Don’t say that. You will walk down that aisle...just like you always dream of. I’ll make sure of that!!”

“Young Bae...”

♥♥

Young Bae had been so determine with his decision to marry you and no one could change his decision, not even JiYoung who words of advice had fallen on deaf ear. He promises to you that you will have your dream wedding, with everything that you have always wanted in your wedding one day. Every details of the wedding plan, even down to the specific detail on the flower decor, he makes sure that it is exactly to your taste. He did all the preparation, singlehandedly, without anyone helping him, not even you. When you did offer to help, he will quick to brush you off even when you started to throw tantrum. And then he will patiently cajole you the reason why.

“I just want you to be on your best of health during our wedding day...wearing your wedding dress when you walk down the aisle to me before we take our vow, in front of our Lord Jesus Christ. So just let me do this for you.”

You insist to help out, after all this is your wedding too. But the man would not have it other way, and you know that when he had decided on something, especially something serious like this, he could be the stubborn man alive, although his face never waver showing his sweetest smile to you, every time you even attempt to state your protest.

 “Which colour do you prefer – Tiffany Blue or Champagne Gold, for your wedding dress?”

“Ooohhh... I love both, especially in flattering styles, such as A-Line bridal and off-the shoulder neckline!!” you shriek excitedly. Then you realised that Young Bae had somehow distracted you from your topic of argument. And you decided to give it up, knowing full well that no matter what Young Bae will always have it his way.

“How about you choose the wedding dress in Champagne Gold?” Young Bae suggested while turn to face you, twirling your loose curly hair. You shake your head and choose Tiffany Blue because of the similar hair colour to your Oppa Seung Hyun aka TOP. Maybe you want to make him fail and you know it well that nothing could make him jealous and your poor attempt is a direct failure, when he agrees that the colour is well suited for you and the wedding decor. He arrange with the tailor to start on sewing your wedding dress in Tiffany Blue, just the way you want to.

All you can do is shaking your head, seeing how determined Young Bae is and how lucky you are to have him in your dying life. Without you realised it, a teardrop had fallen from your eyes and wash your cheeks. Quickly you wipe it away from been seeing by Young Bae. That will only make him sad. He has been fighting a strong shield to stay strong and vigilant when he learned of your illness.  He tries to not show his true emotion in front of you, but you know him better, which is why you let him have it his way for the wedding.

Just as much he wants to make you happy for the wedding and everything, you wanted to at least leave him with a sweet memory before you left to meet your Creator.  You have long ago succumbed to your illness and your fatal fate. And you could do nothing to stop Young Bae, or yourself, from falling in love. For you, this is a tragic love but for Young Bae, “There is nothing that I want to change in my life from falling in love with a pretty girl like you.”

That is the exactly his words, not yours.

Vividly you still remember the day that he proposed to you. It was at the city where you first meet him – Paris. A month after learning the truth of your illness, and after getting an approval from your specialist that you are fit to travel to Europe, well, he literally carried you over his shoulder to Incheon Airport and boarded the plane to Paris, France. You still remembered the smiling faces from the other passengers and the flight attendants when they saw you being carried by your slightly shorter boyfriend compare to your 5’ 8” height. You continue to protest and nagged to Young Bae but it fell on deaf ear. Young Bae ignored you, as he flipped the magazine that the airline had provided. So you decided to just forget about the whole protest and slump to the other side of their seat, sulking, for the whole plane flight to Paris.

Once reached Charles de Gaulle Airport, like a royalty, Young Bae ushered you in the most luxurious limousine that you could never imagine. There was your favourite bottle of white champagne at the decanter, along with 2 long glasses that already fill-in with the champagne, being elegantly place on the small table in the middle of the seat. And not forgetting, your favourite bouquet of Peonies being place on top of your seat. Once both of you had settled in, your favourite love song – A thousand years, sang by Christina Perri, started to play in the background. All the time, you could see Young Bae had never stop smiling which makes you hard to stay mad at him, seeing his utterly happiness in his face. All you can say to the smiling man who never seems to understand the meaning of tiredness, ever since knowing of my illness. I felt my tear rolled down my cheek. Young Bae wipes it away but you push his hand away and lean it, kissing his lip. Deepening it, every time Young Bae attempt to push you away, you should feel hurt for his obvious rejection but you could not be bothered over something assumption than your deep love for him at that moment. After several attempts had failed, he relented to your passionate kiss and just allows you to have your way with him.

The hotel that Young Bae had booked for both of you was just 5 minutes away from Eiffel Tower. In fact, your suite window had the great view of the tower. Truly magnificent sight that makes your heart fills with lots of love. Young Bae came and hugs your back against his broad chest. He whispered. “Get some rest. Because I am taking you out for a romantic candlelight dinner, later tonight.” He did give out much detail, instead he kissed your cheek lovingly and left the room, with you still standing alone, facing the tower, and still admiring the beauty sight of it.

You dress up in your favourite lace gown that you have bought during your trip to Milan few months back. The same lace gowns that Young Bae love so much. And it was perfect for the dinner even it may happens to be an outdoor dinner. Well, you got to expect the unexpected from Young Bae nowadays. Did you have any slightest idea of the purpose of the dinner? You tried hard to think of any sort of reason but it comes out empty. Had you did have any slightest idea of the purpose of the dinner; you don’t think you will be so damn surprise about it and you will be well prepared of your response to him.

It was an outdoor dinner. Young Bae had specially arranged with the famous 58 Eiffel tour restaurant, to arrange an outdoor dinner setting for us. The setting was truly like a fairytale, with red carpet had been laid out, throughout the way to where the limousine had stop us. When we walk down the red carpet, to our dinner venue, the tourist surrounded us. They have this anticipation looks on their faces – wondering who famous might it be, having such a grandeur dinner. Did they felt such disappointment to know that it was only Young Bae and me? Well, Young Bae is famous. He is one-fifth of the Hip hop KPOP sensation Bigbang. But you are not sure if their popularity did expand to Paris, France. You could never care less of how famous he finally is nowadays. It is the man that you’re in love with, not the one in Bigbang. After all, Young Bae is better known as Taeyang or Sol in the world of entertainment. He is still Young Bae in your world and his.

Some of the tourist did know who Young Bae is. They shouted his name, giving hoot call to him and they even sang Bigbang songs. But they seem to respect your private time together. They did not attempt to ambush you, even after knowing there are not much of securities to protect both of you against them.

When you finally reached your dinner venue, you saw the Maître d’ had greeted you and Young Bae, in full gallant. He showed both of you to your seats and gave you the menus, but he did not deliberately taking down our orders, instead he moved back a few paces, in order to give you some private time alone.

“Surprise me more...,” you gently said to Young Bae when he asked of what you wanted to order. Young Bae blushed. He signalled the Maître d’, whose name was Charles and converse in a perfect French language. Charles passed the order list to the awaiting waitress who had wheeled in a small table with a bottle of wine and 2 wine glasses on top of it. Charles goes about pulling the cork of the wine and pass to Young Bae, for him to smell the aromatic fragrance of the red wine, before pouring into the 2 wine glasses, for both of you. Charles only left your table after both of you were satisfied with the wine.

Both of you sipped the delicious red wine, without saying a word to each other. Your minds wander away. You look around the complex of Eiffel Tower – there are still a few fans lurking around but most of it had left the area, maybe wanting to give us private times together. The fans had been lovely and supportive of your relationship with Young Bae. Well, you had always be the one who stir clear from any public eyes, and an expert about it.

Your eyes turn to the one sitting across of you. Young Bae had been watching you, not the look of concern over your health, but a look that hard for you to decipher. He had worn a black stripe suit, with a vest underneath his suit coat. No tie or bow, which you much prefer. He even had shave the side of his head and styled the remaining of his hair upright, again a style that you always love from him.

 You become restless because he did not utter a single word ever since Charles left the table. Young Bae only looks at you with a smiling face. When you tried to start a conversation, your ordered foods had arrived. Now the attention had reverted to the serving food. It consists of your favourite French cuisines – Lobster Bisque (as the entrée), Coq Au Vin (as the main dish) and for dessert, you choose the classic Vanilla Crème Brûlée.

After finishing up your last meal of desserts, you heard a lovely music had played behind you. You tried to turn to the sources of the music and you are surprised to see a throng of men were playing a violin, walking to your dinner table and stop not far from it. They were playing your favourite romantic song, again.

You turn to Young Bae, but you were surprised that he had stand by the side of your table, grabbing your hand gently, pulling you off from your seat. All the while you watched his every move, and your tears threaten to burst. Then you found that Young Bae had drop down one bended knee, in front of you, still holding your hands in his, never taking his eyes off you. Suddenly you felt that you know of what happening in front of you, if only you have the strength to stop him, and enough strength to fight him, later on, you could stop that from happening. You could prevent the hardest battle that you will have to face, later on. With the health condition that you are suffering, how you wish you could stop the marriage proposal from happening.

Young Bae recited a very beautiful sweet love poem from the great love poet - Rumi.  You could just stand there, speechless. And when he had ended reciting the love poem, he ended it with – “Will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?” The violinist keeps on playing the beautiful tune and you wonder will they only stop if you say yes to Young Bae?

“Yes...”

Young Bae just let out small chuckled and tries to ease out the scowl on your forehead. “Why ever not? Our love stories are one of the best one out there.” You just huffed and puffed to show your objections. To make matter worse, you pushed him so hard that he fall quite a distance away from your bed and clearly instructed him to get out from your bedroom, turning away from where he had landed on the floor. You heard him did as he had been instructed. Tears of frustration rolled out your eyes, dropping side-way to your pillows but your body was too weak to do more than it is. Sleep overtook your senses and the next thing you realised, it was morning already.

From that day onwards, Young Bae never brings up the matter of his 2^nd solo album. You find it strange because, knowing Young Bae, if how determine he might be of doing something that involves you and your concern, he will discuss it no matter. But at this time, there are many things on your mind, apart from your falling health; there was your wedding that you need to focus on. You have only a week to go before the wedding day and there were still many things to be clear with. So you decided to let it slide for now. You may start your objection debate after the wedding.

Both you and Young Bae had done your quick outdoor pre-nuptial wedding shoot which both of you had chose Jeju for its beautiful scenery location. It only took both of you 2 days to go and then Young Bae, along with the rest of Bigbang members had to fly to Singapore for their opening concert for F1 Singapore night race, leaving you alone for at least 3 days at most. But Young Bae had warned you to rest a lots and not to do anything much of the wedding preparation while he is away, and always answered his call at once, because he threatens to fly straight back home if she did not answer his call for more than 10 minutes.

“Will you not be scolded by Jiyong –ah, or worse from Yang Goon Sajangnim?” You asked concern. Young Bae being Young Bae, he just shake his head while giving you his so relax smile. “I don’t really care of them if it is you, my main priority now.” You again just let it slide because you know it was useless to argue with a very stubborn boyfriend of your.

You argued. “I will be the one to wear it, not you!!” You shouted at him angrily, ignoring the fact that he might be too tired after his return trip from Singapore just hours ago and for the fact that, you had just gone through your bi-weekly chemo therapy that did trigger something instable with your emotion and your mind. Both of you got into heated confrontation that Jiyong and TOP needs to step in to calm the 2 of you. TOP pulls you away and you follow him out to the balcony, while Young Bae follows Jiyong to the kitchen. Homie stood helpless in the middle of the living room. You saw him and felt bad of the outburst with his owner but you have enough with Young Bae attitude.

“He really wants the best wedding day for you so that both of you could remember forever...” You listen to all the mundane advices that TOP oppa had to share. In your mind, of course he will say that because Young Bae is one of his favourite Dongsaeng, apart from Daesung.  You can be stubborn, really thickhead when you are in anger mode. You have been listening to TOP oppa for a good 10 minutes, without mutter a single word of reply. You even divert your eyes, defiantly away from TOP oppa, so rude and insolent of you. Your mind and heart refused to accept defeat but you know you will be so tired to stay angry like this. You start to think that it is better to end this stupid argument and let him have his way. Because you have give up hope to continue living, even for Young Bae.

“Are you listening to me?” You look up to the kind face of TOP oppa. He has somehow become your pillar of laughter, not strength. He will try to spare few hours of his busy schedule for me. If he has time, here and there, he will call you, or send a simple text message, just to know how you have been holding up, with the wedding preparation and the treatment. A simple sweet act just to lift your day, even a little thing that could make you smile and make you realise that, beside Young Bae, there is still others who care for you. And whenever he did have few hours to spend with me, he will make you laugh so hard that there was a tear in your eyes. That is the moment you have cherish with TOP oppa, because all the stressful energy that both Young Bae and you are facing, somewhere dissipate away. Young Bae and you could just be any normal couple again, without my illness taking toil in your relationship.

You nodded. “I’ll take your advice and let him have it his way.” You started to walk away from TOP oppa, to Homie. The pug is watching you expectantly wanting a sort of reassuring that his Papa and Mama are not fighting. You felt TOP oppa stop you by pulling your arm gently. “You miss a point here...”

You shake your head. “I understand of what he wants and I’m ok with that. After all, I will die sooner than later right?” You pulled your arm away from his grasp, totally avoiding looking at his sad face. “You should make most of it you know?” You heard his last string of advice but again you choose to ignore any rational advice, even from someone you respected so much.

Young Bae and you make up for the outburst. You do it reluctantly and mostly because of Homie who seems so sad seeing his Papa and Mama fighting over a stupid wedding dress. And of course, you claimed that you will listen to TOP oppa advice. Well, you did but you refused to understand what lies beneath the truth of Young Bae effort in your wedding day.

You will only realise it a little too late.

You just shake your head as reply. You continue to flip through the wedding itinerary that Young Bae had prepared. Both of you and Young Bae are currently in the recording studio, just you and him, alone.

“Ok...I promise I will be good and there definitely be no act fro-“

You stopped Young Bae who try to reassure me that he will not do stuff that the groom-to-be will always do before their wedding day. “I trust you. You have put way much of your efforts and times to waste it like that.” Muack! “I love you!!” You smiled at him, wiping a smear lipstick on his lip. That brings smile to his face. You missed that smile and one thing leads to another, all you know that his lip had captured yours again in a heated yet passionate kisses. The itinerary had been thrown down on the carpet, while Young Bae keeps on with his onslaught on your lip. It feels good, not that both of you have been lacking on the department, but it has been such a long time for both of you to  be having somewhere other than the privacy of your bedroom. During your courting day, there will be not a place that Young Bae and you have expressed your love so vibrantly.  And your favourite place had been the dance studio.

When you felt his hand is trying to pull the zip down off your skirt, you try hard to push him away from you, not too harsh. “Wh-what...?”

“I want to keep it the way of tradition. No before the wedding and we just left with 2 days honey bunch...” You try hard to ignore the hurt look from his eyes. You palm his hard shaft and whispered, “I promise that it is worth it.”

Dejectedly he got off from you, giving you his supposedly angry face. “Better be...” You smirked as you watch him trying to calm him and his little problem down. You arranged your attire to reasonable state and wait for Young Bae at the door, for you and him had a last minute meeting with the catering service for the wedding.

♥♥

Your wedding day...

You never feel so nervous in your life before. Not even when you attend your interview for stylist in YG Entertainment. You had the make-up artist, who happens to be your fellow colleagues and friends, to do your make-up first and then proceed to style your hair. While the make-up artist and hair stylist trying to transform you to become a princess for a day, your eyes linger to the simple yet sophisticated wedding dress and the veil that goes along with it. You thinking that you should be wearing a traditional white wedding dress but you remember Young Bae said, “Be damn with traditional. Choose the one close to your heart!” But you hold tight on traditional value on department. Your mind strays to the thought of your handsome prince charming, Mr. Dong Young Bae. In 4 more hours, you will become Mrs. Dong Young Bae, a wife to Mr. Dong Young Bae who better known as Taeyang, to his fans, and mama to Homie, that precious pug who currently lying on the carpet, in front of the fireplace. He occasionally looks up at you, lolling his tongue. Young Bae said that it means Homie is happy to see you. You smiled.

“I wonder how your Papa getting by, Homie.”

Wolff!!

When you have finished up with the make-up, styling your hair and lastly, after your bridesmaid had zipped up your wedding dress, the left thing to do is to wait for your cue to walk out from the dressing room and wait just outside the church large door. You asked your maid of honour, Park Bom if the groom have arrive the church. It has somehow slipped out of your mind to check on his arrival, as you have been distracted by the sheer joy of getting prepared. You are surprised to learn that, not even the best man had reached the church. Young Bae had chosen Hyun Bae to be his best man, and you thought he might choose Jiyong for them had been closest like a family too.

Should you start to get worried? You try hard not to but when the glass of water that you are holding tight so suddenly slipped off your grasp, you know something bad had happen to them. Suddenly you feel suffocated, hard to breathe like something stuck on your windpipe and how hard you try to breathe but you simply can’t. Your legs have becomes weak and you asked for a chair to sit. You start to sweat but instead of wiping it off as normally you did, Park Bom reached out to dab on the lingering sweat that threaten to smear your make-up.

“What’s wrong, sweetie?” Park Bom asked softly. You just brushed her off but asked for another glass of water from the nearby friend. “Can you call Young Bae again, unnie?” You begged Park Bom with tears threaten to roll down your cheek again. “Please...” And you didn’t care if your tears will ruin your make-up. All you want to know now is to hear that Young Bae is ok and he is now waiting for you at the altar, watching you walking down the aisle, to be marry to you and to kiss you to seal the marriage vow that both of you had profess, with the priest as the witness.

Every seconds and minutes ticking by, it is like a stabbing pain in your heart. You watch attentively as Park Bom and you wait for Young Bae to answer the call and it seems like forever until the call goes straight to the voicemail. “Try again...” You pleaded.

After attempting to get through Young Bae, the call finally been answered, but not from him. It was TOP oppa. “Hello Bommie?”

“Why are you the one who answer? Where is Young Bae?” You heard Park Bom frantic voice. You quickly stood up and stand beside her to find out more. But you can’t hear anymore as you have been lead away from Park Bom by Jiyong. He holds you tightly and there is no way you could fight him off, instead you just follow him silently.

You zone out. Your focus is on the blonde man in front of you, waiting to hear of what he is trying to tell you in private and that he can’t tells you in front of the other family and friends. Can someone stop Homie from barking so loudly? You don’t think you can hear Jiyong soft voice over the relentless barking. You clutch his arm and lean much closer to hear him.

“Young Bae and Hyun Bae...car accident...died on the spot...”

Your world falls apart. Totally torn apart, ripped into 2 parts and could never be mend again. And not only had that, the 2 halves that had been ripped or torn apart, crumbled into millions of pieces, and turn to dust that the wind had blown into thin air, vanished altogether. 

The next thing you know, your world had black out and you started to fall...fall into a black midst...never-ending falling behind you.

If you did turn down his marriage propose, he surely still is alive now.

If you did turn down his marriage propose, his fans will not be crying their hearts out.

If you did turn down his marriage propose, he will finish up his second album and the company is able to release it with him performing it in front of his fan worldwide.

If you did turn down his marriage propose, Homie will not be missing his papa.

If you did turn down his marriage propose, he will not be dead before you.

Because you are the one suppose to be the dead one, not him but you.

You take all the blames of all that had happens, even people surround you said otherwise, especially TOP oppa and Jiyong oppa. You refuse to listen to them. Because you had shut yourself from the world outside and you even refuse to attend his funeral ceremony. You believe that he is still with you and Homie. Young Bae is sitting by your bed, watching you while holding your hand. Homie is lying on your tummy. You saw him, smiling your sweetest smile. You are happy to see him because ever since they told you that Young Bae had died in a freak car accident, on his way to the church, your tears never stop flowing. You had cried endlessly and never stop praying for him to return to you.

You remembered his promise to you that he will be with you at the very last moment.  And now, the three of you simply waiting, waiting for death to invite you. You felt frighten at first, at the thought of death but when you think more of it, you know this is just a way for you and Young Bae to be together forever together.

“Young Bae please waits for me...” Your last words before your world becomes dark as death claim you.