Chapter 3

Sorry I thought I had posted this chapter the other day but it seems it didn’t work…..sorry for the delay

It was the same beat down from YG every time he came to visit me or at each monthly evaluation. I was growing accustomed to his gruff, harsh tone as he harped on about my inadequate talents and by now I was deaf towards what he was saying; I’d nod when I knew was appropriate, mumbled my apologies and promised to work harder just to get him away from me quicker. In front of him and his team I put on this front of ~I don’t care what you say I’ll achieve it anyway~ and in some ways yes it was true; I was going to succeed no matter what but I DID care what he had to say and every time he opened his mouth to insult me I felt his words cut me that bit deeper. To make it worse ChaeRin would flutter into my room on cloud nine later that day after receiving a dream evaluation and I couldn’t just kick her out so I’d grit my teeth and just go with it; I really couldn’t hold it against her, from what I heard she was a phenomenal talent and deserved it all.

But today YG’s words were that bit more bitter and that bit more cutting and for the first time I caught the undertone of that I might not be here for much longer when he muttered

“Sometimes I wonder why I brought her into this company!”

I held in the tears until he was gone and when he was gone I collapsed onto the floor and sobbed until my head felt like it was going to explode. No matter how hard I tried at everything it never seemed to be enough for anyone. Why wasn’t I ever good enough? Why couldn’t people see the passion I had for this? And why don’t people have belief in me that I can do it?

I heard the familiar footsteps in the corridor and I knew exactly where they were going.

“Unnie YG thinks I’d make a great Leader, isn’t that awesome?” her voice echoed as she bounced happily into my training room and came to an abrupt stop when she saw me

“Unnie…….?” I just couldn’t take it today, I couldn’t listen to her talk about her glowing evaluation and I just felt myself explode

“Just shut up for once ChaeRin, not everything revolves around you ok? Some of us don’t get superb evaluations like you do, some of us are at risk of losing our place here, so please just shut the hell up!” It had started out as me screaming at her but as I finished it was nothing more than a heavy sigh.

As soon as I said it I regretted it and I felt even more hurt when I saw the torn up expression on her face but to my surprise the concern in her eyes never wavered.

“I didn’t mean to bother you Unnie, I’m sorry” she murmured and bowed deeply before she scuttled out of the room.

I felt this uneasy feeling begin to spread through my body, why do I always seem to hurt the ones who care about me the most? Maybe this is why everyone leaves; because I push them into it. The feeling of regret was weighing heavier and heavier on me the longer I sat here, I wasn’t mad at ChaeRin I was mad at the situation I had found myself in and to be honest I was jealous that ChaeRin seemed to have taken to this trainee lifestyle better than I had and was doing better than I was.

I gave myself some time to cool off and then went to find ChaeRin; I knew I had to apologise and my heart wouldn’t be settled until I did. I trekked all the way from the basement to the fourth floor where I knew ChaeRin’s training room was location but I didn’t know which one was hers but it didn’t take too long to find hers.

ChaeRin was flicking through her song list on the computer and was dressed in her training clothes so I presumed she was about to start dancing. The music started to play loudly but instead of ChaeRin dancing she sat down on the bench by the window and just stared out, her long hair hiding her face from me so I couldn’t see her properly. I was frozen to the spot just watching her and then she started to move. Her chubby hands scooped up her long hair and started to try and plait it obviously getting ready to start her training but I felt a sharp pain in my heart when I saw how flustered she was and how her hands were shaking and then the words fell from her lips

“God damn it Dara that hurt!” and I felt a wave of regret and shame wash over me.

I walked into her room and sat down next to her gently pulled her hair from her shaking hands into mine. ChaeRin’s body stiffened at the contact her head turning to glance at who it was and when she saw it was me she relaxed slightly.

“I’m sorry ChaeRin” I cooed as I threaded my fingers through her hair and began to plait it for her.

“Your Unnie lost her cool but know that I wasn’t mad at you, you just happened to arrive in my room at the wrong time and received the brunt of it, you haven’t done anything wrong and I am so sorry for yelling at you like that can you please forgive me?”

She waited until I was done plaiting her hair and then she turned to face me a smile firmly settled on her features

“Don’t worry Unnie its ok I forgive you but I’m not gonna lie, it did hurt!” ChaeRin beamed her eyes once again turning into crescent moons as she eye smiled and it was then that I knew she really was ok she didn’t smile like that unless she really meant it.

“Thanks ChaeRin, I really am sorry I hurt you!”

“Can I ask you something Unnie?”

“Mmm” I hummed and nodded my head vaguely aware of where this was going

“Are you really at risk of losing your place here?”

“Yes YG isn’t very happy with me at the moment, well to be honest he’s never been very happy with me, he doesn’t think I have enough talent but what I lack in talent I make up with in hard work! I just hope he can see that” I honestly told her

“You can’t go” ChaeRin uttered

“What?” I stammered not sure that I had heard her right

“Unnie you can’t go, you make it bearable here! I spend most of my time here, I’ve lost friends because of this training, Unnie you really can’t go, you help all this feel normal and I feel like I have a true friend in you, so you can’t leave me here by myself”

“I…….I…….I” I couldn’t get my words out, Here was ChaeRin who I’d only known not even a year and she was saying this to me, she was making me feel special, she was making me feel like I was important to her; no one had ever made me feel that way, well except for my mum, brother and sister. I enjoyed ChaeRin’s company and I was glad I had someone to talk to and play with in the company but I never knew she felt this way about me. I felt the smile spread across my face and my tummy felt like it was full of butterflies.

“Thank you ChaeRin you’re sweet and I wish with everything that I have that I don’t lose my place here but if YG says I have to go I can’t really argue with him.”

“I’m not gonna let you go!”  She argued completely disregarding how dejected I was about this

“ChaeRin don’t put yourself in a position where you’ll find yourself in trouble that would just be childish. If I lose my place here it doesn’t mean we won’t be friends anymore, I promise you I’ll always be around” I told her firmly

“No I’m not going to put myself in a position like that, I’m going to help you keep your place here, YG thinks you lack talent well lets help him see that you do have it. I’ll help you; come practice with me and I’ll help you as much as I can with what I know.”

Again ChaeRin astounded me, she wanted me around, she wanted to help me show YG that I was more than he ever thought I was, in many ways she was a guardian angel looking out for me and I really couldn’t believe it

“ChaeRin I don’t know what to say, I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you for this……Thank you ChaeRin……I really mean it from the bottom of my heart”

“When you win your first award you can mention me, that’s how you can repay me!” She giggled

“Deal” I answered

“Food?” She asked

“Sure I’ll take you somewhere that I really like, I go there most weeks, come on” I stood up and started to make my way out of her training room

“Let me guess it’s a Ramen place isn’t it?” ChaeRin asked suppressing a laugh

“YAH ChaeRin…..just like the way you sit down is weird but I accept it, just accept my weird love for ramen!” I yelled and glared at her

“Yeh whatever Unnie!” ChaeRin fired back with her signature smirk