First I would like to apologise to anyone who is reading my story “You are the only one who understands”…..I’m having some serious writers block with it. I know where I want the story to end up but I’m having trouble writing the chapters that will go in-between…….I’m so sorry for keeping you all waiting for so long but I don’t just want to write chapters for the sake of it. I hope you can continue to hold on and I’ll try my best to solve it.

But this idea has been in my head for a while so I thought I’d put it up here so you could have something else to read :D :D I hope you enjoy

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Chapter 1

When something is damaged or broken maybe you try and fix it yourself or maybe you take it back to the shop to see if they can fix it or maybe get a refund……But I’m damaged; I can’t be sent back to somewhere to be fixed, I can’t be exchanged for something that is more eye catching and I certainly cannot be glued back together~ Do people really believe things are mended properly when you glue them back together? Or do they purposely ignore the cracks in hopes that if they overlook it for long enough it might actually be ok? I’m like that broken toy that is thrown in the corner and forgotten about…..Why fix me? I’m useless anyway so what’s the point?!  Instead I’m left minute by minute, day after day to make it through my life without anyone really caring how maybe they could help put me back together and feel whole again.

It wasn’t like I hadn’t expected something like this to happen; I always knew my past would catch up on me, I seemed to always have a dark shadow following me almost as if to remind me I could never escape from the life I used to live and over the past couple of months these shadows had been biting viciously at my heels threating everything I had worked for. The feeling of your career coming to an end was like the feeling of slowly drowning; throat and lungs burning as they heaved in protest of receiving no oxygen. It was painful, excruciating but nowhere near as excruciating as when I first arrived in this country and found myself the target of school bullying, it cut so deep that I found myself completely mute too afraid to say anything at all. At that time I never thought I would feel pain like that again because to me I wasn’t really living anymore I was just existing.

Fortunately with this failure came a new opportunity; one that I was going to accept and hold onto for dear life, I wasn’t going to waste it. It was a chance to reinvent myself, to become a better me or maybe even a different version of myself. YG Entertainment seemed to offer endless opportunities so I made it my new dream to become a singer. As I boarded that flight back to Seoul I felt the bitter pain of leaving my family and friends behind but I also felt a weight lift off my shoulders; I wasn’t going to be under a microscope anymore, I wasn’t going to be constantly hounded by the media asking questions I didn’t feel comfortable answering. Over here I wasn’t going to be “Sandy” I was just going to Park Sandara the newest YG Entertainment trainee.

The first few months I was here I felt like a fish out of water, I was constantly on edge; I was being pushed to the limits with my singing and dancing ability. I’d sing until my throat felt raw and I’d dance until my legs cramped so hard that I couldn’t physically walk and would lie on the training room floor for a good hour before I could drag myself home on wobbly legs. Yet it still didn’t seem to be enough for sajangnim; everyday I’d have to face him with his ice cold stare as he informed me that he thought I would never make it as a singer and that maybe I should just be an actress instead.

I also saw the way the others in the company looked at me, I looked fragile I know that and in many ways I was but I didn’t want them to know the extent of it. Their eyes gleamed with pity, they thought I was weak, they thought I wouldn’t be able to handle the training, they thought in a matter of weeks or months I’d break; that I’d quit and go back to whatever life I had before. They didn’t know how important this was to me, they didn’t know that my training here was like a life force; without out it I wouldn’t know what to do with myself, who would I be and what would I be doing with my life.

I heard her before I saw her, It’s not like many people here talk to me, I’ve pretty much turned back into the mute I was back in my teenage years so when I’m sitting in the canteen eating my hood is up and my head is down. I looked up to see Lee ChaeRin standing next to my table. She was quite small in stature now that she is standing so close to me and I can look at her properly. I’d only ever really seen her from a distance; she was newish to the company and rumour had it that she waited outside this building to personally hand her audition to YG Sajangnim. I always presumed she must have nerves of steel and quite some audacity to be able to do that. She smiled sweetly at me and sat down in the chair opposite me, I guessed she must have asked to sit there but I was too startled by her presence to actually answer her, yet she just sat down anyway ~ definitely not a girl raised in Korea~ I thought to myself.

I couldn’t think of what to do so I went back to eating the food in front of me occasionally stealing glances at her. The longer she was quiet the more unnerved I became because I could also feel her watching me. The more I glanced at her the more I realised her eyes that were a thin almond shape were very feline like, well not just her eyes, her whole persona was very cat like; she moved around the company silently never really causing any trouble, she had her sights set on where she was going and certain of what she was going to become yet she carried an air of mystery around her never really letting anyone get too close to her and when she spoke she had a smooth purring voice.

Her eyes looked at me not with the same pity others here did or they didn’t look through me like so many others had done before, she was actually looking at me and they were aglow with sincerity and honest intrigue that I was momentarily stunned by her actual care to know about me and my life when she opened and asked

“You’re Park Sandara right? You had a career in the Philippines before you came here…….what was it like?!”