Five o’clock in the morning; Hyesung opens his eyes slowly and stares at the ceiling. He knows exactly what day it is. It’s supposed to be D-Day: the day when he would show Eric the bottom of his heart and lock their love for eternity at Namsan Tower. He has chosen that day for two obvious reasons: It was Valentine’s Day and only two days before Eric’s 22^nd birthday. He has prepared for that day since late winter last year, after he’d found a picture of Eric with the Seoul city landmark in the background.

Hyesung lifts his thin upper body up, turns to his right, and puts his feet on the floor. With his left hand, he slowly pulls the drawer on his right. He then pauses and stares into the dark wooden drawer. After a while, he takes out a green padlock with its golden keys attached to it. Green is Eric’s favorite color. As he stares at the padlock, he takes a deep breath and lets out a sigh. I’ll just do as I’d planned, then, he thinks. He then gently puts the padlock back in the drawer and drags himself into the bathroom.

As Hyesung gets out of the bathroom, Dongwan is coming out of his room with eyes only half opened. “Boy, you’re up early,” he says to Hyesung in his still-hoarse morning voice.

After he’s finished getting ready, Hyesung takes out the padlock again, stares at it for a while, and then puts it in his bag. He gets out of his room and heads to the dining table. Dongwan is already at the table, albeit still in his pajamas, reading the newspaper accompanied by some coffee and toast. Meanwhile, Eric, Minwoo and Jinnie are still sharing the bathroom.

Hyesung sits opposite Dongwan and almost shouts, ‘Andy yah~ make me some scrambled eggs, will ya?’ before he remembers that Andy’s not with them. He’s been forced to go on a personal hiatus due to personal issues. Well, at least that’s what the management has published to explain the youngest member‘s MIA. The truth is, nobody really knows what’s going on.

Hyesung sighs as he stirs his coffee. Everything’s just not quite the same without the maknae.

Lifting his eyes from the newspaper, Dongwan’s surprised to see Hyesung’s all prepared and ready to go. “Yah~ It’s only 6! Where are you going this early?” He asks.

“Campus library. Gotta complete my reading lists before classes start next month,” Hyesung lies casually while sprinkling sesame seeds onto the chocolate spread on his toast. The two of them eat in silence, a stark contrast to the three rowdy people in the bathroom.

A few minutes later, Hyesung leaves the dorm all clad in black: black pair of boots and corduroy pants, black long-sleeved tee layered with a black wool-lined jacket and a black windbreaker, a black mask and a black canvas cap. Even though his canvas backpack was khaki, one would think he was going to a funeral.

As he steps out of the dorm building, he puts on the hoodies of his jacket and windbreaker, both as a disguise and protection from the cold wind. Yes, the late winter wind is still cold, as cold as his heart is.

Hyesung takes the subway and arrives at the cable car station about an hour later. The ticket office is not going to open for another three hours, but Hyesung wants to make sure that he’s there before everyone else does. It’s Valentine’s Day, and he’d foreseen a huge crowd as the day progresses.

He takes a seat near the ticket counter, and takes out the green padlock from his bag. The metal bulk feels hard and heavy in his hands, as hard and heavy as his longing for being able to express his love for Eric.

After some time, he returns the padlock into his backpack and takes out his scrapbook and pencil. Writing poems would help passing the time, he convinces himself. He looks around for inspirations, and his eyes are caught on the word ‘love’ written on a promotion board right across where he’s sitting.

Hyesung snickers. Love, he believes, is a malicious thing. It is a blessing as much as it’s a burden. It makes him happy, yet sad at the same time. It has brought both joy and misery into his life, especially since that cruel day last year; the day that has ruined his plan, shattered his dreams and changed everything...