"Attachment is the great fabricator of illusions; reality can only be attained by someone who is detached."

- Simon Weil

---

It’s weird.

I’ve been staring at the screen for a while now and my eyes are starting to hurt. I just couldn’t sleep. I guess my body clock’s finally broken. It’s actually 2 am in the morning and here I am, reading fan fiction about you and me.

I can’t fully understand why I read things like these about us, but I guess this is my illusion, my fantasy, my escape and my dream. Maybe these are the things I want to happen between us. It’s stupid right?

I don’t know when my attraction to you started, but I guess it’s been there for a while now. I mean, during our trainee days, we would go home together and all, so I guess that’s where it all started.

Chanyeol.

Even your name is handsome.

Park Chanyeol.

---

Thinking about your name makes me smile. I can’t understand why, but you make me happy so easily and I guess too easily.

“Hello everyone, may name is Park Chanyeol. I hope we all get together.” Chanyeol smiled and bowed after.

Baekhyun blushed as the taller started to inch closer to the whole group.

‘Chanyeol’ Baekhyun smiled and blushed even more.

---

You’re very tall and I’m like a dwarf next to you. But people say our height difference is the ideal one for a relationship. Funny right?

“I never realized you were this small Baek” Chanyeol said as he patted Baekhyun’s head like a child. The latter rolled my eyes and chuckled.

“Shut up, you gigantic monster.” Chanyeol stuck his tongue and patted Baekhyun’s head again.

---

You have these big eyes. I’m actually looking at you right now. Even from a far, I could see your handsome face. You look cute when you sleep, you look like an angel, and I guess you are.

“You should get some sleep Baek” Chanyeol said, offering his shoulder for Baekhyun to lean on. The latter let out a small smile and rested his head on the giant’s shoulder.

Minutes after, Baekhyun could hear Chanyeol snoring. He slowly looked up and found the giant’s sleeping face. Baekhyun chuckled and looked up again, only to see Chanyeol’s big eyes looking at me.

“Something wrong Baek?” Chanyeol asked. Baekhyun could feel himself blush.

“It’s nothing Chanyeol. I never realized how big your eyes are.”

“But not as big as Kyungsoo’s.”

“Hey! I heard that!” Kyungsoo shouted from the back. They both laughed.

---

You have this low, husky voice, which I really admire. Your voice is so loud yet so gentle. Does that make sense? I guess not.

Baekhyun slowly stirred the spoon inside the small pot. His ramen would be ready soon but he’s just making sure that the noodles won’t be overcooked. As Baekhyun continued cooking, he suddenly felt a pair of arms slithered around his small waist and a body press against his back.

“Good morning Baekhyun.” Chanyeol said in his bedroom voice. Oh how Baekhyun loved that low and husky voice.

“You scared them soul out of me Yeol.” Baekhyun said.

“Looks like someone’s making some ramen and from the looks of it, you made enough for the both of us. Can I have some pleeeeease?” Chanyeol pouted, making Baekhyun chuckle in delight.

“Of course, Yeol.” Chanyeol clapped his hands together and started to prepare the table.

‘Of course’ Baekhyun sighed.

---

You have this very distracting smile, a smile that I would gladly watch all day. Oh and your laughter, you have this big laughter that is very contagious.

“Okay, that’s it for today guys.” Kris announced as the members fell on the floor. Besides Suho, Kris also acts as the leader to get things done and clean.

Baekhyun panted as the sweat slowly streamed from his forehead. He wanted to sleep on the floor if possible, and he was starting to until a person disturbed his peace.

“What?” Baekhyun asked without opening his eyes.

“Baek”

“What is it Chanyeol?”

“Let’s go for some ice cream.” Baekhyun groaned and opened his eyes.

“Aish, I’m tired Chan-“ Baekhyun cut himself off as soon as he opened his eyes. Chanyeol had his signature smile plastered on his face, making Baekhyun blush and feel mesmerized at the same time.

“Baek?”

“Oh, right. Fine, let’s go. As long as you’re treating me.” Chanyeol stood up and clapped his hands.

---

You don’t need to work out, even though you sometimes do. You have a great body. I keep on reminding you that you don’t need a fit, ripped body. You look hot even without having that body by just being yourself.

EXO members had a free day today, so they decided to work out. Jongin carried some weights as he gave Kyungsoo some pointers.

Yixing was like a personal trainer for Suho. Tao and Kris were on the treadmill. Minseok was pretending to work out, but was actually trying to get Jongdae’s attention. Sehun and Luhan were being themselves, all lovey dovey.

Baekhyun, on the other hand, was watching a certain giant carry those heavy weights. He watched as Chanyeol raised his arms then brings them down, over and over again.

“Aren’t you going to work out Baek?” Chanyeol asked.

“I am.” Baekhyun said, feeling embarrassed with what he was doing earlier.

“Well, carrying those light weights won’t really help Baek. Those are for girls.” Chanyeol said, still continuing his work out.

“Whatever.” Baekhyun rolled his eyes and went back to carrying what he had, making Chanyeol smile a little.

---

I’m even spazzing when you’re only a few inches away from me. I feel silly now. Anyways, going back to what Ii was saying a while ago.

I started to read fan fiction because, well, out of boredom. At first, I was reading them for fun and to kill the time. Usually, I would read about me. It was funny because I was always a diva, a very emotional, sad, diva which was very funny.

But then I discovered stories about you and me. It was sort of accidental. I was browsing through tags, then I saw “BaekYeol”. After clicking it, that’s when I got into reading them.

Fans have a very different way on how they look at us. In most stories, you would be a rich, cold hearted bastard who would fall in love with me.

How I wish that was true.

How I wish everything that was written on the screen true, how you would fall in love with me, how you would take care of me, how you would cherish me and make me happy.

How I wish things like that were true.

I know it’s unhealthy to live in a world of fiction, especially fan fiction. I’m living in a world where I use those kinds of stories as an escape, using them to fulfill my dreams about you and me. If you knew my secret, you would take pity on me but feel disgusted at the same time.

Sometimes, I feel sorry for myself. Who am I kidding? Imagining myself being together with you, that’s absurd and delusional.

Let’s be honest.

You can never love me the way I want you too.

You can never be the person from the stories I’ve read.

You can never be the prince who will love me no matter what.

We can never be together.

You don’t see me the way I see you and I know you never will.

I’m stuck in this situation. This one-sided, unconditional love I have for you. It’s sad, yet that is the only thing that makes me happy.

It’s sad to think that the only thing that keeps me going is by reading fan fictions.

I love you so much, that I feel sorry for myself because I know this is pointless. But I can’t help myself. I love you way too much for me to let go.

And I guess you will never know these feelings of mine, because no one knows about this.

I tired to destroy these feelings for you, But I couldn't. I tried to control myself, and I guess I've been doing a pretty good job, but I'm starting to lose control. I hate this feeling so much but no matter what I do, I still love you.

So here it is! This just popped in my head and I swear this was cooler in my head. Oh well, sorry if you guys didn't like it too much. Leave your comments!