“Ta-dahhh!”

I stare wide eyed at the ring that is wrapped around your finger and the hand beside it that’s sporting the same delicate band of silver.

I knew this moment would come eventually. I knew, but I refused to face it.

“Pretty, isn’t it?”

“Y-yeah. Pretty.” I should be happy, right? After all, this is my best friend… But then why does it hurt so much?

Of course I know why it hurts, but I’ll never admit it.

“You’ll help me choose a dress, right?”

I look at you and smile. It’s the least I can do.

“Of course.”

No matter how much it kills me to watch you two, I can’t hate you.

You never meant to do any harm, I know. Maybe that’s why it hurts even more.

Majestic music fills the air around us. As the crowd all turns to watch the beautiful bride walk out, all I want to do is turn and run.

But I don’t. My feet stay planted firm as I watch you two make your way up the aisle that’s strewn with petals.

No one sees as I clench my fists at my sides.

If you were looking at me, you would see the sour face I have on, but you aren’t.

You turn to face each other, and I turn my face away.

It’s becoming too painful to watch.

You say your vows, and I find my lips moving to match yours, whispering the words I dreamed of once saying to you...with you.

I turn around just in time to hear “You may kiss the bride.”

Run.

And I almost do.

But something in my head is telling me that you’re my best friend. That I have to be here for you.

I watch as you lean closer.

The silence that is suspended in the room is broken as your lips collide.

Cheers ring out from your family and friends.

I see you beaming as you release from the kiss.

You turn to look at me and I plaster on a smile.

I excuse myself from the festivities and make my way to the balcony.

Fresh air. That’s what I need right now.

I reach up to brush off the tears, but find my cheeks dry.

Leaning against the railing, I look down at the peaceful town below. You had picked this spot saying the view of the sea reminded you of Greece.

When we were little, you dreamed of growing up and moving there.

I never told you, but I dreamed of going with you.

A little house by the sea.

A goat in the backyard.

Two little kids. One boy, one girl.

He’d pick on his little sister, and you’d run to the rescue, wrapping them up in your arms.

At night we would tuck them into their beds, and then go sit out on the porch.

Now that dream doesn’t belong to me.

I look up as I feel a hand tighten around my wrist.

You’re smiling and trying to drag me along with you.

“Let’s take a picture.”

“N-no, it’s fine.”

“C’mon. Please?”

“Alright, alright.”

You grin and drag me into the wedding hall.

“Oppa! Stand here.”

I follow directions and stand next to you two.

“One, two, three! Cheese!”

I drive home alone after the ceremony.

The lights of the traffic start to blur as the tears finally begin to fall.

She appears at my side, laughing...smiling...teasing me.

Stop. I want to scream.

Her image haunts me.

Leave me alone.

She won’t go.

I can’t take it any longer. My hands slam down on the steering wheel and she turns to me, surprised.

I can see the look in her eyes. Are you angry?

No. Stop. Just go away. GET OUT OF MY SIGHT.

She looks at me sadly. Oppa?

I’m sorry. I’m not mad. Really. I’m not.

The tears begin to stream again and I wipe them away furiously.

I’m okay. I’m fine. I’m really okay.

The words are meant to comfort her, but I know I’m really trying to convince myself that it’s true.

Her eyes dart around nervously, not understanding the source of my sadness. Oppa… The tears begin to build in her eyes.

No, don’t cry...Please, don’t….

I reach out to comfort her, but she’s not there.

She never was.  

I reach into my jacket pocket and pull out the photograph.

My vision becomes cloudy as I look at the image of the three of us.

You, me and her.

Her head is nestled in the crook of your neck, your arm wrapped around her delicate body.

That’s supposed to be me.

I never told you because you never would have understood.

You were always the light in my life.

I was forced to stand by your side and watch her take my place.

I knew from the beginning that this thing, this feeling was impossible for us.

But I loved you.

Against all odds, I still loved you.

My hands fumble as I begin to rip at the picture

When I unite the halves again, you’re where you should be.

By my side.

I turn back onto the road, even though I can’t see through my tears.

The car races forward as I press harder on the acceleration.

It’s too fast.

This is dangerous.

I know, yet I keep going.

It’s too late to stop now.

I turn just in time to see your smiling face before it all blacks out.