A/N: first one shot. And I don't know if I did good, please leave comments after reading if you want to tell me how good I did and what pairings/ships you'd like to see and I might just do it.

 

Thank you. Now on with the reading.

 

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I was young, he was young. 

 

He wanted to be a singer. I wanted to start my own organization.

 

His name is Do Kyungsoo but many might know him as D.O. of the famous South Korean boy group, EXO. 

 

My name? I'm Liu Yiyun, founder of Give A Handful, a organization started to end world hunger.

 

Kyungsoo and I had went to the same middle school and high school. I was a new student and he was one of the few to welcome me. During high school I hated wearing the uniform skirts and he had been one to tell me that I had looked pretty in it. 

 

Once we had gotten detention after getting caught at the roof of the school when we were supposed to be in class. This was the same week he told me he was going to audition for SM Ent. 

 

I was happy for him but sad we wouldn't get to hang out as much as I would've liked to since I was going to leave also. 

 

A week before he debuted he visited me. He was surprised to see my house was mostly empty of any life except me. I remember how excited he looked when he told me he would be debuting soon.

 

“I hope you find happiness Kyungsoo.”

 

“I am happy. You should be too. Once you get your charity started tell me so I can be the first to donate.” 

 

I really had tried to be happy but the pain in my heart said otherwise. I had fallen in love with Kyungsoo during the last two years of high school. He never knew and I wanted to keep it that way.

 

The next day I left for America.

 

That year I heard many things of his band and was happy to see he was finally living his dream. I never kept in touch with him after that. He had given me a paper with his email and phone number but I had thrown the paper away at the airport.

 

I started to go by my English name my second year since starting the organization with the help of my family. I was known as Amber Liu instead of Liu Yiyun. 

 

The second year we had received the biggest donation of $100,000 by an donator who decided to remain anonymous except to me. I received an email that day.

 

‘It's been a while, Yiyun. Where have you been? You never called. I guess I broke my promise. I wanted to be the first to help out but I couldn't since I still didn't have enough. I hope you can save more lives with this money. Have you heard our songs? We're doing pretty good, huh? All my group members are really cool and treat me well. The fans are really awesome too! 

I've missed you, Yiyun.

Please call.

Love you best friend! ^_^’

 

I was crying by the end of the email. I couldn't reply and deleted the email before the urge came. 

 

Ten months passed and he still would send emails to me every week. And eventually they stopped coming in. 

 

I felt terrible every time I would see a new email that for the last one I actually replied. For the first and only time I would.

 

‘Kyungsoo. I'm sorry. I haven't been a good friend have I? I read your emails but was too scared to reply to any of them. I'm happy that you're happy now. I'm happy too you know. I'm doing what I love but there's something missing. Do you remember in the first year we met when I told you that I hoped to be able to share my dream with the ones I love? Well someone is missing here. I encouraged you to go on to audition even though I knew it meant we probably wouldn't be able to see each other again. I kept telling you to chase your dream because I knew you would be sad if you didn't. I thought you may have forgotten what I had said all those years ago. Now, I don't think that anymore. You were the first person to donate a large amount to Give A Handful. I was really touched and so was everyone who's been working here. 

 

I'm really sorry, Kyungsoo. 

 

I'm really busy these days. So please don't think I never read your emails. 

 

Don't get into scandals and remember to smile everyday.

 

Goodbye.’

 

I clicked the send button and closed out the window before leaning back in my chair and letting out a breath and once again let the regret seep in. I didn't realize I was crying until I felt the wet tear roll down my face. I had started to crying in silence since leaving the place I once called my home. 

 

I had left Yiyun behind and became Amber. 

 

Yiyun was the one who would wear her heart on her sleeve and smile because she was always happy. Amber was like Yiyun except that now she will hide her emotions behind smiles and tries to not let things get to her no matter what.

 

My sister had even noticed how much I had changed but had let it go when I had snapped at her for pestering me about my last day in Korea. 

 

I feel so selfish. Everyday I hate myself more for never telling him how I felt, saying how he was the one person I will never forget, or how much he changed my life for the better, or how much I would miss seeing him. I knew that saying any of that would've made him want to give up his dream so he could stay by me. I was always the little sister to him despite us being the same age. 

 

My phone beeped beside me as I saw a notification telling me I had a new email. I sighed as I picked it up and confirmed my thoughts. Kyungsoo replied. I turned off my phone and ran out of my apartment grabbing my keys. I needed to clear my mind.

 

 

 

 

                       ~~                                                                             ~~

 

 

 

 

The phone that had been pressed to my ear had fallen out of hand as I covered my mouth and saw my vision blurring as the tears poured down my face.

 

My sister had called me to tell me that there was news about EXO-K having been in an accident. And two of them were severely injured. 

 

That wasn't the worst part. 

 

Out of the two one had lost the most blood since his side had been the one to suffer the impact and that person was... him. The label had said the doctor had tried his best to save him but because of the blood loss, they couldn't. 

 

I fell to my knees and my assistant who was beside me knelt down and tried to get me up but I shoved her away as I cried harder. I let out a sob, the first time in two and a half years of making a sound while crying. 

 

The hurt, sadness, and regret hit me full force in that moment.

 

“I'm so sorry, Kyungsoo.” I said through my sobs.

 

 

 

 

                       ~~                                                                             ~~

 

 

 

 

I was back where everything started. The same school where I had met the one person who had changed my life forever. The same bench where 12 year old Yiyun had been sitting on when he had first approached me and welcomed me with his famous heart shaped smile. 

 

I felt a tear roll down my face but stilled smiled at all the memories. 

 

“Thanks for the memories, Kyungsoo.” I looked up from my lap and looked over the field. It was still green as ever even though it was fall. “Even though it's too late, I want to tell you that I love you. I always have and will always love you. Wherever you are just know that I won't forget you. You're always in my thoughts.” As I started to stand up a sudden gust of wind passed through the field and I then felt something on my shoulder to see a butterfly. 

 

The butterfly flapped it wings and flew away from me and I watched it with a sad smile and once again felt like I could cry. 

 

Another gust of wind and I could've sworn I heard a voice say through the wind, “Be happy.”

 

I smiled wider and laughed. 

 

‘I will be. Soon.’ I thought as I took a last glance at the bench and then turned away walking away from my past and focusing on my future.

 

 

 

‘I understand. 

I'm glad you're happily living your dream.

I wish I was there beside you.

I miss you.

I miss us.

I love you, Amber.’

-last email sent by Kyungsoo to Amber