---

I headed towards the bathroom to wash my face. It’s almost past ten yet I am still awake. It must have been because I had three cups of coffee today. I wanted to sleep, but my body said ‘No’. That put me to work more. From the bathroom, I travelled to the kitchen area and turned left to the room I left. The lights revealed the color of the walls. They were white. White was the color of innocence. Dad said it suits my aura but now, I am not that kind of person so I guess now it’s not the color for me. I don’t fit in this room anymore. But then again, it’s only quiet room where I can work freely.

It was mid-summer and entering is the season of spring. I guess I have to spend my time again making something. Placed underneath my table was a switch to a fluorescent lamp. It was horizontally aligned to fill my entire table. I turned it on so that I can work. I slid my fingers to the vast area ahead of me. My feet sat relaxingly to the ground. When the lamp is switched on, it alerts me to move, work, and let my imagination to decide. I grabbed a pencil. It’s my favorite charcoal pencil. I don’t like a pencil made out of wood. It always reminds me that I am limited, and that I am bounded.

Besides, what can make a person feel happier if her life was stained by a person’s selfishness?

I am immediately stopped by hearing a noise coming from outside of my room. Taken aback, I laid my pencil down. Something’s wrong. I took steps, three slow steps and drew closer to the door. Defying that there’s something’s strange happening outside of my room, I sensed a silhouette of a man entering my kitchen. He was lean, not that tall nor that short. He was just average. At least, average for me. I didn’t get to see his hair or what he looked like. Is he up to me? What is he here for?

Frightened, I leaned to a wall beside me. I forgot that there’s a switch there that cut of all the lights in the room I am at. And in that time, in that moment, I can hear someone’s footsteps. It’s getting louder and louder like the tick of the clock. I heard my heart beat race. I can no more run. I cannot hide even for once. This room I am in was empty. I shut my eyes, and he runs.  

My body collapsed. I can no more hear a thing. All I want to think of is my guardian.

“Yieun?”, his voice captured me. “What happened?”

I wrapped my arms around him. I am deeply terrified. “Why are you here?”, his voice soothed my pain. Greatly, he was my sweet escape; my savior.

“I.. I just happened to-”

“Ssh. Let’s take you back to bed, okay?”, Suho placed a finger in the middle of my thin lips, not wanting me to say anything. I can feel a slight pull of him sliding his hands to the every strand of my hair which made me feel lighter. From above my chest, I can say that he’s got to be one of the precious people I’ve met.

He lived alone, so was I. Suho was older than me by two years. He was my only friend. “Suho, why are you here?”

He sniffled. I can see him wiping his own tears before turning to me. “I forgot my keys.”

“I see.”

“How about you? Why weren’t you sleeping yet?”

“I am not that tired.”

His smiles were the best. The way he scrunches his nose makes him look like an idiot. I hate those smiles, but I admit they were genuine. “Here. Come closer.”

What I liked about Suho is that, he treats me like a person, a friend, and not only a patient. He covered my body a thick sheet of fabric. “This will warm you.”

“Thanks.”, my heart was on behalf.

--

I extended my arms, waking up without a nightmare. “Suho?”, I turned to my left then to the other direction. No marks of him can be found, even his shadow. “Suho?”, bare- footedly, I made my way to the kitchen. “Good morning.”

“You didn’t sleep?”

“Of course I slept. Coffee?”, giant love he has for me, he made me a cup of coffee. “Here is for Yieun and here is for me.”

“So, how was your sleep?”, he sat perfectly on the couch of mine’s. He was still in his outfit last night. Only, his sleeves were unrolled and three of his buttons revealed his ivory skin. “Fine.”

“Good.”, not my intention to see, he was taking notes with a paper and a small pen hiding from his two palms. I can still see him examining me. “Have you dreamt of something?”

“No.”

“Good.”

Saying ‘Good’, does he mean I am getting normal? After he had taken notes, he stood up and patted my head. I don’t know what that is for.

“Suho.”

Just before he can turn around, I want to make sure that he’s saying the truth. “Tell me the reason why,” My knees were trembling, my hands were shaking. I put down the coffee he made for me on top of the table in advance.

“What do you mean?”, he was sunken. I knew that there is something he’s hiding from me for a long time. I may be ill, scarred because someone took over my ity on a cold summer night. It happened a year ago, yet, it doesn’t excuse me to forget that part of my life. I was . No one can ever erase that. Not even him.

“Why did you do this to me?”

Then there tears formed in his eyes. He was apologetic. His grip onto his cup loosened as he made his way to fetch me. “I didn’t mean to Yieun. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry.”, he held my hand as much as he wanted but I felt so pungent. It was a devastating scene to see him crying. Yet, I wanted him to cry as much as I am torn. He turned me into a doll which suffered, and currently suffering.

“It was you!”, glaring his teeth onto me, he stood up from his knelt. “I love you but you didn’t return that love!”

“You promised right? You promised to me that we’re going to get married as we grow older.”, I can feel no less. There were no more to be felt. “Now say that you are not breaking that promise.”

“Say it!”

His sharp teeth killed my entity, more as, my whole self. Shouting at me made me feel a lot worthless. “I love you Yieun. I love you more than you know.”

“I know. I know that Suho.”

“Then why don’t you say ‘I love you’ back?”  

There was no turning back. What more can I do? In the end, he’s going to lock me in this cage anyway. So then I spitted to his face: “Because I don’t.”