Tears.

 

Tears were all that was left of Taeyeon. To cry was the only thing she could do now.

 

The moment she found out about the horrible truth, her already shattered heart burst into dust. The thought of him gone was enough to make her mind numb. She couldn't think straight anymore. Could you blame her?

 

 

She lost the love of her life.

 

 

Her everything.

 

 

 

The bitter reality still hadn't sunk into her mind yet. A part of her would insist that this was all a big joke, and she would wake up the next day to his smile and voice. But we can't have all the things we want, don't we?

 

 

The girls would see her sobbing, but everytime they asked what was the matter, Taeyeon couldn't tell them what happened. Tiffany approached her that night, hugging her bestfriend tightly. Although she didn't know why she was crying, she could feel her pain.

 

 

 

"Tae— Calm down. What's the matter? Tell me." She said softly.

 

 

"He's gone."

 

 

 

"Who? Baek?" Tiffany's eyes grew in realization.

 

 

"He's gone." Was the only thing Taeyeon could say.

 

 

 

 

"Yeah, he left SM all so suddenly. Did you two talk? Let me guess, he broke up with you?" Tiffany scoffed and rolled her eyes.

 

 

 

 

"HE'S GONE!" Taeyeon yelled, bursting once again in tears.

 

 

 

"What do you mean, Tae?"

 

 

 

 

"He.... He's dead."

 

 

 

 

 

Tiffany was taken aback by those unexpected words. She felt her heart break for her bestfriend. She knew Taeyeon was going through a whole lot. She didn't know what to do now, she had no idea how to make her feel better.

 

 

 

"Tae.... Things happen for a reason." Tiffany uttered hesitantly.

 

 

"Really? What's the reason of meeting him in the first place, when I was just going to lose him in the end? Tell me. Why has this happened?"

 

 

 

 

"Tae..."

 

 

 

"It's my entire fault."

 

 

 

 

"No, Tae! Don't think that! You.... You didn't do anything."

 

 

 

 

"Yeah.” She breathed out. That was my biggest mistake, Tiff! I didn't do anything! I watched the days pass by, without knowing anything that Baek was going through! I should've done something! I should've tried everything to contact him, to see him!” Taeyeon blasted, followed by an irritated sigh.

 

 

 

"Tae...."

 

 

 

 

"I feel like dying.  Ugh. I just want to kill myself so badly right now!"

 

 

 

 

 

"No, Tae. Don't— "

 

 

 

"Why not? I don't see the reason of living anymore."

 

 

 

"Baekhyun wouldn't want you to do that."

 

 

 

"Baekhyun wouldn't want me to do that? How would we know, right?"

 

 

 

"KIM TAEYEON. Get a hold of yourself! Don't you dare think of doing that! You are staying alive! Got it!?"

 

 

Taeyeon's eyes were pouring out tears at her best friend's words. The strong words from the normally soft spoken woman shocked her.

 

 

"Kim Taeyeon." The redhead stated with a firm tone. "Promise me, you will not do anything drastic, you will not do anything stupid. You will not commit suicide." However, her words didn't quite reach Taeyeon.

 

 

 

"I just want to be with Baekhyun! Is that too much to ask?!" Taeyeon yelled out. Tiffany just pulled her closer. "You will be with Baekhyun, but not now. He... he wouldn't want you like this."

 

 "How the hell would you know that?!" Taeyeon screamed out.

 

"Because it's ing obvious! The boy is head over heels for you!" Tiffany screamed back and Taeyeon was silent after that.

 

 

 A few days after Tiffany found out, Taeyeon tried to move on; to get herself together. But it was an impossible feat to achieve at this time. She tried to immerse herself in work but she failed.

 

She would always end up aloof or crying. Depression took its toll on her, she wasn't the person she used to be, she became weak and she endured many sleepless nights thinking about him. Everything she did, she saw, just reminded her of Baekhyun, which always sent her into tears. She couldn't even dare to look at the night sky without bursting into tears.

 

She missed him, and there was no bringing him back.

 

 

 

She covered her swollen up eyes with her make-up and wore her sunglasses, making her way to SM Town's building. She passed by the music room. Her heart squeezed as she walked past it. She later bumped into a wide-eyed boy; Kyungsoo. One of Baekhyun's close friends.

 

“Taeyeon-noona…” Kyungsoo acknowledged the presence of the seemingly hurt woman his friend once loved.

 

 

“H…Hi.” She replied back to the young man, uneasily.

 

 

Kyungsoo noticed Taeyeon wasn't being herself. He observed her pretty well, and all he could conclude was that she wasn’t herself anymore. He could see past Taeyeon’s sunglasses and he saw how swollen her eyes had gotten. He stood still, finding words to say that would be applicable for that moment.

 

 

“Noona… Cheer up a bit.” He said, knowing that wouldn’t do anything since he kept telling himself those exact words too, and it didn’t change the way he was feeling.

 

 

“The rest of the members and I are heading to Baekhyun’s funeral. I was hoping you would want to come along…”

 

Funeral. The word spoke to her as if it was a gift at that moment. Even though she didn’t see Baek ever after he disappeared, she felt relieved knowing she could at least see his dead body.

 

 

"O..okay.." She nodded. "C..can I talk to Chanyeol?" She asked, trying to placate her shaking voice.

 

 

Kyungsoo smiled and asked her to follow him to the strangely quiet practice room. Nine pairs of eyes looked at them at the sound to the door opening. 

 

 

Taeyeon's eyes took in the sight of the EXO members. All of them had sullen looks on their faces. One of them even had red puffy eyes, whom she recognized as Chanyeol. "C—Chanyeol-ah...? C—can I talk to you?"

 

 

Chanyeol wordlessly stood up and walked to the door, hand holding the doorknob. "Let's go somewhere else. I wouldn't want anyone to get involved with my sentiments during work." He threw a dirty look over his shoulder at his group mates, eyes focusing hard on the Chinese leader.

 

Taeyeon felt the hard tension between the two fuming males. "God dammit, Chanyeol! I didn't mean tha—"

 

Chanyeol glared at the giant his size. "So you didn't mean what you said about keeping it out of my mind? Fine, Hyung! Explain how I should forget the fact that my bestfriend died!" Chanyeol threw his arms for emphasis and pointed at the older male. "Explain how I should forget the person I used to room with, when the whole ing room I sleep in reminds of him?!"

 

 

"God ing dammit, Chanyeol! This is why I'm telling you to lay off for a while! You're acting like an over attached boyfriend." Kris paused for a moment and raised an eyebrow, a small smirk marring his lips. "You like him don't you, Chanyeol?"

 

Chanyeol stiffened.

 

 

"I knew it. I knew there was a different reason for your over protectiveness with hi—"

 

 

A loud thud echoed in the room. Chanyeol punched Kris.

 

" you. Think what you want to think. But I don't want to see you in Baekhyun's funeral. I might lose all respect towards you and kill you myself."

 

Kris looked up at the younger one, who was being held back by Taeyeon and Joon Myeon.

 

 

“Taeyeon-noona, please go take Chanyeol out. I have something to discuss with the boys." Joon Myeon said, dragging Chanyeol out.

 

Chanyeol yanked his arm from Suho's grasp and walked to the elevator.

 

 

 

 

 

"Chanyeol!"

 

"What!?" Chanyeol's deep voice boomed in the empty hall, which startled Taeyeon. Chanyeol's hard eyes immediately softened at the fear in the girl's eyes. "I'm...I'm sorry."

 

 

Taeyeon didn't say a word and smiled. "So can we talk now?"

 

 

“Yeah….”

 

 

"Baek...” Trying her best to speak— when she can barely say his name. “Baek’s funeral. When is it?"

 

 

"In three days.” He answered. “Are you fine seeing him? Are you going to handle seeing him off?"

 

Taeyeon stifled a sob as it came up . "Yes. At lease I get to see his body."

 

Chanyeol was silent for a while but kept his thoughts to himself. He wrapped his arms around the shaking girl and pulled her into his chest. "I miss him too. I'm sorry, noona. I should've told you earlier. I... I should've told you everything the moment I found out." He whispered, chin on top Taeyeon's head as tears made their way down his cheeks.

 

 

"No. You respected his wishes and that's fine with me. Thank you." She looked up and met the younger's eyes.

 

 

 

"For What...?"

 

 

"For understanding what I'm going through right now." Taeyeon wrapped her arms tighter around his waist and buried her face in his hoodie.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two days later.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This was it.

 

 

 

 

 

The last day she was ever going to see the face she loved.

 

 

Taeyeon walked out the dorm with unsteady steps. She couldn't quite grasp the thought of seeing him off. She entered the elevator and looked at the mirror, fingers going to her neck to hold the pendant. Another sleepless night endured.

 

She met Chanyeol at the lobby, wearing a black and white suit, hair un-styled, falling flat on his forehead. "Let’s go. It's a long way."

 

 

She entered the van and sat next to the window. No one uttered a word during the whole four-hour ride to the burial place. A few sniffling and heavy breaths released here and there but no words were exchanged between the boys.

 

"We're here." They filed out of the van slowly, Taeyeon the last one to get out. They chose a very secluded place, and it seemed like only very close relatives and friends were called to attend.

 

 

They walked down the cobblestone path and into the small venue, immediately focusing on the coffin at the farthest wall. Taeyeon stayed rooted to the spot and couldn't even breathe. Chanyeol placed a hesitant hand on her shoulder and nudged her slowly.

 

Taeyeon walked on shaky feet until she reached him. The very familiar face she loved. The person who always brightened up her day was the same one lying in the white coffin before her.

 

 

 

He looked so peaceful, even though seeing him in a coffin tore her apart. Her already shattered heart burst into dust. Baekhyun’s face was pale. The lips that once touched hers were faded. She knew Baekhyun wasn’t ever going to wake up again. Taeyeon couldn't handle seeing him like that and ran out the doors.

 

She looked at the gloomy sky and ran straight to a bridge by the river near the venue. Her hands gripped the wood so hard her knuckles turned white. She let out a scream of anguish and leaned on the handrail.

 

 

 

 

Why him?

 

 

 

 

Why Baek?

 

 

 

 

Why Now?

 

 

 

She didn't even have a chance to apologize for what she did. She didn't even tell him how much she loved him.

 

 

 

 

 

“I’m really sorry, noona.” A familiar voice whispered into her ear.

 

She felt a gentle pat on her back, her heart beat fast as ever. She looked up and saw a figure dressed in white. "Stop crying, Taeyeon-noona. Stay strong for me."

 

 

 

"Baek?" She ran to his arms.

 

 

"It hurts me to see you cry."

 

 

"Baek...." She embraces him tightly.

 

 

 

"I told you I will never leave you. I will love you forever. I won't say goodbye, because you'll see me every night in the night sky. I love you, Kim Taeyeon."

 

 

"Baek... don't go!" She cried, begging him to stay.

 

 

"I have to, I belong up there now. But I will always be looking down and watching you. I will protect you."

 

 

She looked at Baekhyun’s face. She realized that Baekhyun was a spirit. She knew everything was so unreal. She stared at him, with her eyes glistening.

 

 

 

 

"Take me with you."

 

 

 

 

 

"I....."

 

 

 

 

 

"TAKE ME WITH YOU!" she begged him.

 

 

 

 

"I don't...."

 

 

 

 

"I WANT TO BE WITH YOU, BAEK!" She sobbed even harder.

 

 

 

 

"Sorry, noona. I want you to carry on and live your life."

 

 

 

 

"I WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE WITHOUT YOU, BYUN BAEKHYUN! I WANT TO SPEND ETERNITY WITH YOU. THAT’S HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME. YOU’RE MY EVERYTHING."

 

 

 

"Noona, think of all the people who you'll leave behind."

 

 

 

"You're the most important person I have. You left me behind. I want to be with you."

 

 

 

“No… Don’t… You have so much ahead of you, Tae.”

 

 

Taeyeon looked at the river below. She knew if she jumped, she could be with Baekhyun. Be in his arms again. She slipped off her sandals and sat on the railing. "I love you, Baek." She whispered before jumping off.

 

 

 

 

At that moment Chanyeol had followed her and had seen her jump off. "No! Noona!" He yelled, following after her. Chanyeol jumped into the water and saved her, but she was already drowning and had the possibility of dying. ". Baekhyun's gonna haunt me after this." he hissed and removed the blazer. He tried pumping the water out of her, but it wasn’t working.

 

“SOMEBODY HELP!!!!!!!!!!” He cried out.

 

 

Luckily the rest of the boys heard his call and ran up to them. “W—what happened?!”

 

 

"Joon Myeon-hyung! Call an ambulance!”

 

 

"Okay…Wait!" Joon Myeon panicked, reaching for his phone.

 

His hands were still pumping at Taeyeon's chest. After five pumps, He brought his face closer to the sweet angel. He tilted her head and breathed into , but it didn’t do anything. "Crap. She's not breathing.”

 

Kyungsoo put his head close and listened for breathing. "Oh God. She's not breathing." He put his finger to her neck and checked for her pulse. "Very slight but she's alive.”

 

 

The ambulance arrived and they rushed her to the hospital. The eleven boys could breathe. The guys were praying, hoping she wouldn’t die at that moment. Chanyeol was walking back and forth, he was panicking.

 

“Noona actually tried killing herself.” Jong In uttered.

 

“She must’ve loved him so much.” Jong Dae added.

 

 

Sehun was speechless and had a bit of guilt in him. He thought of himself as a bad maknae. He couldn’t even look at Baekhyun during the funeral.

 

 

“SHE HAS TO LIVE!” Chanyeol cried out. “Baek wouldn’t want her dead.”

 

 

“What if he did? What if the heavens are playing a game. What if they wanted her to be there with, Baek?” Yi Xing spoke in his poor Korean accent.

 

 

“No…. I don’t think that’s a reason. Baekhyun wouldn’t want her dead.” Lu Han spoke.

 

 

 

 

Taeyeon was drifted away. Everything around her was as white as snow. She was alone. She looked around her but she was still by herself. “Am I dead?” She asked herself. Lights filled in the cloudy spot she was in. A figure appeared before her… an angel. The fog disappeared, and she had laid her eyes on the man she loved.

 

“Baek!” She ran to him, hugging him tightly as ever.

 

 

He didn’t say anything at first and just smiled at her.

 

 

“We can be together now!” She cried onto his chest.

 

Baekhyun let out another smile and cupped her cheeks. “Noona, I know you love me. I love you more than ever.” He started off. “But you have so much ahead of you. Don't waste your life because of me. I told you, I will always be here. You've just gotta learn how to let go. BE HAPPY."

 

 

“How, Baek? How do you expect me to be happy without you?”

 

 

“Time will heal your broken heart, trust me. I will be watching you from above. I love you. I have to go now.” He said, kissing Taeyeon gently on the lips for the last time. “Goodnight.”

 

 

Baekhyun uttered his last words and Taeyeon soon felt herself falling. Her spirit returned to her lifeless body. She tried opening her eyes, but everything was all just a blur to her.

 

“She’s awake!” A voice cheered joyfully.

 

 

Taeyeon rubbed her eyes, hoping her vision would clear up. Her eyes focus on a black haired giant, smiling at her from ear to ear. “You’re alive.”

 

 

The boys sighed in relief. They were overwhelmed by the fact Taeyeon was still alive.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Taeyeon examined the room and she realized she was in the hospital. She was alive once again.

 

 

“Are you alright?” Sehun asked, sitting next to her bed.

 

 

Taeyeon forced a smile at the eleven boys that were staring at her. “Y—yeah..”

 

 

 

Sehun pulled her into a tight hug. “I’m glad you’re alright, noona.”

 

Taeyeon appreciated the younger one’s concern and compassionate heart towards her. She was surprised to see the eleven boys sympathetically worried for her.

 

Taeyeon looked over to the giant that was smiling at her. “Can we all go home?”

 

 

“Not yet! You need to get some rest, noona.” Jun Myeon replied.

 

 

 

“I don’t want to keep you guys waiting…”

 

 

“Then… Chanyeol can stay here and watch over you.” Lu Han suggested.

 

 

 

 

“Yeah…”

 

 

Taeyeon smiled at the guys’ concern. “Alright…”

 

 “No, I can stay.” Sehun darted in.

 

“HELL NO.” Kyungsoo yelled.

 

“You should go home, kid.” The leader told the youngest member.

 

 

 

Sehun let out aggravated sigh and marched angrily to the door.

 

 

 

When the guys had left, Chanyeol sat quietly on the sofa in the corner of the room. His hands intertwined infront of his face, his eyes filled with so much uncertainty.

 

 

 

"Aren't you going to ask me why I did that?"

 

 

 

Chanyeol's eyes met with Taeyeon's guilty ones before letting a breath out of his lungs. "No."

 

 

Silence filled the gray room before Taeyeon decided to break the tension in the air, "Why?"

 

Chanyeol folded up his sleeves and held his arms out for Taeyeon to see. Taeyeon gasped at the pinkish gashes on the lightly tanned skin. There were at least ten all in all. "Because I'm pretty sure we had the same reasons." He smiled and pulled his sleeves down again.

 

 

 

He stood up and walked to the door. "I'm going out to get something to eat, you need anything?"

 

Taeyeon bit her lip and thought. "Do you think you can get me some beef?"

 

 

Chanyeol chuckled, "Of course."

 

 

 

Chanyeol came back an hour later and found Taeyeon scribbling through her phone, "Here." He pulled out something in the plastic bag and set it on Taeyeon's lap.

 

"Thanks.” She beamed at him. “Hey, Chanyeol… Where are we?"

 

Chanyeol pulled a chair and sat beside Taeyeon. "We're still in Bucheon."

 

 

"Oh… Okay." She nodded to herself. "Can we go take a look? I've only been here once...with Baek."

 

Chanyeol nodded and patted her head before leaving the room. "Of course, now go get some rest. We have a long day tomorrow."

 

 

The next day, Taeyeon was able to walk and the hospital allowed her to be discharged. They were both relieved that Taeyeon was all better now, just a couple of hours after her suicide attempt, she was actually feeling better somehow. They both started going around Bucheon, scrolling around the streets.

 

It was just like the streets of Seoul, but without a lot of people. They walked past a few outlet stores, food stalls, and other great sites. They decided to take a break, stopping by an outdoor park.

 

"Hey, noona, let's take a break." Taeyeon nodded and sat on a bench.

The both of them sat static on the bench, watching the water fountain show that was quite an attraction of that spot. Taeyeon watched the water go up and down. A thought came to her.

 

A face was once again pictured in her head. Baekhyun’s smile. The first time they met each other. It all came back to her, but this time… She didn’t feel like breaking down. She was rather… happy because of all the moments she spent with him. Chanyeol noticed the silence and looked to Taeyeon that was staring into nowhere with her mind dozed off.

 

“Noona? You alright?”

 

Taeyeon let out a small smiled. “I’m fine… really.”

 

Taeyeon faced Chanyeol once again and decided to share her thoughts.

“You know, I never imagined myself ever loving someone so much that I would kill myself just to be with that person. I guess, the great things come into your life unexpectedly.”

 

She said, “I remember the time you and Baek surprised me at SM building.” She let out a slight giggle, flashing the moment in her head. Chanyeol chuckled, also remembering that moment. “Yeah, Baek would go on and on about how much he really liked you.”

 

“Baek was quite something.”

 

“You two really loved each other, huh?”

 

“Yeah… I guess so.”

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol sighed in relief and smiled at his bestfriend’s angel. “Noona… Can I ask you something?”

 

 

“Uhh.. yeah..”

 

 

 

“By any chance….” Chanyeol paused to look down. “Are you….”

 

 

“Am I what?”

 

 

“Are you thinking of committing suicide again?” Chanyeol finally looked at her with worried eyes.

 

 

Taeyeon just giggled to herself. “Can I tell you something?”

 

 

“Sure, noona.”

 

 

“I saw Baek in heaven. He told me to stay alive, and so he sent me back down here.”

 

 

“You… you saw him?”

 

“Yeah. I know… sounds crazy, right?” Taeyeon laughed.

 

But when she looked up at the giant’s face, he was just smiling calmly. “No.” He said. “He told you to live?”

 

“Yeah… he did.” Taeyeon replied. “Chanyeol, how was it like knowing him for 8 years?”

 

“Baek may act like a selfish bastard sometimes, but he's a real softie. He always puts the people he cares about before himself." Chanyeol smiled. “He’s a bestfriend anyone would love to have.”

 

Their conversation went on and on. They really had a fun time throwing back all of their moments they had shared with a brunette, once known as “Byun Baek Hyun.” They watched the sun go down then finally got up and headed off.

 

They both made their way to the bus stop and waited for the bus to Seoul to arrive. They sat down on the waiting chair with some other people. Chanyeol looked to Taeyeon and noticed she was shivering. He quickly took off his jacket and wore it over her shoulders.

 

Taeyeon was speechless by his kind gesture. “T..Thank you.”

 

Soon later, a bus finally arrived and they got on, sitting down in the very last row. Chanyeol laid his head back and Taeyeon stared out at window. “Say goodbye to Bucheon.” Chanyeol chuckled.

 

The words ‘goodbye’ clicked in her head. She remembered Baekhyun’s words, to never say goodbye, because there will always be a night sky, and there will only be goodnight.

 

 

“Goodnight.”

 

 

“Goodnight?” Chanyeol asked, confused.

 

 

 

“Yeah… Goodnight.”

 

 

 

Chanyeol shrugged his confused thoughts off and stayed quiet.

 

 

“It hurts when you have someone in your heart, but can’t have them in your arms.” Taeyeon uttered.

 

 

 Chanyeol looked down on the older before wrapping his arm briefly on her shoulders. “Remember that saying, when one door closes, another opens. You'll find someone else, maybe not now, but there will be someone that will help you heal your heart." He smiled and looked at the fast scenery disappearing fast behind them.

 

 "Only time will tell, Noona."

 

 

 

 

Taeyeon's eyes widened at Chanyeol's words.

 

Those words,

 

Baekhyun.

 

Baekhyun said those words.

 

 

 

 

 

"...yeah."

 

Chanyeol removed his arm from Taeyeon's shoulders and set it down. Taeyeon frowned at bit the missing warmth and released a breath. She leaned onto the window, eyes slightly drooping and breath slowing down.

 

Her stomach churned slightly and felt like lead as the bus rolled away to its designated stop in Seoul.

 

Taeyeon's head suddenly lolled into Chanyeol's shoulder and the fuzzy sensation of her soft hair against his neck woke the giant up. He was shocked to see the mop of brown locks but nonetheless, shifted in order to accommodate the older's head in the gap of his shoulder and neck.

 

It was nearly 1 am when they got back to Seoul. It was a good thing that the number of people in the station wasn't much, in order not to attract attention to them.

 

"Uh, Chanyeol?" Taeyeon bit her lip before looking up to the younger one.

 

"Yes, Noona?" Chanyeol asked, arms busy with hoisting his backpack and Taeyeon's bag on his shoulders. Taeyeon hesitated before answering. "Chanyeol, would you mind going to the park before going home? It's fine if you don't—"

 

Chanyeol laughed and smiled at her. "Come on. It's fine, noona." A hand tapped her shoulder before pointing to the park's direction. "Let's go?"

 

"Thank .......thank you."

 

 

 

The two walked in silence until they reached the park secluded by big oak trees. Taeyeon took in the familiar scenery and released a deep breath.

 

Everything came rushing back and each of the memories felt like a hard slap of reality.

 

The kisses they stole while the clock ticked on till midnight.

 

The laughs they shared.

 

 

 

Those times when Baekhyun would hold her hand and clasp her close to his chest.

 

Every little thing, every little moment they shared came whirling back to her.

 

Taeyeon could see the face she loved smiling at her in every part of their secluded place. The normally uninterested face that would light up at the sight of the petite woman. The gentle wind blowing at her felt like a hard punch to the gut.

 

She fell to her knees and cradled her head. Tears streamed on her face unknowingly as Chanyeol bent down and looked her in the eye. "Noona, What’s wrong?"

 

Her brown eyes searched his for answers. "I didn't even apologize for what I did. I didn't even tell him that I was still in love with him." The giant frowned a bit and hugged her but felt small hands pressing on his chest. "No. I've betrayed him enough." Taeyeon shook her head and bit her lips.

 

"No. I'm doing this because you're my friend. Baek's my best friend, I'm not going to betray him by taking you away from him." Chanyeol took her shaking hands into one hand and ruffled her hair with the other. Chanyeol frowned. 'I just hope Baek will forgive that lie.'

 

 

 

"Noona, I know it hurts. We all left too many things unsaid. You didn't say sorry, both Baek and I kept this from you. You're not the only one at fault here." Chanyeol's heart clenched at the pitiful sobs that wrecked the girl's body. "For all I know, he's forgiven you already. He loves you that much."

 

Chanyeol pulled her into his arms and ignored the pricking in his nose and the dryness of his throat. He couldn't cry now.

 

 

 

He wouldn't cry now.

 

He shouldn't cry now.

 

 

 

 

Especially when Taeyeon needs someone to keep her up when all she's doing was bring herself down.

 

"It hurts so much. I promised myself, I wouldn't cry anymore, because all I'm doing is making this hard for all of us, especially Baek but I can't. Everything I do reminds me of him. It just hurts so goddamned much." Taeyeon banged at his chest, sobs slowly turning into screams. " Why? Why is it that no matter how fast I run, I can never run away from the reality that he’s gone? "

 

"I know." Chanyeol cupped the small face in his hands and stared hard into the teary eyes. "Noona, listen to me. You'll learn to move on. I know it'll be hard, but I'll be there for you. Tiffany-noona will be there. We'll all be here for you." The petite woman’s eyes looked directly at Chanyeol’s large ones.  "Why Baek, of all people? Why him?"

 

 “There’s a reason for everything, noona.”

 

 

The night slowly soothed down with Chanyeol arriving back at the dorm and with Taeyeon laying flat on her bed. Taeyeon did her best to fall asleep every night, trying not to think of Baekhyun that much, but she just couldn’t. The image of Baekhyun’s face pops up into her head and there’s nothing she could do but just cry. She hated herself for being like this; but all her days seemed to repeat themselves. Staying up all night, crying, yearning for baekhyun even though she knew there was no bringing him back.

So many people tried to help her, the girls specially but their efforts went in vain due to her stubbornness. Soon, the girls eventually stopped their efforts, mainly due to their schedules. Taeyeon decided she couldn’t bring them down so she went far away. From her work, the prying eyes, the reprimanding force that was making her move on. Empty days went by with her depression seemingly getting worse, with this, her health deteriorated.

She refused to attend any of her schedules; interview, filming and even practices. There was nothing that could change her mind. Baekhyun clouded her mind and rendered her unable of anything sane.

 

But someone was willing to make a difference.

 

A few weeks after Taeyeon’s sudden leave of absence, Chanyeol woke up early, despite the fact it was his day off. As soon as his eyes were properly opened, he reached over to his bedside table, where he had placed his phone. He immediately found himself halfway in texting Taeyeon ‘Good morning’ but something was stopping him.

“Why do I even care about her so much?” He asked himself.

He would wonder why he was like this. He would ask himself why he starting to care for her a bit more than before. Even though he knew it was a bad thing, there was no stopping his emotions get a hold of him. He texted Taeyeon asking how she was doing. Taeyeon would see his messages, but she would reckon that it would be better to lock everyone out of her life.

 

But it came to a day when Taeyeon was so weak she couldn’t move her body. She had no choice but to call Chanyeol, but he insisted that he’d go visit her.

Chanyeol would go visit Taeyeon more often than usual. He would go take care of her; cook, clean, and just talk to her.

 

Chanyeol insisted that the both of them should go outside since Taeyeon was being locked up inside her apartment. At first, Taeyeon thought it wasn’t such a good idea, but she soon found herself outside of her place, at a park, a but far from her apartment. The both of them enjoyed the beautiful scenery of the place. It was their first time to pay a visit. The both of them had their faces covered by a scarf.

 

 

Out of the blue, they passed by tree full of yellow papers tied to it. An old lady saw the seemingly confused couple and told them that it was a wishing tree. Chanyeol ask the lady what it was for, and she replied saying, that people come by and write their wishes on a small piece of paper then tie it to the tree — and that people believe that their wishes will eventually come true.

Chanyeol smiled to himself, thinking maybe this was something that could help Taeyeon, so he told her, “Make a wish.”

 

“Why?” Taeyeon asked, startled a bit.

 

“Wish for anything!” Chanyeol said, grabbing a small piece of yellow paper near the tree.

 

Taeyeon followed him and thought deeply before writing down what she wished for. Chanyeol also wrote down his wish: I wish I can see Taeyeon smile again. Without pretending. Without hurting inside. I want to see her happy.

 

As the both of them tied their wished on the tree, Taeyeon let out a sigh and said, “It’s hopeless though.”

 

“Don’t lose hope, Taengu noona.”

 

Of course Chanyeol was left curious about what Taeyeon wished for, but he had a hunch that it was about Baekhyun. The both of them soon continued to walk around until Taeyeon’s stomach growled.

 

“Noona, you must be starving!” Chanyeol gasped.

 

“Yeah, I pretty am.” Taeyeon chuckled.

 

Luckily the both of them found a restaurant near the park that served beef. “Bulgogi for me please!” Taeyeon grinned.

 

 

***

 

After a day at Taeyeon's home. Well if you could call it a home, Chanyeol headed back to the dorm with exhaustion clinging to his bones. It wasn't easy cleaning a whole apartment and cooking by himself. The moment he walked into the dorm, he was greeted by some of the members lying on the couches, namely Jongin and Yixing. Some seated on the floor arguing over a soccer game on TV, which were Lu Han and Minseok. Kyungsoo and Jun Myeon were in the kitchen. The rest of the members were in their respective rooms. Chanyeol deemed the kitchen the quietest place at the moment and headed there. Kyungsoo gave him a small smile while Jun Myeon looked at him briefly before initiating a conversation. "You've been out a lot Chanyeol-ah. You better have not been going to clubs, drinking and getting random girls laid."

Chanyeol laughed. "Hyung. Its 7pm."

 

Jun Myeon didn't seem to be convinced. "Let me smell you." The leader went closer and sniffed his jacket. "You smell like...hmm..dish soap?"

 

"Am I off the hook hyung?"

 

 

"You're off the hook this time." Junmyeon laughed and went out.

 

"Oh, Hi Sehun-ah." The mentioned male nodded and sat on one of the bar chairs in the kitchen.

"Kyung Soo-hyung, what are you making?" The younger one peered over the counter and watched Kyung Soo chop some ingredients.

 

"You'll get to know later." Kyung Soo said calmly and went on with his work. Sehun seemed to notice Chanyeol and looked at him hard. "Hyung. You've been...busy."

 Chanyeol looked at the younger who was eyeing him from the corner of his eyes.

 

"What's it to you?"

 

"Oh nothing~ It’s just that I've been hearing that you've been getting close with Tae Yeon-noona."

 

"Yeah. I guess. She's not doing really well right now."

 

Sehun raised an eyebrow. "How ever did you know that hyung? Is that why you've been out so much?" Chanyeol kept silent over the course of Sehun's words.

 " I didn't know you were such a hypocrite hyung!"

 

The giant's head whipped to Sehun's direction. " Some nerve you have there, Sehun-ah."

 

 Chanyeol wasn't one to pick fights, but he was on his last nerve and Sehun was tap-dancing all over it. "What makes you say that brat?"

"You've been out for so many of our day-offs flirting with Taeyeon-noona. And you hit me for having three dates with her." Sehun shot back.

 

The chopping noises and chattering at the living quieted down at the mention of the previous affair Sehun had with Taeyeon almost six months ago. Kyung Soo looked up but stayed quiet from the other side of the kitchen.

 

 "Look at you. Playing God, lecturing me with having a bit of time with her but look at you, even visiting her at her house! Isn't it unfair hyung?" Sehun got down from his chair and breathed deeply. "Why is it when I try to do a move on her, everyone ing hates my guts but YOU–" Sehun jabbed a slender finger on Chanyeol's chest. "You! You get away with a mere pat on the shoulder."

 

 Sehun was breathing heavily at this point and Chanyeol wrung his fingers together and bit his lip to try to calm himself. "Now you know why I have the ing nerve to call you a ing hypocrite."

 

 

 "Shut the up, you brat!" Chanyeol growled at the younger one. Sehun seemed to relish the giant's anger and smirked.

 

"Did I hit a nerve? What are you going to do hyung? Punch me? Beat me u–"

 

Chanyeol's arm lashed out and his large fist collided with Sehun's cheek, the force of his punch knocking the maknae to the ground.

 

"I've hit you once, now twice. I have no objections in doing it thrice or even more if you don’t shut up." Chanyeol pulled him up by the collar and stared hard into Sehun's teary eyes.

 

 

 Sehun reached his own limit. "You're so unfair hyung!"

Sehun was crying; tears rolling down his pale and swollen cheeks as he yelled at the older male. "I liked her first! But hyung got to ask her out first. I let that go. When Baekhyun-hyung left, I thought it was my chance to make her like me. BUT SHE STILL LOVES HYUNG." Sehun gripped at the hands on Chanyeol’s collar. "And it’s unfair how she was so cautious of me entering her life, being close to her when you came swinging in! You busted your way into her walls that I spent so long trying to climb over!"

 

Chanyeol opened his mouth to speak but the Sehun cut him off. Sehun's face filled with anguish. "Don't try and give me some about how she needs someone by her side because I ing know, or how you're doing this to relate to the pain she's feeling right now because you and her aren't the only one who lost someone! I lost a brother and a friend and have you even thought about how maybe I wanted to help her too!"

 

 

 Chanyeol's grip went slack.

 

"You're so ing selfish!" Sehun pulled his hands off and ran out the kitchen and Luhan's voice resonated in the dorm before the front door slammed close. "Sehun-ah! Wait!"

 

Chanyeol looked at Kyungsoo with a pitiful expression on his face. Kyungsoo just returned to his work and rolled his eyes. "Don't look at me. You lashed out at the kid and you hit him, again."

"I didn't know what I did…"

 

Kyungsoo looked at him fiercely. "There will be no self pity sessions in the kitchen. Now shut the up and sit your down, dinner's ready."

 

 

The next day, the boys continued to practice for their comeback. It was hard for the boys to get used to being cut down to eleven members. It felt pretty empty without the annoyingly loud brunette there to crack a joke. The fans and public were shocked to know that EXO will be making their comeback as eleven members. Not one of them knew the reason why the handsome lead vocalist was gone so suddenly. Fans would wait outside SM Entertainment building holding up cardboard signs saying, “We want Baekhyun!” The members tried their best not to think about it and let it get to them.

 

Chanyeol and Sehun were still not in good terms. Everytime Chanyeol would mess up a step, the bothered maknae would always bravely yell at the giant. Chanyeol tried his best to endure Sehun’s attitude towards him. The boys would practice → eat →practice → vocal rehearsal → practice and eat.

 

 After a long tiring day, Chanyeol made sure he was able to sneak out. It was 3AM, but instead of heading back to the dorm with the boys, Chanyeol just had the urge to see Taeyeon’s face. It was the perfect time to walk in the streets without anyone chasing or following him.

He rode taxi going to Taeyeon’s apartment. Once he arrived, he knocked on the door. The third time he knocked, he suggested she was asleep already. But just when he had the thought of leaving, he saw light coming out from underneath the door. He knew Taeyeon had to still be up.

 

He thought it was stupid, but he tried twisting the doorknob — and it wasn’t locked. Chanyeol took a few quiet steps into the home and shut the door closed. He noticed the lights were somehow dim in Taeyeon’s living room. He walked nearer and soon saw the beautiful angel asleep on the long cozy sofa. He sat down on the floor and stared at her face —but then he noticed Taeyeon’s face was a bit paler than the last time he had seen her. The giant gently placed his huge hand over her face and realized she had a fever.

 

Chanyeol stood up immediately and rushed to the bathroom to get a towel and a bowl of water. He came back to the living room and dunked the towel into the bowl, then squeezed it. He carefully placed the towel on the sick female’s burning forehead, trying not to awaken her.

 

 Chanyeol thought of making her drink medicine so he stood up quickly, causing his leg to hit the table near him, making a loud thud. The two eyes of the angel were opened and looked directly at him. She was genuinely at shock to see Chanyeol in her house, at a time which was uncalled for.

 

“Chanyeol? What are you doing here?”

 

“Noona, I just came to see you.”

 

 “What? At this late hour?”

 

“I knew you were still awake. I thought maybe you needed someone to talk to.”

 

“..and you did that by breaking and entering?”

 

 “I didn’t break in. The door wasn’t locked.” Chanyeol explained himself.

 

“but you still entered!”

 

 

Chanyeol let out a frustrated sigh when he notice how weak Taeyeon seemed. “What happened to you!? Haven’t you been eating properly!? Look at you! You’re skinnier than ever! You have a high fever! And you haven’t been drinking your medicine?! Why are you letting yourself go!?”

 

 “It’s none of your business, okay!?”

 

 “Noona, don’t be stupid, because I know you’re not.” Chanyeol smirked cunningly, “Look at you!”

 

“What about me?! I’m totally fine! And why are you even concerned!?”

 

 “I’m not!” he denied.

 

 “What!? After yelling at me to take care of myself like you’re my some sort of mom!? You know what, I wonder why you even come visit me! I mean, once is enough, but every single day!? Chanyeol! Why are you like this?!” Taeyeon demanded an answer.

 

“I don’t know! I don’t know! I really don’t know!!!!!!!! Stop yelling at me!!!”

 

“Get out! Now!”

 

“I’m not leaving you alone! You’re just going to get sicker!”

 

“Then let it happen! I don’t care anymore.”

 

“Kim Taeyeon! Get a hold of yourself!”

 

 

“Why does it matter to you!?”

 

 

“I don’t know! But it does, okay!? It just does!”

 

“Look, if you’re just trying to take care of me because you think Baekhyun would appreciate it, just stop. Like you said, he’s gone. He’s dead. Don’t help me. I can take care of myself!” Taeyeon let out a frustrated sigh.

 

“No, you can’t! You’re not taking care of yourself.” Chanyeol yelled back, “And what if I wasn’t doing this for Baekhyun, and I was just doing this because I’m—”

 

“You’re what!?” Taeyeon yelled, clearly not able to hold her frustration any longer.

 

“I’m in love with you.” Chanyeol confessed. “I don’t know why, I don't know how! But I don't want you to be like this!" He buried his hands in his hair in frustration and threw them in the air.

 

“Get out!” Taeyeon raised her voice at him for the last time. This wasn't happening. No. This can't happen! The giant gave her a solemn, quiet gaze but soon gave in and left.

 

Chanyeol came home and ended up crying the corner of his room.

“Why am I feeling this way?” he thought to himself, “I know I shouldn’t, but I am.”

 

Days passed by with Taeyeon repeating her daily routine which was basically doing nothing. Things haven’t changed for her even after her fight with Chanyeol. She was still being stubborn and immovable. Chanyeol was right about her getting sicker, but she just let it go. Taeyeon didn’t have any plans of getting better.

 

One morning Taeyeon woke up to a bell ringing at her door. It was 11PM. She lazily got up and went to the door. She didn’t bother to check who it was because she was too lazy to. She was actually hoping it was Chanyeol, but she opened the door to see A familiar tall, fair skinned male named Sehun. “Noona!” He greeted, with a huge smile.

 

“Sehun? What are you doing here?”

 

“Paying you a visit. Can I come in?”

 

Taeyeon was taken aback by the younger’s sudden visit but nonetheless nodded and the maknae entered the messy, unkempt, almost dimly room.

 

“Woah, what happened here?”

 

“Uh, what do you mean?”

 

“It’s like a tornado passed by. This place is a mess!” Sehun said.

 

 

“Is it really that bad?” Taeyeon frowned.

 

 

“Sorry, did I wake you up?” Sehun asked, after realizing that Taeyeon was in her pajamas.

 

“Yeah, Kind of.” Taeyeon giggled. “You sit down in the living room while I take a shower and get dressed.”

 

“Where’s the living room?” Sehun joked, “okay.”

 

 

Sehun scrunched his nose at the state of disarray the young woman was in. Same as the living room. Unfolded blankets and half pillows were piled on the couch and various empty food cups littered the coffee table. On the far side of living started the kitchen and from his distance, Sehun could see the overflowing garbage bin beside the fridge.

 

Sehun wasn't as neat as KyungSoo or MinSeok but he knew when things are supposed to be clean. He thought of cooking the beautiful brunette breakfast, and so he did.

 

Sehun wasn’t that great of a chef, but of course he didn’t come unprepared. He had learned how to cook just to impress Taeyeon. He heated up the stove and started to cook beef and mixed rice. 

 

 

He finished as soon as the older female came back. “What are you doing?”
 

“Preparing breakfast for you.” He smiled at her.

 

“You shouldn’t have.” She said monotonously.

 

 

“Eat up.” Sehun moved the plate full of food closer to her.

 

Taeyeon had no choice but to accept the kind offer from the young male.

 

It wasn’t long until the both of them kept seeing each other. Sehun would continue to visit her every other day. Chanyeol didn’t have the guts to anymore. Sehun’s visit’s to Taeyeon, still didn’t help her. Taeyeon was still obstinate.

 

Sehun was waiting for Taeyeon to come back from the kitchen to get a snack for the both of them. Sehun wanted to be the one to get it, but Taeyeon insisted that she was able to handle it on her own. It took her a while. A long while. Soon a sudden loud noise came from the kitchen that sounded like glass breaking. It wasn't a pleasing sound. It sounded like danger; as if he already felt his heart raising, deciphering the idea of bad news rushing into his head at the moment. Sehun immediately bolted into the kitchen to see what had happened.

He saw the injured brunette on the floor with blood coming from her knees. Taeyeon must have slipped and dropped the plates. Sehun helped the older one up and carried her to the living room. He rushed to find the first aid kit and cleaned her wounds.

 

“What happened?” Sehun asked, worried.

 

 

"Nothing," a definite lie. "I was just.. being clumsy."

 

Taeyeon was hiding the fact that she had been feeling weak the past couple of weeks. Her heart would squeeze in pain and she wouldn’t be able to breathe for a short while. Whenever she gets hurt, it would take a while before the bruise clears away. No. She was not okay.

 

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

 

A few minutes later, after Sehun cleaned up the mess in the kitchen, he heard a lot shout of pain. He quickly ran back to the living room.

“What’s wrong?”

 

“I can’t breathe.”

 

The younger one didn’t know what to do. His mind was panicking. He brought her a glass of water, checked her temperature, made her calm down; none of which did anything. She was still catching her breath, violently and hardly.

 

“Never mind… don’t mind me.” Taeyeon feigned a giggle

 

 

Taeyeon stood up and suddenly collapsed to the floor. Sehun quickly carried her and brought her to the nearest hospital. There was much more dread inside of him than before, so he called Jun Myeon that was with Chanyeol. Chanyeol was somehow eavesdropping on their conversation, and he found out about what happened to her.

 

 

The next day, Taeyeon woke up and saw the young male sitting near her bed in the hospital’s room. The maknae’s eyes opened when he felt Taeyeon move her hand.

 

“Noona, You’re awake!”

 

“What happened?” she asked, making the greatest effort she could to lift herself up.

 

“You collapsed last night?”

 

“I did?” Her face was blank and her words were dry. It seemed like she really was clueless.

 

“The doctor said you were Anemic.” Sehun explain, “wasn’t a shock, since you were letting yourself go these months.”

 

“Can we leave?” Taeyeon pleaded.

 

“But you’re not okay yet.”

 

“I am.”

 

“I wish you'd stop saying you're fine when truth is, you're far from okay. I wish you'd stop pretending to be strong when you feel like you really need help. it just makes me want to take care of you even more. I wish you can see, behind all this facade and neutral emotions that I care for you.” Sehun thought.

“Great.” He said.

 

Sehun didn’t want to argue with the brunette so he had no choice to leave the hospital with her. He next months Taeyeon seemed to be okay with Sehun being around her. She was able to open up to him more.

 

 

One day, Taeyeon wanted to start anew and live again. She thought of getting herself a check-up in the clinic. She then discovered, she almost got to the stage of having leukemia, but the doctor said she was lucky that her red blood cells increased.

 

 

 

Leukemia symptoms

Some general symptoms of leukemia include:

§  Fever, chills

§  Fatigue, weakness

§  Loss of appetite, weight loss

§  Night sweats

§  Bone/joint pain

§  Abdominal discomfort

§  Headaches

§  Shortness of breath

§  Frequent infections

§  Easy bruising or bleeding

§  Petechiae (small red spots under the skin)

 

 

Taeyeon thought she was going to be okay. That's how people tend to take care of situations. You tell yourself you're okay. You give yourself some kind of motivational reassurance. She went to the park where she had tied her wish on a tree. She just stared at it and smiled. Soon a deep voice spoke to her, “did your come true?”

 

She turned to face where the voice came from and saw a tall familiar giant. “What are even you doing here?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“Anyway, my wish didn’t come true.” Taeyeon said, rolling her eyes at him.

 

“yet. Not yet.” Chanyeol smiled.

 

“Why are you here?”

 

 

“Thought of my wish.”

 

“Did it come true?”

 

 

“Not yet.”

 

“What did you even wish for?”

 

 

Chanyeol chuckled and looked her in the eyes, “You really want to know?”

 

Taeyeon nodded.

 

 

“I wished to see you happy again.”

 

 

“You wished for someone’s happiness?”

 

 

“Why not?” Chanyeol grinned at her. “Anyways, How have you been?”

 

“I’m fine. Better than before.”

 

 

“Good thing you recovered from the hospital.” Chanyeol’s words slipped.

 

 

“Wait, how did you know!?” Taeyeon demanded for an answer.

 

“I…”

 

 

“Tell me. Please. Don’t lie.”

 

 

“I would’t lie to you, Taeng noona.”

 

 

“Then tell me.”

 

“I can’t. It’s me and Baekhyun’s secret.” Chanyeol winked.

 

 

“You……..You saved me?” Taeyeon asked randomly.

 

“What?”

 

“You were the person the doctor was talking about!”

 

 

“What are you saying!?”

 

 

“Did you by chance, donate blood to me?”

 

 

“Why would I do that?”

 

 

Taeyeon was somehow disappointed that she forced a smile, “Oh, nevermind. I’ll go ahead now.”

 

 

 

The brunette turned around and started walking away. “No, Wait!”

 

Soon two arms were wrapped around her. “I want to be with you.”

 

 

Taeyeon pushed Chanyeol away. “What?”

 

 

“Taeyeon, I didn’t want to confess this to you, but yes, I did. It was my little secret with Baekhyun, but since I love you I want to be completely honest with you. I know, I should feel guilty about the fact I’m loving my bestfriend’s girl, but hey, you can’t choose who you’ll love. I’m crazy about you, Kim Taeyeon. There’s not a day I don’t worry about how you’re doing. I just want to you smile again. Smile without pretending. Smile without pain stored in your heart.”

 

 

Taeyeon was speechless.

 

 

“Let me take care of you from now on. Please.”

 

 

 

 

That night, they both went for a stroll at the park. It was tranquil; quiet in a way the wind spoke taeyeon me as it blew her hair passing by. Beside her was Chanyeol looking up at somewhere distant. And so she looked at the way his eyes were steered, and that’s when she realized that the sun was about to set.

“Wow,” Taeyeon gasped under her breath. It was the first time she had ever witnessed the sun in its most scenic form. The way she depicted it in her mind was some sort of a spilled painting; something meant to be appreciated. Something meant to be gazed at with someone special right next to you; to find your heart at peace for the slightest of a moment.

As Taeyeon gazed more at the view of the sunset, she then drifted off to an unfathomable thought she withheld on her own. For the first time after a long while, she was happy. And she wasn’t just happy; she felt contented with everyone that was around her. It’s fair to say that life, right now, is worth living. It’s like, she can say ‘I’m fine’ and totally mean it because what would be better than having nothing but an undisturbed existence?

 In the meager 24 years of my living, she has learned that there is a reason for everything. There’s a reason why her past brought her here. Taeyeon was certain enough to know that she's the right path.

And to subsist continuously in the present, She needed to let go of things that weren’t worth holding onto anymore.

 

Because that’s the point in life wherein you decide to be free; free from hatred, free from doubt and most of all… free from what pulls you down. In this life, or possibly in Taeyeon's life, there are only stairways that'll lead you up.

 

 Maybe I can love someone again… I’ve learned how to

move on.

 

 And maybe.. Just maybe… I can be able to love Chanyeol the way I loved Baek.

 

But I can’t lie. It’s like Chanyeol was a gift, given by the stars.

 

 

 

 ★ AUTHOR'S NOTES ★

Hey guys, sorry it took ages to finally post the sequel. Here it is. There's a contest! Details on the last post! :* Love you guys. Please leave comments and spread this to more BaekYeon shippers. #Baekyeon is real.

 

Watch trailer here!