fin.
internet boyfriends v.2.0.1
Sehun Oh is a 19 year old Korean American who resides in San Jose, California. For a living, he shelves books and writes short essays for a local literary magazine. He lives alone in an one-room apartment that has a bed in the living room instead of a couch. He doesn’t own a television but he owns a 27-inch Apple brand desktop monitor and a computer with Macintosh OS. He owns one pan and three blenders. There is no spatula in his apartment, but there is Wifi. He pays more money for his Internet bill than he does for his water bill. In his closet, there are nine pairs of skinny jeans, approximately twelve t-shirts, some underwear, socks, and two or three coats for the winter season. His favorite coat is black. His favorite t-shirt is green. He has some friends that also enjoy his green shirt. He does drugs with his friends sometimes.
Sehun’s hair is dyed rainbow and he is 181 centimeters tall. He weighs less than 65 kilograms and when he lifts his shirt, he can see his ribs trying to push their way out of his skin. His fingers are bony. He could be a model. He could be the face of some online clothing store, but he isn’t. He likes the way he lives now. It’s simple. Easy. Meager, but easy.
Jongin Kim is a 19 year old Korean American who resides in Seattle, Washington. For a living, he models frequently and receives money from his parents every month. He spends a lot of this money on drugs and he does the drugs with his friends. He has two friends, one is Chinese and the other one is Chinese also. His Chinese friends live together in an apartment. Sometimes, he goes to his friends’ apartment because he likes their Wifi better than the Wifi he has in his own apartment. Jongin lives alone in a very lonely apartment. He has two twin sized mattresses a two twin sized bed frames. The two mattresses lay on the ground, side by side. He only sleeps on one of these mattresses. Sometimes he wakes up on a mattress that isn’t the one he fell asleep on.
Jongin’s hair is bleached blond and he is 180 centimeters tall. He weighs somewhere between 65 and 75 kilograms and goes to the gym often. His body suits one of a dancer more than it suits one of a model. He is well built and many girls like him. He doesn’t like girls. Jongin likes boys at least ten times more than he likes girls.
Jongin and Sehun are Internet boyfriends. They met through Twitter and then they met again on Skype and they will meet again one day in real life.
Sehun wakes up, groggy. Sleep had somehow cemented his eyes shut overnight and the morning sun is now trying to blind him. He realizes the difficulty of the task of opening his eyes and instead decides to submit to the heaviness of his eyelids. He doesn’t open his eyes and instead lies on his bed, noticing his apatheticness. Choosing to operate as a normal human being for the day, he finally rolls out of bed, taking his blankets down with him. The blankets cocoon themselves around his body and Sehun’s movement becomes restricted.
Even though the little space on the carpet poses a difficulty for him to perform the task, he blindly maneuvers his hands around his floor, searching for the iPhone he distinctly remembers chucking off his bed the night before. When he finally obtains the object, he grips onto it tightly and brings it to his face, preparing to tweet about his feelings.
He presses the power button on the device and he opens his eyes. Squinting at the screen, his fingers easily swipe open his lock screen and type in his four digit passcode. He turns his phone to the side so he can have it on landscape mode and opens the familiar Twitter for iPhone application on his home screen in order to tweet, “feeling dead. also need to do things with my life or else will feel like.. doing nothing w/ my life.. truly.”
Immediately after he tweets, he buries his face into his comforter and takes a deep exhale against the fabric. He scrolls aimlessly down his Twitter feed, his finger moving so quickly that the letters and images on the four-inch display seem like blurry streaks. It’s so bright to him and he wants to turn over and go back to sleep but he’s already made a promise to himself to actually do something today so he forces himself to stand up and get out of the little cocoon he’s made.
He wonders what type of smoothie would best suit breakfast for this bleary Monday.
Jongin awakes to the sound of a phone notification to the left of him. He lazily throws his arm to the left, instinctively wanting his Galaxy S4 in his hand. His eyes are narrow when he tries to open them after he turns his cell phone on, the screen far too bright for the early morning. It takes a moment for the letters on the screen to focus and become readable, but when he sees them, he feels a little happy, seeing that it’s a tweet from Sehun. Grinning uncontrollably, Jongin tweets to Sehun in a semi-serious reply, “come visit me today. like, buy a plane ticket.. right now or something.”
After he does so, he sits up in the mattress he fell asleep on last night and rubs his eyes, taking a moment to wonder if he has anything to do today. His mind is blank but he is still grinning uncontrollably. He decides he wants to do drugs with his Chinese friends today. His room is still dark. He still feels a vague happiness. He gets out of bed and decides he will text his Chinese friends later.
Padding over to his restroom, he hears his phone blip a few times and makes a mental reminder to himself that he should check his phone upon returning to his restroom after he brushes his teeth. He groggily turns on the light to his bathroom and stares at himself in the mirror for a few moments. He thinks nothing of his appearance and chooses to brush his teeth instead of stare at himself. His phone goes off a few more times and then it begins to ring. He goes back into his room and picks up his phone without checking caller ID. “Hello,” he says.
“Hi.” the voice replies. This is a voice that is familiar to Jongin. Not too deep, a little nasally, but bearable and beautiful.
“Sehun,” Jongin replies. “Hi.” He takes his toothbrush out of his mouth. “Hi.”
“What are you doing?” Sehun asks. He sounds monotone. Jongin doesn’t mind.
“I’m brushing my teeth,” Jongin replies. “Should I.. stop.. so I can talk to you better?”
“I think so,” Sehun says. “If you think you should. I think you should.”
“Okay,” Jongin mutters. “Hold on.”
Jongin sets his phone down on one of his mattresses and goes back to the bathroom to rinse his mouth out. When he returns to his room, he picks up the phone and finds himself grinning uncontrollably again. He says, “I’m back. There is no toothpaste in my mouth anymore.”
“Good, cool,” Sehun mumbles. Sehun mumbles a lot. Jongin finds it difficult to understand Sehun when he mumbles, but Jongin doesn’t really mind. “Should I do it? I’m, like, kind of serious about doing it.”
“About doing what?” Jongin is genuinely confused.
“Going to.. Seattle,” Sehun is smiling, Jongin thinks. Jongin can imagine a smile on Sehun’s face. “To.. see you. I want to see you.”
“Today?” Jongin asks. He is still grinning uncontrollably.
“Maybe. Probably. I am looking at plane tickets now,” Jongin’s hand tightens around his phone. He can hear the faint clicking of a computer mouse. He can hear the quick tapping of keyboard keys. “I think I want to do it. I quit my job today. The library job. I quit it so I can go visit you for a week. I will just get my job again when I come back. They didn’t want me to go. I’ll just cry at them or something. I’m rambling. Sorry. Did you have plans today? Sorry.”
“No, no, please come,” Jongin bites his lower lip. “I want you to be here. I have two mattresses. You can sleep on one. I can sleep on the other one.”
“We can push the mattresses together and sleep on them together. It will be one big mattress,” Sehun laughs a little bit and Jongin laughs a little bit, too. “Together. Mattress monster.”
“Monster mattress,” Jongin responds. “Mommy mattress. Mattress mommy. Mattresses. Come, please.”
“Okay,” Sehun clicks a few more times on the other line. Jongin’s heart is racing. “Okay. Mattresses.”
“Mattresses.” Jongin continues to grin uncontrollably. Sehun hangs up. Jongin sets his phone down only to pick it back up to look at the notifications he had received earlier.
There are five Skype notifications from Sehun on Jongin’s notification bar.
“i’m going.”
“i’m going to do it, okay”
“i’m so serious”
“so serious”
“going to call you..”
In San Jose, California, Sehun sits alone at his computer and stares at an open Google Chrome window. He stares so long that his eyes begin to sting because he forgets to blink. His Google Chrome window confirms his purchase for an impromptu visit to Seattle, Washington. He supposes he should pack soon but he doesn’t get up to do it. Instead, he sits at his computer and stares at his screen. He stares at his screen and doesn’t move until he sees an instant messaging window pop up on his screen. It’s from one of his friends, Chanyeol. Chanyeol is 185 centimeters tall. Chanyeol is also Korean American. Sehun does drugs with Chanyeol sometimes.
Chanyeol says, “Hi.” but typos it as “gu”. Sehun knows what Chanyeol means.
Sehun replies, “i don’t know what i just did. i just bought a ticket for seattle to meet jongin.” Chanyeol starts to type and Sehun keeps typing. “the flight is in like 3 hours.. what do i do. i need to pack”
Chanyeol says, “why did u do that.”
Sehun says, “i want to meet him.”
“okay do it.”
“should i do it. the flight is soon. i need to get ready.”
“do it. i think you should do it.”
“give me a ride to the airport okay.”
“okay, i can do that.”
“don’t tell kyungsoo he will yell at me.”
Kyungsoo is 173 centimeters tall. Kyungsoo is also Korean American. Kyungsoo is Chanyeol’s roommate. They are romantic with each other but not dating. Chanyeol and Kyungsoo are like a married couple. They keep each other company and do drugs together. They kiss sometimes. Sehun is their third wheel.
“why would he yell at you???”
“impulsive. i’m impulsive, he’ll say i’m impulsive.”
“i’m picking you up in two hours. pack your stuff. does jongin know you are going?”
“maybe. i don’t know. he’s not busy today.”
“okay. see you in two hours.”
“don’t tell kyungsoo.”
Chanyeol signs off and Sehun does the same so he can focus on packing his things. He gets up in a dazed sort of manner and drags himself into his room. Once he’s in there, he digs through his closet in order to find a duffel bag he can shove clothes in. He tells himself to wear his favorite green shirt but he realizes it is in the laundry. Today is Monday. It is 10:34 AM. His flight is at 1:50 PM. He does not have time to do laundry. He tells himself to wear a different shirt. He puts all of his clothes into a duffel bag and also puts his toothbrush in it. He doesn’t forget to put his phone’s charger in the bag as well. He sits on his bed and waits for Chanyeol to show up.
When Chanyeol arrives, it is 12:30 PM. Sehun sits in the passenger’s seat and circles his arms around his duffel bag. Chanyeol doesn’t say anything while he drives. Sehun doesn’t say anything, either. The only words that happen are, “Good luck.” The words happen when Sehun stands outside of the airport with his duffel bag in his arms. Chanyeol drives away. Sehun stands outside of the airport, alone.
He walks into the airport and a lot of people seem to be rushing to their flights. Sehun tries not to panic for these people and tries to find a large monitor which will supposedly tell him which gate he should be go to. ‘American Airlines,’ he thinks to himself as he tilts his neck back, looking up at a monitor he found. ‘Flight 190, San Jose Mineta to Seatac.’ The monitor tells him to go to gate B15. Sehun goes to gate B15.
As he walks to gate B15, Sehun imagines what could possibly happen when he arrives in Seattle. He imagines seeing Jongin for the first time and thinks about how Jongin will react. As he passes the security checkpoint, he imagines Jongin saying something to him and seeing Jongin’s mouth move at the same time without any lag. He imagines a relationship with Jongin without a Skype lag. As he re-dresses himself after the security checkpoint, he imagines Jongin disliking him in person. He imagines Jongin failing to find anything to say after their first “hello”. As he walks to his gate and sits down in a seat at the gate, he presses his duffel bag against his chest and thinks to himself, ‘Maybe this wasn’t a good idea.'
He imagines seeing Jongin and sitting down with Jongin and talking to Jongin face to face. He taps his foot against the floor. He imagines accidentally falling too much in love with Jongin and Jongin not reciprocating his feelings. He picks at the straps on his duffel bag. He imagines touching Jongin and Jongin flinching. He thinks this was a bad idea. He imagines them being good for a few days and then finding out that Jongin secretly hates him. He wants to go home. He imagines Jongin never showing up at the airport to pick him up. He stands up. He sits back down. He stares at his phone for ten minutes and texts Chanyeol, “this wasn’t a good idea”. He stands back up. He feels conflicted. He should sit back down because his plane is boarding soon. He stares at the printed airplane ticket in his hand. He thinks, ‘This was bad.’ He thinks, ‘Jongin won’t like me.’ He thinks, ‘I should go. I’m going to go right now.’ He becomes highly aware of his surroundings. He looks around. He walks. He doesn’t look twice at the sign that says ‘no re-entry beyond this point’. He walks out of the San Jose Mineta airport. He hears his phone go off once. He doesn’t check his phone. He looks to the left, looks to the right and then gets on the right sidewalk. He walks home and wonders if wanting to visit Jongin accidentally meddled with the simplicity of his life. He thinks he wants to cry but he doesn’t. It takes him longer than an hour to walk back to his apartment. When he walks in, he neglects to turn off the light. He goes into his room and buries himself underneath his blankets. He closes his eyes. His phone goes off seven times. He does not check his phone.
Sehun lies under his blankets for over an hour. He is tired from his walk but not tired enough to go to sleep. He wishes that he had bought drugs a while ago but now it is too late. There is almost no money in his bank account. He will have to get a new job. He doesn’t want to work at the library anymore.
“Sehun.” someone says. Sehun blinks a few times from behind the blanket. Whoever the person is doesn’t see.
“Who is it?” Sehun asks. The only people with keys to Sehun’s apartment are Chanyeol and Kyungsoo. Sehun can’t distinguish if it’s Chanyeol or Kyungsoo. Everything sounds underwater from beneath the blankets.
“Kyungsoo,” Kyungsoo says. “Are you okay?”
“Did Chanyeol tell you?” Sehun peeks out of his little blanket shield. “I can’t believe he did that. Jesus. Don’t yell at me, okay. I regret it. Or something.”
“Are you okay?” Kyungsoo repeats. He is standing next to Sehun’s bed with his arms folded over his chest. “Answer me, please.”
“I don’t know,” Sehun pushes his blankets off his body. “I don’t think so. I want to meet Jongin.”
“Why did you do it? You were at the airport already,” Kyungsoo tilts his head to the side inquisitively and blinks very slowly. Sehun does the same. “Why didn’t you go?”
“What if he hates me or something,” Sehun mumbles. “What if he just hates me a lot and he’s not telling me or something. This seems so insane. This is so hard. Being in a relationship is, like, crazy.”
“You left the airport because you thought he would hate you?” Kyungsoo squints at Sehun. Sehun nods. “You are dumb. Like, really dumb. Why would you think something like that?”
“I don’t know,” Sehun shrugs and slaps his hands to his face, covering his eyes. “I don’t know. I still want to see him. I want to see him a lot. Why did I do that.. Why did I.. make such a dumb mistake..”
“Try again tomorrow,” Kyungsoo murmurs. “Just do it again tomorrow.”
“I barely have any money left,” Sehun mutters from behind his hands. His speech is muffled, but Kyungsoo can vaguely tell what he’s saying. “I can only do this one more time. I don’t want to not have money for anything else.”
Kyungsoo is silent. Sehun is silent as well. Sehun drops his hands and looks up at Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo nods his head towards the door of Sehun’s room. Sehun gets out of bed and walks past Kyungsoo to go into his living room. Kyungsoo walks out behind him. According to the clock on the wall, it’s 4:19 PM. Sehun sits down in his computer chair and yawns. He asks Kyungsoo if he wants anything to drink. He says he doesn’t. He tells Sehun to make a pros and cons list on the topic of dating Jongin on Google Docs.
“Share it with me when you’re done,” Kyungsoo says. Kyungsoo is sitting on the floor next to Sehun. “I will sit here until I feel bored. Chanyeol is working.”
“Is this worth it.” Sehun asks. “What will this solve. This seems insane. This is all insane. I can’t believe I’m such an idiot.”
“Can you just do it, please,” Kyungsoo asks. “You’re being crazy.”
“I will do it,” Sehun begins to type after opening a new Google document. “I am doing it.”
Sehun begins his pros list by typing out a lot of Jongin’s physical features. After he lists at least ten, he switches over to the cons side and types, ‘i haven’t met him in real life’. The cursor at the end of his sentence blinks repeatedly and Sehun blinks with it. He suddenly begins feeling incredibly sad. He wishes he hadn’t walked home from the airport. He tries to type again. He goes back to his pros list and types. He keeps typing. He keeps typing. He keeps thinking about Jongin and he keeps typing. Kyungsoo leaves after a while. He keeps typing. He thinks about Jongin and starts to smile. He stops feeling sad but he starts to cry. He can’t stop crying but he can’t stop typing things he loves about Jongin. He doesn’t know what to do. He stops. He stares at his large pros list. He looks at the one sentence in the cons side. His heart feels heavy. He feels empty. He leans down and sets his forehead against his computer desk. He doesn’t stop crying. He closes his eyes. He wonders if it is worth it. He wonders if loving Jongin is enough reason to give up the simplicity of his life. He wonders if it is love. He drifts off to sleep.
When Sehun wakes up again, the lights in his apartment are on. There is an envelope and a green shirt beside him. He rubs his eyes and squints at the objects. He picks up the envelope first. There is a plane ticket inside and a letter. He reads the letter. It says:
Sehun stares at the letter and the plane ticket. He reads the details on the ticket. Flight 718, American Airlines. The flight is at 1:42 PM on Tuesday. Sehun sits up properly and touches his computer’s mouse. He is shocked by the size of his pros and cons list regarding Jongin. He doesn’t remember typing half of it. He looks away from the Google doc and looks at the time on the upper right-hand corner of his computer’s display. It says that it is currently 6:39 AM on Tuesday. He has about six hours to get ready for Seattle. He begins by printing out his pros and cons list to give to Jongin. The document is six pages long and written in ten point Helvetica.
‘He’ll like me,’ he thinks. ‘He’ll like me a lot and I’ll like him and we’ll be good together.’ He smiles to himself and starts grinning while thinking, ‘I’m going to meet Jongin.’ This is the only thing he thinks as he gets ready to meet Jongin. He thinks it and grins when he showers. He thinks it and grins when he puts his phone on its charger (from the night before, he had missed seven texts, two from Chanyeol and five from Jongin. All five from Jongin asked whether or not he was coming or not. The texts showed worry. Sehun responds with, ‘i’m coming today. today, tuesday. i’m coming to you, okay?’) He thinks it and grins when he is sitting on his bed, waiting for Chanyeol to pick him up.
“Why are you grinning so hard?” Chanyeol asks when he arrives at Sehun’s doorstep.
“I’m going to meet Jongin,” Sehun says. “I’m going to meet him. This is going to be so good.”
“Yeah,” Chanyeol smiles a little. “Yeah, it will be.”
Sehun sits in a window seat on the plane. Beside him sits an old woman. Sehun tries to hide his uncontrollable grin behind his hands. He realizes this is impossible so he just grins while he looks out the window. The old woman taps him on the shoulder and asks, “Young man, why are you smiling so hard? Your face is about to break.”
“I’m about to meet the love of my life, I think,” he says. “I think.”
Sehun’s plane lands at the SeaTac airport approximately two hours later. His heart is about to beat out of his chest. He holds his duffel bag tight in one hand and his iPhone tight in the other. He texts Jongin and says, ‘i’m here now.’
Jongin texts back, saying, ‘i will be there. we will take the bus back to my apartment. i am nervous.’
Sehun texts back, ‘me too’ and then walks into the airport. He follows the signs and thinks, ‘I am about to meet Jongin’. He smiles. He smiles while he follows the signs. He exits the airport and texts Jongin again, ‘i am outside baggage claim, i think. i am still nervous. come quickly’. He taps his foot against the sidewalk’s cement and bites his lower lip to suppress his smile. He waits. He waits. He waits. He waits until he feels a tap on his shoulder. He waits until he turns around and sees all 180 centimeters of Jongin Kim, standing in front of him with a wide smile. He smiles at Jongin, too. They stand like this and smile at each other for a while.
“Hi.” Jongin says.
“Hi,” Sehun replies. Sehun leans over and kisses the corner of Jongin’s grin. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” Jongin says. It seems natural. It seems natural to Sehun and not as complex as first imagined. “I thought you would hate me.”
“No,” Sehun shakes his head and slides his iPhone into his pocket. He uses the same hand to reach over for Jongin’s hand. They interlace their fingers. Sehun feels Jongin’s hand sweating beneath his own. Jongin’s hand is a good size and fits in Sehun’s hand really well. “I have things to tell you. I have a thing to give you. I want to be on a bus with you, first.”
“Okay,” Jongin says, still smiling. “I can’t believe I’m standing next to you. I can’t believe it.”
“I can’t believe it,” Sehun mumbles. “I can’t believe it. I am walking with you to a bus stop. I am talking to you without Skype lag.”
“I know,” Jongin looks at Sehun. Sehun looks at Jongin. “I can’t believe it.”
When they reach the bus stop, Sehun tells Jongin that he cannot wait any longer and gives Jongin the six page Google doc. Jongin hugs Sehun after he reads all of it. Sehun hugs Jongin back. They do not let each other go until the bus arrives. On the bus, Jongin plays with Sehun’s hand as Sehun tells Jongin what happened on Monday. Jongin tells Sehun that he is dumb. Sehun agrees. Jongin says he loves Sehun anyway. Sehun tells Jongin that he can’t believe he’s sitting next to him. Jongin tells Sehun he loves him. Sehun tells Jongin he loves him. They establish this firmly until they are in Jongin’s apartment and lying down on the mattresses. They hug each other and go to bed.
Over the course of the next week, Jongin and Sehun do things together. They go outside together and walk around. They go eat at restaurants. They kiss a lot. They do drugs together. They meet Jongin’s friends. They sit next to each other on the mattress monster. They touch each other. Jongin doesn’t flinch. Sehun doesn’t flinch. On their last night together, they hold each other and cry and tell each other they can’t believe it. They can’t believe it. They tell each other that they can’t believe they’re in love. They tell each other that they can’t believe they have met. They tell each other that they are happy to be alive on this planet with the other on it. They tell each other they love each other. They do not let go of each other. They keep hugging.
Jongin sends Sehun off with a kiss and a last promise of love. Sehun leaves Jongin with a kiss and last promise of love. On the plane, Sehun wonders if it’s worth it. He wonders if loving Jongin is worth giving up the simplicity of his life. He wonders if he will love Jongin forever. He thinks, ‘yes’ and then he thinks, ‘I met Jongin.’
Jongin and Sehun are boyfriends. They met through Twitter and then they met again on Skype and then they met in real life. They will keep meeting each other in real life. They will keep meeting each other on Skype. They will keep meeting each other through Twitter.
Sehun’s hair is dyed rainbow and he is 181 centimeters tall. He weighs less than 65 kilograms and when he lifts his shirt, he can see his ribs trying to push their way out of his skin. His fingers are bony. He could be a model. He could be the face of some online clothing store, but he isn’t. He likes the way he lives now. It’s simple. Easy. Meager, but easy.
Jongin Kim is a 19 year old Korean American who resides in Seattle, Washington. For a living, he models frequently and receives money from his parents every month. He spends a lot of this money on drugs and he does the drugs with his friends. He has two friends, one is Chinese and the other one is Chinese also. His Chinese friends live together in an apartment. Sometimes, he goes to his friends’ apartment because he likes their Wifi better than the Wifi he has in his own apartment. Jongin lives alone in a very lonely apartment. He has two twin sized mattresses a two twin sized bed frames. The two mattresses lay on the ground, side by side. He only sleeps on one of these mattresses. Sometimes he wakes up on a mattress that isn’t the one he fell asleep on.
Jongin’s hair is bleached blond and he is 180 centimeters tall. He weighs somewhere between 65 and 75 kilograms and goes to the gym often. His body suits one of a dancer more than it suits one of a model. He is well built and many girls like him. He doesn’t like girls. Jongin likes boys at least ten times more than he likes girls.
Jongin and Sehun are Internet boyfriends. They met through Twitter and then they met again on Skype and they will meet again one day in real life.
Sehun wakes up, groggy. Sleep had somehow cemented his eyes shut overnight and the morning sun is now trying to blind him. He realizes the difficulty of the task of opening his eyes and instead decides to submit to the heaviness of his eyelids. He doesn’t open his eyes and instead lies on his bed, noticing his apatheticness. Choosing to operate as a normal human being for the day, he finally rolls out of bed, taking his blankets down with him. The blankets cocoon themselves around his body and Sehun’s movement becomes restricted.
Even though the little space on the carpet poses a difficulty for him to perform the task, he blindly maneuvers his hands around his floor, searching for the iPhone he distinctly remembers chucking off his bed the night before. When he finally obtains the object, he grips onto it tightly and brings it to his face, preparing to tweet about his feelings.
He presses the power button on the device and he opens his eyes. Squinting at the screen, his fingers easily swipe open his lock screen and type in his four digit passcode. He turns his phone to the side so he can have it on landscape mode and opens the familiar Twitter for iPhone application on his home screen in order to tweet, “feeling dead. also need to do things with my life or else will feel like.. doing nothing w/ my life.. truly.”
Immediately after he tweets, he buries his face into his comforter and takes a deep exhale against the fabric. He scrolls aimlessly down his Twitter feed, his finger moving so quickly that the letters and images on the four-inch display seem like blurry streaks. It’s so bright to him and he wants to turn over and go back to sleep but he’s already made a promise to himself to actually do something today so he forces himself to stand up and get out of the little cocoon he’s made.
He wonders what type of smoothie would best suit breakfast for this bleary Monday.
Jongin awakes to the sound of a phone notification to the left of him. He lazily throws his arm to the left, instinctively wanting his Galaxy S4 in his hand. His eyes are narrow when he tries to open them after he turns his cell phone on, the screen far too bright for the early morning. It takes a moment for the letters on the screen to focus and become readable, but when he sees them, he feels a little happy, seeing that it’s a tweet from Sehun. Grinning uncontrollably, Jongin tweets to Sehun in a semi-serious reply, “come visit me today. like, buy a plane ticket.. right now or something.”
After he does so, he sits up in the mattress he fell asleep on last night and rubs his eyes, taking a moment to wonder if he has anything to do today. His mind is blank but he is still grinning uncontrollably. He decides he wants to do drugs with his Chinese friends today. His room is still dark. He still feels a vague happiness. He gets out of bed and decides he will text his Chinese friends later.
Padding over to his restroom, he hears his phone blip a few times and makes a mental reminder to himself that he should check his phone upon returning to his restroom after he brushes his teeth. He groggily turns on the light to his bathroom and stares at himself in the mirror for a few moments. He thinks nothing of his appearance and chooses to brush his teeth instead of stare at himself. His phone goes off a few more times and then it begins to ring. He goes back into his room and picks up his phone without checking caller ID. “Hello,” he says.
“Hi.” the voice replies. This is a voice that is familiar to Jongin. Not too deep, a little nasally, but bearable and beautiful.
“Sehun,” Jongin replies. “Hi.” He takes his toothbrush out of his mouth. “Hi.”
“What are you doing?” Sehun asks. He sounds monotone. Jongin doesn’t mind.
“I’m brushing my teeth,” Jongin replies. “Should I.. stop.. so I can talk to you better?”
“I think so,” Sehun says. “If you think you should. I think you should.”
“Okay,” Jongin mutters. “Hold on.”
Jongin sets his phone down on one of his mattresses and goes back to the bathroom to rinse his mouth out. When he returns to his room, he picks up the phone and finds himself grinning uncontrollably again. He says, “I’m back. There is no toothpaste in my mouth anymore.”
“Good, cool,” Sehun mumbles. Sehun mumbles a lot. Jongin finds it difficult to understand Sehun when he mumbles, but Jongin doesn’t really mind. “Should I do it? I’m, like, kind of serious about doing it.”
“About doing what?” Jongin is genuinely confused.
“Going to.. Seattle,” Sehun is smiling, Jongin thinks. Jongin can imagine a smile on Sehun’s face. “To.. see you. I want to see you.”
“Today?” Jongin asks. He is still grinning uncontrollably.
“Maybe. Probably. I am looking at plane tickets now,” Jongin’s hand tightens around his phone. He can hear the faint clicking of a computer mouse. He can hear the quick tapping of keyboard keys. “I think I want to do it. I quit my job today. The library job. I quit it so I can go visit you for a week. I will just get my job again when I come back. They didn’t want me to go. I’ll just cry at them or something. I’m rambling. Sorry. Did you have plans today? Sorry.”
“No, no, please come,” Jongin bites his lower lip. “I want you to be here. I have two mattresses. You can sleep on one. I can sleep on the other one.”
“We can push the mattresses together and sleep on them together. It will be one big mattress,” Sehun laughs a little bit and Jongin laughs a little bit, too. “Together. Mattress monster.”
“Monster mattress,” Jongin responds. “Mommy mattress. Mattress mommy. Mattresses. Come, please.”
“Okay,” Sehun clicks a few more times on the other line. Jongin’s heart is racing. “Okay. Mattresses.”
“Mattresses.” Jongin continues to grin uncontrollably. Sehun hangs up. Jongin sets his phone down only to pick it back up to look at the notifications he had received earlier.
There are five Skype notifications from Sehun on Jongin’s notification bar.
“i’m going.”
“i’m going to do it, okay”
“i’m so serious”
“so serious”
“going to call you..”
In San Jose, California, Sehun sits alone at his computer and stares at an open Google Chrome window. He stares so long that his eyes begin to sting because he forgets to blink. His Google Chrome window confirms his purchase for an impromptu visit to Seattle, Washington. He supposes he should pack soon but he doesn’t get up to do it. Instead, he sits at his computer and stares at his screen. He stares at his screen and doesn’t move until he sees an instant messaging window pop up on his screen. It’s from one of his friends, Chanyeol. Chanyeol is 185 centimeters tall. Chanyeol is also Korean American. Sehun does drugs with Chanyeol sometimes.
Chanyeol says, “Hi.” but typos it as “gu”. Sehun knows what Chanyeol means.
Sehun replies, “i don’t know what i just did. i just bought a ticket for seattle to meet jongin.” Chanyeol starts to type and Sehun keeps typing. “the flight is in like 3 hours.. what do i do. i need to pack”
Chanyeol says, “why did u do that.”
Sehun says, “i want to meet him.”
“okay do it.”
“should i do it. the flight is soon. i need to get ready.”
“do it. i think you should do it.”
“give me a ride to the airport okay.”
“okay, i can do that.”
“don’t tell kyungsoo he will yell at me.”
Kyungsoo is 173 centimeters tall. Kyungsoo is also Korean American. Kyungsoo is Chanyeol’s roommate. They are romantic with each other but not dating. Chanyeol and Kyungsoo are like a married couple. They keep each other company and do drugs together. They kiss sometimes. Sehun is their third wheel.
“why would he yell at you???”
“impulsive. i’m impulsive, he’ll say i’m impulsive.”
“i’m picking you up in two hours. pack your stuff. does jongin know you are going?”
“maybe. i don’t know. he’s not busy today.”
“okay. see you in two hours.”
“don’t tell kyungsoo.”
Chanyeol signs off and Sehun does the same so he can focus on packing his things. He gets up in a dazed sort of manner and drags himself into his room. Once he’s in there, he digs through his closet in order to find a duffel bag he can shove clothes in. He tells himself to wear his favorite green shirt but he realizes it is in the laundry. Today is Monday. It is 10:34 AM. His flight is at 1:50 PM. He does not have time to do laundry. He tells himself to wear a different shirt. He puts all of his clothes into a duffel bag and also puts his toothbrush in it. He doesn’t forget to put his phone’s charger in the bag as well. He sits on his bed and waits for Chanyeol to show up.
When Chanyeol arrives, it is 12:30 PM. Sehun sits in the passenger’s seat and circles his arms around his duffel bag. Chanyeol doesn’t say anything while he drives. Sehun doesn’t say anything, either. The only words that happen are, “Good luck.” The words happen when Sehun stands outside of the airport with his duffel bag in his arms. Chanyeol drives away. Sehun stands outside of the airport, alone.
He walks into the airport and a lot of people seem to be rushing to their flights. Sehun tries not to panic for these people and tries to find a large monitor which will supposedly tell him which gate he should be go to. ‘American Airlines,’ he thinks to himself as he tilts his neck back, looking up at a monitor he found. ‘Flight 190, San Jose Mineta to Seatac.’ The monitor tells him to go to gate B15. Sehun goes to gate B15.
As he walks to gate B15, Sehun imagines what could possibly happen when he arrives in Seattle. He imagines seeing Jongin for the first time and thinks about how Jongin will react. As he passes the security checkpoint, he imagines Jongin saying something to him and seeing Jongin’s mouth move at the same time without any lag. He imagines a relationship with Jongin without a Skype lag. As he re-dresses himself after the security checkpoint, he imagines Jongin disliking him in person. He imagines Jongin failing to find anything to say after their first “hello”. As he walks to his gate and sits down in a seat at the gate, he presses his duffel bag against his chest and thinks to himself, ‘Maybe this wasn’t a good idea.'
He imagines seeing Jongin and sitting down with Jongin and talking to Jongin face to face. He taps his foot against the floor. He imagines accidentally falling too much in love with Jongin and Jongin not reciprocating his feelings. He picks at the straps on his duffel bag. He imagines touching Jongin and Jongin flinching. He thinks this was a bad idea. He imagines them being good for a few days and then finding out that Jongin secretly hates him. He wants to go home. He imagines Jongin never showing up at the airport to pick him up. He stands up. He sits back down. He stares at his phone for ten minutes and texts Chanyeol, “this wasn’t a good idea”. He stands back up. He feels conflicted. He should sit back down because his plane is boarding soon. He stares at the printed airplane ticket in his hand. He thinks, ‘This was bad.’ He thinks, ‘Jongin won’t like me.’ He thinks, ‘I should go. I’m going to go right now.’ He becomes highly aware of his surroundings. He looks around. He walks. He doesn’t look twice at the sign that says ‘no re-entry beyond this point’. He walks out of the San Jose Mineta airport. He hears his phone go off once. He doesn’t check his phone. He looks to the left, looks to the right and then gets on the right sidewalk. He walks home and wonders if wanting to visit Jongin accidentally meddled with the simplicity of his life. He thinks he wants to cry but he doesn’t. It takes him longer than an hour to walk back to his apartment. When he walks in, he neglects to turn off the light. He goes into his room and buries himself underneath his blankets. He closes his eyes. His phone goes off seven times. He does not check his phone.
Sehun lies under his blankets for over an hour. He is tired from his walk but not tired enough to go to sleep. He wishes that he had bought drugs a while ago but now it is too late. There is almost no money in his bank account. He will have to get a new job. He doesn’t want to work at the library anymore.
“Sehun.” someone says. Sehun blinks a few times from behind the blanket. Whoever the person is doesn’t see.
“Who is it?” Sehun asks. The only people with keys to Sehun’s apartment are Chanyeol and Kyungsoo. Sehun can’t distinguish if it’s Chanyeol or Kyungsoo. Everything sounds underwater from beneath the blankets.
“Kyungsoo,” Kyungsoo says. “Are you okay?”
“Did Chanyeol tell you?” Sehun peeks out of his little blanket shield. “I can’t believe he did that. Jesus. Don’t yell at me, okay. I regret it. Or something.”
“Are you okay?” Kyungsoo repeats. He is standing next to Sehun’s bed with his arms folded over his chest. “Answer me, please.”
“I don’t know,” Sehun pushes his blankets off his body. “I don’t think so. I want to meet Jongin.”
“Why did you do it? You were at the airport already,” Kyungsoo tilts his head to the side inquisitively and blinks very slowly. Sehun does the same. “Why didn’t you go?”
“What if he hates me or something,” Sehun mumbles. “What if he just hates me a lot and he’s not telling me or something. This seems so insane. This is so hard. Being in a relationship is, like, crazy.”
“You left the airport because you thought he would hate you?” Kyungsoo squints at Sehun. Sehun nods. “You are dumb. Like, really dumb. Why would you think something like that?”
“I don’t know,” Sehun shrugs and slaps his hands to his face, covering his eyes. “I don’t know. I still want to see him. I want to see him a lot. Why did I do that.. Why did I.. make such a dumb mistake..”
“Try again tomorrow,” Kyungsoo murmurs. “Just do it again tomorrow.”
“I barely have any money left,” Sehun mutters from behind his hands. His speech is muffled, but Kyungsoo can vaguely tell what he’s saying. “I can only do this one more time. I don’t want to not have money for anything else.”
Kyungsoo is silent. Sehun is silent as well. Sehun drops his hands and looks up at Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo nods his head towards the door of Sehun’s room. Sehun gets out of bed and walks past Kyungsoo to go into his living room. Kyungsoo walks out behind him. According to the clock on the wall, it’s 4:19 PM. Sehun sits down in his computer chair and yawns. He asks Kyungsoo if he wants anything to drink. He says he doesn’t. He tells Sehun to make a pros and cons list on the topic of dating Jongin on Google Docs.
“Share it with me when you’re done,” Kyungsoo says. Kyungsoo is sitting on the floor next to Sehun. “I will sit here until I feel bored. Chanyeol is working.”
“Is this worth it.” Sehun asks. “What will this solve. This seems insane. This is all insane. I can’t believe I’m such an idiot.”
“Can you just do it, please,” Kyungsoo asks. “You’re being crazy.”
“I will do it,” Sehun begins to type after opening a new Google document. “I am doing it.”
Sehun begins his pros list by typing out a lot of Jongin’s physical features. After he lists at least ten, he switches over to the cons side and types, ‘i haven’t met him in real life’. The cursor at the end of his sentence blinks repeatedly and Sehun blinks with it. He suddenly begins feeling incredibly sad. He wishes he hadn’t walked home from the airport. He tries to type again. He goes back to his pros list and types. He keeps typing. He keeps typing. He keeps thinking about Jongin and he keeps typing. Kyungsoo leaves after a while. He keeps typing. He thinks about Jongin and starts to smile. He stops feeling sad but he starts to cry. He can’t stop crying but he can’t stop typing things he loves about Jongin. He doesn’t know what to do. He stops. He stares at his large pros list. He looks at the one sentence in the cons side. His heart feels heavy. He feels empty. He leans down and sets his forehead against his computer desk. He doesn’t stop crying. He closes his eyes. He wonders if it is worth it. He wonders if loving Jongin is enough reason to give up the simplicity of his life. He wonders if it is love. He drifts off to sleep.
When Sehun wakes up again, the lights in his apartment are on. There is an envelope and a green shirt beside him. He rubs his eyes and squints at the objects. He picks up the envelope first. There is a plane ticket inside and a letter. He reads the letter. It says:
Sehun,
I read your Google doc. It is important for you to have this. Please don’t run away from the airport this time. I also washed your green shirt for you. Don’t be insane. I also told the library what was happening. They said they will give you your job back. They said something about understanding true love but not understanding falling in love through the Internet. Chanyeol will pick you up at 12:30 PM.
Kyungsoo.
I read your Google doc. It is important for you to have this. Please don’t run away from the airport this time. I also washed your green shirt for you. Don’t be insane. I also told the library what was happening. They said they will give you your job back. They said something about understanding true love but not understanding falling in love through the Internet. Chanyeol will pick you up at 12:30 PM.
Kyungsoo.
Sehun stares at the letter and the plane ticket. He reads the details on the ticket. Flight 718, American Airlines. The flight is at 1:42 PM on Tuesday. Sehun sits up properly and touches his computer’s mouse. He is shocked by the size of his pros and cons list regarding Jongin. He doesn’t remember typing half of it. He looks away from the Google doc and looks at the time on the upper right-hand corner of his computer’s display. It says that it is currently 6:39 AM on Tuesday. He has about six hours to get ready for Seattle. He begins by printing out his pros and cons list to give to Jongin. The document is six pages long and written in ten point Helvetica.
‘He’ll like me,’ he thinks. ‘He’ll like me a lot and I’ll like him and we’ll be good together.’ He smiles to himself and starts grinning while thinking, ‘I’m going to meet Jongin.’ This is the only thing he thinks as he gets ready to meet Jongin. He thinks it and grins when he showers. He thinks it and grins when he puts his phone on its charger (from the night before, he had missed seven texts, two from Chanyeol and five from Jongin. All five from Jongin asked whether or not he was coming or not. The texts showed worry. Sehun responds with, ‘i’m coming today. today, tuesday. i’m coming to you, okay?’) He thinks it and grins when he is sitting on his bed, waiting for Chanyeol to pick him up.
“Why are you grinning so hard?” Chanyeol asks when he arrives at Sehun’s doorstep.
“I’m going to meet Jongin,” Sehun says. “I’m going to meet him. This is going to be so good.”
“Yeah,” Chanyeol smiles a little. “Yeah, it will be.”
Sehun sits in a window seat on the plane. Beside him sits an old woman. Sehun tries to hide his uncontrollable grin behind his hands. He realizes this is impossible so he just grins while he looks out the window. The old woman taps him on the shoulder and asks, “Young man, why are you smiling so hard? Your face is about to break.”
“I’m about to meet the love of my life, I think,” he says. “I think.”
Sehun’s plane lands at the SeaTac airport approximately two hours later. His heart is about to beat out of his chest. He holds his duffel bag tight in one hand and his iPhone tight in the other. He texts Jongin and says, ‘i’m here now.’
Jongin texts back, saying, ‘i will be there. we will take the bus back to my apartment. i am nervous.’
Sehun texts back, ‘me too’ and then walks into the airport. He follows the signs and thinks, ‘I am about to meet Jongin’. He smiles. He smiles while he follows the signs. He exits the airport and texts Jongin again, ‘i am outside baggage claim, i think. i am still nervous. come quickly’. He taps his foot against the sidewalk’s cement and bites his lower lip to suppress his smile. He waits. He waits. He waits. He waits until he feels a tap on his shoulder. He waits until he turns around and sees all 180 centimeters of Jongin Kim, standing in front of him with a wide smile. He smiles at Jongin, too. They stand like this and smile at each other for a while.
“Hi.” Jongin says.
“Hi,” Sehun replies. Sehun leans over and kisses the corner of Jongin’s grin. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” Jongin says. It seems natural. It seems natural to Sehun and not as complex as first imagined. “I thought you would hate me.”
“No,” Sehun shakes his head and slides his iPhone into his pocket. He uses the same hand to reach over for Jongin’s hand. They interlace their fingers. Sehun feels Jongin’s hand sweating beneath his own. Jongin’s hand is a good size and fits in Sehun’s hand really well. “I have things to tell you. I have a thing to give you. I want to be on a bus with you, first.”
“Okay,” Jongin says, still smiling. “I can’t believe I’m standing next to you. I can’t believe it.”
“I can’t believe it,” Sehun mumbles. “I can’t believe it. I am walking with you to a bus stop. I am talking to you without Skype lag.”
“I know,” Jongin looks at Sehun. Sehun looks at Jongin. “I can’t believe it.”
When they reach the bus stop, Sehun tells Jongin that he cannot wait any longer and gives Jongin the six page Google doc. Jongin hugs Sehun after he reads all of it. Sehun hugs Jongin back. They do not let each other go until the bus arrives. On the bus, Jongin plays with Sehun’s hand as Sehun tells Jongin what happened on Monday. Jongin tells Sehun that he is dumb. Sehun agrees. Jongin says he loves Sehun anyway. Sehun tells Jongin that he can’t believe he’s sitting next to him. Jongin tells Sehun he loves him. Sehun tells Jongin he loves him. They establish this firmly until they are in Jongin’s apartment and lying down on the mattresses. They hug each other and go to bed.
Over the course of the next week, Jongin and Sehun do things together. They go outside together and walk around. They go eat at restaurants. They kiss a lot. They do drugs together. They meet Jongin’s friends. They sit next to each other on the mattress monster. They touch each other. Jongin doesn’t flinch. Sehun doesn’t flinch. On their last night together, they hold each other and cry and tell each other they can’t believe it. They can’t believe it. They tell each other that they can’t believe they’re in love. They tell each other that they can’t believe they have met. They tell each other that they are happy to be alive on this planet with the other on it. They tell each other they love each other. They do not let go of each other. They keep hugging.
Jongin sends Sehun off with a kiss and a last promise of love. Sehun leaves Jongin with a kiss and last promise of love. On the plane, Sehun wonders if it’s worth it. He wonders if loving Jongin is worth giving up the simplicity of his life. He wonders if he will love Jongin forever. He thinks, ‘yes’ and then he thinks, ‘I met Jongin.’
Jongin and Sehun are boyfriends. They met through Twitter and then they met again on Skype and then they met in real life. They will keep meeting each other in real life. They will keep meeting each other on Skype. They will keep meeting each other through Twitter.
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