Can't I Love You? (Fangirl's Letter)
Parasocial Interaction: A Love Between You and Bias
Can't I Love You?
(A Fan Girl's Thoughts)
I've been staring at the ceiling for some time now, lying in the bed, all alone. There I was, thinking of you. Your beautiful eyes, your unique voice and precious face, I recall. I smile whenever I picture you in my head. But then again, my heart continues to break because of the damn fact that you can never be mine.
I ask myself, "Is this even worth it?" As my tears flow on my shirt. I wiped them slowly, because I know you're not here to wipe it for me or tell me that everything will be alright. You will never will, because you don't even know I exist.
I should have just ignored that damn feeling in the first place. I shouldn't have seen it, I should just pretend that I'm blind rather than to see your perfection. Or maybe I should have made myself deaf, because hearing your voice, makes my heart melt like candles.
Unexpectedly, I saw you. Then my heart started to develop feelings for you. I can hear it beat fast like a drum, and it palpitates me a little. Sadly, you don't feel the same way about me.
The good feelings are present in me, but unfortunately, a lot of things hinder me from loving you. You're an idol, I'm just an ordinary person. How can that possibly be?
I thought everything is fine with me. I started to ignore all the things that makes me want to stay away, but I just can't. Sometimes, these things bottle up and I explode all of the sudden. I don't know what to do. It's like a jug. No person can look into it, and you can judge how pure the contents are by seeing what comes out of it.
A million words would not make you mine. That I know, because I tried. The same goes with a million tears because no matter how many times I cry, you won't witness or even know my name.
Ask me why I keep on loving you when it's clear that you don't feel the same way. That's the problem. No matter how many people say that I should just give up, my heart damn whispers to never give up. Stupid heart, now my heart is broken once again.
I can't say I don't like you anymore. By just being who you are, you make me love you. And by that, I won't ask for more.
If only you could see me right now.. If only I could touch your face and kiss your lips.. Damn these eyes, wanting to see you. These hands, damn it also because I want to hold you. Damn everything especially you, because you make me fall in love.
Now here I am, hoping you'll notice me. But what's the possibility? If around you, there are tons of girls waiting to be yours.
Can't I just love you, without worrying about what other people think?
Can't I love you, without those damn WHAT IFs?
Can't I love you, without questions, hesitations and clarifications?
Can't you love me the way I love you?
To love me or not, that is the question, that will take time to be answered. No matter what, I love you still.
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