afraid to love

a yoonjaeson fanfiction

“i’m not too sure if i should be smiling or crying; or if i should be thanking you or be pissed at you. yeah; i really don’t know how i should be feeling right now, ge ge.” i looked away from the handsome man standing in front of me. “this, all of this, all of this mushy gushy love crap that makes me happy one minute and then all scared and like some girl the next.” i tried not to let those damn tears fall down my cheeks. “all of this,” i paused for a moment. “all of this love and attention you’re giving me.”

no words came from ge ge. nothing; just a simple dead silence. i have never felt so scared in my life. never.

until now.

i shifted my eyes back to him. he looks so good; so handsome and beautiful; so perfect that sometimes it even gets hard to just breathe around him - to share the same air.

“no,” ge ge locks eyes with me. he straightens his back, heaves a long, loud sigh - eyes never leaving mine - and makes his way towards me.

i in a breath of fresh air and waited. a million things ran through my head. scenarios i’ve seen in movies replays itself in my head as i tried to calm down.

what kind of answer is that? no? what the hell does that even mean?

yifan simply closed the gap between us with four even strides of his long long legs and before even saying anything to me, he snakes his arms around my waist and pulls me into a hug.

huh?

“don’t cry, my little panda.” he only whispers next to my ear.

i just stood there not knowing what to say or do. his actions are always so bold and full of affection that sometimes it’s suffocating. i rested my chin on his shoulder and just inhaled in his scent; savoring the moment.

“you said you love the rain,” i began as he tightens his hold on me. “but you open your umbrella.” i closed my eyes for a brief second and then sigh before continuing. “you said you love the sun but you always find a shadow spot to walk or sit in. you said you love the wind but you always closed your window before the wind could even get in.” i wiggled around for a moment and then broke myself free.

i took a step back and looked him straight in the eye.

“this is what scares me the most, yifan ah,” i tried to smile. i could feel the dying tears from earlier roll down my cheeks. “you said you love me too.”

ge  ge cups my face in his big warm hands and gave me a smile. a smile so full of love that i could feel butterflies roaming at the bottom of my stomach. he leans in just enough so our noses are touching and looks me right in the eye.

“i’m the jealous and overly protective type. you know that.” he started. i can feel his breath against my lips as he talks. “i open my umbrella because i’m afraid the rain is going to get to touch you before i do, zitao. you’re mine, not mother nature’s. i walk and sit in the shadow spot because i’m afraid the sun is going to steal your attention away from me. i only want you to look at me and only me alone. no one else; not even the sun or the cars that so happens to have pass by, my panda.”  he stuck out his tongue and run it across his lips before continuing. “i closed the window because i’m afraid the wind is going to take you away from me, huang zitao.” he smiles. “i don’t want that. i don’t want anyone or anything to take you away. i don’t like sharing. i’m a greedy man.”

i just stayed silent; a little lost at words.

“and i said i love you,” he lets go of my face and snakes his arms around my waist once more before pulling me in. “because you’re worth it. you’re worth everything behind that meaning and so so much more.” he leans in and kisses me on the lips.

the end

a/n: comments/constructive criticisms are welcome. please note though, my english is bad [it’s not my first language]  and also, this is my first time writing a fanfiction, ever. so, should I continue? please let me know below! anywhoo, keep calm and ship taoris/kristao! [i'm new to this fandom so please, please cut me some slack!]